Title: Stairway To Heaven

Author: Henneth Laer

Rating: M

Pairings: Dean/Castiel, Sam/Jess

Warnings: AU. M/M sex, strong language (in some chapters), homophobia, sick!Cas.

Summary: Dean Winchester and Castiel Novak have been dating since they were in high school. They manage to hold it all together, but that's before their world turns upside-down and Castiel gets deathly ill. Can Dean cope with it? Dean's POV.

A/N: This is completely unbeta-ed. All mistakes that I make (and there will be LOADS of those, I guess) are mine. Don't judge too hard, English is not my mother language and I try, but I can't be fluent enough at it.

The fanfic is set in a normal, non-SPN world.

I'm writing this as a supporting gift for a friend of mine who gave me the general idea for the plot. Some of it came to me in a dream. This is the first time I'm writing slash of any kind. R&R and I hope you enjoy it.

Stairway To Heaven

Chapter One

Dean Winchester was scared to death.

It wasn't like him. Wasn't right. He was never scared, ever. Even when life full-on turned against him, when everything he had and loved was going to crash, he didn't even whimper, never took one step back, never flinched or tried to chicken out. This wasn't the Winchester way of doing things. Not even when his younger brother, Sam, broke his leg when he was six years old and Dean had to carry him all the way home. Not when their house caught fire, because his mother had forgotten the microwave on. Not even when his family felt apart. He never felt fear, he was always concentrated, mind sharp and reflexes – quick, trying to find the best way out of the situation. 'It's okay to be scared.' His mother had told him once. 'It shows you're human. It shows that you care.' Dean didn't take it that way. He considered fear a weakness. And Dean Winchester would rather bite of his leg than confess any weakness he has.

But right now, his thoughts were nothing like that.

He didn't care about the Winchester way.

He didn't care about showing weakness.

He didn't even care about himself or what happened to him from this moment on.

All of his attention was focused on his lover's lifeless body in his hands. As he held him tighter, rocking slightly back and forth and waiting for the ambulance to arrive, he simply didn't care.

Dean Winchester was scared shitless.

SHSHSHSHSHSH

12 months earlier.

'Hey, you ready?'

Castiel leaned through the doorway, a light smile on his lips.

'Not really. My hair is giving me hell again.'

'Want me to come help you?'

'Help? From you? No, thanks.' Dean heard a chuckle, coming from the bathroom. 'I'll be good to go in a minute.'

The Winchester fidgeted nervously, glancing at his watch. 7:45. Damn, he thought, we're going to be late. He hated being late. Especially being late to see his younger brother, who he hasn't met in, what, 5 years since he left for Stanford?

Actually, Sam's arrival was anything but expected. Sure, they called each other occasionally, his younger brother had gotten used to relying on him about sharing, since he never could do it with their father. It was always small talk, them both constantly trying to ignore the elephant in the room and speaking of everyday things, like Sam's degree, Dean's job, the weather at Stanford, Cas' job. Not once did Sam talk about their father and his death. He knew it was still an open wound in Dean's heart, which his younger brother chose not to salt. He also sent some pictures. From what Dean has seen, little Sammy grew to be a grown, you might even say overgrown, man. But he had never actually spoken of returning to Lawrence.

At least not until two weeks ago.

Actually, Dean wondered if he was going bonkers enough to have forgotten Sam's birthday. But it wasn't like that. His brother asked him if he could move back into their family home. The first ten minutes, the elder Winchester couldn't even comprehend what he had heard. Sam was coming back. After having had that enormous fight with his father about him running away from the family business to study law … he was still coming back. Genuinely happy about it, he said that, of course it was okay, he was living with Cas in their own apartment for three years, so, technically, it was possible.

And then his brother dropped the bomb.

Oh, and I'm bringing my girlfriend, Jessica, with me.

And here he was now, two weeks later, invited to his own family house by Sam and his girlfriend for a dinner. He hadn't met the girl yet. Nor Sam. His brother had said something about needing time to move things, furniture and stuff like that. Frankly, Dean didn't know what to expect from Jessica. Sam, even though he himself was a giant with an enormously good heart, was a bad chick magnet all the way. Dean still remembered that nutjob, Ruby Carver, his brother's high school crush. He could barely stand her, let alone be friends with her. Thank God, that was over.

Dean hadn't noticed how Cas had appeared from the bathroom, calm blue eyes fixed on him. He felt as if he were being x-rayed. As if Cas could read his thoughts.

