Burned Out Stars

X

O

Memories rapidly flashed behind Karamatsu's eyes as he stared into blackness. A bottomless pit to be exact. At least, that's what he'd like to imagine as he gazed at nothing in particular. The second brother yearned for an eternal night to engulf him; one that knew of no moon, and where all the stars had long burned out. Hopefully it would swallow his sorrows and drown out his pathetic self-pity. That's all this was right? Just some petty drama Karamatsu was creating in his head. Something for him to complain about and allow him to wallow in his own self-inflicted problems. He brought this onto himself anyway. It's always his fault anyway. No one has his back anyway.

He couldn't bring himself to fully believe that though. There's a nauseating difference between simply feeling sorry for yourself and when you're constantly breathing pure misery. Everybody hated him. Everyone. How can he possibly keep wearing that atrocious fake smile? How could his brothers expect him to continue the act; adorning such a phony grin while they ruthlessly beat on his heart? But of course, they don't notice. Hell, they probably didn't even notice the pain the blue brother endured day after day. Month after month. Year after every fucking year. Of course not. Even if his beloved brothers did notice, they wouldn't care. No one cares about Karamatsu. The painful brother. The one who's always forgotten or purposefully left behind. "Why were you even born Karamatsu?!" The harsh words of his siblings simultaneously rang in his ears, leaving an aching soreness in his jaw, or maybe that was because he was clenching his teeth too hard. Karamatsu lifted his hand and rubbed his jaw line when he felt a sudden jolt of cold sting his skin. Pulling his hands away he realized just how numb his fingers were, slowly taking notice of how a slight tremble had crept its way into his system.

"Ah..." he pondered. "Maybe I should have brought my jacket..."

Not that it would matter anyway. At least not for where he was going.

Karamatsu nonchalantly tucked his hands underneath his armpits as he began to rock back and forth on his heels. A distant rumble of thunder rolled across the air, coating the deafening silence as it settled toward the Earth. The bitter wind blew through his skin and wrapped itself around his bare arms as if it were tugging him forward, closer toward the edge. Karamatsu glanced downwards, nervously observing the way the flickering street lamp illuminated the cliff side about two hundred meters down. It was at least 3AM and not a soul was in sight. Karamatsu had left the house around an hour ago, careful not to wake his brothers, and crept his way to the outskirts of town until he stumbled upon his final destination. The second eldest let out a timid laugh as his brain fully absorbed the current task at hand. What an ominous place he decided to carry this out at. He was standing at the edge of an old dip in the road that allowed cars to park in case of an emergency breakdown. It reminded him of a make-out peak. His eyes shifted to the side and landed on some empty beer bottles and a used condom. "Gross", he scoffed as his vision refocused on the distant streetlamp.

"What a symbolic area I've chosen." Karamatsu sarcastically considered this a second longer before he remembered that he too was garbage. Trash. Utter human waste. His eyebrow twitched slightly at the self-depreciating joke, but then again he was used to it. Over the years Karamatsu has come to odd terms of hating himself with an unhealthy passion. It inevitably came naturally to him with the courtesy of his brothers. There had to be some reason why they hated him so much right? So Karamatsu picked out every one of his flaws, analyzed every habit, and ultimately realized that they despised the majority of what made Karamatsu himself. Karamatsu detested this unfair concept. He eventually hated his character, his looks, his attachment to his brothers, and yet, and yet... he loved it all too. Enjoyed being himself so much that he became split between what to do. It was only a matter of time before he developed a minor case of split personality disorder. The blue raven haired brother now suffers from identity issues, completely torn between trying to play the part for his brothers or just being himself... or was it the other way around? Just being himself for his brothers or trying to play the part? Karamatsu didn't even know anymore. It's been so long since he's had any positive feedback that he can't remember what he used to do that made his brothers smile at him. Somewhere along the road it all went wrong, and one by one they all turned on him. Even sweet Jyushimatsu and Todomatsu; the youngest of the bunch and the ones that had looked up to him the most. A memory of when Totty had asked him for fashion advice crossed his mind. They had gone shopping together and Karamatsu recommended a pink shirt, insisting that Todomatsu would look good in the color. Totty refused, complaining that it was girly, but Karamatsu countered with 'only real men can wear pink proudly', and so the pink themed Todomatsu was born. The precious memory cut through Karamatsu's heart like a dulled razor; slow and humorously inefficient. The past hurts. The present hurts. Karamatsu hurts.

Shakily exhaling, Karamatsu took a determined step forward. His next step however, wasn't as confident and betrayed his resolution, faltering considerably as it joined the left foot. "This is it", the raven haired Matsuno whispered aloud to himself. His heart rate had steadily increased and a pounding sensation began to infiltrate his temples. The ground started moving, or maybe he was moving? He couldn't tell and he couldn't breathe. It felt as if his organs were in his throat, choking him as their blood burned his skin. A repetitive clicking sound could be heard in the back of his mind, adding to his pulsating headache. Karamatsu lulled his head around, craning his neck in an attempt to locate the source. His dizziness increased at the movement and his body swayed slightly in response. The second eldest tried to bite the inside of his cheek as he tried to steady himself when he realized he couldn't clench his jaw. The source of the clicking noise emitted from his chattering teeth as he felt another wave of anxiety and nausea wash over him.

"I can to do this."

I can't do this.

"I have to proceed."

I have a choice.

"You made a commitment."

A promise is a promise. No matter how shitty.

Mentally arguing with himself never worked out. He always went around in circles until he couldn't remember the original statement. It's part of the reason why he ended up on the edge of a cliff tonight. You can't fight your own demons without the proper weapon, and right now Karamatsu's sword was broken and his armor had been terribly cracked. Admittedly, he hasn't been in a proper mindset for years, but he also knows that what he's doing tonight isn't impulsive. In fact, he's been planning out this moment for months. Imagining every detail, what day, what time, where, how, and all the bittersweet consequences. Everyone may view what he's planning as selfish, but honestly, all he's been thinking about since he fell into this dark oblivion is what he'll leave behind for his friends and family, that is, if he even has that anymore. He imagined each of his brother's faces; the way they smiled, sneered, laughed, yelled, said his name, although lately it was spoken as a curse. Karamatsu winced at the twinge of pain he felt from that ugly truth. It rudely reminded him of why again he was standing here.

Looking up to see the natural beauty of the stars always put him at ease, but as Karamatsu gazed upwards, he saw nothing. The black thunder clouds covered the sky and appeared as if they blended into space, casting off a strange illusion. It's almost as if the stars never existed. The charcoal clouds seamlessly concealed any trickles of light, as if they were innocently closing the thick curtains right before bed. Karamatsu smiled at this gesture. It reminded him of when he would be the last to fall asleep when he and his brothers were younger. He always wanted to make sure they were comfortable and safe for the night. A numbingly warm sensation washed over his body and for the first time in years, Karamatsu felt content with where he was. He felt completely in control and overall... free. The alluring prospect of eternal darkness was closer than he had anticipated. Fearlessly inhaling the scent of a starless night, the second eldest of the Matsuno brothers stepped forward.

"What a beautiful day to be alive."

And with those final words, Karamatsu's feet let go of the ground as he joined the burned out stars.

X

O

X

Author's Note:

First fanfiction posted on the internet! Wooooo! Let me know what you guys think(: Reviews are always welcomed.

Also, do you think I should continue this? I have a blurry plan for future chapters but this could work as a oneshot as well.

Karamatsu is such a babe.