Daria, Poem Unlimited: The Meme Wars, Part III;
Or, "LawndaleTown"
By Project Pegasus
Daria, Jane and Tom were excited to be baking their first cake together. Since this was a new experience for them all, they decided that it would be best to sing as they gathered the ingredients and materials like mixing bowls and eggbeaters.
With aprons around their waists and chefs' hats on their heads, they began to hum their song as they charted this brave new world together.
Daria began:
"Making food is just like science,
With tools that blend and baste."
Jane joined in:
"And every fun appliance,
Gives the food a different taste."
Suddenly, a young girl appeared. She was dressed like an Asian prostitute in a pink wig and a pink apron that went over her pink sundress. Somehow she also knew that singing was the best way to make a cake and she began to contribute the chorus to the song:
"It's a piece of cake to bake a pretty cake. If the way is hazy,
You gotta do the cooking by the book. You know you can't be lazy.
Never use a messy recipe; the cake will end up crazy.
If you do the cooking by the book . . . "
Tom, Jane, Daria, and Stephanie all continued to sing together in unison as they joined in a collective effort to combine and mix the ingredients of the cake:
"Then you'll have a cake.
We gotta have it made.
You know that I love cake.
Finally, it's time to make a cake."
Tom, feeling mischievous, took up the next stanza as the girls continued to make the cake:
"I'll pile on the candy; it's such a pretty sight," he sang as he mixed in some gummy bears, an ingredient that the cookbook did not call for. Daria and Jane noticed that Stephanie was visibly agitated by this deviation from the recipe.
"It makes the food taste dandy, but my tummy hurts all night," he sang as he demonstratively placed his hand on his stomach.
"I'll put in some ingredients, but keep the rest for me." He smiled as he placed the remainder of the gummy bears and some lollipops into the pockets of his cargo pants. Stephanie was not amused as her face began to turn the color of her hair and dress and apron.
"I'm not just disobedient; I'm careful can't you see?" Tom finished with a flourish.
At that Stephanie, eggbeater in hand, turned its speed up to its maximum power. She lifted it up from the bowl and straight into Tom's eye socket.
Daria and Jane tried their best to wrestle Stephanie away from Tom as cake batter, vitreous humor, and gummy bears went splattering into the hair and onto the aprons of the girls.
Finally they were able to pull Stephanie off of Tom, but not before the eggbeater became lodged into Tom's brain and he fell lifeless to the floor.
"You gotta do the cooking by the book," she said panting as she stood over the corpse of Tom Sloane.
::The End (?)::
Want to see Daria 'n' Pals fight it out in an Internet meme of your choice? Go to my profile and send me an email.
Disclaimer: All copyrighted materials are property of their respective owners (and you know who you are). Daria Morgendorffer, Tom Sloane, Jane Lane and the Pizza King belong to MTV, Stephanie from LazyTown belongs to everyone who is young at heart, and Internet Memes belong to the collective unconscious.