INT. DOOR WAY TO THE OFFICE - DAY
Dwight steps in the door and enters the Office.
Dwight sees a Banana atop his desk.
DWIGHT Jim, why is there a Banana on my desk?
JIM I don't know it was here when I got here.
DWIGHT Jim are you pulling one of your jokes on me?
JIM No I don't have the time today. I am way to behind on my TPS reports so can you please keep it down alright. Beside my pranks are much more cleaver then this.
DWIGHT Fine.
Dwight pulls out his chair to sit down.
Dwight sees another banana on his chair.
DWIGHT (CONT'D)
Jim!
PAM Dwight, please Jim is trying to work.
Dwight see another banana on the floor. Dwight goes to pick it up.
Dwight sees another and a other making a trail. Dwight Fallows it in to the Bathroom.
INT. BATHROOM - DAY
The last banana is on the sink.
Dwight looks up and stares in the Mirror.
2.
MICHAEL (O.S.)
You Dwight have disturbed the monkey god by taking the magic fruit now you must pay the price.
Michael leaps out of the Bathroom stalling wearing a ape suit.
Michael rushs at Dwight.
Dwight gets scared and runs away screaming his head off.
Michael takes off the mask and looks into the camera.
MICHAEL (CONT'D)
Gets him every time.
Michael starts to take off the suit.
INT. DOOR WAY TO THE OFFICE - DAY
Dwight runs back to his desk.
Jim is now on the phone.
DWIGHT Jim the evil monkey god is back in the bathroom.
JIM Damn it Dwight, we have been over this there is no evil monkey that lives in the bathroom.
DWIGHT But he is real, Jim. I saw him just come with me to the bathroom and you'll see it.
JIM Dwight no, and no means no. I'll never understand why you are so afraid of monkeys.
DWIGHT But he is real Jim.
Michael walks over back in his normal work cloths
MICHAEL Dwight what's going on?
3.
DWIGHT Michael, the evil Monkey's back.
MICHAEL Dwight for the last time there is no evil monkey that lives in the bathroom.
DWIGHT But Michael-
MICHAEL No buts, you need to be more like Jim of here he's working hard. And you have your crazy monkey talk.
Dwight is stunned.
Michael walks back to his office. On the Way Michael tries to high five Jim behind Dwight's back.
But Jim leaves him hanging.
Dwight turns around.
DWIGHT I know you behind this Jim.
JIM I don't know what your talking about. Now I have to work Corporate needs this report.
Opening Credits
EXT. THE PARKING LOT/ LOADING DOCK - DAY
Kevin is moving his Drums in to the where house.
The Warehouse is being decorated for something Called "chili Madness."
OVER LAP WITH:
INT. MICHAEL'S OFFICE
Michael is talking to the camera.
MICHAEL Ah today is a special day. One of the most magical and wonderful days of the year.
4.
It's like X-Mas but is better food.
It is a day wonderful goodie nicy wonderful stuff. I course me it is time for the office's chili Cook off. We have not done this for a few years. And I can't remember why we stoped-
CUT TO:
INT. CONFERENCE ROOM
Jim is talking to the camera.
JIM Oh I remember why we stopped.
(giggle)
Michael one year-
(more laughing)
Oscar brought back for one of his trips to Mexico to visit his grandparents so extra special chilis and those made Michael-
(full out laughing)
I am sorry, but it was to funny.
Michael bit straight into the chili and it was so hot and when it mixed with his beer it make him hallucinating and started to dry hump his desk.
(more laughs)
Wait you guys don't still have a video of that do you?
(Jim waits for an answer)
No... wait I know.
Jim gets up and walks out.
INT. DOOR WAY TO THE OFFICE - DAY
Jim runs up and runs to Pam's Desk as a fax comes in.
JIM Pam please tell me you have the Video of Michael from the last chili cook off.
PAM No remember how fast he was on those peppers he got all the tapes from us and burned all the copies.
5.
JIM That's right he was inhumanely fast wasn't he.
