Summary: Obi-Wan Kenobi and Bant Eerin. They've been comrades since their early days as initiates. Qui-Gon observes the two friends, while thinking about himself and Tahl. Set after JA # 16: The Call to Vengeance.
Author's Notes: I was reading Jedi Apprentice: The Call to Vengeance when I got the inspiration for this story. And near the end of the book, there was a quote that I felt just sums up the whole reason for writing this story. Also, it does have a few subtle implications...
And the reason I got to read the Jedi Apprentice book is because somebody finally returned it to the library! Yes!
Disclaimer: I don't own Star Wars. I don't own the Jedi Apprentice books and the quote that I used from it in this story. Invisible cookies to the reviewer that figures out where the quote is!
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Nobody was there to meet the four Jedi that returned from New Apsolon. Nobody was there when the small transport landed.
Any onlooker could have easily observed the state of Jedi. The first was a tall man with long brown hair. His tired face made it look like he had aged years in the few standard weeks that he had been gone.
The second was another man. No less intimidating than the first, his bald head reflected the lights in the landing dock. His face was impassive, the standard look of neutrality worn by the Jedi. But his eyes were uneasy and worried, glancing around the hanger in brief intervals.
The two that followed them both looked older than their years. Their faces were somber, as if they had both seen great hardships they wished to forget.
For Qui-Gon, it seemed that the past few days had passed in a blur. Everything had seemed hazy since Tahl's death. Even now, the loss hurt him.
He was barely aware of where he was; his focus was solely dedicated to moving one foot after the other in a clear, straight line. Concentrating on his feet was an easy way to stop thinking about Tahl.
Mace was leading the way, with Obi-Wan and Bant following him. Qui-Gon trailed behind, refusing to make eye contact with any of the passing Jedi.
The doors to the Council chamber opened and the four Jedi stepped in. All of the Council members were in their seats, save for Mace.
For Qui-Gon, the Council meeting seemed inutile. Mace presented the facts: Alani and Eritha's betrayal, the attacks of the probe droids, and the capture of Balog.
The meeting was simulated, a formality that needed to be taken care of. A meeting couldn't sum up the feelings that Qui-Gon was filled with. The darkness and despair he had felt when Tahl had died, the feeling of ultimate revenge. None of them could simply be discussed in a committee.
The foursome then retreated to their quarters, Mace to the ones that were occupied by the members of the council, Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan to their shared rooms. On the way, Obi-Wan turned to Bant.
"Do you want to stay with us?" he asked. "It's just that...you'll be alone if you return to your own quarters."
Qui-Gon immediately caught his Padawan's meaning. Although Bant had often spent time alone in her quarters, it wasn't the same anymore.
For Tahl would never return to her Padawan. Bant would always be alone. The ache that had been present since Tahl's death threatened to overtake him.
Hiding his sorrow beneath his Jedi mask, Qui-Gon turned to the young Mon Calamari. "You're always welcome to stay," he said.
Bant turned her gaze upon her best friend. "Thank you," she said, and Qui-Gon could see the tears that threatened to pour out of her eyes. Obi-Wan put a hand on her shoulder to comfort her.
Qui-Gon typed the entry code and the doors slid open. He paused on the threshold, watching his Padawan enter.
"Bant, you can sleep on the couch," Obi-Wan was saying. He took her hand and led her to the living room. Upon seeing the couch covered in various pieces of junk, he grinned sheepishly.
"Never mind. You can have my bed." Qui-Gon allowed himself a small smile. His face muscles felt stiff, as if he hadn't smiled in a lifetime.
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Later that night, Qui-Gon was awakened by a soft noise. Pulling himself off his sleep-couch, he walked towards Obi-Wan's room.
His Padawan's door was open, revealing the two figures inside. Qui-Gon pressed himself against the wall, not wanting to reveal himself yet.
Bant sat on the bed, her knees drawn up to her chin. Obi-Wan sat across from her, mirroring her position. Whatever they said was only meant for them to hear, as they were sitting so close together that their foreheads were almost touching.
Qui-Gon was strongly reminded of Tahl. With her kind, caring nature and a passion for what she believed in, Bant was the living presence of her former Master.
Qui-Gon reached out with the Force, trying to hear their conversation. He was met with a solid wave – Obi-Wan's attempt to block him out. Qui-Gon pushed harder, matching his will with Obi-Wan's.
Suddenly, the wave of will weakened and Obi-Wan's voice came through their bond.
"Master, I'm tired of this deception," he said. "We've been against each other for too long. I shouldn't try to stop you from talking to Bant."
"It's not Bant I want to talk to," Qui-Gon replied.
"Obi-Wan?" Bant asked, putting her hand on her friend's shoulder. Qui-Gon was struck by the familiarity of the gesture. He remembered the multiple times that he had spent with Tahl, the various times she had affected him with the simplest touches.
Reaching for Bant's other hand, Obi-Wan took both of her hands in his own.
"What's wrong?" he asked. "Your hands are shaking."
"Qui-Gon seemed to really love Tahl," she replied. "But they were restricted, restricted by the codes of the Jedi, the orders preventing attachment. They appeared happy, but I'm not sure that their love was a good thing. Should they really have put their personal feelings above the values of the Jedi?"
"I'm not sure that he made the right decision," Obi-Wan mused.
"Tahl was murdered and Qui-Gon almost turned to the dark side," Bant noted. "I wonder if love is really a good thing."
"Love is one of the most important emotions that a person can feel!" Obi-Wan disagreed.
"Then why don't Jedi love?" she inquired.
"Compassion and fondness are central to a Jedi's life. It's just that attachment is forbidden."
"Qui-Gon let himself become attached to Tahl," Bant said.
"I wonder if he's ever managed to accept her death," Obi-Wan wondered.
Qui-Gon listened as their conversation continued. He tried to count the number of times that he and Tahl had stayed up late into the night during hard times, comforting each other when they needed it most.
Using the Force, he reached out once again to his Padawan, this time to sense his feelings. For the first time since Tahl's death, Obi-Wan seemed at peace. He was relaxed as he talked to Bant, as if talking with her was the most natural thing in the galaxy.
Obi-Wan glanced towards the door, where he knew his Master was standing. Bant followed his gaze.
"I hope Qui-Gon will be all right," she said, concern in her silver eyes.
Obi-Wan glanced at Bant. "Are we all right?"
Qui-Gon felt that if it were possible for his heart to be touched, it would be at the warm look in Bant's eyes. He remembered when he and Tahl had been that close.
"Of course," she told Obi-Wan.
On the other side of the wall, Qui-Gon smiled. Bant had the power to make Obi-Wan happy. And by making Obi-Wan happy, she had helped to cure her own heart, making Tahl's death easier to bear.
Inside, Obi-Wan and Bant shared a smile. And in this moment, the horror of Tahl's murder was almost forgotten.
In this moment, there are only the two of them. Focusing on the light rather than the darkness. Focusing on the truth instead of ignorance. Focusing on happiness, not pain.
In this moment, there exists two beings bound by friendship and love. For each is the only thing that the other needs.
Qui-Gon allowed himself one last smile before turning back to his room, leaving the two Padawans in peace.
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Completed On: Saturday, January 21, 2006, 10:44 PM Pacific Coast Time.
Author's Notes: Hmm, now that I've finished this, I don't like it as much as Understanding. I spent a lot of time on this, and I'm not especially sure that it's as good as my first story. But you're the reviewers, so I'll let you decide.
If you have time, check out my forum, Bant's Sanctuary. As the title suggests, it's a forum completely dedicated to Bant.