Disclaimer: "You, you were a friend You were a friend of mine I let you spend the night You see it was my fault Of course it was mine"
(An: Don't give me that look, that "Skysong, make up your mind already!" look. I've been trying to resist the urge to do an Odd/Aelita for ages, but the blatant flirting in "Mister Puck" drove me over the edge. And besides, I like subtle pairings.)
It started simply enough.
Me tackling her to keep her from getting hit by a Block blast. There's no sensation in Lyoko, no smell, no touch- nothing substantial. But that is where the trouble started- her pressed beneath me. I couldn't feel it, no, but just having her there made me blush. I didn't know why. She didn't notice, and I dismissed it. For a while, anyway.
It started happening more often. I can't remember ever doing it on purpouse, but I got virtualized all the time, and we tended to end up in situations where it was just me and her, running for our lives and me taking the hit. I never hesitated to take the fall for her. It was just something I did. It was never a real concious action, just a thought- Aelita's in trouble! Jump, you idiot, jump! and then the weird sensation of being materialized.
The whole "Princess" thing was started thanks to me. Everyone knew that, but they took it in stride, associating it with me calling Jeremie "Einstein"- just a friend nicknaming another friend. And it stuck.
Don't even get me started on Jeremie. They belong together. Let them have each other. I don't care.
That's what I say, anyway.
Do you know what it's like to have your heart torn out twice in less than two weeks?
I do.
When Sam dumped me, I was sad. I moped. I felt pain. But it was nothing compared to seeing that. Jeremie and Aelita, sittin' in a tree (or Jeremie's room, as it were). K-I-S-S-I-N-G.
They don't know I saw. They didn't see the look on my face. They didn't feel the sensation of having your world fall out from under your feet.
I knew it would happen- all anyone had to do was look at those two, even before Aelita was materialized, and they could see it. But no matter how many times I told myself this, it didn't change how I felt when I saw them. Life's sadistic like that.
I suppose I really should be more coherent with this.
I knew how I felt from the day Sam dumped me. Conciously, anyway. I never took any notice of it before then. Anyway, when Sam came in, I saw the wrongness on her face instantly. She sat down next to me on the bed without saying anything. I didn't move. I knew something bad was coming. After a moment, I said, "Are we finished?"
She nodded, swallowed, her dark eyes closed. "Sorry. But I know you'll be happier with whoever else you were trying to impress." She walked out.
I barely noticed. Her last statement had hit me like a ton of bricks. Whoever else you were trying to impress. This made no sense to me. It was alien. There was nobody in my life but Sam... right?
From the first instant of self-doubt, I knew she was right. I never doubted myself. I stretched back on the bed, thinking hard. Sam was pretty. Sam was real. Sam was human. I barely knew her. And yet I'd done everything for her. I'd liked her a lot, yes, but that wasn't it...
For the few days my friends thought I was moping over Sam, I was really trying to deny myself.
I had to stop when Jeremie finally acheived his goal- materializing Aelita. A few taps on the keyboard, a few programs iniated, and bam, Aelita was there. In the flesh. Real.
It's easy to deny being in love with a bunch of computer code. It's a little harder to deny feelings for a real, live human girl, hugging you for all the times you helped her in a virtual world.
Of course, after that hug, she spent all her time with Jeremie, as I knew she would. That didn't make the lump in my throat go away, though.
And then we found out about the virus. Ever stepped out of a brightly lit room into one where the power's been cut? That's what having to send Aelita back was like. I knew we were going to do all we could to save Aelita, but that didn't stop the selfish feeling of wanting her here.
Now we have her here all the time. They do say providence is a double-edged sword.
I can't help touching her, either. It's not like Lyoko, where things that under different circumstances could be considered romantic are necessities. No, here I just have to feel her there. Skin, hair, clothing, all of that. I give her friendly hugs. I break out into spontaneous little dances with her when a song I like comes on the radio. I whisper bad jokes in her ear during class. Nobody notices, nobody cares.
But pretty soon I won't be able to do just that. When that day comes, I'm doomed.
She'll never see me as more than a friend, and that's the way things are. If I ever make her... well, whatever results after that will be completely and utterly my fault, and there's no cure for that.
(Meh, short and rather incoherent, I know, but, oh, well. It got the mood I wanted pretty well, at least. Review, si vous plait.)