Everything Has Changed
"All I've seen is green eyes and your smile."
It isn't like Sandry ever planned on feeling like this. She had always been a staunch believer in the "no I don't need any boys" idea; boys indeed were below her maturity level. Besides, she had her uncle to take care of, a realm to run. Things to do. Sandry was busy, and no, she did not need boys. There had been enough of that in Namorn, and yes, maybe she was pretty, and yes, maybe she wished sometimes that someone would love her for her, but then she decides not to wallow in her own self-pity. Because that, frankly, was rather disgusting.
But on the road back from Namorn, she becomes hyper-aware of Briar's presence. She wakes, one night, from the sweetest dream she's had in awhile. All she remembers is warm green eyes and warmth and a whitewhite smile.
She wakes crying, because she hadn't noticed how lonely she was until then. She wasn't infallible, no, that was why she fell for Shan without seeing his attachment to Berenene.
"You all right?" a voice whispers from her right. Sandry starts, then glares at Briar half-heartedly through her tears.
"What're you doing up?" she mumbles thickly, unsure of whether to be embarrassed or relieved.
"I can't sleep." He looks at her, concern in those green eyes, and the dream rushes back to her, a flash of brighteyesandsoftlipsandstro ngarmsand-
She shakes her head to clear the sudden rush of memory. "Yes," she replies, as steadily as she can, forcing down the sudden longing to have those arms wrapped around her, to have the comfort of his warmth by her side.
Instead, she turns over and closes her eyes, wipes away her own tears. "Good night, Briar," she says, and pretends to sleep.
The morning dawns bright and blue, a chill in the air promising the arrival of colder days to come. Sandry contemplates. These times of introspection have become more common of late. She tries to analyze her feelings, to determine exactly whenandhow this happened. She denies herself, forcing down the feeling. "It's wrong," she tells herself. "He'll never see me that way," she tells herself. "He's my brother," she tells herself ("Foster brother," she corrects herself).
Still, she understands that it is a line that should not could not be crossed. Sandry does not fear many things, but she fears losing her friends. Especially when they had just returned to her.
She can't lose them again.
But she dreams of him that night, and the next, and the next. The days fade into grey mist; the sun shies away behind stormy clouds. The nights are long and cold, and all she wants is to curl up next to him, but she doesn't. All that keeps her warm are her dreams, but they are insubstantial.
Nobody notices. It's hidden deep in a recess of her mind, carefully partioned and shut away.
Maybe she can't have him; maybe, she won't even try. She looks away when he takes the hand of a pretty blonde, or winks at an exotic brunette. She tries not to be bitter.
It's hard.
But in the end, all she needs to do is look into those eyes, those greengreen jade eyes, and see his heart shining out of them, and she smiles.
She can't deny him his pleasures; she knows he has nightmares. It saddens her that she can't be the one that chases them away, but if he's happy, she's happy.
Or so she tells herself.
She only hopes for the day when he'll approach her, take her hand in that way, wink at her in that way, lead her up the stairs in that way...
She hopes for the day when she'll look into his eyes, and see herself and her love reflected in them.
"Your eyes look like coming home."
A/N: based on Taylor Swift's song featuring Ed Sheeran, "Everything Has Changed." I love her.
Sorry if this is terribly out of character. It was something that just needed to be written.