"Volthoom" Pt. 3 of 3
"The Author Couldn't Think of a Title to Put Here, so You'll Have to Use
Your Imagination"
Ultraman shot through the air at Mach 4. However, he shot through the wall of the Panopticon, the CSE's London mansion, at Mach 8. How this could happen, nobody would ever know. However, there was a Uranian-size hole in the wall, which meant Ultraman had arrived at his home.
Ultraman got up and dusted himself off. He glanced behind himself to look at the hole he left. "Meh," said Ultraman. "I've seen worse."
He heard a loud, crackling noise and knew only one thing. Ultraman began to whimper to himself. "Crap, crap, crap, crap, crap. I'm so totally, absolutely- hey..." He cut himself off as he noticed a woman walking with her baby carriage outside the mansion.
He flew over to the woman and clutched the crying baby from his carriage. Ultraman then met Superwoman at the entrance to the Panopticon. He held the baby up to his face and began to kiss it.
"You can't kill a mother, Superwoman." Ultraman said in a nagging tone of voice. The baby started to wail even louder. He turned to the baby. "Shut up, you'll blow our cover."
Superwoman looked at Ultraman skeptically. "There is so much wrong with what you just said. Besides," her tone became sarcastic, "you attacked the maternity ward of Central Hospital last week. And you kicked an innocent puppy."
Ultraman began to whine. "But he was asking for it."
"Look," Superwoman said slowly. "No matter how you look at it, there's a huge freakin' hole in the wall. My whip hasn't been used in hours. Can you find why I'm so eager to beat the stuffing out of you?"
Ultraman nodded calmly and prepared for the inevitable sting that would accompany Superwoman's whip. 1... 2... 3...
Kzzak! Superwoman's whip never connected. A long, hooked boomerang shot through the room, bouncing off the furniture. It finally returned to its owner. Owlman.
Superwoman sharply shot her eyes towards Owlman. "DO YOU ALWAYS HAVE TO DO THAT!?"
Grabbing a can from his belt, Owlman went on the defensive. "Step back. I have... Anti-Superwoman spray..."
Ultraman glanced at Owlman. "Really?" "Sure," Owlman snapped. "I also have a spray to destroy you, Johnny, myself- don't ask- and Power Ring."
Ultraman turned to Owlman. "Why would you need spray to defeat yourself?"
Owlman sneered. "I. TOLD. YOU. NOT. TO. ASK. If you must know, I sometimes worry that I'm not myself."
Ultraman was flabbergasted. "That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard."
Owlman was ashamed of the un-original comeback he knew was coming. "You're one to talk."
Ultraman looked at Owlman for a minute and then turned away. He saw two men, one in yellow and one in red, walk towards him.
Power Ring and Johnny Quick were astounded. "He's finally here? I thought Owlman would NEVER show up!" Johnny gaped in awe.
"Shut up, Quick." Superwoman snarled.
"Why doesn't...your mom shut up?" Johnny snapped back.
Superwoman's face turned beet red. "My mother was killed when the evil space conquerer, Gruu, attacked my home on Amazon City."
"GRUU?!" Three of the CSE asked in unison.
"Gru... aw, crap." Ultraman despaired.
"Hey," Superwoman explained, "I didn't ask for a critique of my origin. If you don't like it, come up with a better one."
Power Ring spoke up. "Your father could be a demon. Your mother could have been an extra-dimensional showgirl. Your sister-"
Superwoman lashed Power Ring upside the head with her whip. "Look, CHARLES, I was sarcastic. If anyone's looking for me, I'll be in my room creating a sub-plot."
Superwoman stormed off and Johnny turned to face Power Ring. "So... how's the old dude doing?"
"She called me Charles. It's Chuck! Oh, um..." Power Ring was flustered by his one weakness. Well, his two weakness. His one weakness being the color green. "He's good. I set him up in the guest room. I just gave him his filet mignon for dinner. He seemed to be STARVING." "He's an other-wordly being. He has the knowledge of all life hidden within his mind. He should be locked in a cell." Johnny began. "Dear God... I've become the voice of reason on the team."
The team's awful realization was cut short by a piercing voice. "VOLTHOOM!"
Johnny and Power Ring turned towards the man that appeared in the center of the room. Ultraman stared into space. "That hurt... I'm not that stupid."
"Shut up," Power Ring ribbed Ultraman.
"SILENCE!" The man shouted into space. "BONDAGE!"
Johnny giggled softly.
"NEVER FIND INNUENDO IN THE WORDS OF VOLTHOOM, MASTER OF POWER!" The man angrily yelled as coils of energy roped around Ultraman, binding him.
Ultraman struggled against the binds in frustration. "You... monster..."
Power Ring leaned towards Johnny and whispered in his ear. "Does he remember that he shoots lasers out of his eyes?"
"Obviously not." Johnny replied.
"Well," Power Ring was feeling considerate. "Should one of us tell him?"
"Nope." Johnny said flatly as he watched Ultraman try to break free.
Power Ring objected. "But, we really should-"
"No."
Volthoom looked at Ultraman and sighed. "YOU IDIOT. YOU SHOOT LASERS OUT OF YOUR EYES. WHY SHOULD IT BE SO HARD TO BREAK FREE OF MY MYSTICAL ROPE?"
Ultraman's eyes grew wide. "Of course!" He blasted the ropes, and for some reason that even I'm not sure of, they dissipated in a fzzak of energy.
Power Ring turned to Johnny, Owlman, and Ultraman to take the wizard down.
