Castiel sprinted around his room, frantically searching for his beloved binder his brother Gabriel had given him. He was going to university tomorrow and he needed his binder. He felt a panic attack coming. He curled into a ball in the corner, his chest aching and his eyes welling with tears. He began sobbing he was so scared.

"Cas? Castiel?" He heard Gabe's voice call out before opening the door. "Cas!" He ran to his side. "What is it?" He began stroking Castiel's hair, comforting him.

"C-c-can't f-find my b-binder." Cas gasped and wailed. Gabriel gave an understanding nod and began searching.

Gabriel knew how dysphoric Castiel was, he still had scars and bruising from dangerous at home binding, he also understood how bad Castiel's anxiety was he was terrified about university and he had a right to be.

Gabriel searched everywhere in Castiel's room, no luck. He quickly ran to the laundry room, searching through all the baskets before looking on the shelfs, bingo.

He grabbed the binder and ran back to Cas.

"Hey, hey buddy it's ok it's ok kiddo hey I got it." He said soothingly before handing the binder to the trembling boy.

"T-t-thank you Gabe." Castiel mumbled, grabbing the binder and hugging Gabe.

"No problem baby bro, c'mon let's get you packed." Gabriel replied and helped Cas up.

They packed all of Castiel's masculine clothing, his sweatshirts, button-ups, pajamas, boxers, everything Cas felt more comfortable in.

After they finished packing up his clothes, Cas grabbed his backpack and began packing his chargers, computer, razor, pads, camera, sketchbook, hair brush, toothbrush, and other little things he needed.

He headed to bed but forgot one vital thing, he didn't take his binder off.

Switch To Castiel's POV:

I woke up to Gabriel shaking me lightly and cried out in pain. My chest and back screamed in intense pain. Gabe took a step back, worry clear on his face.

"What is it bud?" He whispered softly. I attempted to sit up, I let out another wail.

"Binder." I gasped painfully. Gabe gasped as well, he ran to the kitchen quickly.

He came back with some ice packs and painkillers. He instructed me to remove my binder quickly, I obliged, painfully squirming out of the constricting material. Gabe placed the ice packs on my chest and shoulder blades.

"That should help with swelling and bruising, kiddo you gotta remember to take that thing off I don't want you hurt Cas." Gabe kneeled beside me, he was always so kind and accepting.

I nodded, tears filling my eyes from the sheer amount of pain I was in.

"I'm sorry." my voice quivered. Gabe rubbed my shoulders gently, in an effort to comfort me and sooth the pain.

"Hey we still got about 3 hours until we have to get going, you have your outfit picked and you're all packed so just wait here I'll get breakfast." I was gonna miss Gabe so much.

"Thank you, Gabey." I still call him that, I have since I was about 3. He smiled and messed with my hair before heading to the kitchen.

A few minutes later he returned with cereal, bacon, orange juice, eggs, and chocolate milk. He set the tray down on my lap.

I thanked him and began carefully eating.

"I'm gonna miss you Gabe." I whispered as I finished up my breakfast.

"I know I know, I'm gonna miss you too. You'll be okay I promise. If anybody gives you trouble, let me know." Gabe insisted.

"Gabe you don't have to-"

"No Cas, I do. I'm your brother, you deserve so much better than what you've got, you're so smart and funny and kind and I know you're gonna be amazing. You don't deserve stupid jerks poking at you, that includes teachers. We don't want a repeat of senior year." He said softly.

Flashback Senior year

I walked into my third period class of social studies, my teacher was Ms. Spielman an old lady with a messy bun of white hair and old glasses on the tip of her nose.

I took a seat as she began calling role.

"Cassandra Novak?" She asked dryly.

"His name is Cas!" a few kids called, I didn't have many friends but everyone knew me as Cas or Castiel, as a boy. Most everyone knew I was trans, nobody questioned it was kinda just a casual thing honestly.

"Uh i-it's Castiel." I murmured. She glared at me with complete and utter disgust.

"It says Cassandra so that's what I'm calling you." She spat, earning her a few sideways glances and glares.

