Author's Note: This is an alternate M-rated version of Chapter 15 of my story Reawakening. It's not meant to be a stand-alone story, so please check out the whole story, which is T-rated, if you haven't yet! :) You can find it on my author page. I hope you enjoy...
As always, disclaimer: The Divergent series and its characters are property of Veronica Roth. I own absolutely nothing.

CHAPTER FIFTEEN (M)

Myra

Al and I left Dauntless together. We were each provided a backpack, packed with our few belongings, and were basically pushed out the door by Eric himself. Then we just stood there for a while- Al, me, and two Dauntless-borns whose names I don't even remember. They set off together while Al and I just sat on the cracked concrete sidewalk wondering where we should go next.

Eventually, we began walking. Dauntless is the city's southernmost sector. Al wasn't too familiar with the city's layout, but this was one place that my Erudite background was an advantage; I have studied the city maps enough to have a good idea of where we were and where we were going. The common areas of the city are between Dauntless and Erudite. North of Erudite is Candor, and the Factionless sector, where we were headed, was to the west of Candor, just to the south of Abnegation.

It was dark by the time we finally arrived. We both struggled with our emotions as we walked along the outskirts of the factions we were born in- Erudite for me, Candor for Al. I held it together by not thinking about Edward as we crossed from Erudite into the edge of the Factionless sector, Candor just across the murky riverbed right there in our view, and that is when I collapsed on the sidewalk sobbing. It was all just too much. The rest of my life hopeless, stuck in this depressing mess we had just entered of grime and abandoned buildings, from which we would never escape. Even worse, the ghost of every dream I had for a future with Edward played at my memories, compounded by the images of him laughing happily with his arm wrapped around that Dauntless girl.

I cried until my tears ran dry and I was empty, and Al held me the whole time. It was very late by then, so I climbed through the broken out window of the nearest abandoned building and unlocked a door from the inside to let Al in. Al was a really big guy, much bigger than Edward even, and would never have squeezed through that window. Then we found a room toward the center of the building, on the third floor, and huddled together as we restlessly faded in and out of sleep. Al kept his arms around me the whole time and he felt like a big teddy bear, but one that was determined to keep me safe.

For most of the next day, we wandered the factionless sector, moving gradually toward the center and eventually closer to the Abnegation sector. We had decided that because the Abnegation feed and clothe the Factionless, it was likely that more of them were congregated further to the north.

Now, a day and a half after being turned out into the streets, we find that we were right: the northern part of the factionless sector, near Abnegation, is in fact where the Factionless gather. In fact, the farther north we go, the more dirty, mis-matched figures we see creeping through alleyways and down side streets. We are meandering down West Grand Avenue, Al's arm protectively around my shoulder, kicking at broken glass and chunks of concrete, when a tall woman in black Candor pants and a baggy gray Abnegation shirt approaches us.

"Cut from Dauntless?" she asks bluntly. We both simply nod. The woman sticks out her hand. "I'm Therese. I can help you get settled in here," she says.

I look at Al. We sort of communicate with our eyes, then he shrugs, and I nod at Therese. She leads us down a few blocks of side streets, then through a narrow, dingy alleyway, until she stops at a door that I wouldn't be able to distinguish from a hundred others around here and ushers us inside.

I was always told that the Factionless live alone, without community, without relationships, just… lonely and desolate. What I see in this building, though, is anything but people living all alone. There are makeshift cots all over the floors and in the center of the room is a big metal fire pit. Unkempt people in mismatched clothing pass around cans of food, each taking a bite then handing it off to the next, so everyone seems to get a little of each available food. We follow Therese down a dark hallway and she holds up her hand to wordlessly communicate that we should wait here, then she disappears behind a door at the end of the hall.

Al leans against the wall and exhales loud and long, his head in his hands. "I was going to join Abnegation," he says. I snap my head up to look at him. There are tears in his eyes.

"Why didn't you?" I ask. He would have been much better off there. I could see him fitting in, in Abnegation. Or maybe Amity. Certainly not Dauntless. He and I have that in common- we are neither of us suited for that faction.

Al looks away as he answers. "I have had a crush on Beatrice- Tris, I mean- for years," he says wistfully. "I was going to transfer to Abnegation hoping I'd have a chance with her there. Imagine my surprise at the Choosing Ceremony when she chose Dauntless."

