Death By You

Rating: T

Summary: It seems that even surviving everything he had, Rufus Shinra was not invincible. Mild Tseng/Rufus fluffy angst.

Warnings: Character death

Tseng POV

A/N: Wow finally something new, it's been a while hm?

My apologies if it is a little rusty (hope it doesn't show)

Unfortunately all of my old stuff is still on hiatus due to the death of my previous laptop, taking everything with it. (sorry to everyone who is waiting for something to be updated, wish I could make it better)

Anyway on with the fic

I had always thought that Rufus Shinra was invincible. Immortal. A god. Nothing could stop him. He'd survived his father, countless assassination attempts, his empire literally falling down around him, geostigma and several near apocalyptic events. Everything that had tried his life had been met head on; Rufus had faced them all down and come out on the other side, his head held high and laughing as the threat of death passed once again, proud and victorious every time.

After every incident, part of me that belonged to him died when I thought he had, although every time he brought it back to life when I saw him looking at me. The young man that I had seen grow from a boy had, against all odds, become far stronger than I could have ever thought possible.

So to say that I had been surprised to find a letter...a suicide note on his desk was a great understatement. Millions of emotions rushed through me at once, taking my breath away, although I acted rather than reacted and raced to the place where he had mentioned to find his body.

I do not know how long I took to reach the top of the cliff, but I was relieved to find him still alive, just standing and staring over the valley we had made our home. Looking like a beautiful statue.

"Should have known that you would find me alive," His voice broke the silence, although he didn't turn to look at me, "I was rather hoping it actually," He sighed...he sounded so...weary.

"Rufus..." I didn't even know where to begin. So many questions and so many things to say to him but none of them would come out.

He half turned to me; I could see a hint of a wistful smile, touching his lips, "I'd rather it be at your own hand rather than mine," He murmured softly as he turned fully, approaching me. He looked so...vulnerable, fragile, like a beautiful mirage that could shatter at any moment.

I approached him slowly, "Rufus? Please...tell me what is wrong," I pleaded with him softly; I couldn't even begin to fathom what was wrong with him.

"My dear Tseng," He whispered as he approached, an unmistakably shaking hand reached out to gently caress my face and I notice the tears that were in his eyes. One of my hands placed over his as my other reached for his own face, tenderly wiping his tears away before they could fall.

I wanted to speak, assure him that whatever was bothering him was no big deal, that I would help him no matter the problem, surely he already knew that though, after everything that we have been through together, he should have known my unconditional love and support was still as strong as it ever had been, but any words that I may have uttered were completely lost at the tortured look that was in his eyes.

"Only you Tseng," He whispered as he closed the distance between us and fell into my arms, "You've always held my life…only you can end it…"

I pulled back to stare at him, he wanted me to kill him?! He was making no sense and I shook my head, I could never think of doing such a thing but his lips gently kissed away any protest that I had been about to voice.

"Please Tseng," He whispered, "I will only accept death from you."

"Why?" The shakily spoken question filled with countless other questions, hoping that they would be answered.

Rufus took my hands and pulled me down so we were both sitting on the grassy bank overlooking the valley and he carefully draped himself over me, it was then I noticed how light he was, he shook ever so slightly as the very gentle breeze wound around us and he relaxed, resting against me.

"I can't fight any longer," He admitted softly, but I had to listen hard to pick up his whispered words, "I thought I was invincible with the amount of things I've faced and survived…" A humourless laugh left his lips brokenly, but I stayed quiet, just letting him talk so then I could help to soothe his troubles as I always did. "Thought I could get away with anything and live to tell the tale…no one is invincible…even the demi-gods that were Summons have faded from the world…it is becoming a colder and darker place all of the time. We were responsible for it though, weren't we?" He looked up to me and smiled wistfully as I shook my head in denial, we started nothing. "It seems like death is finally catching up with me now though…wish I could have kept it at bay for a few more years…" He shook his head and rested it against my shoulder.

