Conviction
by Original Blue
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"You–" she hiccupped, limbs shaking. "You're not allowed to do this."
He skimmed his nose over her collarbone, one hand anchored to the wall beside her head as the other caressed her spine.
"Who says I'm not allowed to do this?" His tongue darted out to touch her pulse point. The flush in her cheeks rose as her breathing sped, feeling him pressed up against her.
"No, no, no, Sasuke no..." She bit her lip to stifle a moan as his teeth grazed her earlobe.
I spent so long loving you and hating you and wishing you'd fall into bed next to me – there are so many things I want to say to you, to scream at you and whisper to you, but I can never find the words.
"Yes, Sakura. Yes." He hooked one wide palm beneath her thigh and pulled it up to his hipbone.
No, no, you're not allowed. You're the one that left us, that gave this up, that made us the enemy. You don't get to have me after all this time. You don't get the choice, the one you made for us years ago. You had your chance. There are no more chances.
The tears pushing from beneath her eyelids were from sorrow and anger and the sick joy of victory hard won. She could feel him against her, every inch of the body she'd seen walking away. The difference was that this time she was the one resisting; he advanced like a never ending torrent of fire.
Damn you. I wanted you and hated myself because of you, and now I feel sick at your touch because I know that I like it. Damn you.
His hands snuck beneath the white coat she wore at the hospital, brushing her navel and making her knees buckle slightly. She felt like she couldn't breathe. A thousand memories traveled through her mind: his black mussed hair as he apologized that cold night; the ghostly pallor of his skin when he finally returned to the village; the indecipherable looks he traded with Naruto whenever she got a boyfriend, ensuring that whoever asked her out would have a late night visit from two masked ANBU; the glances he cast in her direction as he heard her heart speed up during a medical examination; the sakura flowers that inexplicably showed up at her doorstep on her birthday, even when she sat up all night to catch him.
Tapered fingers, padded with training calluses, smoothed over her ribs and made her shudder. "Stop it, Sasuke, please stop it now," she begged. She was pleading now, something she'd never have considered doing.
He paused, breath still tickling hers as he planted a light kiss on her swollen lips. "Why should I? You can't stay innocent forever. You know what I feel for you, what you feel for me."
But Sakura could only sigh, tears finally deigning to stream down her face. She'd spent so long building up the wall between the girl she used to be and the woman she'd become; she knew if she broke it now, it was irreversible. She would once again become vulnerable, once again be lonely, once again be left with nothing to hold on to. The glass box that protected her heart was cracking, and if she handed him the key, he would walk away, leaving her with nothing but shards to cut herself on.
Trembling with the loud sobs that wracked her body, she pressed a hand to his chest and pushed. She couldn't even look at him. She unlocked the door to the hospital supply closet and stepped into fluorescent lighting, knowing that her heart could only take so much. Her love had survived his abandonment once, and she wasn't eager to test if it could survive another.