I pull him into a hug. I think I hear a door open, but whoever it is can interrupt us if it's that important. Until then, my attention will be on Al. He's the only friend I have, at this point. "So you followed her to Dauntless," I say softly, "just like I followed Edward." I feel Al nod.

"And I don't know if it's the worst part, or if it makes it better, that I never even stood a chance with her!" he says bitterly. I'm pretty sure I know exactly what he means, too. "Right from day one, Four couldn't keep his eyes off of her… and she was just as bad when it came to him." Someone is behind Al, but I still don't pay any attention. They're several yards away and don't seem to be trying to command our attention.

I pull back and look at him, nodding. "I noticed," I say, debating whether to tell him what I saw the other night. I decide I may as well, maybe it will help him to move on. "I had noticed, too, that Four was head over heels for Tris, even though I don't think he realized that anyone could see it. Then, when I followed after Tris and Marlene to the infirmary the other night because I was worried about Edward, I got there just as Tris was walking away with Four. Only, they didn't go back toward the dorms."

Al's voice is almost a whisper. "Where did they go, Myra?"

My eyes widen as I realize how that must have sounded. "Oh, no, they didn't go back to his place, Al, if that's what you thought." He instantly looks relieved. "No, I followed them, and he took her down some remote hallway. They hugged, and there was some whispering. Then they kissed… and... there was something real there, you know? They hugged again and I snuck away before they could see me watching them. I'm sure you've figured it out, Al, but I think he's in love with her, and I'd bet money she's in love with him, too."

It's not hard to see by looking in Al's eyes that he's taking this hard, but really, he knows that even if he had a chance with Tris at Dauntless, he wouldn't now that he's been cut. He nods, and his voice shakes. "I hope he'll be good to her." He laughs slightly. "At least I'm positive that he didn't change her rank to keep her from being cut."

I smile slightly, though I'm not sure why. "She was shockingly good."

"Yeah," he whispers, "she was. She's pretty special. Too special to be with me, I guess."

A throat clears behind Al- I can't see around him, but I know the person has been there for quite a while. It also occurs to me they have probably been listening to our entire conversation. Al turns, and now I can see her standing next to Therese.

She is very slender, with curly dark hair, olive skin and a hooked nose. There is something slightly familiar about her, but I can't place it. "Hello," the stranger says, and she smiles, but it does not quite reach her eyes. "I'm Evelyn, and I am the leader of the Factionless."

Tobias

Uriah looks at his hands, biting his lip, as he comes out of the fear simulation on the second day of stage two. I feel like I need to say something- he is my best friend's little brother, after all- but I'm really not qualified to give advice about girls. In today's simulation, Uriah professed his love to Marlene, and she rejected him. I know that he is well aware that it wasn't real, but that doesn't seem to make him feel much better.

What makes it all more complicated for me is my nervousness that I'll say something I shouldn't. I can't reveal to him that Marlene's sim today was about him, too. In her case, it was her fear of losing him to Tris. I'm sure she thinks she already has, and I really did not enjoy watching the Uriah of Marlene's imagination making out with my girlfriend.

"Look, Uriah," I say finally, "maybe you should just tell her. Face your fear, right? You know Marlene cares for you. Maybe she's just hurt that you haven't been spending as much time with her. Maybe she feels the same way you do."

Uriah shrugs. "Seems like she's already got something going on with Edward."

"And everyone- including Marlene- probably thinks you're with Tris," I remind him. "I know you aren't, but that's probably not how Mar sees it."

"I know." He still hasn't looked at me. "I'll try." I squeeze his shoulder and help him up, asking him to send Tris in. She's the last one of the day. I feel a little bad about making her sit out there all day when she would probably be in and out in just a couple of minutes, but it's easier to fake a computer malfunction to explain an erased recording if said computer doesn't have to work for the rest of the initiates immediately after, and Uriah and Tris are the most likely to need their sims deleted from the system. I'm really very lucky that Eric hasn't asked me yet about the one I deleted for Uriah yesterday.

Uriah

Four's advice replays in my mind. I can't put my finger on it, but I just have this feeling that he knew something more, something I don't. I know he's right. I need to talk to Marlene. But first, I should find out if it's alright to tell her about Four and Tris, because that would help my case a hell of a lot. I am not really sure when I will be ready to tell her the truth about what Tris and I went through together, though, and I'm not sure if I should try to talk to her about my feelings until I'm prepared to talk about everything.