"The principal said that he informed my teachers and-"

"Ms Novak, do you wish to earn a detention?!" She boomed, I felt a tear roll down my cheek.

"N-no Ma'am." I choked and sniffled.

"Then watch your mouth, girl. Missy I am the teacher you better show me some respect! Understand?" She gritted her teeth.

I nodded fearfully. She scoffed and continued reading off names.

SNAP BACK TO REALITY

"I hated that teacher." I laughed lightly.

"Total bitch." Gabe agreed.

"You don't think any of my new teachers will be like that do you?" I asked nervously.

"They shouldn't be, I already called. You're gonna be in the boys dorms all your teachers know your name and pronouns and all that jazz." He tried to offer a comforting smile, I just couldn't muster one in return.

I feared this year was going to be the worst.

He must've read my mind because the next thing he did was cup my face and say

"Hey look at me, it's gonna be fine. I promise." I nodded and sniffed a bit.

"C'mon why don't you go ahead and shower?" He helped me up and carried my tray into the kitchen as I got ready to shower.

I grabbed my clothes and a towel and got in the shower.

I let the water, slowly getting warmer, wash over my sore back and chest. I flinched slightly as the water hit my chest, stinging pain at first but I soon grew accustomed to it. I ran my hands through my hair, grimacing at the memories of the times when I had long hair, the time when I wasn't myself, the time when I was 'a girl'.

I feared what my roommate would think. Would they know I was trans? What if they found out and requested another roommate?

I finished in the shower and got dressed, a pair of plain skinny black jeans, a white short sleeved button up shirt, and my converse. I finished the last button on my shirt, making it a fit snugly on my neck, and looked in the mirror.

My black hair was a perfect mess, I liked how it looked, my chest looked flat and I looked quite slim. I finished up in the bathroom and made my way into the living room where Gabe was zipping up one of my suitcases.

"You got this, Castiel. I won't be too far. Now I want you to check in on your first night, and I'll check in whenever I can. You need anything, you talk to me. Got it?" He smiled.

I nodded. "C'mere." He held his arms open, I was soon pulled into a gentle hug.

"Thank you." I whispered.

"Shut up." He spoke softly. We pulled apart and as he let go of my shoulders he turned and tried to hide the fact that he was wiping his eyes.

We finished loading up the car with 20 minutes to spare.

I did a good once-over and made sure I had everything before grabbing my black zip-up hoodie and sliding it on and grabbing my phone.

"Ready Cas?" Gabe called from the kitchen.

"Yeah just a sec!" I called back as I said goodbye to my bedroom for a while.

"Let's go." Gabe whispered as I entered the kitchen.

We crawled into the car and enjoyed the calm, quiet, 30 minute drive to the university.

As we pulled into the parking lot the sky had gotten much darker.

"Alright Cas, let's get you signed and moved in." Gabe breathed as we climbed out of the car.

We arrived at the front desk where we were greeted by a very nice lady with a rainbow flag in her pencil cup on her desk.

(Note: A lady at my library has a trans and rainbow flag at her desk and she gave me ones too)

"Why hello dear! Are you Castiel Novak?" I nodded "Oh my you are just as handsome as your brother described. Come, come I will show you to your room sweetie!" She beckoned us to an elevator and hit the 4th floor button.

"Ok so you'll be in room 412 it is a two person dorm in the boys' wing." She showed me a chart of the dorms before handing me a little key card. "And if you ever lose that card I can always get you another. Also you picked your classes correct?" I nodded once more "Well you got into every requested class luckily none were too full." She smiled.

We stepped out of the elevator and followed her to room 412.

"Here we are, ok your roommate is Dean Winchester, if he gives you any trouble please let me know." She took out another key card, identical to mine, and clicked it in the slot.

After a beep she pushed open the door, revealing a very nice dorm with a small full kitchen and a table along with a couch and TV and two doors leading to two bedrooms across from each other. The room was a very very light baby blue and the carpet was fluffy and white.