Pam lifts up a DVD.
PAM But I do have the tape of him still kind of high and burning the copies.
JIM I love you.
Jim and Pam run to the conference room to watch it.
INT. CONFRENCE ROOM - DAY
Jim and Pam sit in front of the TV.
On the TV this is a Drunk Michael with a lighter.
Dwight runs in trying to stop him.
DWIGHT Michael stop.
MICHAEL No! I burn it I have to burn it all!
DWIGHT Michael I am the safety officer and I can not allow this.
The two start to wrestling.
The camera man has to move to get out of the way and swings the camera wildly.
Angla is now in frame.
ANGLA Dwight stop him he's causing safety infractions.
DWIGHT I know women, get the hose.
ANGLA Right.
Angla runs to get the hose.
6.
Kevin show up not know what is going on.
KEVIN What are you guys doing?
DWIGHT Kevin help me Michael's gone mad.
KEVIN What?
DWIGHT It was the chili peppers. It has unleashed a beast.
Michael gets lose from Dwight and starts lighting Vhs tapes.
MICHAEL I have to stop the alien invasion,
these tapes are the key to enslaving earth. I have to destroy them.
DWIGHT Michael stop that is a safety infraction.
MICHAEL No I must save the world buy burning the evil tapes.
Angla gets back with the hose.
Dwight begins to hose down Michael.
Michael begins to laugh.
DWIGHT Michael are you okay?
MICHAEL That tickles
DWIGHT Damn you chili Cook off! what have you done to Michael.
The camera pulls back to show Jim and Pam just laughing and laughing at the tape.
JIM Were did they get a hose from?
7.
PAM I don't know.
JIM But Oscar doesn't have any more of those chiles right.
PAM No I checked.
JIM Good we can't Michael hurt himself again.
CUT TO:
INT. ACCOUNTING DEPT. - DAY
Oscar, Kevin, and Angla are sitting at there desks in the accounting corner of the office.
KEVIN Man I love chili day.
OSCAR Yeah, we I hate it.
KEVIN What how can anyone hate chili day?
OSCAR Because I am really behind on this reports for corporate and this is only going to put me further behind.
KEVIN Lighten up.
OSCAR Oh your only happy because you get to eat to much.
KEVIN Hey Michael is letting my band play too.
ANGLA Both of you just shut it, this is a treble day.
KEVIN What's wrong with you?
8.
ANGLA This "party" wasn't planned by the party planning committee. Michael just tossed some stuff together I hate it.
KEVIN Party poopers.
ANGLA And everyone's chili is going to have meat in it.
KEVIN So?
ANGLA I'm a vegetarian.
KEVIN Is that like catholic, but you go to church on Saturday or something?
ANGLA No, dummy I means I don't eat meat.
KEVIN Oh right well that's just as weird.
ANGLA Oh shut up.
INT. MICHAEL'S OFFICE
Toby enters to find Michael is just sitting at his desk.
TOBY Michael you know you can't have this party here.
MICHAEL Oh come on Toby you always say that.
TOBY No Michael, really now I have looked past all the years you spiked the punch at the X-mas Party but this-
MICHAEL Toby you are such a wet blanket.
9.
TOBY Michael remember what happen last time
MICHAEL No, and that is not the point-
TOBY Yes is the point Michael you got so drunk last time you-
MICHAEL I was not drunk I was high on some kind of freaky Mexican chili pepper. Though in it's defence before I blacked out I remember it being yummy so it all worked out.
Pam pages in.
PAM (V.O.)
Michael you beer Keg is here.
MICHAEL Yes I'll be right out.
TOBY Michael you can't have whole keg of beer at work.
MICHAEL Okay fine it's Friday how about you leave now and take Monday off too make a 4 day week out of it.
TOBY Really?
MICHAEL Yeah with pay on me, go have fun.
TOBY Okay I will, thank you Michael.
Toby exits:
Michael turns to the camera
MICHAEL Now that the wet blanket's gone have more fun then my last time I went to magic camp last month.