On the other hand, I did promise her that I would tell her everything soon.

I check my watch and see that dinner is just starting. Perfect- cake almost always makes me feel better. And maybe I can do this. Maybe I can face my fear, like Four said. Maybe I can even risk Marlene thinking I'm completely nuts and trust her to understand and believe me, just like Four did with Tris.

I decide to skip the actual dinner until later- right now I just want my cake. But when I approach our usual table, cake in hand, all that hope and courage I was feeling is replaced by far less pleasant emotions. I hesitantly sit across the table from Marlene and Edward, who are talking and laughing together about I have no idea what, nor do I really care.

Marlene and I had such a great time yesterday, and I felt like I had her back… and the very next day, here she is flirting with Edward again, as if I am nothing to her. Maybe I am nothing in her eyes. I love her so much, and the jealousy has been building each day. I know I should just get up and leave, because it's at its boiling point. I know I should, but I don't.

It's then that I see Edward slip his arm around Marlene's waist, pulling her closer, and whisper something into her ear. He brings a forkful of cake to his mouth and I finally notice that they are sharing a piece of cake. Like an actual couple. I don't care what Four said any more, he's obviously wrong about this. They're together. And I am not the kind of guy who gets in the middle of a happy couple, no matter how in love with Marlene I may be.

That doesn't mean I'm not a jealous asshole, either, though.

I clear my throat. "I believe that cake is mine, Marlene." There isn't even the slightest hint of humor in my voice, and somewhere deep inside I cringe at how cold I sound.

"Excuse you?" Edward says, eyes blazing with anger as he protectively pulls her even closer to him. Marlene's mouth has dropped open in shock.

"Excuse you. You didn't forget about our bet did you, Marlene?" I can't even stand to shorten her name. It's too friendly, too familiar, for how I am feeling at this moment. "Tris jumped first. I get your cake for a month. Now stop sharing it with this Nose and give it to me."

Marlene scoffs and narrows her eyes at me as she pushes the cake angrily across the table, and I feel a little guilty for the tiniest moment at the hurt I see in her eyes. But then Edward whispers in her ear and she nods and the guilt is gone before I really have any time to reflect on it.

Edward and Marlene both stand, and as they turn to walk away, Marlene spits out, "Enjoy your cake." My blood pressure rises at her snotty comment. I don't even recognize myself with my next move, with their eyes on me I smile at just her, "I sure will Mar," and then toss the cake in the trash bin that was just to the side of our table. Her eyes widen in shock. I turn and walk in the opposite direction from the love birds. Screw them. I groan. What is this girl doing to me?

Tobias

Tris smiles slightly as she enters the room, and I lead her to the chair with my hand on her lower back. "Remember to act like a Dauntless," I whisper as I brush her hair aside to inject her with the serum. "And don't manipulate the sim." She nods slightly as I pull away from her and press the electrodes to my forehead. "Be brave," I say, and her eyes flutter shut.

Tris stands in my apartment, holding my hand. Or, the simulation version of me. Simulation Four pulls Tris into a passionate kiss, and her eyes flutter shut. "Tris," 'I' whisper, in a voice so full of need that it sounds foreign, burying my face in her hair, 'my' hands roaming her body in a way I can't imagine daring to touch her, "Tris, I love you."

I watch 'myself' pull her toward my bed, lifting her shirt over her head before leading her to lay back onto it. I think I actually stop breathing… I think I know what is going to happen next. But Tris doesn't look afraid, which puzzles me as this is a fear simulation. Her eyes are as filled with love and want as much as my own.

In a blur, 'I' have pulled off my shirt and leaned down to hover over her. Our lips meet again and we kiss deeply, our hands moving to button one another's jeans. I swallow thickly as I watch the scene play out, and I feel as if I'm intruding on a private moment as Simulation Four and Tris undress each other. I almost feel jealous as she arches her back so 'I' can reach behind her and unclasp her bra, carelessly throwing it aside with our other clothes.

It's like watching a video of myself, doing something I haven't yet experienced. My jeans tighten uncomfortably and my cheeks heat up. I am thankful there's no one here to see me, because I know I am blushing furiously, not to mention the situation in my pants, as I watch 'myself' kiss her jaw, her neck, each of the ravens on her collarbone, and I can't take my eyes off of 'my' hands gently caressing her breasts. I hear 'myself' moan as her small hand finds its way into 'my' boxers. 'My' forehead leans against hers. "Tris… I need you," I hear myself say.

