A/N: 'Tis I! I am writing a story! A weird one, at that! I would just like to say that this is dedicated to Ria the Shiekah. She reviewed one of my very odd and strange stories, saying, quote, "keep writing weird stuff 'kay? Weirdness is what the world is lacking...". That is what shall be done! This is for you, Ria the Shiekah! If you find this, I hope you like it!
Ganondorf sat in his bedroom, bored out of his mind. He couldn't believe how bored he was! In fact, he was so bored, it was boring thinking about how bored he was, if that made any sense at all.
The Great King of Evil sighed as he lay back on his bed, staring at the ceiling. What was an Evil King to do? Blow up a city? No . . . he had just done that yesterday. Torture the Gerudo's that had betrayed him (Nabooru not included)? Nah, too easy. WAIT! HE COULD WALK HIS DOG! Wait a minute . . . he didn't have a dog! THERE WAS NOTHING TO DO!
Ganondorf decided to think very hard about what could possibly be done. Thinking, he tried to picture the thing he loved to do most in the world. It didn't take long to think of something. His favorite thing to do was trick Link, of course! But how? Link was an idiot, he knew that, but because of his boredom, he couldn't think of anything to trick the young hero with.
Ganondorf sighed once more and looked at his television? Perhaps he could have some ideas from the Evil Network? No . . . it was always more fun when you used your own ideas.
What was that blinking thing beneath the television? Whatever it was, it was a neon green, and ANNOYING! Ganondorf slowly and tiredly moved his eyes down to look at whatever was bothering him and saw that it was his VCR. The blinking thing was the clock on the VCR, proudly displaying the numbers "12:00" over and over again.
. . . It was then the Evil King found his plan!
"Thank for using AT&T pre-paid card service!" came the familiar female voice from the other side of the phone. The voice was now replaced with the familiar "BRRR", or "ringing", as ordinary people called it.
Link thought hard to himself. Why did the people call it "ringing"? It didn't ring! It "BRRRed"!
"People are very confusing," thought Link to himself.
"Hello?" came the voice from the other line.
"Yo! Zelda! Wassup in da hood, yo?" asked Link in a very lame gangsta voice.
"Link!" came an annoyed Zelda. "I told you not to talk to me like that again! It's creepy!"
"Fine," Link said, once again in his normal voice. There was a long pause until Zelda finally spoke.
"Is . . . there something you need?" she asked.
"Nope! Just wanted to say hi!"
"Ah . . ." said Zelda, sounding deeply annoyed. "Well, um . . . hi!"
"Hi!"
Again, another pause.
"How do light bulbs work?" asked Link.
"WHAT?"
"I said, how do light bulbs work?"
"Um . . . I don't know. Why?"
"Just wondering!"
A frustrated sigh came from the other side of the phone.
"Zelda?"
"WHAT?!?!?!"
"Why do girls have PMS?"
"WHAT?" asked Zelda, now very freaked out.
"Is it because they want attention or do they . . ."
"LINK! MY CAT JUST JUMPED OUT OF THE WINDOW!" said Zelda, interrupting Link.
"What? But Zelda, that's, like, the 7th time this week! You should really close your windows!"
"Uh . . . yeah! Sure!" said Zelda, desperately trying to get away from Link.
"Do you need me to come over?"
"NO! I mean . . . no. He might freak out and kill you."
"OK! Remember, give it lots of fruits and vegetables, and . . ."
Zelda hung up.
Link put down the phone and sighed. What was up with that cat of Zelda's? Maybe the cat hated her? Wait . . . did Zelda even have a cat? He had remembered being mauled by something in the castle grounds one time, but the gate had said "Beware of Dog". Maybe Zelda had made a typo!
Yeah, that would be reasonable!
Link plopped down on his green La-Z-Boy sofa and turned on the TV. His favorite program was on, and he couldn't bear missing it!
"I wonder what kind of lame attempt Team Rocket will make today," thought Link, watching Pikachu duke it out with Misty. The two of them seemed to be fighting over the chocolate bar that was obviously placed by Team Rocket.