'You don't have to worry.' His boyfriend said. 'This isn't some stranger. It's your brother.'

'How did you-'

'Don't underestimate me.' Castiel grinned 'It's written all over your face.'

'Well, I-' guess there was no use pretending. 'I've never been very keen on all this "Meet the Fockers" stuff.'

'You can hardly say we're the Fockers, Dean.'

'Well, you kind of look like Adam Sandler to me.'

'I'm more of the Robert de Niro type.' Cas winked.

'Nah,' Dean said, grabbing his lover's waist and pulling him towards his body 'you're so much sexier than de Niro.'

A spark appeared in the oceans of blue that Dean immediately recognized. He planted a soft kiss on Castiel's lips, the other man leaned into him, lazily letting his tongue explore Dean's mouth. Dean was just about to suggest that they call off the dinner and spend the rest of the evening in bed, when Cas pulled away, smiling widely.

'I would love to do this all night, baby,' he purred into his lover's ear. 'but we should really go. Sam and Jessica will be waiting for us.'

Dean grunted, letting go of Castiel, as he watched him re-button his plaid shirt. When had Dean unbuttoned it anyway? His hands seemed to work by reflex now when they'd get anywhere close near Cas' body.

'Okay, I'm ready.'

'Finally.'

'Oh, shut it.'

Oh, God. Dean thought, We sound just like a married couple.

Truth be told, it wasn't far from reality. Moving in to live with Cas seemed the logical thing to do, because, after all, they've been dating since they were sixteen. Even at that age, Dean couldn't imagine his life with someone else. It was just like a book he's already read, but had to finish – he knew the beginning and the main plot points, but the grand finale was up to him. He liked to plan things. Which got him disappointed almost every time. But not with Castiel. Sure, like every other couple, they've had their fights. They weren't perfect. But even then they still found ways to each other and it just made their bond stronger. Frankly, if Dean Winchester had to choose one person he'd like to spend all his life with, he wouldn't even think twice.

His choice would always be Castiel Novak.

'Dean?' he heard somewhere in the back of his mind. 'Dean? Are you okay?'

Dean snapped back to reality, just to meet his boyfriend's confused and somewhat worried stare.

'If you want, we can –'

'It's okay. I just got lost in thought.'

'That's a first.' Cas exclaimed and received a playful punch in the shoulder.

'Come on. Don't want to have Sam bitching on our first dinner back together.'

'Aren't you the cutest thing?'

'I am not cute.'

'You totally are.'

Dean was going to get back at Cas with some witty reply, when he saw his boyfriend's eyes going slightly darker, his brows furrowed and, suddenly, he swooned at the wall. Dean was quick – he caught his arm and supported him.

'Babe, are you okay?'

Cas, partly using the wall and Dean as support, managed to get back up on his feet.

'Yeah, I'm fine. It's just another headache.'

Castiel's headaches have started again about two months ago. Even though he said it was nothing serious, that he's also had them when he was a kid, he has gone to some doctors, who prescribed him migraine medicine, Dean couldn't help but worry. They've been getting stronger and happening more often now. He made a mental note to make Cas visit another doctor pretty soon.

'Dean,' his lover said, doing his freaky mind-reading trick again, 'let's not go through this again. I'm fine. I've just been overworking myself, had a lot of homework to check lately. It's probably my eyes.'

'You should get some glasses then.'

'Why is that?'

' 'Cause you'd look damn sexy in them.'

Castiel blushed adorably.

'I knew it, you always think with your lower head. Come on, let's head out.'

SHSHSHSHSHSH

'Led Zeppelin? Are you serious?' Castiel frowned in amusement.

'Don't even go there.'

His boyfriend picked up his arms in defeat. 'All I'm saying is that I find the song kind of cheesy. Also, probably the hippiest song that was ever written in the '70s.'

'Stairway to Heaven is a classic, Cas,' Dean smiled. 'Besides, I find it kind of poetic.'

'Suit yourself.' Castiel shrugged. 'I still find Deep Purple better.'

Dean smiled. It was those moments that he was truly happy to have Cas to distract his mind from the possibly awkward dinner that was coming ahead. Hell, even if it was for their little music fight. Keeping his eyes to the road, he took the left turn to Sam's house. Their house.

'Hey.' He felt a light squeeze on his hand. 'It's going to be okay.'

