It was nothing a hot-shot lawyer like Alan Connor couldn't handle. He just had to visit this dead druggie's cousin and give him this gross dog he thought as he wiped the mucus from his hand. The deceased had named the dog Snots because of his gross sinus condition he could not wait to get rid of this mutt.
He rang the doorbell. He was taken aback as the old man answered.
"Clark W. Griswold?"
"Yes?" Clark replied
"Whats a matter?" He asked
"Nothing" Alan replied still seeming bewildered "You kinda look a client i used to have."
"Mr Griswold, your cousin Eddie has passed away."
Clark merely nodded in understanding.
"He died of a drug overdose." Alan continued
"Whats wrong Sparky?" His wife Ellen inquired.
Clark answered her. "Eddie...Eddies gone."
Ellen burst into tears and hugged her husband.
"He left you something." Alan continued.
He turned to the dog. Ellen tried her best to hide her disgust remembering the dog from their last Christmas together. It wasnt working.
"Thank you sir." Clark signaled to Alan as he took his leave.
As Alan was walking to his car his hnd still slippery from...the dog...he dropped his briefcase!
As he bent down to pick it up. He felt a sharp...pain down the crack of his ass.
He screamed like a 10 year old girl!
He turned around as fast as he could but whoever had done the deed was gone.
He felt as if his ass were used as a slot machine.
As he picked his briefcase back up he noticed something on the ground
It was a wrapper
HAWTHORNE WIPES
THE AWARD-WINNING MOIST TOWELETTE
It said quarter to five but it was quarter to ass
You thought your plumbing was safe
But your jeans were half mast
Another coin down the drain
Now thats some change that wont last
25 cents at a time
Hes taking our souls
Government man cant help we're all alone
Are you feeling a breeze
Did you pull your belt tight
You know that its wrong
You know that its right
Out of the shadows
Down the coin goes
Why oh why do you suppose
Only the bandit knows