"Wow, score!" Gabe laughed as we all entered the room. The lady smiled politely and turned to me.

"Ok Cas, Dean has had a few complaints before." She braced me.

"About what?" I asked nervously.

"His volume, his attitude, and he's known for some crude humor and he's not a favorite of the teachers of his past high school." She said carefully.

"Then why on Earth set him up with Cas?! He's like the opposite! Shouldn't you be assuring his safety for arrogant people like this Dean?!" Gabe demanded.

"Gabe it's alright.." I whispered.

"No your brother is right Cas. Dean is a handful but he's never said anything hateful or rude about the LGBT community, and the moment he does Cas should feel free to tell me and we will get him a new roommate immediately." She assured a furious Gabriel.

"Why take that chance?" Gabe pinched the bridge of his nose.

"Dean is bisexual so we figured it would be alright, there were no more rooms open since Dean and Castiel applied at the same time this was the only room left, we would never ever want to have to resort to putting Cas in the girl's' wing, that's awful." She cringed at the thought, as did I.

"Thank you." I said softly. She gave me a kind smile.

"Of course sweetie, my name's Elizabeth. Now how about we get you unpacked?"

Time Skip, Still Castiel's POV

I had gotten myself unpacked and moved into my room, Elizabeth helped me navigate my class schedule but I still had not met Dean.

After doing another once over of my schedule, I headed back to my room.

I sat on my bed and dreaded the year to come.

I laid down on my side and thought of better times.

My family was horrible and I really only had Gabe at this point.

I wanted a family again, I wanted somebody to be proud of me for going to university.

I was a wreck who needed a hug and some friends.

"Hello?" I heard a voice call. I shot up out of bed, realizing that voice probably belonged to Dean Winchester.

I walked out of my room, glancing down at my feet nervously before speaking.

"Hey." I looked at him, he had three suitcases behind him, was wearing more than enough layers and a leather jacket to top it off. His dirty blonde hair was spiked up and his eyes were a bright green.

"You Cas-uh-cas-tee-el?" He squinted at his paper.

"Nope, I'm a burglar with a key card." I murmured, making him laugh. "Yeah I'm Castiel." I stuck my hand out politely. He shook it with a smile.

"Sweet room." Dean commented. Glancing around.

"Well it's yours too." I laughed lightly and looked down again.

"Need help unpacking?" I suggested, Dean nodded.

"That'd be great man!" He sighed, dragging two of his suitcases to his room. I picked up one of his backpacks and his other suitcases, following him.

"So what made you choose Garrison University?" Dean asked as we pulled out his bed sheets.

I shrugged, but I knew full well why I chose this place.

"I mean it's close to my brother and my grades got me a scholarship, I wasn't really sure, but then when I took a look at the classes and majors and I found that they were actually impressive so I thought about it and signed up." I was only half-lying. "What about you?" Dean smiled.

"This is where my parents went and it's where my mom met my dad. Also my little brother is going to college right near here plus it's also close to home. I got a scholarship on football so great opportunity right?" He chuckled.

"Yeah." I whispered, wondering what it was like to have that kind of family, mom and dad meet in college both brothers going to college.

"Your parents must be so proud." I smiled, Dean looked up and gave a toothy grin.

"My dad was stoked my mom almost cried! They live right near here. Your parents must be pretty hyped as well, huh?" He gave me a hopeful look.

I coughed awkwardly, "Uh any-anyway have you uh gotten your classes figured out?" I made a lame attempt to change the subject but Dean didn't seem to notice.

"Yup, it took me a while though.." He trailed off and glanced down at his watch. "Oh wow! Sorry dude I promised to meet my friends for lunch! Hey do you wanna come with?" He smiled.

"I-I don't want to intrude, they're your friends." I mumbled nervously.

"No, it'll be alright I know Charlie and Jo, and Garth loves people, they wouldn't mind. Plus if they come over it'll be a lot less awkward." Dean laughed.

"Ok, if you're sure." Dean nodded and began to grab some of his stuff, phone, wallet, keys and motioned for me to follow him as he made his way to the door.