Can't Have It All
I tell myself I can't have you,
It's something that I'll ignore,
I tell myself I don't need you,
But I'm falling, falling, once more...
Sam had just made the worst decision of her life. She'd dumped Phil. The only man she'd ever truly loved, and she's dumped him. Her brain was telling her that they weren't meant to be together, but heart was telling her otherwise. He was the only man in her life that she could trust, and she had let him go.
And every day it gets harder,
To pick my heart off the floor,
I say it over and over, girl,
You can't have it all, you can't have it all.
Sam had been sitting in her office, with only a bottle of vodka for company for the past hour or so. She was supposed to be catching up on paperwork, of which she had a stack of at the moment. But her thoughts kept returning to Phil.
I dream that you bring me your love,
Only in my dreams is not enough.
Before long, Sam began to cry softly, tears trickling gently down her pale face.
How could I have been so stupid? Sam thought. I had the man of my dreams and I pushed him away. All because I was scared. Scared of him leaving me, finding some younger, leggier girl and going off with her. But that's not like Phil anymore. He changed, for me. But I let him go.
I keep on telling myself, telling myself, I can't have
Can't have it all, Can't have it all, I keep on
Telling myself I can't have it all, I can't have you.
And now I'm learning to live, learning to live, learning to
Live on without, having your love returning,
I can't have it all but all that I want is you.
Sam couldn't concentrate on her paperwork so she decided to go for a walk, to gather her thoughts, to clear her head. She grabbed her vodka bottle and slowly walked out of the office, down the stairs and out in to the cold night. Sam shivered and pulled her jacket round her tightly, still clutching the vodka bottle. She started off walking fast through the park. Tears kept falling down her face but she brushed them away fiercely with the back of her hand.
You remain in the twilight,
With eyes that look but don't see,
I'm a book lying open,
While you're a lock with no key.
Sam took yet another swig of vodka from the almost empty bottle. She was walking a lot slower now as the alcohol had started to slow her down. Sam went to take another swig from the bottle but realised it was empty.
"Argh!" Sam shouted and slammed the bottle on the ground and it shattered into hundreds of tiny pieces. Sam stormed off, in no particular direction, and stopped in front of the Six Bells pub. She looked up at the sign then stumbled through the door.
I kid myself every morning,
That the ache for you is no more,
I dream that you bring me your love...
Sam made her way clumsily towards the bar, laughing as she tripped slightly.
"Can I... er... have a er... vodka & tonic when you're ready." Sam shouted to the barman with a flirty smile which he returned.
Phil's head whipped round. He would have recognised that voice anywhere. What the hell was Sam doing? She sounds like she's had a few too many drinks already. He turned round and saw Sam leaning across the bar, flirting with a guy who looked like he was taking advantage of her drunken state. He couldn't sit there watching the barman leering down Sam's top any longer. He got up and went to order another pint. Not that he needed one, it was just the only way he could get Sam away from that lecherous creep.
"Ooh, hello there young Philip!" Sam slurred as Phil grabbed her arm to steady her and sat her down at a nearby table full of empty beer glasses.
"What...what're you doing?" Sam asked loudly.
"I'm saving you from that creep Sam! He was all over you!" Phil replied, nodding his head slightly to where the barman was standing.
"I..I don't need saving! I'll be fine!" Sam almost sang. She announced that she was getting another drink and made a move to get up but Phil stopped her.
"Sam, please talk to me. What's up? This isn't the DI Nixon I know!" Phil said, giving Sam a reassuring smile. His voice was full of concern and he placed his hand on Sam's and squeezed it gently.
I keep on telling myself, telling myself, I can't have,
Can't have it all, can't have it all, I keep on,
Telling myself, telling myself, I can't have you.
And now I'm learning to live, learning to live, I'm learning to,
Live on without, having your love returning,
I can't have it all, you're all that I want...
Sam didn't know how to answer. She knew what she wanted to say but she couldn't. It wasn't fair on him, she couldn't keep blowing hot and cold like that.
"I..." Sam opened her mouth to answer when an fierce looking brunette charged over to their table.
"What the hell are you doing with that?" The brunette shouted at Phil, while chewing gum unattractively.
"Who the hell are you? Or should I say what are you?" Sam replied with a sneer.
The brunette went to slap Sam as Phil stepped in.
"Carla, please." Phil said quietly.
"Oh so, she has a name then? Your tart!" Sam spat. "I'm Sam by the way. I would say nice to meet you, but it ain't nice!" Sam giggled, putting out her hand for Carla to shake.
Instead, Carla smashed Sam's hand into the collection of beer glasses on the table, causing glass to fly everywhere and blood to pour out of Sam's hand. Phil rushed over to help Sam. Whilst everyone was looking at the mess of glass and blood on the floor, Carla poured beer over herself discreetly then shouted,
"Oh my God! Look what she's done to my gorgeous dress! I think you should throw that mad cow out barman!" Carla shouted while Sam stood open-mouthed.
"Right you," the barman who wasn't being over friendly any more said, "Think it's time for you to go home!" and he pushed Sam towards the door. Sam looked back at Phil and Carla. Carla was sprawled on Phil's lap, her fingers tangled in Phil's hair. Phil looked extremely uncomfortable and looked at Sam with an apologetic look and mouthed,
"I'm sorry."
Why won't I listen when I hear them saying,
\You're better off without a heart that's breaking?
Though I'm fool enough to love when you don't want me,
I'm wise enough to know that you will always haunt me...
Why won't I listen when I hear them saying,
\You're better off without a heart that's breaking?
Though I'm fool enough to love when you don't want me,
I'm wise enough to know that you will always haunt me...