10.
INT. CONFERENCES ROOM
Angla is talking to the camera.
ANGLA This chili cook off is going to be terrible.
INT. CONFRERES ROOM - DAY
Oscar talks to the camera.
OSCAR God I hope I don't get on Kelly's team. Why is she so competitive when she can't cook. I mean it's not just too much curry, but when she's India on top of that she makes her such a sad stereotype and Michael always as to make his jokes, then thinking all stereotypes are true, and I just don't know it I can take his gay Mexican routine I funny once but I've seen it 12 times now.
INT. JIM AND DWIGHT'S DESK CORRNER
Jim is typing at his computer.
Dwight looks at Jim with a funny look on his face.
DWIGHT Jim you can never beat my chili don't even try.
JIM Your right, I can't thanks for tell me I'm not going to try. I won't.
Dwight is confused.
DWIGHT What?
JIM You will clearly beat me so I won't try. Now I have to get my work done.
11.
DWIGHT Nice try Jim I am not to be tricked so easy.
JIM I'm not trying to trick you.
DWIGHT I know you are Jim, but I'm on to you but you'll never get my secret recipes for my 9 meat chili.
JIM 9?
DWIGHT Yes Jim 9 meats and you'll never know what they are or what else to do make my great chili.
JIM Okay I don't care have fun I hope you win.
DWIGHT No Jim I know how you work your trying to psych me out but it's not going to work I'm on to you
Dwight runs away
Jim simply shrugs his shoulders and gets back to work
INT. CONFERENCE ROOM
Dwight's talking head time
DWIGHT What is in the Schrute family 9 meat chili recipe that I can never talk a living soul expect my first born male heir under pain of death.
Pam pokes her head in:
PAM Hey Dwight your fax from your cousin Mose with your chili recipe and what are Schrute beat snakes?
DWIGHT Nothing you'll see in my chili.
12.
PAM How do you get snakes fat by eating Beats.
DWIGHT You read the whole thing?
PAM Yes I had to you name isn't anywhere on this and didn't send a cover sheet nor did he put a header on it.
DWIGHT Then maybe it is not mine then.
PAM Well the last line is "Schrute Family Secret show no one" why did he put that on the last line and not the first line?
Dwight glares at Pam, Pam leaves.
CUT TO:
INT. BREAK ROOM - DAY
Pam is talking to the camera now.
Pam is reading the recipe to the camera.
PAM The nine meat that the Schrutes use are in this order are Ground Beef,
chicken breast, turkey drumstick meat only, cubed Venison which is like deer right? Any way only a hint of duck and Goose for broth flavor, then get this now Appalachian Black Bear and the capper is some kind of rare Beat snake? What is that?
CUT BACK TO:
INT. CONFERENCES ROOM - DAY
Dwight is told about what Pam just said.
13.
DWIGHT Pam told you what? Fine the Beat snake is a new type of snake that has evolved on the Schrute Family farm that started by eating all oh beats one summer. Now all those Darwin pushers out there will tell you that is just evolution taking it's toll but he's not it clearly the work of God, because Only God could make a snake so delicious.
Take that Darwin!
Act Break
INT. MAIN OFFICE SPACE
Michael exit his office.
MICHAEL (odd voice)
Attention! Attention! Attention!
Dunder Mifflin Employees I have made the official teams. Dwight hand this out.
Michael hands Dwight the list of the teams.
DWIGHT See I know you were against me Jim.
Jim not paying attention.
JIM What?
DWIGHT Getting the Phyllis on your team you cheater, but I shall still rule this day. Victory Shall Be Mine!
Dwight runs away to quickly cook his chili.
Jim looks at Pam and rises his eye brow.
PAM Wait till you hear what he puts in his magic chili.
MICHAEL You see people that is the spirit I want for you all of your chili get to work people.
14.
Jim picks up the phone to Oscar.
JIM Oscar did you give Dwight any of those insanity peppers because he is acting weird even for him.
Michael over hears.
