Author's Note: I was originally planning on updating 'Beauty' because I got my 100th follower! Instead, I decided to give myself a one hour story challenge to see what I could write about Matthew's situation. I know some people thought it was a cop out on the writers' part, but I look at it in a different way. It's a very real situation that people find themselves in. I think everyone can relate. Maybe not with the catfishing/ blackmail part, but definitely with unrequited love. For me, it gave him more depth. I finally saw him as a real person with real feelings instead of a bully that's hell bent on revenge. So here's my take on it...
It started out as something to do when you were bored. After all, you had the time. After being suspended for three weeks, there wasn't much else to do while your parents were at work. This was a way to find some escape before they got home and started breathing down your neck again. Especially your dad. He's always been a bit of a hard ass and your suspension just amplified that particular aspect of his personality. He expects a lot from you and he never treated you differently because you were deaf. In fact, he may have been too rough on you. You always feel like you have to prove yourself to him, but it's made you strong. It's also made you afraid.
Your evenings were filled with chores. Cleaning out the attic, washing the cars, vacuuming, dusting, organizing the crap in the garage and every other boring, bullshit thing they could think of to keep you occupied and miserable.
In retrospect, vandalizing cars probably wasn't the brightest idea you've ever had. Okay, so it was probably one of the dumbest ideas you've ever had. Including letting your brothers shave your head when you were thirteen. You had to do something to save the school. Everyone else was sitting around complaining about the issues instead of taking action. It's like they all had given up after the 'Take Back Carlton' stakeout failed. That's not in your make up. You couldn't just swallow it and let it go.
This was everyone's last year. You deserved to have fun and not worry about your school, the only place where you feel like you belong, being overrun by juvenile delinquents.
Everything was going exactly to plan. No one was getting hurt and all eyes were on figuring out which of the new kids was the culprit. That is, until Emmett figured out that it was you underneath the black hoodie.
From the first day of fourth grade, after transferring from a hearing school, Emmett had been one of your best friends. You never thought he would betray you, but maybe you should have. No guy could be that perfect, all the time.
You've held Emmett up on a pedestal for years and when he turned you in to the principal, it all came crashing down. You were devastated. Not only because you were supposed to be friends, but because you have always been in his corner. You would have done anything for him. You wonder if you'll ever be able to trust anyone again.
You can still remember like it was yesterday. That Wednesday afternoon four years ago, when you first realized that Emmett was the only person who really mattered. Since then, it's been the same tragic song. Being in love with someone that doesn't love you back.
Emmett's infatuation with Daphne never really bothered you because you knew nothing would ever come of it. A blind man could see that she just wasn't into it like he was. You watched him follow her around like a puppy dog for years; the whole time wishing that Emmett could see that it wasn't Daphne that he needed. It was you.
You were there for him all the times she wasn't.You were there to cheer him up when he was down which usually coincided with Daphne getting a new boyfriend. There to listen to all of his problems.
You had your place in Emmett's life. You were his friend. And that was fine. Really, it was.
You knew something was up with Emmett even before Daphne did. You notice everything about him. All of a sudden, he didn't want to play football after school anymore. He didn't want to hang out and play Madden on the Xbox and he was quieter; always with his phone in his hand. His smile was wider than it had ever been before and his eyes sparkled just a little bit more. It was her.
When she walked into his life, it was like nothing else existed. That's all he talked about. Bay this. Bay that. It was sickening. You hated her long before you even met her. Because no matter how hard you tried, you could never make him light up that way. You wanted to hate him too, but you knew it wasn't his fault. He couldn't control loving her more than you could control liking boys. You should know. You've tried.
No one knows that you're gay. You never told anyone. Except for the one slip up with Natalie. It's exhausting. Always having to pretend that you're something you're not because it's far easier to act like you aren't in love with your best friend rather than admit it and open yourself up for potential rejection. By Emmett, by your friends, by your family. It makes you want to vomit even thinking about it.
You wish it was easy for you like it is for Natalie. You just want to be free. You want to have the courage to tell the truth and find out if the people that say they love you, really mean it. Unconditionally.
It was wrong. You know that. From the beginning, you never expected things to spiral this out of control. You never even expected him to respond to that first message. Once you got into it, you were so deep that you couldn't stop. Having Emmett open up to you like he never would have as a just a friend, trusting you, needing you... it was all you ever wanted.
Yes, you were lying to him, but you needed this. This was your chance to see how it felt to share that part of yourself with someone you really care about. With him. Your last chance before you both go away to college and follow separate paths in life.
Before he forgets about you...
You told yourself that even if it was behind a fake name and a fake face, it was still you underneath it all. Still Matthew. And maybe, just maybe; he would feel it too and it wouldn't matter when he found out that it was you this whole time. Because what you shared was real. Too bad life doesn't quite work out that way.
