Helpless
I felt the slap even before it hit my left cheek. The sound of flesh slapping against flesh brought me back to my morbid reality. Tears streamed down my face; slowly cooling my red and stinging flesh.
I looked up into the cold, blue eyes of my attacker, my husband, every night the same thing, every day a different story. Emotions mixed and blurred with the lines crossing between hate and pure, innocent devotion, mixing together to created this world I live in. This world I created and for what? For some basic pathetic sense of normalcy. But at the time I had no other choice.
After I had Forge place a small chip in my neck to negate my powers my life has been topsy turvy. I was madly in love with a man who couldn't touch me. But he loved me all the same. They think I did it for him this man I married, but they are all wrong. I did it for him, the man who loved me unconditionally even if we couldn't touch flesh to flesh.
He left me after I absorbed Carol Danvers. I had almost killed him during one of my "Carol Episodes" as we so affectionately call them. The professor believed it best for him to leave until the Carol in me was controlled.
However after Carol was finally controlled and almost a year had past with out a word from him I contacted Forge and asked for the implant. Three days later I ran into my future husband Daniel. Took five more days for the mansions residences to find out about my little operation.
Two weeks later I was heavily involved with everything involving Daniel. He was the perfect gentleman and then almost six months later after coming home from Daniels how with a beautiful new diamond ring around my finger I found him sitting casually in my room. Sitting on my bed staring intently at a photo of me and Daniel where a photo of me and him used to be.
"Remy," I whispered softly, my eyes big, heart racing.
"Chére," he said to me oh so casually like he never left.
"It's been over a year Remy," I said trying to defend myself, from what I am still not sure.
"When Stormy wrote Remy and said you've changed Remy really didn't believe her," he sat the picture back down on to my nightstand.
"I didn't think you would come back," I told him in all honesty playing with my shiny new engagement ring.
"It seems that the Rogue moves on fast no?" He scoffed at me and I stopped playing with the ring and balled my hands into tight fists.
"Yes Remy if you must know, I am engaged, to someone who is stable and doesn't have a secret, mysterious past," I threw it at him hoping it hurt him like he hurt me.
"Remy noticed, but doesn't Mr. Perfect know about Rogue's little skin condition?" And that's when my frown turned upside down, Storm didn't tell him I was "cured" of my mutation.
"I don't have a "skin condition" any more Gambit and Daniel isn't aware of the fact that I am or ever was a mutant," that made the smirk on his face disappear and his face fell into a grim line.
"What? Didn't dear old Stormy not tell you? I'm human now, thanks to Forge's genius. He took the chip from the Genoshia collars and implanted it into my neck. I can touch whom ever I want now," I told him with conviction.
"A relationship built on lies will fail Rogue," he said looking me straight in the eye.
"Like ours?" I asked with a snort.
"Non Rogue, not like ours. Because ours had a simple truth to dem," he stood up and moved to stand in front of me.
"I…I didn't do it for him ya know," I told him looking up at him with my large green eyes. His red on black looking at me with such sadness and despair nearly tore me apart.
Apparently that was the only thing he needed from me as he kissed me. It was filled with all the love and devotion he still had for me. The next thing I knew we were tumbling into my bed together.
The next morning I woke to find him gone. A queen of hearts laying on the pillow he had occupied the night before with a simple saying written on it's back.
"To the only woman who stole this thief's heart."
Two months later I married Daniel, seven months later I had a daughter. With auburn hair with two platinum streaks in her hair and green on black eyes. Three months after that the abuse began.
It started out slow at first, like most things in life but it escalated fairly quickly in the passing months. Eventually I no longer went out and Daniel forbid me to see my friends and family especially the x-men. They had called regularly and even stopped by, some noticed the small bruises and cuts lining my arms and asked too many unwanted questions. So eventually I would pretend to not be home until they stopped coming by and calling all together. Until today that is.
It was Madelyn's sixth birthday and I had asked Daniel if it would be alright if we invited a few of her friends and family members over for a small get together. That's when I felt the hard slap to my left cheek.
"How dare you ask me for something so foolish and stupid?" He screamed at me, grabbing the front of my light blue blouse.
"I'm sorry Daniel," I stuttered as he brought my face inches from his.
"Sorry isn't going to cut it this time," and he then proceeded to shove me to the ground. I looked over to the stairs and saw Madelyn's small, pale face slightly hidden behind one of the railings on the banister leading to the second floor of our two story house. I pushed myself up from the floor and cautiously made my way up the stairs towards her.
"Sugar I think it would be best if you went on up to your room now okay?" I told her with a slightly shaky breath.
"But momma you said you would tuck me in tonight because you forgot last night," she said to me almost pleadingly. I knew she was trying to divert me from any pain that I might experience tonight but I knew there was no real way out of it.
