I lost the disclaimer saying that I don't own any Galaxy Ranger characters. Just another mad fic that ties into a few other mad fics I wrote and then spins off into another deranged fic with a mind all it's own!
The Great Supertrooper Search
Somewhere in a hideout on a distant planet a gang of ruthless master criminals were plotting.
"Gravestone for the last time! No, I don't want to play toy cars with you!" Brainchild shouted.
Okay, maybe master criminals is a bit of a stretch.
"Why the hell are we here?" Kilbane snarled at the other escaped Supertroopers: Gravestone, Brainchild, Chimera and Jackhammer. "We all hate each other's guts! Especially you Brainchild since you spread that rumor about me and Gooseman!"
"Only because Slade and Nimrod started the rumor," Brainchild carefully lied. "Remember the bar fight? You know? The one where you blew up half the asteroid and stole that one guy's set of teeth?"
"Oh yeah," Kilbane, not having the fastest blaster in the bunch blinked. "It was them that started that rumor. But you didn't have to repeat it to Geezy!"
"I didn't. He overheard Nimrod and Slade saying it and lied about me saying it to him," Brainchild lied quickly. "Would I lie to you?"
"Is that a rhetorical question?" Chimera snickered. "But I gotta admit it is pretty funny to think that Kilbane is…"
"DON'T SAY IT!" Kilbane roared. "To even think that I would even be remotely attracted to the Runt is an insult of the highest degree!"
"Here we go again…" Jackhammer sighed. "Why do I even show up to these meetings? Oh wait, because there's nothing good on Tri-D and Kilbane is somewhat entertaining."
"I hate Gooseman! I hate him!" Kilbane ranted. "He's taken everything from me!"
"Too bad he didn't take away your powers of speech," Chimera muttered under her breath.
Kilbane didn't hear her. "He's nothing but scum! He's even turned my own clone against me! My own freaking clone would rather be soft like him and those other weak little mutant brats than like me! And he stole my spaceship! I had just gotten new leather seats installed too! And it wasn't easy to steal…"
"Wait a minute! Wait a minute! Back up!" Brainchild held up his hand. "What did you just say?"
"Well I got new leather seats for my spaceship…"
"Not that you Ninny!" Brainchild snapped. "The other thing! About you having a clone? Since when did you have a clone?"
"Oh that," Kilbane snorted. "Yeah apparently somebody was running an illegal Supertrooper training camp and Gooseman got it into his heads to rescue the snot nosed brats. One of 'em turned out to be my own freaking clone. I had hopes for the kid until he turned out to be a bleeding heart like the Runt!"
"You found other Supertroopers?" Chimera's jaw dropped. "WHEN DID THIS HAPPEN?"
"Last year! Remember I was telling all of you how Gooseman stole my ship from under me!" Kilbane snarled.
"You seem to have left out a few details!" Brainchild yelled.
"I didn't tell you guys about them?" Kilbane blinked.
"I think we would have remembered if you had!" Jackhammer snapped.
"Ah well, I guess I didn't think it was important," Kilbane shrugged.
"But you did think it was important to describe how awesome your ship was for four hours straight and why Gooseman didn't deserve to even touch it?" Chimera asked sarcastically. "Unbelievable! Un-freaking believable!"
"And you guys call me the dumb one?" Gravestone snapped. "Even I would have known better than Kilbane to forget about something like that!"
"All right Gravestone, if it will make you feel any better, you are officially no longer the stupid one of our group," Brainchild told him. "Kilbane has just beaten you by a landslide! He is now the official President of Stupidity! Happy now?"
"Yes," Gravestone smiled and folded his arms. "I am."
"What the hell did I do?" Kilbane snapped.
"You really don't know?" Chimera snarled. "You really have no idea about the opportunity you just passed by?"
"Kilbane let me explain something to you," Brainchild told him. "Let me explain to you the difference between the news we do want to know about, and what we don't want to know about. We do want to know things about other Supertroopers that are out there. We do want to know about any chance we have about increasing our ranks and creating an army of our kind to take over the Earth. We don't want to hear your personal rants on why Gooseman bugs you! Got it?"