MICHAEL Jim no he is not acting strange he just as the chili Madness '08 you need to get into the spirt as well Jim.
JIM Okay as soon as I finish this report of the online sales for Ryan and all of Corporate big wigs down in New York so if you can let just get something done around here for once in my life.
MICHAEL Jim light up it's chili madness...
'08 get into the spirt.
JIM Michael I just think that you are taking a little far even for you and Dwight which is saying a lot.
MICHAEL Oh no you guys Jim has as been adducted by aliens from planet buzz kill prime what are we going to do.
JIM Michael I'm not trying kill your buzz I just need to get this finished so Ryan will give Pam and I a week off for our trip so please let get to work.
MICHAEL Jim come on your my number two you have to have my back I have a great party planned Kevin's band's playing we have a beer keg.
JIM Yes and after 5 when I have this finished I will come down and join you then.
15.
MICHAEL Jim-
Pam stands up to help Jim
PAM Michael did you get the Beer on ice yet?
MICHAEL Why would I put it on ice Kegs are just cold... right?
PAM No Michael you have to get a tub and pack ice around it to keep it cold, and warm beer could ruin the party.
MICHAEL Yes it could thank you Pam.
Michael runs off to save the party.
JIM I love you Pam.
Jim gets back to work.
INT. CONFRENCES ROOM - DAY
Kevin is talking to the camera.
KEVIN I am so happy my band gets to play today we have played since Phyllis wedding sooo... this will makeee...
iitttt... the fourth gig we've played. Oh yeah we are moving on up this is a rocket ship to fame and wealth.
INT. CONFRENCES ROOM - DAY
Kelly is talking to the camera.
16.
KELLY Oh we are going to crush you on my team is Oscar who is gay so you know he can cook, then we have Stanley the man who is the 2nd greatest chili chief around behind only me. Which means that the only way we can lose is if Meredith drags us down. I will not lose, we sill take that... is there a trophy?
INT. THE WHEREHOUSE - DAY
Angla is high gear trying to decorate the wherehouse by standing in on the fork lift ties fully extended in the air with Dwight Drive the fork lift for her.
Darryl walks over.
DARRYL Do you know how unsafe that is.
ANGLA I know but I have to decorate I am the head of the party planning committee.
DARRYL The have gone 89 days with out an accent if we go one more we get a pizza lunch do ruin this for us with your little office adittue crap.
ANGLA Well fine this party is just going to be bad and it's all your fault.
Dwight lowers her down on the fork lift.
Darryl keeps walking.
DARRYL Hey come on guys we have to keep moving we have a 4:30 truck to get out and-
Darryl rounds the corner and finds all his works already drinking from the Keg with Michael.
17.
MICHAEL Hey, hey, hey it's captain Darryl sit down have a beer.
DARRYL Damn it Michael we have to get truck out now why do you always have to do this to me?
MICHAEL Hey it's chili day just... chilly.
Darryl is unhappy by this
DARRYL Everybody up we have to get this truck out.
MICHAEL Aaaahhhhhh...
INT. CONFRENCE ROOM - DAY
Stanley is talking to the camera.
Stanley is now wearing a Chef's hat and a apiarian.
STANLEY This is in spirt of Michael is really a fun thing to do as long as I don't have Kelly or Dwight on my team this can be fun.
INT. THE OFFICE KITCHENETTE - DAY
Stanley and Kelly are agent that can't be heard from behind the Door.
Pan to: Dwight cooking with his camping equipment on a propane stove is cooking his chili right next to Jim.
Dwight is cooking a five galleon Vat of chili.
Jim now has bags under his eyes and has a five a clock shadow.
18.
JIM Dwight do you have last quarter's report on the employee laptop program handy I know you had to last to fill out the rebates for Michael so can you please tell me where you put that I need it.
DWIGHT Nice try Jim, I know you only pretending to work to get me off my guard, but it's not going to work this time I'm on to you Jim.
JIM I'm not doing nothing Dwight, now where is that report?