'I don't know, Cas.' Confessed Dean. 'I mean … I'm not mad at him or anything … hell, I'm the one who helped him do what he wants to do. But why come back?'

'Probably he just wanted to come live in Lawrence again.'

'Why would someone want to be back here? Hell, if I was him, I'd never turn back.'

Just a while after, he understood what he'd just said, as Castiel's face went a shade whiter. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

They've had this argument before. How Dean always wanted to escape, to travel the world in his car. He didn't care about the family shop – his uncle Bobby was handling it quite well. Cas, though, Cas was a different thing. He just wasn't ready to ditch everything, his job as a teacher, which Dean knew by fact that he loved, and the life that he had here. He didn't have the strength and courage to leave everything behind. They had a major fight about this back in the day. But Dean knew for sure by then – he couldn't let Cas go. He wouldn't.

'Shit, Cas, I – I didn't mean that –'

'Dean, it's not the time for that now.'

'Oh, come on, babe,' hearing the nickname made his lover's face less tense. 'you know better than others that my bullshit filter is always broken. I honestly didn't mean it to sound like that.'

'But Dean …'

The other man pulled over, turned to his boyfriend and took his hands in his.

'Look at me, Cas.'

Darkened blue eyes met his emerald green.

'I know, I know, Sam had his way out. I said that if I was him, I wouldn't come back. But, Cas, I'm not him. I have something very valuable that he doesn't.'

'What's that?'

'You, you idiot.'

'So –'

'Just trust me. I'm not leaving you, okay? Ever.'

He planted a soft kiss on Cas' lips and immediately felt his lover calming down, the adrenaline floating away from his body. Everything was good. They were good.

'Now, let's go meet that idiot brother of mine.'

SHSHSHSHSHSH

Dean killed the '67 Chevy Impala's engine just in front of their old house. He hadn't been here for the past three years. All the memories haunted him like spirits, so he was even too happy to be moving out of it. Still, his brother had done wonders with it. Front lawn mowed, the fences repainted, so were the window frames and the front door. It looked almost as new.

'I'm impressed that Sam managed that for two weeks.' Cas voiced both his and Dean's thoughts as he was coming out of the car.

'Well, you know my brother. Always the cleany-tidy guy. You ready to go?'

'Are you?'

Dean smiled and took Cas' hand in his.

'Now I am.'

They started walking towards the front door, when suddenly it opened and Sam emerged from the inside. Damn, Dean thought, he's really a gigantor. He was waving at them with that smile on his face Dean had seen on almost every picture he'd received from his brother and smiled too as he embraced his little brother in a big bear hug.

'Good to have you back, bitch.'

'Same to you, jerk.'

Some things just never change. And Dean was quite happy they didn't too.

Sam pulled away, just to give Castiel the same kind of bear hug, which almost crushed his ribs. His brother had always been very fond of Cas and kept repeating that Dean was truly a lucky guy. As if Dean needed someone to tell him that, actually.

Soon after the younger Winchester let Castiel go, a tiny blonde girl shyly came out the front door. The moment he saw her, Dean understood that all his worries were pointless. The girl radiated 'sweet', he could tell even by looking at her. She had light blue eyes and was wearing a T-shirt of the Smurfs. Sam put his hand around her shoulder, beaming happily.

'Guys, this is Jessica, my girlfriend.' He introduced her.

'Nice to meet you, Jessica' said Cas warmly and shook her hand.

'Hello, Jess.' Said Dean. 'I'm Dean, Sammy's brother. And this is my boyfriend, Castiel.'

Yeah, sure, he may have emphasized on the b-word a little. But it was important to see how she accepted him and his sexuality.

To his relief, Jessica didn't even blink at it. She shook Dean's hand, a big smile on her face. 'Nice to meet you, Dean. Sam talks about you all the time.'

With her words, what was left of the elder Winchester's worries completely vanished. He thought that this dinner thing might not be so bad after all.

SHSHSHSHSHSH

Dinner went well. They chatted about random things, turned out Jessica was in Sam's international law classes and that was actually where they've met. Made sense why he had failed two of his exams on the same class. She was kind of shy, but still very genuine, very smart and a big literature nerd, so she and Cas spent about an hour and a half talking about their favorite books and authors that Dean has never heard of. He spent this time to catch up with his younger brother – he told him about what has been happening in Lawrence, with the shop, with their friends, their uncle Bobby. Sam was very happy when he found out that Bobby had married Ellen Harvelle, the bartender at the local pub. 'It was about time,' Sam had said. 'He has been eyeing her ever since we were kids.' He, on the other hand, told Dean all about Stanford, how he had passed all of his finals with great scores and he was now an official lawyer. He was planning on opening a bureau in Lawrence, because he was pretty sure that there were no active lawyers here. It wasn't much, but in his words, would help him settle in again.