"What army? There were only four brats and one of 'em was about to kick the bucket anyway!" Kilbane snorted.
"That doesn't matter! What matters is they could be valuable to our cause!" Brainchild snapped.
"We have a cause?" Gravestone blinked.
"Looks like Gravestone has just been appointed Vice President of Stupidity," Jackhammer grumbled.
"We'd better find those kids and get them on our side," Brainchild moaned. "Because with idiots like Kilbane and Gravestone are going to need all the help we can get!"
"The trick is finding them," Chimera growled. "They haven't exactly been advertising if it took this long for us to find out they even existed! Kilbane do you have a clue where they are?"
"I didn't exactly stick around long enough to find out," Kilbane scratched his head. "But if they're alive they're probably somewhere on Kirwin."
"Are you sure that they are on Kirwin?" Brainchild asked.
"Hey! They hid those Gurkins here," Kilbane reasoned. "Why not?"
"They wouldn't hide people in the same place twice!" Chimera snapped. "Maybe they're on one of those farm planets somewhere? I mean Earth must have two dozen of them by now!"
"Oh yeah like there'd actually be a couple of Supertroopers on some farm planets in disguise!" Brainchild snorted. "Give me a break!"
"Well I don't see you coming up with any ideas!" Chimera snapped.
"I have an idea," Kilbane snarled. "I'll go steal the Runt's starship! That'll tick him off!"
"Are we back on this again?" Jackhammer grumbled.
"Yes! Again! And again and again!" Kilbane yelled. "I hate that Gooseman and I won't stop until he's dead! And then I'll kill everyone who thinks I'm in love with him! I'll show 'em! I'll show 'em all!"
"Oh for crying out loud Ryker!" Gravestone snapped. "We all know the real reason you hate Gooseman! It's not because you're in love with him! It's because you're in love with Commander Walsh! Well you love Commander Walsh."
"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?" Kilbane jumped out of his seat. "ARE YOU ON DRUGS OR SOMETHING?"
"Yeah Gravestone, are you?" Brainchild asked. "And if you are can I have some?"
"You really don't remember do you?" Gravestone shrugged. "Kilbane, before the Runt came along, who was your main rival?"
"Easy, that snot nosed suck up Triton," Kilbane snarled.
"And why was he such a suck up?" Gravestone folded his arms.
"Because he was a suck up!"
"No, I am looking for a real reason here! Why was he a suck up?"
"Because Walsh was always giving him special treatment!" Kilbane snapped. "Always praising him. Putting him in charge of us on training exercises. Giving him stuff to do! He even put him in charge of babysitting the Runt because he was so responsible!"
"Uh huh, and before that, who were you always getting into fights with?" Gravestone asked.
"I remember! It was Slasher!" Chimera realized.
"Yeah because he was a real big suck up!" Kilbane snapped. "Always yes Commander Walsh and right away Commander Walsh. Even when he went crazy he was still a suck up!"
"And remember the tank incident?" Gravestone asked.
"Which one?" Kilbane blinked.
"The one where you tried to set me on fire," Jackhammer gave him a look. "All because Walsh said 'Nice Job' to me."
"Oh yeah, that was funny," Kilbane chuckled.
"See where I'm going with this?" Gravestone asked.
"It's so obvious," Chimera nodded.
"Good so can you explain it?" Gravestone asked. "I think I kind of forgot what I was going to say…"
"Oh for crying out loud," Chimera moaned. "I'd have more intelligent conversations with that stupid chicken of yours!"
"Fred Jr. is not stupid!" Gravestone snapped. "He can even play a little mini piano!"
"What's his signature song? Bye Bye Birdie?" Brainchild quipped. "And speaking of birdbrains…Kilbane it's obvious the only reason you are so fixated on hating Gooseman is that you feel like he stole your father. That is, Commander Walsh, a man who has become a father figure in your mind."
"It sounds like you have taken some of those drugs Gravestone is on," Kilbane snorted.
"No it makes sense," Chimera said. "Kilbane when we were kids you lived for getting complements from both Max and Walsh. But especially Walsh! If anybody else got the slightest bit of attention you went ballistic!"
