Pain and Love: Forever Entwined
Chapter 1
Murtagh lay awake on his bed. Sleep was impossible, tauntingly close yet so far from reach. Growling, he got up from the bed and went to the window, staring at the black night.
I can't do this! I'll be inflicting so much pain. . .
He pulled his boots off, dropping them carelessly, then stripped his vest and undershirt off as he skulked to the wardrobe. He carefully stepped out of his leather pants, trading them for sleep pants, and suddenly punched the wooden doors hard. His hand screamed as the pain seared in him, but he wanted more. He struck out again, feeling his skin give and the blood run. He pulled his fist back again, but cool hands grabbed his wrist.
"Murtagh!" Reilyn hissed, spinning him around. "Stop it!"
The younger teen shoved him against the wall, holding his wounded hand away from it, and held his gaze with calm eyes. He felt sorrow overcome the rage and he sank down to the floor, slipping from her grasp, and pulled his knees to his bare chest, crying.
Her cool hands slowly ran up his arms, stopping on his shoulders, and he could feel her shaking. He cursed himself for being so weak in front of her, but continued to let the sorrow flow-needing the release. He felt her leave him and heard her enter the bathroom, but instead of watching her, he dropped his head to his upraised knees and let out a muffled, frustrated. He bit his knee to quiet the sound, trying to prevent from waking Eragon.
"Murtagh," Reilyn whispered, touching his hair.
He rose his head, looking into her soft eyes, and saw the fear and concern that was eating at her. She carefully moved his bleeding hand closer to her and started cleaning it with a wet cloth. The water was stinging, but refreshingly cool as it cleansed his wounded hand. She finished cleaning it and expertly wrapped another cool, damp strip of cloth around the bloody knuckles, then put a second strip of dry cloth on top, tying it on the bottom.
"I don't want to hurt you, either of you," he whimpered.
"In all honesty," she said, helping him to his feet. "I don't want you to either. But I know I'd rather have you do it."
What did I do to deserve her kindness? he wondered as she moved him to the bed.
He sat, refusing to lie down, on the edge of the bed. He was too keyed up and tense to sleep, his muscles cramped and aching. Rolling his shoulders, he made an attempt to loosen the muscles. He only succeeded in tying the knots in his body tighter and he winced.
"May I?" Reilyn asked, her blessedly cool hands falling on his shoulders.
Murtagh nodded, closing his eyes as she slowly started kneading his shoulders, elegant hands working like magic on his sore body. He sighed in relief as he felt one knot let go, then another and another, her gentle yet strong hands moved lower to the small of his back. He growled happily as she massaged him, sinking back into her.
Her fingers traced his scar, sending a spark into him. He arched into her touch, pleading for her to continue on his muscles.
"You need rest, Murtagh," she said, refusing to massage him anymore until he agreed.
"I will, just don't stop," he begged.
"Lie down and maybe I will."
He pondered her intentions, but complied, hoping for the feel of her cool hands once more. Lying on his stomach, he used his crossed arms as a pillow and waited patiently. He felt her move and straddle him, using her knees to keep off him.
"Eyes closed, relax. I want you to sleep."
"All right," he murmured, obeying her completely.
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Reilyn ran her hands over his warm skin, feeling the strong yet knotted muscles underneath. She briefly traced the long scar, stopping when Murtagh shifted and made a noise.
"Relax," she commanded.
She watched the pale face, gently beginning to work on his back, and smiled as he growled, relaxing into the bed. Using her fingers, she untied the worst of the knots first, gently kneading the pale flesh. He moaned and sank further into relaxation, his breathing evening out, as he began to drift off.
Reilyn hadn't been completely honest with the raven haired elder, telling him she'd rather he be the one to release the seal. She'd prefer the seal just left alone, the memory of the intense pain from Lazaar just toying with her haunted her. She had been sure the pain would kill her and now she had to suffer something a thousand-fold worse.
I trust Murtagh to do this, she thought, but will I be able to stand the pain? Will I keep my sanity during the release?
Murtagh shifted beneath her and she looked down. Hazel eyes met hers and a pleased grin appeared on his lips.
"Hey," he breathed. "You can stop now. I'm thoroughly relaxed. . .melting is more like it."
She smiled and slowly moved off of him, settling into the bed beside him. He moved and rested his head close to hers, staring at her.
"What?" she whispered, looking at him from the corner of her eye.
"Just looking," he snickered, "that's all."
"Oh, is that all?" she smirked, rolling to look at him.
"Mmm hmmm," he muttered, pushing her hair back.