DWIGHT Uh no Jim I know your trying to trick me to get me to reveal my secret ingredients but I'll never tell you. And Pam your sworn to secret too.
Jim looks to Pam.
JIM Pam you would happen to have a copy of it?
DWIGHT No, Pam no.
Dwight is stuck he wants to run over and stop Pam but he must keep stirring the chili.
Jim gets up to walk over to reception.
Pam hands Jim some paper.
JIM Thank you Pam I needed this.
Jim sits down.
DWIGHT No Jim you can't read that-
JIM Why Dwight?
DWIGHT It's a Schrute family secret
19.
Long pause
JIM You Schrute family secret is the rebate paper work for the office's laptop program.
DWIGHT Right... that's all Pam knows.
Dwight winks at Pam.
JIM Dwight for the last time I don't care about you and your damn chili.
DWIGHT That's right Jim just accept it,
your lost, cause your going down.
JIM Yep I am, Pam is the Fax Machine line clear?
PAM Yeah it is.
JIM Good I'm almost out of time.
PAM So where do you want to go?
JIM I don't know I just want to get this done with.
Dwight is still sir his chili (snake meat needs lots of stirring, apparently.)
DWIGHT You to can't trick me this time,
I'm on to you, I'll win this time.
Angla walks over.
ANGLA Dwight what is that?
DWIGHT That our teams chili.
ANGLA Is there meat in it?
20.
DWIGHT Yes this is my special nine meat chili.
ANGLA You know I'm vegetarian.
DWIGHT But everyone know that the best chili has meat in it.
ANGLA Ahhh... Dwight.
Angla walks away mad.
Jim couldn't help but over hear this.
JIM Did you just say nine meat chili.
DWIGHT Yes Jim and you'll never know what they are so HA!
JIM Beef, pork, chicken, turkey that four what could the others be... oh never mind I have to finish this it's past four Dwight quit trying to get me off track you and your pranks.
DWIGHT Me in my pranks, shut up Jim.
Jan walks in with a grocery bag.
Michael pops out of his office.
MICHAEL Oh great did you get paprika.
JAN No Michael they didn't have any at the story.
Andy sees the Food his here.
ANDY Hey the food's here we have to start cooking we're behind.
21.
JAN Okay Michael can we use the conference room.
ANDY Did you get the fresh tuna?
JAN No Andy we are not make Tuna chili.
CUT TO:
INT. CONFERENCE ROOM
Andy is talking to the camera.
ANDY My Tuna chili is the greatest you have ever had. But the key is that you have to have the Big Tuna...
Hey where is big tuna?
JIM (O.S.)
I'm working?
ANDY Yeah well Big Tuna chili is great I have to make a batch some time.
Act Break
INT. THE WHEREHOUSE - DAY
Scrantanicity III is setting up in the wherehouse while the wherehouse Crew is clearing the ranks of shelves with the fork lift.
CUT TO:
INT. CONFERENCE ROOM - DAY
Kevin is talking to the camera.
KEVIN Okay what happen was as we all know Scrantanicity broke up so I made a new Band Scrantanicity with the lead guitarist into Scrantanicity II. Then last week we patched up the differences so we merged the two bands into Scrantanicity III.
22.
You can have a band with 3 bass players right?
INT. THE HALLWAY ABOVE THE WHEREHOUSE - NIGHT
Michael looks into the camera very proud.
MICHAEL I finally got one, it took me years but got one.
(Holds up a black box)
I got a industrial powered fog machine, everyone told me "No Michael you don't need and industral straight fog machine it's to big nah nha nahhanha" or what ever the heck they said I didn't really listen. But the point is I got it and this party is going to be awesome.
INT. CONFERENCE ROOM - DAY
Phyllis is talking to the camera.
PHYLLIS I am so happy because Bod Vance of Vance's Refirgeration is the office judge of the chili. It started years ago because we needed someone from outside from office because to be impartial. But I guess that isn't true anymore.
Phyllis lets out a girlish laugh and lifts up her hand with the big old rock on her engagement ring and her wedding ring can clearly be seen.