"I promise tonight I will tuck you in, in fact I will be there in just a couple of minutes," I told her with a small smile on my face.
"What if you don't come this time?" She asked me and at that moment she looked so much like her father I couldn't say no.
"I will and if I don't come up there in ten minutes then I want you to call that number I gave you okay?" I told her, the only reason why I wouldn't come to her room is if Daniel knocked me unconscious and then I wouldn't be able to get the proper medical attention that I needed. Last time I was out for three hours and nearly bleed to death from a large gash on forehead.
After that night I made sure Madelyn had and knew the proper information to give to authorities incase something happened to me. She nodded to me and that's when I felt a large hand wrap around hair and felt the fear churn in the pit of my stomach.
"GO TO YOUR ROOM MADELYN," he screamed at her as he pulled me by my hair down the stairs. I watched as Madelyn squeaked and ran towards her room where I heard her slam it shut and turn the lock.
I struggled of course, but to no avail. This caused Daniel's fury for me asking for a birthday party to escalate. He dragged me towards our bedroom and threw me up against the far wall. My head banged loudly against it causing me to go into a small daze.
I placed my hand on the back of my head and felt blood. I hit the corner of one of the nightstands which cut me pretty deep. Daniel was ranting about something, but I was in such a daze that I really didn't pick up much of what he said. At one point he had apparently asked me something that I couldn't hear and I ended up with a fist being planted to my right eye.
I remember trying to get up but was immediately kicked down and then repeatedly kicked in the stomach and back until most of my torso felt numb. At this point I started to listen to him again.
"So tell me Marie, why is it that our precious daughter has such strange looking eyes? Why do you and her have that strange white stripe running down the sides of your hair?" He asked me and I knew I would have to answer him truthfully. But at this point my body was so numb I really didn't care.
"Because Daniel, I am a mutant or was at least," stupid man it took him six years before he finally asked me? I couldn't help but smile at him until I noticed the large hunting knife gleaming in his right hand.
He got at least four large cuts in me before he finally stopped and dropped the knife and stared at my bleeding and broken body. He then turned and left the room; moments later I heard the front door open and slam as he walked to his car and left. It had been eight minutes of pure torture and no matter how hard I tried I couldn't get up to go see Madelyn.
Five minutes later as I still lay in my own pool of blood I saw the distinct looking black and yellow boots of fire fighters and the medical crews. I was carefully loaded up on to a gurney and cared into the ambulance.
"Wait," I said grabbing one of the men.
"My daughter I can't leave with out her," I told him and saw him nod his head and yell at someone to bring her with me. I watched as they loaded me in to the ambulance, Madelyn coming in shortly after. After she was safely in all I saw was darkness as I passed out.
I woke up to the sounds of beeping machines and pacing feet. I slowly opened my eyes and felt the blaring white lights from the lighting fixtures on the walls. I moaned as I tried to shit my self into a better position but felt rough hands on my bare arm and froze momentarily. Thinking that Daniel had come to see me in the hospital to finish off whatever it was he was trying to do.
But I turned my head and looked into the eyes of the man who was holding me and was met with bright hazel eyes instead. I sighed in relief as I realized who it was that was keeping me in my position.
"Logan," I whispered with a small smile.
"Hey kid," I looked at him and saw the pain in his eyes. 'God this must be killing him, seeing me like this.'
"Logan where's Madelyn?" I asked as I started to scan the room with my eyes.
"She's with Ororo in the waiting room," and that settled me right back down. I trusted Storm more than a lot of people.
"So how did you know I was here?" I asked him almost ashamed.
"I am still your emergency contact," he said almost happy with me for keeping him as my back up plan.
"I can't go back this time Logan," I told him tears starting to roll down my face.
"I know kid I've already called the Professor and told him no matter what you were coming home," and I smiled at him. Logan and I had that special kind of relationship; it was almost father, daughter like.
"Thanks Logan," and that's when I got all solemn, "he hurt me real bad this time. What if Maddy came into the room? Or worse what if this was her?" I broke down at that thought and felt Logan's large arms wrap around me, shushing me to be quite.
"He won't hurt either of you again, I promise. But god damn it Rogue why didn't you tell someone?" I knew he would get angry and I told him the basic truth.
"I was scared he would kill me for betraying him," and with that the conversation ended and I slowly fell back to sleep.
Three day's later I was released from the hospital and apparently Jubilee, Kitty and Bobby went to my house and picked up a few things. Later Jubilee would tell me she hadn't been so afraid in her entire life. It was like walking in on an old horror movie scene. My blood was still pooled and drying on the hard wood floor of my bed room. Things where still scattered about where Daniel had thrown me. Dinner was still waiting on the table. It looked like my picture perfect life wasn't so picture perfect after all.