"Rufus?" I questioned softly again, reaching up to gently run my fingers through his hair, it had always soothed him.

"Haven't you figured it out yet?" He smiled to me, "You've all been working more and more for Reeve…we've barely spent more than a night together in months."

Was that what this was about? No, there was something else…something deeper…he'd been keeping us at a distance, just as he had when he heard…

"Got it in one," He murmured as he saw the realisation cross my face.

"How…how long?" I asked, trying to keep my voice steady as I asked the vital question.

"Now? A few months at most," He admitted and bit his lip, "I've been seeing a specialist while you've all been out, but its terminal," His eyes closed as he buried his head in my shoulder and my arms tightened around him. How could the gods be so cruel? I had nearly lost him time and again, but he had always found a way back to me…

"Please Tseng," He whispered, breaking my train of thought, "I'd rather go now, by your hand than…" He trailed off, it was the first time that I had ever seen him truly afraid since he was a child. The thought of something happening out of his control had always terrified him, "Tseng please…" He begged once again.

Did I want to?

No.

Could I deny him what he wanted?

No.

I loved him far too much to do anything but what he requested, if it was what he wanted, I would do anything. "Alright," I agreed in a soft whisper as my eyes closed to stop the tears from escaping, pressing my lips to his head and I felt him relax beneath me.

"I love you," He whispered against me and I could feel his tears soaking my shirt. I tilted his head back and gently kissed away his tears before replying in kind, a whisper against his lips before I tasted them one final time.

I pulled back a little, whispering to him softly, constantly talking to him as he stared at me and I cradled him in my arms as my free hand clamped around his mouth and nose, cutting off his air.

I could see everything in his beautiful eyes in those final moments, every pain, regret, sorrow, happiness and love before they glazed over. I waited a few more moments until he had completely stilled against me and I slowly moved my hand away…he looked so serene…finally at peace…

I had just killed him…

I don't know how long I had stayed out there, holding him, until i felt someone shaking me. I held Rufus tighter, just daring the intruder to take him away.

"Come on man, stayin' out here in the rain ain't doin' you any good," It was Reno.

Rain? I shivered as I finally took my eyes off Rufus' face and looked around, we were both soaked, I had to get him inside before he became ill…fresh tears spilled down my face as the realisation hit me like a physical attack.

He'd never get ill again. I'd never have to patiently tend to his every pouting demand while he nursed even a minor sniffle.

I would never hear him laugh at the most random of things…it was always the little things that amused him, nor that mischievous look he would always get when he was bored.

I'd never soothe away the nightmares that still plagued him, or ease his fears, nor would I feel him in my arms again after I let him go. I couldn't let him go.

I'd never again see that gentle smile that was reserved only for me, or hear those whispered words that could ease away the stresses of the worst of days.

"I'm sorry," I whispered, pressing my lips against cold unresponsive ones, "I love you."

"Tseng?" Reno was in front of me again, "Come on man, lets get back inside where its nice and warm yeah? Come on, let Rude sort him out yo…"

"No," I pulled back, no one else could see to my Rufus.

"Please?" His voice was soft, somewhere in the back of my mind; I knew he was trying to hide his own distress, "Look, you can deal with him, alright? Just come on in…"

I said nothing else; I was finally going numb as duty to my love alone forced me into action, although my shaky legs buckled as soon as I tried to stand, but Rude caught me and all but carried me back in. I took Rufus to his room, going through the motions of drying him off and putting him to bed, for myself more than anything, perhaps I could wake up and realise it had all been a dream.

Maybe I was on that bed beside him, with him watching me sleep.

"Come on Tseng, need to get you sorted out," Rude murmured and gently pulled me away from Rufus and I didn't have the energy to fight him as he took me to get warmed and dried, I only realised later that he was simply distracting me while Reno could get Rufus removed and seen to properly.