INT. THE WHEREHOUSE - NIGHT
The room is dark.
Michael powers up the fog machine.
The fog machine is way to powerful a fill the room way to fast.
Everybody starts coughing and hacking.
MICHAEL Okay open the doors, open the doors
23.
Dwight takes off like a child to open the doors.
Dwight misses the regular doors and opens the fire doors.
The alarm sounds and is deaving.
MICHAEL (CONT'D)
DDDDDWWWWWIIIIIGGGTTTTTT!
DWIGHT Sorry Michael.
Angla has to use her safety key to turn of the alarm.
MICHAEL Okay one more time.
INT. THE WHEREHOUSE - NIGHT
The office crew tries starting chili Madness.
This time Michael has the fog machine set right this time.
MICHAEL Welcome Dunder Mifflin to chili Madness. Let this be the year of chili.
(Michael lights up some glow sticks)
Behold the magic and the power of the greatest food ever created by man.
CUT TO:
INT. MICHAEL'S OFFICE - NIGHT
Michael is talking to the camera.
MICHAEL I only call chili the greatest food created by man because clearly God had to make the noble hot dog. I mean I have never seen one in the wild, so hot dog must be a wonderful magical yummy animal that smart people keep under wraps for a reason.
CUT BACK TO:
24.
INT. THE WHEREHOUSE - NIGHT
Middle of the chili cook off.
Bod Van is making the judging the chili of the Teams.
Scrantanicity III is playing in the back ground.
BOB VANCE walks over to the Kelly, Stanley, Oscar's team's table.
Kelly has made a banner that is pink with Purple writing naming them "Team Hot Stuff."
BOB VANCE Mmmm... smells good.
KELLY It's the best you don't even try the others.
BOB VANCE Well I have to taste it.
Bob eats a full spoon of the chili.
Bob slowly tastes it.
Bob spits it out and runs to get some water.
KELLY That five alarm chili.
BOB VANCE No it's not, it's have damn Curry how much did you put in?
STANLEY None by me...
Everyone looks at Kelly.
Kelly gets worried.
KELLY What? Curry is yummy and tasty and you're all crazy.
OSCAR Your so such a stereo type.
Oscar Flails his limp wrists and walks away.
25.
INT. WHEREHOUSE - NIGHT
Bob walks over to the Jim, Pam, Darryl's team's table with there small Black and white sign.
There team name is "The Hard Workers."
Jim is barely wake, he has a full five o'clock shadow.
BOB VANCE Nice sign.
PAM Thanks it took 30 whole seconds of hard work to make that.
Bob tries the chili.
Bob take a good long taste.
BOB VANCE Straight from the can?
JIM Yep, Formal Fresh.
BOB VANCE You just aren't in the spirt of the chili cook off.
JIM I had a giant report to get out today.
DARRYL We normally have two trucks a day,
today we have four.
PAM The phone and the fax machine wouldn't stop ringing.
BOB VANCE I see... cheers.
Bob picks up his beer.
The four of them toast there plastic beer kegger cups and try to click them together to no sound
Bob walk on to the next table
26.
PAM Hey remind me I have something funny to tell you
JIM Yes but first you have to pick we are going on Vacation
PAM I didn't know but thank you
JIM No, no, no I worked really hard now where are we going
PAM Anywhere you want to, and you know you didn't have to do that?
JIM I know, but I wanted to.
Jim and Pam just look in to each others eyes.
INT. WHEREHOUSE - NIGHT
BOB VANCE walks over to next table which is the Dwight,
Angla, and Creed's team's table.
Dwight is still stirring his chili.
BOB VANCE Are your ready for chili cooking off?
DWIGHT Oh yeah!
BOB VANCE Oh really?
DWIGHT Oh really yeah #!
Bod Van just takes a taste.
Slow Bob tastes what the chili is...
Begins swish it around his mouth.
BOB VANCE What meat is this?
27.
DWIGHT Secret.