Madelyn was moved down to the smaller children's dorm rooms and I was moved into the adult wing of the mansion. I missed being there, all the children running around and just all the activities. If anything this was the perfect place for Maddy to grow up. I just hope that she isn't too traumatized by what happened to be able to live her life relatively normal.
The Professor and I had talked and I was given my old position back in the school but I told him it might take awhile for me to fully rejoin to the team. I told him I was even considering have Hank remove the chip that was implanted on the back of my neck. He seemed overly pleased with my plans and said he would do whatever it was I thought I might need in helping me recover.
"I am so excited!" Kitty said to Jubilee and I as we helped made dinner. Well I made the dinner and they just kept me company.
"And why are you so "excited" Kitty?" I asked as I put another batch of rolls in the oven.
"Because the guys come home today," I turned and looked at her suspiciously and allowed her to continue explaining to me what was going on.
"I know like this place is big and everything, but haven't you noticed that most of the team is missing. I mean come on girl you haven't seen Scott running around here in the whole week you've been here. Wasn't that the first clue that most of the people where not here?" She asked me as I smiled at my stupidity.
"I'm sorry Kitty I am just so busy trying to get Maddy situated that I hadn't even noticed. I guess that means I am going to have to introduce her to her uncle then aren't I?" I told her thinking of Kurt.
"Man she is going to get a kick out of him! I can see it now 'hey Uncle Kurt did you know you look just like my stuff bear blue?' Oh priceless" Jubilee said as she stuck her finger in the gravy. I slapped her hand and she made a noise and went and sat back down. Moments later we all felt the familiar shake of the mansion as the Blackbird landed on the basketball court.
"There here!" Kitty screamed as she ran out of the room, I turned to Jubilee who just rolled her eyes. Dinner was going to be pretty interesting.
Later that night at dinner the whole mansion came to see the part of the team who had been gone for three weeks. However I was running late because I had to go back upstairs to clean up after I had finished making the dinner for tonight. When we walked in most of the room went quite. I was wearing a simple cotton dress and so was Maddy who had her hand in my left one as we made for our seats.
"Sorry I am late Professor I got some flour on my pervious outfit," I said keeping my head down. I was still unable to break some of the old habits Daniel had installed in both me and Maddy.
"It quite alright Rogue, you may wear whatever you please to dinner," I nodded my reply.
"You're not made at momma Professor?" Maddy asked and I turned to her.
"Maddy hush now and eat your dinner, you know better than to speak during supper," I told her my eyes wide.
"Yes ma'am," and she placed her hands in her lap and straightened up.
"It's quite alright Madelyn, and no I am not mad at your mother now lets eat this beautiful that Rogue prepared for us shall we?" He said closing the topic and moving on to something more casual. That's when the door opened again and a few of the returning team members came in.
"Rogue?" A couple of them said as they made their way towards me.
"Hello fella's," I said turning towards them with a smile. Then I noticed some of their faces fell.
"What happened to your face?" Scott asked me first as he came towards me reaching out to touch my still bruised face. That's when I saw him, Gambit nudging Scott out of the way to take a good look at me and pull me up by my still sore arm. I hissed in pain and he let go immediately.
"You let go of my momma right now mister!" Maddy said getting up from her chair to stand between me and Remy. I was clutching my still bruised arm and made to grab Madelyn.
"Madelyn! Behave your self; he didn't know what happened now apologies to Mr. Lebeau," I told her with a stern voice, she sighed and turned to him again.
"I am very sorry Mr. Lebeau for accusing you of hurting my momma when it was clear that you where unaware of what has recently happened to her," then she paused and looked at him closely.
"Hey momma! He has eyes like me see," she said pointing to him and that's when I lost all of the color from my face. I looked up at him like a deer in the head lights. He just stared at me hard.
"Remy thinks we should have a small chat Rogue, now," I nodded in defeat and turned to Madelyn.
"Sugar, you stay here and eat your dinner; momma will be back in a bit okay?" I asked her and then saw the sudden fear in her eyes.
"But momma, the last time you said that you didn't come back," and my heart nearly broke when she said that. I closed my eyes briefly and looked back at my daughter.
"Everything will be fine this time, I promise, nothing is going to happen to me. Remy ain't like daddy I promise," and with that I kissed her on the forehead and she looked from me to Remy back to me and then nodded her consent and sat back in her chair.
I turned back around and followed Remy out of the now quite dinning hall to the gardens. He stopped and turned to look at me, sorrow written all over his face. I never felt so ashamed in my entire life than I did at that exact moment.
