Those Eyes (K)
Disclaimer: I own nothing. J.K. Rowling is queen, and I am but her humble servant.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: I originally posted this as a challenge fic on another fanfiction site a few years ago, but feel that it's a nice addition to my output here. Thanks for reading!
It was love at first sight. At least, that was what Sirius had thought at the time. But now things were different. Now, she was lost to him forever. She was worse than lost. For years to come, she would be there, laughing and smiling and desperately in love. Utterly out of his reach.
Tomorrow morning, Lily Evans was getting married. Lily with her shining eyes, the hair that was like a beacon of hope in times of ever-increasing sorrow and darkness. Lily with her laugh, the one that came from somewhere deep inside, the one that she shared far too infrequently. Lily with her brains, the ones she wasn't afraid to show off. Lily Evans, the girl with the indomitable spirit, the deep competitive streak and the kindness that couldn't be measured, was getting married. Moreover, she was getting married to the one person he couldn't fight in order to win her.
In only a few short hours Lily would be marrying her beloved James. James Potter, his best friend for what felt like a lifetime, the man he would willingly die for, was the one who would stand beside her for the rest of their lives. And Sirius had agreed to be the best man.
If it had been anyone else, he would have done something. He would have done anything, absolutely anything, to keep Lily from walking down that aisle towards anyone other than him. But James had seen her first, fallen desperately for her before Sirius had even learned her name. By the time he'd begun to comprehend his feelings towards the redhead who so captivated his friend, it was too late. James was in love, and Sirius would do anything for him. Anything. Including stepping back so James could woo and win the girl they both loved. James had given him a home when his own had proven to be anything but, and he'd given Sirius the first real taste of family he'd ever known. For family, Sirius would give up his own chance at happiness. He knew that James felt the same way. If he, Sirius, had declared his fancy for the young, green-eyed witch, before James, James would have stood by and let his heart break by inches.
If Sirius had seen her first, he would have made her fall in love with him. There would have been no wasting of time as there had been with James. James had tried to win her by bringing others down, although never with cruel intentions. Sirius, until the day he realized he was in an unwilling competition with his closest friend, had been content just to talk to Lily. He'd learned far more about her by being affable, genial Padfoot, always quick with a smile or a joke, than James had with his constant prodding and teasing. If it had been him, he'd have charmed her into giving him a chance, and it wouldn't have taken him until their seventh year to do it.
There had even been a moment in the library, when they were fifteen and Voldemort's threat against the wizarding world was not as prevalent, while James was off at a Quidditch practice. They had been whispering, laughing, enjoying each other's company, when for the merest moment, he saw something in those fascinating green eyes that caused his heart to quicken. He had leaned in, without thought to what he was doing or what the consequences might be, and Lily had as well. Sirius had been mesmerized by her, unable to look away.
And then James had burst in, crowing in victory over something or other, and the moment was lost. After that, Sirius lost any nerve that he may have had and went back to his frequent dreams about the scent of her hair and the smooth white expanse of her skin.
James still pursued her. Lily still refused to give in. With each refusal she gave, on a near daily basis, Sirius felt torn inside. James was a good friend, a good person, and his pursuit of Lily was genuine. What right did she have to deny him? But a small, secret part of him rejoiced every time she told James to go to hell.
It had begun to look like Lily was completely serious in her refusal to give James a chance. She showed no signs of weakening. And it was then that Sirius allowed himself to begin to hope once more. With every passing day, every added refusal, his hope grew. It wouldn't be his fault, after all, if Lily decided she wanted him more. After all, James had tried and failed. Maybe now it was his own turn to spin the wheel.
As darkness began to descend over the wizarding world, their sixth year drew to a close. And Sirius decided that, come fall, he would take a chance, just one, and see what happened.
But James, realizing that his last chance to win the one girl he wanted was fast slipping away, turned all his efforts towards showing Lily a side of him she actually liked. With each passing day in the summer, Sirius felt his hope gradually fading, but he ignored it. After all this time of waiting, it was only fair that he have a chance.
Closest friend or not, Sirius had every intention of pursuing Lily once term started. But before he could even try, James had shown up to the train station, Head Boy badge in hand and a new, slightly more serious attitude on display. Sirius had seen the look of intrigue on Lily's face before she hid it, and the last of that hope faded away. James had won, and he would never even know it.
At seventeen years of age, Sirius gave up on love. If he couldn't have Lily, there was no one else for him. And a part of him had always known he would never have her, however much he wished and dreamed otherwise. And now, barely over a year later, he would have to stand by and watch as she bound herself to another. It should have been some comfort to know she would marry a man who loved her fiercely, a man who would always stand by her, one who would protect her and make her laugh and appreciate his good fortune. But every day his smile grew brighter. And every day, the ache in his heart grew stronger. A heart could break again and again, and he knew that the very next day, another crack would appear.
But Lily and James trusted him. He was the best man as well as the one to give the bride away. And until the day he died, he would never betray them, never reveal the love he had hidden so deeply inside.
He had thought it was love at first sight, and second, and third. But no one had ever told him that love at first sight didn't have to be reciprocated. In the final hours before Lily Evans ceased to exist, but instead became Lily Potter, Sirius allowed himself to dream one last time. Come tomorrow, he would give her up forever. But for now, he would dream one last time about the pair of green eyes that haunted him so.
A/N: I'm not a Sirius/Lily fan, but this one begged to be written. If you're so inclined, drop on by and give me some feedback. Thanks for reading!