ANGLA Dwight you can't tell a judge that now he thinks you gave him the secret sauce dummy.
DWIGHT Monkey no in front of-
ANGLA Don't Monkey me!
Angla slaps him and walks away
DWIGHT So how's the standing?
BOB VANCE What meat in this?
DWIGHT There's like nine.
BOB VANCE Nine meats? How?
(Counts on his fingers)
Beef, chicken, turkey...
Pam happens by with a beer in each hand apparently on a beer run.
PAM Maybe you had a bite full of bear meat?
Bob looks around wondering if it's a joke.
DWIGHT Yes but I only use the paw meat which is the best most flavor full and most succulent part of the bear and-
BOB VANCE takes off running toward the bathroom to up chuck.
DWIGHT (CONT'D)
So how is this affecting standing?
Angla sneaks off while Dwight is watching Bob run away.
28.
INT. HIDDEN CAMERA SHOT - NIGHT
The camera picks up Oscar and Creed talking in the back of the wherehouse alone.
CREED So uh Oscar do you have some of those insanity peppers?
OSCAR No Creed I don't.
CREED Oh really? Well my friend Ben Franklin says other wise.
OSCAR Yeah?
CREED I see but my two friends named Ben Franklin say you do.
Oscar thinks about it.
With out a word they trade a jar of peppers for the cash.
Oscar and Creed exit in sperate directions.
INT. WHEREHOUSE
Bob is still wiping his mouth from his early vomiting.
Bob is now over to the Michael, Jan, Andy table.
There banner says "The Boss."
Michael and Andy are arguing over the chili before they see Bob as come by.
MICHAEL No stop Andy.
ANDY No the chili needs some Okra and some green chilis.
MICHAEL No first you wanted tuna, now you want Okra which is gross.
29.
ANDY Come on Michael you want to win don't you?
MICHAEL Yes and you don't win chili Madness '08 with Okra.
ANDY Michael-
MICHAEL No, Andy just get out now.
JAN Michael-
Michael Turns around.
MICHAEL (crazy voice)
Howdy Cowboy, ready to eat so some great cowboy chili. I hope you have your taste buds set for hot stuff.
Somebody should call the fire house now... Spicy.
JAN Michael don't terrify him with the all that troubling tell of those stories of burning him, when what really going to happen is the chili is going to burn everyone else when we win. OH YEAH!
BOB VANCE You think it's that good?
MICHAEL (robot voice)
Try it for yourself, but beware human even my Robot taste buds can barely handle the greatness of this chili.
BOB VANCE Okay but what is in this because I don't want more surprises like with Dwight's chili.
MICHAEL Oh what did he put in it?
30.
BOB VANCE Bear meat.
MICHAEL No... really?
BOB VANCE Yes he did.
MICHAEL Did he at least give you the Paw meat because that is the most succulent part of the bear.
BOB VANCE Did you know he puts that in his chili and you let me eat that.
MICHAEL No but he puts in Spaghetti sauce so I have done the same thing before.
BOB VANCE Right...
Bob rolls his eyes and tastes the chili.
Bob slowly tastes the chili.
Bob just looks sad and marks his clipboard and keeps walking.
MICHAEL Wait what happen, do you need some water?
BOB VANCE Why, your chili was bland and watery, sorry Michael you lost.
MICHAEL What?
BOB VANCE Sorry hey in chili Madness next year, maybe you can win then.
Bob Exits:
Michael is crushed.
Jan takes a taste.
31.
JAN Michael this is wussy chili.
Michael takes a taste.
Michael mouth burns.
MICHAEL Water! Water! WWAATTERR!
Michael begin to run like an idiot looking for water.
Dwight runs over with a pitcher of water and dumps it on top of Michael's head.
DWIGHT Did I put the fight out Michael?
MICHAEL (burny mouth talk, Michael can't use his tongue now)
No you idiot, the fire is my mouth dummy.
Jim enters with a glass of milk.
JIM Here Michael.
Michael drinks the glass of milk.
MICHAEL Thanks Jim how did you know?