"NO!" said Link, saddened by the battle. "DON'T FIGHT YOU GUYS! YOU CAN JUST SPLIT THE CHOCOLATE BAR!"
Then, the doorbell rang.
"Doorbell!" said Link aloud to himself as he got up and headed towards the door. It had was very rare he had visitors! Link opened the door, expected to see that friendly face of Saria, or the warm smile of Malon, or the blue eyes of Zelda with wounded cat in hand. But no one was there . . .
"Aw . . . they ran away," said Link. He then looked down and noticed something wrapped in brown paper at his feet.
"A present!" shouted Link, reaching down to get it. Giggling like a schoolgirl, he ran inside and hastily closed the door, anxious to see what was in the pretty package. This was the first present he had gotten in . . . 5 years!
Link grabbed his Kokiri Sword, which now worked perfectly for a knife, and began to set to work opening the package. Once all of the brown paper was removed, he opened the box to find something he had always wanted: a VCR!
"COOL!" said Link. "Now I can go to Blockbuster and get all of the movies I want! I wonder what I should rent first . . . I know!" Striking a dramatic pose, he shouted "POKEMON 2000!"
Then, all joy must come to an end, for he remember that first he had to set up the VCR before he could play anything.
"No problem!" he said. "Saria knows a lot about gadgets! I'll have her come over and help!"
And indeed, that's what happened. Saria came over after saying she would only do it for 20 dollars, and in about an hour she had the VCR set up.
"All done," she said, wiping her hands on and oil rag.
"Great!" he said. "Thanks a lot, Saria!"
"No problem! That'll be 20 bucks!"
Link thought for a minute. "But Saria, I already gave you 20 dollars to get you to come over here."
"Uh . . . what are you talking about?" she asked innocently. "You did no such thing!"
"Hmm . . .must've slipped my mind, I guess! Here you go!" said Link, handing her another twenty.
"Great! Nice doing business with you!" And with that, she left as quickly as she had come.
"Now, let's watch a movie!" said Link, rubbing his hands together. The Blockbuster was just down the street, it wouldn't take him long. What time was it, though? Link looked at the VCR.
"12:00, huh? OK then! No prob! I'll have plenty of time to watch at least 3 movies before bedtime!" And with that, he was off.
Link had just watched his third movie, "Catwoman", and was now attempting to do acrobatic stunts wherever possible.
"MEOW!" hollered Link as he leapt from his La-Z-Boy to his dining table. He squatted and raised a hand in the air and scratched at nothing in particular, making a hissing noise as he did.
Link jumped off the table and landed on his feet. "THAT WAS SO COOL!" he yelled. Indeed, it was a great movie. So great, he could watch it again! But Link let out a yawn. What time was it? It must've been passed his bedtime. Looking at the clock, he noticed the time. Only 12:00.
12:00?!?!?!?
"WOW!" Link said as he looked at the VCR again. "Still 12:00? Man, time must fly by when you're having fun! I guess I'll watch another movie!"
And Link, completely oblivious to how dark it was outside, popped in his fourth movie, "The Ring".
Five days had gone by since Link had received the VCR on his doorstep. Yet, the hero was still awake. His eyes were bloodshot and he felt extremely tired. He just finished watching "Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets", but was too tired to comment the movie. He must sleep . . . but, it was still 12:00! Why was he so tired if it was so early?
"Must . . . sleep," he said groggily. "NO! Must . . . stay . . . AWAKE! People . . . think . . . you're . . . wuss!"
He got up and headed to his Whirlpool refrigerator. He tiredly reached and pulled out his 50th coke. He tried to pop the tab, but he was too tired to pull it back.
"Don't . . . care . . . if . . . wuss," said Link, dropping the coke and literally crawling inside his fridge. "Must . . . sleep . . . now!"
Then, it happened. With a huge explosion of light and sound, Ganondorf walked through the door.
"Hello Link," he said evilly.
"Ganondorf," said Link, groggily opening one eye. "Must . . . fight . . . no! Must . . . sleep first . . . hold . . . on . . ."