"What happened Rogue?" He asked me with out the kind endearments he used to dispose on me.
"Daniel wasn't Mr. Perfect after all," I whispered trying to make sure I didn't cry.
"No? Really? Come on Rogue what did he do ta ya?" He asked me again with a little more conviction.
"He…he um…"I could barely make it out before the tears slowly fell from my face. But Gambit just stood there and looked at me, not moving.
"He…I asked him if we could invite family and some friends over for Madelyn's birthday. She turns six tomorrow," I told him hoping I didn't have to continue my little story, but it didn't look like I was going to win that one.
"He then got angry at me for asking something so stupid; I should have known that it was. I just thought it would have been nice you know," I didn't bother looking at him as I continued my story.
"He slapped me and yelled at me and pushed me on the ground, I…I got up and went over to Madelyn and told her to go to her room and if I didn't come tuck her in, in ten minutes she was supposed to call 911 to make sure nothing happened like last time," I paused for a moment took a quick look at him, he had a stern look on his face but his eyes told a different story he, wanted to come over and console me but wanted to here the rest of my story first.
"Then he grabbed me by my hair and dragged me down the stairs to our bedroom where he threw me up against the wall. But I hit my head on the nightstand first and got all dizzy so I didn't hear what he was saying to me. That made him madder because I didn't answer his question. So I tried to get up and he kicked me back down and kept kicking me until I couldn't feel my torso anymore." I started to unbutton my dress at the front while I said this.
"Then he asked me his question again, he wanted to know why Madelyn had such weird eyes and why both of us had weird hair. So…so I told him the truth. Stupid moron hadn't asked in six years and that day he decided to ask. But at the point I really didn't care anymore, I hurt all over. So I told him about me and said that the reason Madelyn was that way was because I was a mutant. She got it from me and that when I saw the knife in his hand," and with that I dropped my dress to show him the bruises and cuts on my pale flesh. I could only look down at the ground, to ashamed of what I had let my self become to look at him. I heard him take a breath in and heard him slowly come closer to me.
I looked up to him then, the tears had stopped coming down and where replaced by the shame, and ugliness that now covered my body. I watched as he took out an attentive hand and came with in millimeters of one of the long stitched up cuts that ran down my chest.
"Mon Dieu Rogue," he said his face and hand trembling. I bent down then and picked up my dress and redid the buttons.
"I had to do what's best for Madelyn," I told him truthfully.
"By allowing that monstre ta hurt both of you?" He asked me his worried face now one of pure anger.
"He never laid a hand on her Remy; I made sure of that at least. She got to have a normal life Remy, go to school like normal girls, play like normal girls, be a normal girl," I told him sternly.
"What about her eyes Rogue?" He asked me and I knew full well where this conversation was leading to.
"Specially made contacts by Forge himself, she only wore them out in public. Other than that she didn't wear them at all," I said matter of fact like.
"So when exactly when where you going to tell Remy?" He asked me and I sighed at him.
"I don't know Remy your not exactly the perfect father material and you kind of pulled a fuck them and them with me. I was willing to end the engagement with Daniel, but when a month past and I started to get morning sickness, I knew I had no choice. I married him out of obligation not love. And if you must know yes, Remy she is your daughter. I mean who else has your eyes, their one of kind. Well they where anyway," I said with a small smile.
"Remy missed six very important years of her life Rogue, How am I supposed to make that up?" He asked me a little sadly and I knew I was the only one to blame.
"By making the rest of them just as important," I told him softly and moved closer to him again.
"Remy is so sorry," he told me as he wrapped his arms around me. I winced but didn't move to stop him.
"For what Remy? You did exactly what you thought was right," I told him wrapping my arms around his neck.
"Remy should have been there, Remy shouldn't have left you and Madelyn. Remy should have stayed and fixed things. But Remy thought you where joyeux (happier) and better off with that homme," he said this to me almost like it was his worst sin.
"It doesn't matter anymore Remy, what's done is done. Daniel will never be able to hurt us here and I am having the divorce papers sent to his attorney as we speak along with the warrant the Professor sent out for his arrest. Thank God Logan had more sense than me to keep Madelyn under my name when she was born," I smirked into the side of his neck at the small truth that was kept from Daniel all these years. Logan didn't trust that man for one minute, should have listened to him when I had the chance.
"You know Rogue, Madelyn is my favorite name," I told me looking me in the eyes.
"I know that's why I named her that," I told him as I tapped the side of my head and he caught the familiar gesture. He laughed at me and kissed the top of my forehead.
"Now Mr. Lebeau would you like to meet your daughter?" I asked him with a smile on my face. He just smiled back and nodded his head in agreement. Maybe life isn't so hopeless after all.