This version is for those guys who found the original rather confusing- XD! Special thanks to
Singing Praises
Two prominent Hogwarts students were in the common room- namely, the Head Boy and Head Girl. The boy was pacing restlessly in front of the fire, nearly wearing a hole in the carpet, whereas the girl was seemingly oblivious to this, her nose being buried in a book.
"Frankly, I do not comprehend why you are such a prude. You have the legs of a model, such large, luscious breasts, as well as that head of tamed golden hair- that beautiful fair complexion of your face! Don't hide everything under your robes, show it to me!" In an uncharacteristic burst of passion, Draco Malfoy blurted something which he immediately regretted.
"..." To his relief, Hermione Granger only glanced up from her book to look at him, presumably to check if he had said anything of interest. However, his hopes were dashed when she fixed him with a particularly pointed look that seemed to say, Explain your words. Clearly.
Draco cursed inwardly. You idiot. Now you've got to explain your sentiments to her. Unfortunately, she is The Hermione Granger, and she will not stop at anything until she gets an explanation. Best to start simple, then. He sighed and gave the most cryptic reply he could think of, "I was feeling poetic..."
Fortunately (or unfortunately, depending on how you look at it), Hermione seemed sated by Draco's answer, and sank into deep thought. Strange, Draco mused. Why is she so easily satisfied today? What happened to her today? Did she- His train of thought was broken abruptly by Hermione screeching loudly, "Do you mean all that you said?"
"Yeah…" Draco, confused, decided to agree with Hermione. An angry Hermione would probably hurt him.
"Really?" Hermione, unable to believe her ears, widened her eyes at Draco's sudden confession of his 'love' for her.
"Yea- UMPH!" Draco, still in confusion, did what any other man who knew what The Granger was capable of would do- agree with her blindly.
"I love you too!" A flying blur moving at speeds faster than the fastest Snitch assaulted Draco knocked him to the ground. Hermione Granger straddled him, shocking him and caused him to go into automatic denial mode- "I never said I loved you, I only said I liked your body… There is a difference, Granger!"
"What…" Hermione gaped at him, uncomprehending. Truth, being the sadist it was, knocked her off Draco, literally, and she started crying "How could you…"
"What? I speak the truth!" Draco was very confused now. Girls were hard to understand. Maybe he would fare better if he became gay.
Still sobbing theatrically, Granger wailed, "You broke my heart…"
"Girls' hearts are easily broken. By the way, Granger, wanna shag?" Draco was getting irritated, and decided to go straight to the point. Then, at least Hermione would have to understand, unless she was more stupid than he thought.
*WHACK!*
"OWWW! BLOODY HELL, Granger, my nose!"
A brief scuffle later, Draco had a broken nose and a black eye.
F*** the World, he thought.
This was completed with the help of my friend MiscellaneousAilurophileOfFire- She gave the comments that in turn gave birth to this new version of Singing Praises. You can search for her- she has an unique name on , nothing comes close. Thanks Misc.!
-Tanzie