JIM Because you always burn yourself.
MICHAEL Thanks you came through for me.
JIM Sure Michael.
DWIGHT No Michael Michael I'll get you a whole gallon of milk for you.
Dwight turns to run and get the milk.
MICHAEL Stop Dwight it's to late... Jim beat you.
32.
INT. WHEREHOUSE - NIGHT
Bob continues to walk about and finds one extra table.
Bob finds one last chili table.
The Team is Oscar, Angla, and Andy are the new team.
The New Team's Banner names it has "The Vegimaterians."
BOB VANCE What's this?
ANGLA We dicided that we didn't like the team we were on so we started our own chili team with where we make our own vegitarian chili.
ANDY With Okra.
OSCAR And no damn curry
BOB VANCE Okay, what the hell as the Judge I'll allow this.
Bob takes a taste.
Bob rolls it around in his mouth.
Bob likes it.
ANGLA Do you like it?
BOB VANCE We have a winner here.
Bob walks exit:
Angla just beams with her smile.
TIME CUT:
INT. WHEREHOUSE BANDSTAGE - NIGHT
Kevin and Scrantanicity are still playing.
Bob gets on Stage and walks to the microphone.
33.
BOB VANCE Hello everybody as you know I'm Bod Vance of Vance Refrigeration and judged this here contest.
Michael runs on to the stage with his own Mic.
MICHAEL Yes chili Madness!
BOB VANCE Michael, I got his so the winners are.
MICHAEL Kevin drum roll please.
Kevin gets oh crap look on his face
Kevin tries to do the real drum roll, but it is too hard for him.
MICHAEL (CONT'D)
Oh come on man.
KEVIN Michael drums are a hard highly technical thing.
MICHAEL Fine Kevin.
BOB VANCE Kevin it is fine I didn't ask for a drum roll-
MICHAEL Here got it.
Michael does a drum roll with his mouth that is worst then Kevin and his drums.
Bob annoyed moves on.
BOB VANCE The winner is "The Vegimaterians"
MICHAEL Who?
34.
BOB VANCE The Vegetarian splitter group that formed because of you crappy of the rest of your group and really made some good chili.
MICHAEL So... who... got second.
BOB VANCE Jim's team with canned chili Michael not you.
MICHAEL I see.
BOB VANCE And everyone please let me make this point clear to you... Don't let you chili leftovers go bad be sure you get those leftovers into a refrigerator and why not a Vance's refrigerator? We are have a great sale right now on our t-300 brand of-
Kevin begins to play off Bob Vance.
Bob is forced off the stage.
Kevin and Scrantanicity begin playing the Police Song "Roxanne."
Andy sneaks on the stage and tries to sing the song.
Andy gets booed off the stage.
The Band keeps trying to play.
Dwight rushs the stage with his $2 plastic recorder.
Dwight tries to rock out with the band and his recorder .
EXT. THE PARKING LOT/ LOADING DOCK - LATER
Jim and Pam exit for the night.
Creed is in the parking lot in the background.
Creed is talking to some kids.
Cree sells them the insanity pepper for a what seems like a lot of cash.
35.
Jim and Pam keep heading towards their car.
PAM You look sleepy?
JIM I am it's been a long day.
PAM Thanks.
JIM It was worth it so where are we going to go on vacation?
PAM Anywhere we want.
JIM Come on just pick a place.
PAM I will.
JIM I worked by butt off to get this time off.
PAM I know but do you know what I found out about today?
JIM What.
PAM Dwight on the his beat farm has magic snakes that have evolved to eat beats and he puts that in his chili.
JIM Pam, Pam, Pam have I taught you nothing on how to pull jokes on people you can't start we such a crazy thing.
PAM But he... your right Jim.
The get in to Jim's car.
Pam is driving because Jim is too sleepy.
36.
JIM Now did I hear something about he puts bear meat in the chili?
PAM Yes, but only the paw meat best that the best.
JIM I beat it is,
Jim and Pam laugh and drive away for the day.