Johnny sped around Volthoom quickly. The last thing he remembered before blacking out was a shining piece of metal in Volthoom's robe. Then, darkness.
Ultraman shot through the air at Mach 4. However, he shot through the wall of the Panopticon, the CSE's London mansion, at Mach 8. How this could happen, nobody would ever know. However, there was a Uranian-size hole in the wall, which meant Ultraman had arrived at his home.
Ultraman got up and dusted himself off. He glanced behind himself to look at the hole he left. "Meh," said Ultraman. "I've seen worse."
He heard a loud, crackling noise and knew only one thing. Ultraman began to whimper to himself. "Crap, crap, crap, crap, crap. I'm so totally, absolutely- hey..." He cut himself off as he noticed a woman walking with her baby carriage outside the mansion.
He flew over to the woman and clutched the crying baby from his carriage. Ultraman then met Superwoman at the entrance to the Panopticon. He held the baby up to his face and began to kiss it.
"You can't kill a mother, Superwoman." Ultraman said in a nagging tone of voice. The baby started to wail even louder. He turned to the baby. "Shut up, you'll blow our cover."
Superwoman looked at Ultraman skeptically. "There is so much wrong with what you just said. Besides," her tone became sarcastic, "you attacked the maternity ward of Central Hospital last week. And you kicked an innocent puppy."
Ultraman began to whine. "But he was asking for it."
"Look," Superwoman said slowly. "No matter how you look at it, there's a huge freakin' hole in the wall. My whip hasn't been used in hours. Can you find why I'm so eager to beat the stuffing out of you?"
Ultraman nodded calmly and prepared for the inevitable sting that would accompany Superwoman's whip. 1... 2... 3...
Kzzak! Superwoman's whip never connected. A long, hooked boomerang shot through the room, bouncing off the furniture. It finally returned to its owner. Owlman.
Superwoman sharply shot her eyes towards Owlman. "DO YOU ALWAYS HAVE TO DO THAT!?"
Grabbing a can from his belt, Owlman went on the defensive. "Step back. I have... Anti-Superwoman spray..."
Ultraman glanced at Owlman. "Really?" "Sure," Owlman snapped. "I also have a spray to destroy you, Johnny, myself- don't ask- and Power Ring."
Ultraman turned to Owlman. "Why would you need spray to defeat yourself?"
Owlman sneered. "I. TOLD. YOU. NOT. TO. ASK. If you must know, I sometimes worry that I'm not myself."
Ultraman was flabbergasted. "That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard."
Owlman was ashamed of the un-original comeback he knew was coming. "You're one to talk."
Ultraman looked at Owlman for a minute and then turned away. He saw two men, one in yellow and one in red, walk towards him.
Power Ring and Johnny Quick were astounded. "He's finally here? I thought Owlman would NEVER show up!" Johnny gaped in awe.
"Shut up, Quick." Superwoman snarled.
"Why doesn't...your mom shut up?" Johnny snapped back.
Superwoman's face turned beet red. "My mother was killed when the evil space conquerer, Gruu, attacked my home on Amazon City."
"GRUU?!" Three of the CSE asked in unison.
"Gru... aw, crap." Ultraman despaired.
"Hey," Superwoman explained, "I didn't ask for a critique of my origin. If you don't like it, come up with a better one."
Power Ring spoke up. "Your father could be a demon. Your mother could have been an extra-dimensional showgirl. Your sister-"
Superwoman lashed Power Ring upside the head with her whip. "Look, CHARLES, I was sarcastic. If anyone's looking for me, I'll be in my room creating a sub-plot."
Superwoman stormed off and Johnny turned to face Power Ring. "So... how's the old dude doing?"
"She called me Charles. It's Chuck! Oh, um..." Power Ring was flustered by his one weakness. Well, his two weakness. His one weakness being the color green. "He's good. I set him up in the guest room. I just gave him his filet mignon for dinner. He seemed to be STARVING." "He's an other-wordly being. He has the knowledge of all life hidden within his mind. He should be locked in a cell." Johnny began. "Dear God... I've become the voice of reason on the team."
The team's awful realization was cut short by a piercing voice. "VOLTHOOM!"
Johnny and Power Ring turned towards the man that appeared in the center of the room. Ultraman stared into space. "That hurt... I'm not that stupid."
"Shut up," Power Ring ribbed Ultraman.
"SILENCE!" The man shouted into space. "BONDAGE!"
Johnny giggled softly.
"NEVER FIND INNUENDO IN THE WORDS OF VOLTHOOM, MASTER OF POWER!" The man angrily yelled as coils of energy roped around Ultraman, binding him.
Ultraman struggled against the binds in frustration. "You... monster..."
Power Ring leaned towards Johnny and whispered in his ear. "Does he remember that he shoots lasers out of his eyes?"
"Obviously not." Johnny replied.
"Well," Power Ring was feeling considerate. "Should one of us tell him?"
"Nope." Johnny said flatly as he watched Ultraman try to break free.
Power Ring objected. "But, we really should-"
"No."
Volthoom looked at Ultraman and sighed. "YOU IDIOT. YOU SHOOT LASERS OUT OF YOUR EYES. WHY SHOULD IT BE SO HARD TO BREAK FREE OF MY MYSTICAL ROPE?"
Ultraman's eyes grew wide. "Of course!" He blasted the ropes, and for some reason that even I'm not sure of, they dissipated in a fzzak of energy.
Power Ring turned to Johnny, Owlman, and Ultraman to take the wizard down.
Johnny sped around Volthoom quickly. The last thing he remembered before blacking out was a shining piece of metal in Volthoom's robe. Then, darkness.