Dean never asked him why he chose to get back. Sam never raised the topic as well. They were Winchesters after all – they put everything behind their back and just kept going.

By the second hour though, Dean started to notice something was wrong with Castiel.

Sure, he was his usual polite and understanding self. But there were things only the elder Winchester could notice – how his eyes lost some of their gleam, how his brows crinkled from time to time, how his face was getting paler and he was shifting uncomfortably in his seat. Sam and Jess remained pretty oblivious about it, but they didn't know Castiel as well as he did. A few times, his boyfriend, when he was sure the other two weren't watching, shot him worried glances, which meant only one thing: Can we please go as soon as we can? Dean doubted that the problem was his brother or his girlfriend – he knew for a fact that Castiel didn't have anything against them. But this kind of behavior was pretty odd and unnatural to him, so Dean could only hope that it was nothing serious and that he'd get his explanation as soon as they were home. So, as the main dish passed and Jess offered them dessert and coffee, he politely turned down the offer.

'Thanks about that, but we have to get home. Cas has to get up early tomorrow, and I have some things to do around the house before I get to work.'

He saw his boyfriend's thankful stare in his peripheral vision and understood that his intuition hadn't misled him.

'Are you sure?' Jess raised her brows in astonishment 'I got some cherry pie for dessert.'

For a moment Dean's mouth watered at the thought of pie, but another look at Castiel's face made him shake his head. 'Nah, we're good. It's getting late already, we should be leaving. We'll make sure to come by at the weekend, that good for you?'

Jess beamed at the offer and Dean smiled back. It was pretty easy to be fond of her.

'I'll just go to the bathroom and we'll be on our way.' Cas smiled weakly. When he saw that smile, Dean got really frightened. Something was terribly wrong. He knew it.

'Second door to the left.' Sam said, also eyeing Castiel with worry. He excused himself and disappeared in the corridor.

'Is he okay?' Jess asked, while cleaning the dishes. 'He hasn't been speaking much.'

'Oh, that's just him.' Dean assured her. 'He's never been much of a talker. Thanks for dinner, Jess. It was great.'

'Yeah, my girl is a great cook.' Sam stated proudly, as he walked over to her and gave her a quick peck on the cheek. She blushed adorably.

'Aww, aren't you two the cutest things.' Dean teased.

'Oh, bite me.'

They continued with their playful bantering for a while and right there, Dean felt like he was really home again. Of course, Cas and their apartment was home as well. This one here, though, held a more familiar sense to it, as if he was coming back to his childhood. As much as he wouldn't admit it, he was really glad that his younger brother wasn't halfway through the country anymore. He wondered around, helped Jess clean the dishes, then glanced at his watched and was surprised to notice that Cas has been gone for twenty minutes already.

'I'm just gonna go get that sissy and we'll be going' he smiled and went in the direction of the bathroom. He knocked on the door. 'Cas! Babe, we should really get going.'

No reply. A sense of worry settled into Dean's chest.

'Cas? Are you okay in there? Castiel?'

He turned the doorknob, but the door was locked from the inside. Now the worry was replaced by sheer panic.

'Cas?'

Sam and Jess, having heard Dean shouting and banging on the door were there in a heartbeat.

'What's wrong?'

'He's been in there too long … I –'

'Stand back.' Sam said and crashed the door with his leg. Thank God for his enormous size.

Dean rushed in and thought he was gonna black out right there and then.

Castiel was on the floor in front of the sink, his eyes closed, face was white as a chalk. Sam and Jess also came in, but the elder Winchester was already next to his lover, checking his pulse and breathing. They were there. Faint, but there.

'I'll call the ambulance.' Jess said and Dean made a mental note for thanking her for not panicking.

'Hurry.' He just managed to say, as he lifted Castiel's body to him. 'Cas … Cas, please, come on, open your eyes. Cas.'

Sam tried to say something, but Dean didn't even hear him. He prayed silently that the paramedics would get here as soon as possible.