"You have me," she whispers. "I love you, Tobias." I think I'm breathing almost as heavily as the simulation version of myself as I watch 'my' hand slide into her panties and I hear her hum in pleasure and want. I can't quite see what 'my' hand is doing down there, but her breathing is quickening and she moans my name… "Tobias."

I close my eyes to try to calm myself down, but the images are being delivered directly to my brain through the electrodes, so it doesn't do me any good. I sit on my hands as Simulation Four slides her panties down her legs, and I think I stop breathing altogether as I look over her body. She is the most exquisite thing I have ever seen, and my simulation self tells her so in one word. "Beautiful," 'I' murmur before quickly pulling off my boxers and again hovering over her.

'We' kiss passionately, endlessly, never coming up for air, it seems, as her hands roam 'my' ink-covered back and 'I' rub the tip of my erection against her folds. Finally I watch 'myself' pull away from her for a moment, looking into her eyes. "Are you sure you're ready?" 'I' ask.

She nods slowly, her eyes glued to Simulation Four's, looking deep into his soul, just like she did when I first saw her at the net. "I love you," she says again and Simulation Me does not hesitate any further; I almost lose it and I grip the stool I'm seated on so hard my knuckles are probably white as the 'other' me pushes himself into her, kissing her neck. Slowly, Simulation Four begins to thrust, picking up speed as her hands roam 'my' body and her legs tighten around 'me'.

This is the most amazing, hottest, strangest experience of my life. She is whimpering my name, my real name, "Tobias", as 'I' whisper hers in return and I see her eyes squeeze shut as her body tenses and her breaths become loud gasps before her whole body relaxes and 'I' bury 'my' face in her shoulder, it looks almost like I am biting down on it then my body stills and collapses against hers.

My heartrate has begun to slow when I see Simulation Four get up and smirk at her, and the look on 'his' face makes me want to punch him, even though I know 'he' is me. "Tobias?" Tris says, confused, as the 'other' me quickly pulls on clothes, tossing hers at her. 'I' barely look at her. "Thanks, Tris,...that was...nice." 'I' say coldly, "I guess I'll see you around."

"W-what?" Tears are streaming down her face and she grabs 'my' wrist only to have 'me' rip it away from her.

Simulation Four scoffs, and I am horrified as he smirks at her again and says, "You didn't really think I could love a little girl like you, did you? You really are stupid. Did you think that you are the only girl I have been with...or will be with?"

"Tobias, no! You love me! I know you do!" she sobs as 'I' push her away, laughing.

Before disappearing from the room, Simulation Four glances back at her and says, "This is my apartment. Make sure you're gone by the time I get back. I may not be alone."

Her sobs seem to continue forever and I cannot watch this any more.

I rip off the electrodes and frantically fumble with the computer, typing in the commands to end the simulation. On the screen I can see that she has been in for over ten minutes- a short time for the typical initiate, but impossibly long for Tris. I climb into the chair next to her, pulling her into my lap, wrapping my arms around her as she only sobs harder, even though she is now out of the sim, gathering my shirt in her fists. I feel overwhelmed and helpless, and I have no idea what to say to her.

She is afraid that I will use her and leave her, that I will take advantage of the way I know she feels for me. I can't help feeling hurt that knowing me as well as she does, she could ever believe I might do that to her. Her sobs begin to die down and she lets go of my shirt; I don't relax my grip on her, but I try to look at her face, only to find it covered by her delicate hands.

"Tris," I say gently. She doesn't move. I pull her hands away from her face, and she just looks down at the floor. The bright flush to her cheeks makes it clear how embarrassed she is. She pushes me away and stands, her back facing me, as she nervously plays with her hands.

"I need some time, Four," she says, and I'm surprised how much it stings to hear her call me by my nickname. "We'll talk about it later." With that, she practically runs out of the room, leaving me stunned.

I don't know what to feel, or what to think. I am so confused. Tris's escape from this room left it cold and empty, left me cold and empty, and I feel like I screwed up, which is crazy because I didn't do anything. I didn't do anything right, or anything wrong, I didn't do anything at all, yet somehow, things suddenly got even more complicated.

What could I have I done that would make her doubt me in such a horrible way?