"I remember when I got a ninety eight percent on my math test and you only got a seventy five," Jackhammer gave Kilbane a look. "You bit me!"
"I got a seventy seven and he bit me too!" Gravestone said.
"It's a classic case of sibling rivalry," Jackhammer said.
"You know Kilbane, if there were any other Supertroopers made after Gooseman," Brainchild thought aloud. "You would have forgotten all about your rivalry with Gooseman like you forgot about your rivalry with me!"
"I had a rivalry with you?" Kilbane blinked. "When?"
"When we were kids! You were jealous of how smart I was," Brainchild huffed.
"Uh no I wasn't," Kilbane said.
"Yes you were," Brainchild said.
"No, I would have remembered that," Kilbane told him. "Trust me, I was more jealous of Gravestone getting higher marks on his tests!"
"Look the point is that the only reason that you hate Goose is because he was the youngest and got all the attention," Brainchild huffed. "I mean he was always there in the front of the classroom. Got every answer right. No matter when you called on him or what the subject was, he was right. Even though he was years younger than you they moved him up several grades! Advanced studies my butt!"
"Sounds like I ain't the only one with sibling rivalry issues am I?" Kilbane sneered. "You're nuts! All of you! Look I hate Goose because I just hate the guy! Pure and simple! Some people just hate cats! Some just hate dogs! I hate the Goose! And there's no stupid psychology mumbo jumbo that will prove otherwise!"
Just then an humanoid robot walked in. It was wearing black cowboy gear but it's face looked exactly like Commander Walsh. Right down to the mustache. "Hey Kilbane," It spoke in a friendly voice that sounded suspiciously like the real Commander Walsh's. "Time for your latest appointment to blow stuff up!"
"What the hell is that?" Brainchild did a double take.
"Oh this is Bruce," Kilbane smiled. "A couple weeks I was watching this show while taking a break from blowing stuff up on Tortuna and the bad guy on it had some kind of robot butler/sidekick. So I thought why not? I stole some parts and a basic robot, fixed it up a little and now I got the perfect assistant!"
"You are great at blowing stuff up Ryder," The robot spoke. "And you are a superior Supertrooper."
"Isn't he great?" Kilbane said enthusiastically as he got up and put his arm around the robot. "I tell you since I got this guy for some reason my life has been a whole lot easier. And he's even fun to hang out with! Everyone should have their own robot yes man!"
"Uh yeah…" Brainchild blinked. "Kilbane, doesn't he remind you of someone?"
"You know I was wondering if you'd notice," Kilbane said.
"Oh yeah we noticed all right," Jackhammer was stunned. "You can't help but notice!"
"Okay so he looks a little like that guy who played that cop on Laws and Disorder," Kilbane shrugged. "He was still a good actor. Did a lot of movies where he played the bad guy too."
"Say Ryder how about we go fishing sometime?" The robot spoke.
"That's not a bad idea!" Kilbane smiled. "I could use a little relaxation. And to get away from you morons. Bruce, go get the dynamite and meet me back at the ship. See you losers later!" He walked out the door.
Leaving some very stunned Supertroopers. "Wait, was it just me or did that robot look exactly like…?" Gravestone pointed.
"Yes," All the other Supertroopers said.
"And he doesn't realize that…?" Gravestone blinked.
"No," The other Supertroopers sighed.
"Calling Doctor Freud…" Brainchild groaned. "I think we have a live one!"
"That chicken is looking mighty intelligent right now, isn't it?" Gravestone asked Chimera.
"We're not getting to Kirwin today are we?" Jackhammer groaned.
"I'm going to the nearest bar!" Chimera grunted and left the room.
"Great! Fred Jr. can earn some money playing piano!" Gravestone said happily as he followed her.
"Maybe he can find me a new boyfriend?" Chimera grunted.
"I'm off too," Jackhammer started to leave.
"Wait! We need to find those Supertrooper kids!" Brainchild shouted.
"Good idea. I'll start by looking in the nearest bar," Jackhammer snorted. "Make that the nearest bar Gravestone's not in."
"Maybe having more Supertroopers in our group wasn't such a good idea after all?" Brainchild groaned. "Especially since we can barely stand the ones we do have!"