6 July, 2007

THE MORE YOU IGNORE ME, THE CLOSER I GET

MAKE A WISH

"Call Make-a-Wish." Cuddy closed her bedroom door.

House stared at it in frustration, then turned and left. "Call Make-a-Wish? Ha." House could always count on Cuddy for a witty comeback. But if she thought that she'd gotten the last word, she was sadly mistaken.

The next day House sat at his computer, staring at the screen. "Dr. House?" Young, pretty Allison Cameron came in.

"Not now. I'm busy." House looked up briefly. He wouldn't need to call Make-A-Wish to get in her pants, but, nah. Too many complications, besides, it just wasn't as much fun without the chase.

"But..."

"Go!" House started typing, then deleted what he'd written. He glanced up as Dr. Cameron walked out. "She'd be a lot easier." He said to the empty room. "She's not Partypants." The room replied in his voice.

He turned back to his computer and began typing furiously. Inspiration had struck.

A few days later, Dr. Lisa Cuddy came storming into his office. "What is this?"

"Looks like a letter." House shrugged.

"It is a letter. From you." She waved it around. "To the Make-A-Wish Foundation."

"Then what are you doing with it?" House grinned. "Stealing mail is a federal offence. I could have you arrested."

"Try it." She dared.

"You, in handcuffs..." House quickly picked up the phone. She stopped him, as he knew she would.

"Dear Make-A-Wish,

"My name is Gregory House. I am a forty-seven year old jerk with a ten year old pain problem and I am just DYING to get into my bosses pants. She says I behave like a twelve year old, so I think I qualify as a Make-A-Wish kid." Cuddy stopped, waiting for a response.

"Go on." House leaned forward, eager to hear more.

"You see, ten years ago, my boss cut out a huge chunk of my thigh muscle.." she stopped reading and looked up at him. "Huge chunk? Huge? It was minor, hardly noticeable if you'd taken proper care of it during the healing process. But nooooooo, you're the great and powerful Gregory House and you don't do anything you're supposed to do."

"I never knew you thought of me as great and powerful." House leaned back with a rather healthy sense of pride.

Cuddy sighed sharply. She went back to reading. "...thigh muscle, and now I have to limp around after her like a gimpy puppy. She takes great joy in making me jump through hoops for her sadistic entertain...House, I do NOT make you jump thr..."

"You made me speak at that conference last week."

"That's part of you job House."

"You make me do Clinic Duty."

"Job."

"You drop things and make me bend over..."

"That's what you do to Cameron." Cuddy corrected.

"Oh, right. Well, I remember hoops. There have definitely been hoops."

Cuddy bit her lip to stop from laughing. "...I pleasured her once, and she never returned the favor." At this she laughed. "I'm pretty sure you got a great deal of pleasure that night as well House. So don't try to pull this 'you did it all for me' act."

"You forced me to service you. It's in my contract."

"No it's not."

"It's unwritten."

"The unwritten rule in your contract says you have to service me?"

"See. You admit it."

"I admit nothing!" She tossed the letter on his desk. "I don't care if you petition the Federal Courts. I'm not sleeping with you again House."

House picked up the letter, and read it to himself. "Oh, you didn't read the best bit." He held it out to her, his finger pointing to the best bit.

Cuddy leaned over, read what it said and blushed. "No, I didn't."

House cleared his throat and began to read. "So, what I want to ask is that you fulfill a dying man's dream, to once again cup those gentile breasts in my arthritic hands, to once more squeeze that sweet ass..."

"I let you squeeze my sweet ass the other night House. Consider your wish granted."

"No. That's only part of the wish." He tried to sneak a peek at her ass. "A LARGE part, granted, but still only a part of what I wish for."

"Fine, you want to cup my, what was it?"

"Gentle."

"Gentle. You want to cup my gentle breasts?"

"Well, yeah, since you asked." House stood up, one hand extended. Cuddy took a step back.

"No way!"

"There's more." House looked back at his letter.

"I'm sure there is. Why don't you call one of your ladies of the night? Dress her up in a lab coat. You can borrow one from the closet for all I care. Just leave me alone."

"You say that now..." House made an ah ha kind of face.

"I say that always." Cuddy headed out the door.