I tried to be strong, but I couldn't manage it as I was surrounded by my Turks, they were all watching me concerned, they all had questions, but I couldn't give them answers. I couldn't even be strong for them, they'd cared for Rufus as much as I…

Elena broke down first, crumbling into me with a torrent of tears which only started me crying again, I couldn't even give her the comfort that she needed. I glanced at Reno and I could see the tears in his eyes, although he tried to distract himself by fidgeting a lot and taking Elena to comfort while Rude…his expression was hidden as it always was and he simply held me…

When I woke, I was in a bed that wasn't my own, nor was Rufus beside me and it took a few moments for reality to come crashing back down around me and tears started spilling from my eyes yet again. I couldn't bring myself to care how weak I looked…my reason for living was dead and I wanted nothing more than to join him.

I was not alone for long as Elena joined me, hesitant and extremely subdued; she offered me a tea, which I declined quietly, I had apparently slept for days, purely emotionally exhausted, waking only very briefly, not that I could remember, all I had seen was myself and Rufus. Together. Happy. As we always should have been.

I was soon being told of the funeral that was taking place that afternoon.

So soon?

Apparently he'd had it planned months ahead, down to every detail, so we didn't have to deal with arranging it. Typical of him to be so thorough, I thought with a fond smile that soon faded.

I didn't want to go.

I couldn't.

It would mean saying goodbye.

It would prove solidly that he was not coming back this time.

No. I could not run from this. I had to face what I had done.

It took a great effort to get out of bed and I was on autopilot as I cleaned myself up, by the time I was done, Reno was walking in with something covered in a hanger. Something Rufus had picked out apparently, the realisation only made it harder for me to take the outfit and it was Reno that opened it for me before leaving, to reveal the most beautiful of white robes from my homeland.

Rufus had always loved to see me in more traditional dress and I'd never indulged him as often as he'd requested, I realised painfully. He'd wanted me to wear it though. I couldn't deny him that even now, although it felt extremely heavy once it was on, the material was burning my skin. I felt something in my pocket, a letter. I left it there to read it later.

Mechanically, I brushed my hair, leaving it down, he always loved it down and once I was ready, I headed to the main room where the others were waiting for me. All in uniform, even Reno was looking smart with his shirt properly pressed and buttoned, a tie around his neck.

So this is what it took for him to wear a tie? I thought with a bitter smile and shook myself mentally.

Few words were spoken, although they stayed close, offering silent solace, although I was inconsolable. I was led up to the place I had killed him, surprised to find so many were there waiting to pay their respects. Several spoke to me softly and I simply nodded in acknowledgement, I couldn't hear anything, I was taking nothing in.

I wanted to turn and run, but my legs felt so heavy, as I came closer to the casket that he was in, I buckled completely but Rude caught me. I could feel the pity filled looks that I was receiving from everyone else, as I barely held it together as I was sat down.

The service itself was beautifully done; I can imagine exactly how Rufus had arranged. Why did he do it alone? I would have helped. I would have given him more than the death that he wanted. Several people had spoken, including Reeve, Rude and even surprisingly Strife. I couldn't hear a word that was said though; it was becoming far too painful to bear.

Once everyone was done, I was gently pulled up and led to the open coffin, but as I approached, I couldn't breathe and my legs fell from under me when my knees buckled, but Rude was beside me, keeping me steady murmuring softly, although as I stared at Rufus' face, everything else fell away as I was forced to face the last one I would ever kill.

The man that I loved.

"I'm so sorry my love," I whispered softly, gently caressing his too cold face. It was so wrong to see him like this…I couldn't…I stumbled back from the open casket…I was the one that put him there…my legs were instantly in action as I fled the scene, ignoring the concerned looks that followed me. I couldn't bear it. I couldn't.

I had killed him.

I didn't know how long I had run or how far before my legs eventually gave out again and I collapsed in a heap, curling up, unable to breathe properly.

How could I live on with what I have done?

I had killed my Rufus.

My Rufus.

I'm so sorry my love.

I did as you asked but I cannot…

Not without you…

…Please forgive me…

I love you.

Reviews are much appreciated