Ganondorf laughed evilly. "Do you see what has become of you, Link, Hero of Time? I have tricked you to believing that time stood still, only to have you stay awake and suffer a painful lack of sleep! Prepare to go down with ease!"
And with that, Ganondorf headed to Link, who was still cuddled up inside his Whirlpool refrigerator. Ganondorf reached inside, past Link, and turned the temperature setting to "BRR! FREEZIN', MAN!". Instantly, the refrigerator kicked into high gear, and also instantly, the Hero of Time began to turn blue. But he was too tired to escape!
Ganondorf laughed evilly. It was so fun to watch people freeze! After all, it was, in fact, his favorite method of torture.
Then, Ganondorf heard the door burst open behind him. He turned around quickly to see what it was, and there he saw . . . Zelda and Saria? They both had a fierce look on their face, and it didn't take long to find out that they had come to defeat Ganondorf!
Zelda leapt forth, and with a mighty battle cry, pulled out her baka hammer.
(A/N: Please note that this might actually be my first use of something Japanese!)
Anyway, she brandished her baka hammer and slammed the Evil King on the head. Of course, his only reaction would be to spin around in circles and clutching his head in agony.
Once he recovered from the impact (how do you survive a hit like that?) he noticed Saria running up to him. She leapt up and grabbed him by the collar of his shirt, using her feet on his chest to stay face level with him.
"Gimme a dollar!" she demanded.
"Never!" said the Evil King.
"Fine!" And with that, the sweet little girl donned a pair of James Bond sunglasses and an assault rifle and began firing at the walls in a circle, careful to not hit Zelda or Link. She didn't want to hit Ganondorf just yet, though, to see if he might give up.
"Give up, weakling!" she said in the most sinister voice she could muster, not that sinister.
"Never!" And with more grace than thought possible, Ganondorf leapt into the air, sailing over both Agent Saria and Zelda and landing behind them. He then began to run towards the door in a desperate attempt to flee.
He did not know, however, that Link was a very untidy person. Ganondorf did not see the case of "Veggietales, Volume 1".
Ganondorf weakly stood up, weakened by the power of Larry Boy and the Vegetables of Doom. "I will be back," he said, mock Terminator style. And with that, he disappeared in a dark vortex.
Zelda and Saria sighed in relief. "I thought he would never give up," Saria said, putting away her sunglasses and assault rifle.
"Yeah," said Zelda. "I know one thing's for sure, though."
"What's that?"
"I will never hate vegetables again." And with that, she walked out of the door.
Saria smiled and walked over to Link's refrigerator. Link, now frozen in a huge block of ice, sat in the same place, unable to move. Saria reached inside the refrigerator and turned the temperature setting from "BRR! FREEZIN', MAN!" to "ACK! IT BURNS US, PRECIOUS!" Slowly, the block of ice melted, and Link came back to his senses.
"Thanks, Saria," said Link, slowly crawling out of the fridge and collapsing on the floor, still tired.
"No problem!" said Saria. "That'll be 300 dollars!"
"What?" asked the Hero of Time, shakily.
"You heard me! I had to walk from my house, attempt to shoot a madman, and turn to dial down on your fridge! I have earned 300 bucks!"
But unfortunately for our little friend, Link was zonked. Saria muttered something about "taxmen coming to get her" and kicked him hard. He didn't move.
Wait . . . she could just take the money . . .
Saria reached into Link's pocket and found his wallet. She opened it and found at least of 2000 dollars, along with several credit cards. Saria pocketed the wallet and exited the humble abode, quietly whistling "Taxman" by The Beatles.
Well, that's it. Another weird and wacko story done by yours truly! I hope you all enjoyed it, and don't forget to press the shiny Review button down at the bottom of your noble screens. And if you do press it, please tell me what your favorite part was and what you thought of the whole thing. I love big, fat Reviews!
And again, thank you Ria the Shiekah for giving me this idea. And also again, if you managed to find this, I hope you liked it!