right, so this is my first Grey's fanfic...um, I hope you like it. Basically, if I was the brains behind the show, this is where I'd take it after 4.11. Unfortunetely, I'm not, nor do I own it, so I doubt it'll go in any way like this.

No one's gonna love you

The hospital was quiet. This day was quiet day. And everybody knew that was not a good thing. At the pit of everybody's stomach was the fear that came with the knowledge that at some point today they were all going to be paged and called to some big emergency. And they knew this because this day was a quiet day.

Big emergencies, what a normal person would refer to as big emergencies, actually come in all shapes and sizes. First there is big emergency type A. Type A usually involves at the most 8 people, at the very most, and they are friends or relatives. Something will have gone wrong at some kind of event and most of them are severely injured. But only people from this group of friends or family are involved. Then there is big emergency type B. Type B involves strangers, people who have maybe past each other on the street once or twice or happen to always shop at the same grocery store at the same time but don't know each other. This is usually some type of car crash but one can't rule out train crash, plane crash or, as already seen by these doctors, boat crash. Strangers, random civilians, will be involved but that is it. Only in Type C are the doctors themselves brought into the mix and put at risk or harmed themselves. And type C is, by far, the worst type. Unfortunately, Seattle Grace had experienced type C and, unfortunately, it was about to experience it again. But that was only just the beginning and, for these two, without type C, they might have never found their way again.

The cafeteria was always full on a quiet day because everybody had pretty much nothing to do. Maybe round on some patients, check some post-op, do the odd minor procedure, do some charts; these were what a quiet day involved until it ended and chaos ensued. And so everybody took as much time as possible for lunch and they were going to enjoy it.

Derek wasn't really enjoying his lunch though. He had wanted to get some paper work done but Rose had come and sat down and he couldn't. She wasn't very good at reading him and couldn't tell that he wanted some "alone time".

"So…dinner tonight?" She asked as she reached over to his plate and forked herself a big bit of his salad…without asking.

He nodded and gave a little smile while watching her eat his food. He wasn't quite sure if they were at the stage where he was Ok with her taking his food without asking…or with asking really. He wasn't a big food sharer, bar candy, of course. If something comes in packets of ten, you're meant to share. If something comes on your plate, not in a packet in any shape or form, you have to really love someone if you're going to let them have some…with asking. At least, that was how he saw things.

Suddenly, his pager went off. And then another doctor's on the other side of the cafeteria. And then another, and then another, and another, and another. Within a minute, it was as if all the pagers in room were beeping in chorus, or trying to.

"What's happened?" Rose asked as he, and all the other surgeons and doctors, stood up.

How would he know? All he knew was that it was "A quiet day" he muttered as he ran off. He was surprised that she hadn't picked that up yet, having now been here long enough to scrub in on 40, as she had chimed yesterday, of his surgeries.

"What's the situation?" He asked the Chief as he ran into the ER.

"A building downtown has collapsed" the Chief replied, "We've already got some of the residents and a few interns going out there…you need to be ready and make sure all your non-emergent cases are doing well…it's going to be the most we've had since…"

"Since the boat crash?" Derek finished for him

The Chief nodded and felt a little stupid for bringing that up. He knew that Derek didn't like to talk about that day; nobody did.

This reminded Meredith of the day she almost died. The ambulance shook in the same way that it did on the way to the docks. She, Alex, Bailey, George and Izzie were all in the ambulance then…and now too. So she had that feeling at the bottom of her stomach; the feeling that had tried its hardest to get her to stay in bed the day she almost blew up and the same feeling that made her feel like it was alright not to bring her head out of the bath-tub water the day she almost drowned at the docks. She most definitely believed in medicine but she also most definitely believed in feelings.

When they stepped out of the ambulance, at first they could barely see anything. The big cloud of dust that was still coming out the collapsed building made everything a little blurry and it took some getting used to. But then, there it was. Destruction everywhere. Blood on everybody. Some people were lying on the ground, unable to get up, some not moving. Others were trying to help themselves or a friend or stranger.

Immediately, they began doing their job. Izzie went over to a small boy. George found himself an old man. Bailey attended to a young woman.

But all Meredith could see was the people that were standing close to the rubble. Some were officials and some weren't. They were by an opening into the building, trying to make it bigger and it looked like they were going inside. She grabbed Alex's arm and pointed, "They might need help" and her desire to help others blocked out the feeling.

"We're doctors" Alex said as they got to the group of firemen, "Do you need any help? Are you bringing people out? We can help with them if you do"

The firemen looked at each other and sighed.

"We need people to go in and help the people stuck inside…some are unconscious" One of them said

Alex looked at Meredith, "We can't do that…endangering ourselves was not in the job description"

"You should have read the small print" Meredith told him, "And have you learnt nothing since we've been surgeons or did my two close encounters with death pass you by as you were banging nurses?"

Alex frowned and ignored her comment, "No way… I'm not doing it"

"We have to help them…they could die"

"And so could we" Alex told her aggressively

"I've got nothing to lose" Meredith replied in a low tone, "Nothing…so I'm going in"

And with that she took one of the two helmets one of the firemen had been holding out and went in with one of them.

Alex sighed. He looked over at where the others were and was tempted to do something. He saw another ambulance arrive and Cristina get out. He almost called her name but saw her run to some kind of injury that, from where he was standing looked, most likely, aortic. And then he realised that if somebody was going to watch out for Meredith, it was going to be him. He took the other helmet and followed the second fireman to go in.

As Meredith slowly moved her way, almost on her hands and knees, beneath the rubble to where the man in front of her was moving and to where she could hear the groans of the few injured who were conscious, she wasn't afraid. Two months ago she had been terrified when she climbed into that upturned ambulance but now…nothing. And she knew why. She had nothing to lose. Because everything she could have lost has already been lost because of a stupid kiss and a stupid nurse and a stupid set of house plans and a stupid problem with abandonment and a stupid wife/OB-GYN and neo-natal surgeon and a stupid fear of loving him and losing him. It was kind of ironic. How she was afraid of both loving and losing him and how both those fears had lead her to losing him while still loving him.

Realising that she was, once again, thinking of him, she tried to clear her head. But instead of gaining clarity, she felt woozy.

"Woah" she said and stopped

"Mer, are you Ok?" Alex called from behind

"I…I don't know" she replied, "Give me a minute"

She stood, crouched because of the conditions, still and took a few breaths. Eventually, she felt a little more stable.

"I'm alright now" she said, wondering what that just was.

"Ok" the fireman behind her said, "Can you press on?"

She nodded and took another step forward.

Suddenly, she heard dust falling from above and looked up. As rubble started falling from above, all she could think of was what she was going to lose and how maybe there was such a thing as another chance. And then there was darkness.