The cruel reality of the situation hit when Emmett sent those messages to Mandy. Why? What had you ever done that was so bad to make the person you care about the most, hate you?
Something inside of you snapped. You realized then that no matter how big of a connection the two of you shared, no matter how long you've been sitting in the shadows waiting for him, he would never stay when he found out that Mandy wasn't real. He would never see you.
It wasn't fair. Life isn't fair, your conscience reminds you, but you ignore it.
You vow then to break him like you were broken. And you do.
"I could turn you in. You know that. Let's just call it even and move on.", Emmett tells you.
Move on. That's easy for him to say, you think. He could move on without batting a lash, but you can't. Because he still means everything to you. As hard as it is to believe.
"I had a plan. I was going to get our school back." I did it for us.
"The plan was never going to work." Emmett argues. "They weren't going to kick the hearing kids out. I couldn't just let you go around slashing people's tires and busting out car windows."
That makes you angry. This isn't about windows or tires or even what's right and what's wrong. It's much more than that. "We were friends." I loved you. "And you turned on me." Like I meant nothing.
Emmett stares at you in disbelief. He's calling you names like you expected. You don't blame him for that. You deserve it. But your pride won't let you apologize. Eventually, his verbal assault is over.
And then it's not.
He turns back around to shove the knife in deeper.
"Everything you've done, it led me back to Bay. You did me a favor. So thank you. Thank you for helping me get her back.", he angrily signs; snatching off his hat and storming off. The reaction is immediate. Your heart drops to your feet and you're frozen there to the ground; watching his back as he walks away. You not only lost him, you pushed him right back into her arms. You're all alone.
The bell rings. Instead of going to Trig, you head to the library. You pull some money out of your wallet and load it onto your print card. You frantically scroll through the texts on the decoy phone, picking out the ones you need and sending them to your email. A hundred copies and a roll of tape later, you're pinning a flyer to the front of his bike and just about every other available surface you can find. You feel like you've won.
At that moment, the only thing you can think about is hurting him. You don't realize it then, but you're hurting yourself more. Because this isn't going to make him want you and it isn't going to take away the emptiness you feel inside.
"Matthew, just stop!...we know okay. We saw your letter. The one you wrote to Emmett." You're caught off guard and your blood runs cold.
They know.
They know everything.
He knows everything.
No.
No.
You see the sympathy written plainly across her face and you can't breathe anymore.
You grab your bag from the floor and walk. You keep walking until you're at the bus stop. It doesn't matter that you just got back from suspension and this could keep you from attending graduation. You just have to get out of there. Now. Your feet carry you on the bus, off the bus and to the corner of your street. Before you know it, you're home and locking yourself in your room.
You cry that night. Out of frustration, out of fear, out of anger, out of heartbreak. Everything is falling apart and it's all your fault.
You understand now why they say not to play with fire. You can already feel the burn of it on your skin.
"Don't worry. I'm not going to tell the principal." His words bring you some relief, but you don't quite trust it. You're still embarrassed and prepared to drop your bike and defend yourself if you have to. If he thinks you're weak after what happened, then he's mistaken.
He doesn't try to punch you again. He just stands there staring at you. Awkward doesn't even begin to describe it. It looks as if he's struggling to find the words to say to you and you hope he'll just give up and walk away. No such luck.
"Why didn't you tell me?", he asks sincerely.
What were you supposed to tell him? That you've been hopelessly in love with him for years? That you find it hard to breathe when he's around? That you stole your cousin's pictures and made up a whole persona just so you could get close to him? That the only reason you tried to humiliate him in front of everyone was because you didn't know how to deal with the fact that he didn't feel the same? Is that what you were supposed to say?
You want to yell all of this at him. To shove him away and tell him to just leave you alone. You hate yourself enough already for what happened. But you don't.
You shrug your shoulders instead. "Would it have changed anything?", you sign sadly.
He lowers his head and doesn't respond. He doesn't have to. You already know the answer. You've always known. It doesn't make this hurt any less.
You start to push off with your bike. Before you can run away again, he puts a hand on your arm to stop you.
"Just so you know. ", he signs. "I don't hate you Matt."
I don't hate you either." I'm sorry.", you say and continue down the thin pathway.
He lets you go just like that. He gave you an out when you didn't deserve one. That's one of the reasons you fell in love with him in the first place. He's a good person. He's not perfect by any means, but he cares. He still cares about you. Even after everything you've done to him.
You have hope that eventually you can build on whatever is left in the ashes of your former friendship. You just need some time. You both do.
End Note: Feel free to REVIEW and let me know what you think. You guys know I value reviews more than anything else. Also, tell me how you feel about the second person p.o.v. Love it or hate it?