God, I don't want him to hurt me, she thought, as she stared into his eyes. I want the. . . "love"? Without the pain. . .
Without thinking, she moved close and pressed her mouth to his. She felt his smile and decided to be bold. She slowly kissed with more force, then timidly ran her tongue over the soft lips, asking permission. His lips slowly parted, as if he were unsure about her boldness, but he gave her entry. Venturing in very carefully, she explored the other mouth with her tongue, tracing patterns on his tongue. She moved and rolled him back onto the pillow, her long hair cascading down around them. Murtagh moaned lightly and placed a hand on the back of her neck, pulling her closer as she kissed him.
What am I doing?
She pulled away, embarrassed by her actions, and heard the confused whine from Murtagh. His hazel eyes were gentle, but shrouded in confusion, and a baffled smile passed his lips.
I keep doing this to him. . .being bold one moment, then horribly shy the next. . .he's got to be getting sick of it. . .
"What was that?" he panted, grinning.
"Impulse?" she muttered, shrugging her shoulders in question and avoiding those eyes.
"I think I like impulse," he laughed, stroking her face. "A lot."
He leaned up and kissed the corner of her lips, startling her, and slowly pulled her to his chest. He pulled the blankets up and wrapped his warm arms over her, sighing deeply. She snuggled into the strong teen, letting her body relax, and closed her eyes.
Is this what "love" without pain feels like? How long will this last for me, before he's torn from me or I'm ripped from him?
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Brown eyes locked with his as he opened his bedroom door, blood trickled from the corner of the soft mouth, and fear, rage and sorrow ravaged the young girl. A long cut ran her side, another on the opposite arm, and she was trembling. Her red hair flowed, burning in the light from his fire, and she spoke quietly, terrified.
"Murtagh," she whispered, staring at the floor.
He carefully pulled the girl to him, watching the cuts, and kissed her temple. Her arms went around his waist and she nearly collapsed.
"What did he do to you?" he whimpered, picking her up and carrying her to the bed.
"I disobeyed him. . .wouldn't kill the servant he said to. . ."
"So he beat you?" he growled, setting her on the big bed.
Panic engulfed her and she clutched his neck when he tried to pull away, she whimpered like a wounded animal.
"Reilyn," he murmured, "it's all right now. I'm here, you're safe! Let me go so I can get you cleaned up."
"Don't go!" Reilyn pleaded, still clinging to him. "Please!"
"I'm not kiddo," he whispered, gently pulling her arms from his neck. "I'm going to get a wet cloth, I'll be right back."
The young Murtagh went slowly to the bathroom, wetting a cloth, and cursed his father silently. Reilyn was shuddering, eyes closed, as she lay on the bed. Her pale hands buried themselves in the blankets with a death grip as she tried to still herself and her teeth sank into her lip, spilling fresh blood from the new wound. Moonlight glimmered through the window and fell on her pale face.
She looks like a small goddess, Murtagh thought, staring at the girl. The Goddess of Loss and Sorrow. . .
He sat next to her, slowly examining her side. He didn't dare look at her face just yet, not wanting to see if he was hurting her.
"Murtagh, look at me," an older voice came from the girl.
The pale teen looked at the now eighteen-year-old Reilyn, blinded by confusion. Just moments ago they had both been children, now. . .
"Murtagh, what are you doing?" she whimpered.
He watched in horror as the cloth in his hand became a dagger and he felt his arm raise and then plunge the blade deep into her chest. Her soft brown eyes went wide, her gentle mouth opening in a silent shriek, and her pale hands clawed at him as he twisted the blade, inflicting hellacious pain upon her.
"Murtagh! Murtagh!" hands pinned his flailing body down as a voice beckoned him.
"No! God, please! Why? Why?" he mewled, thrashing on the bed. "Reilyn, I'm sorry!"
"Murtagh, open your eyes!" the voice commanded, hands cupping his face.
Murtagh fought hard, pulling himself from the dream world that had turned nightmare. His entire body shook as he opened his eyes, he was soaked in a cold sweat and very disoriented.
"What?" he panted, trying to get focus.
"You were dreaming," Reilyn breathed, pushing his sweat soaked hair from his eyes.
"Reilyn!?" Murtagh gasped in disbelief. "Is that really you?!"
"Yes," her brown eyes were filling with fear and confusion.
He embraced her hard, clutching her to his chest, and ran his hands all over her back, trying to prove that she was indeed real. He breathed her scent of rain and forest in and kissed her neck over and over.
"Murtagh?" she whimpered, pushing up from him to look in his eyes.
He brushed her hair back and showered her pale face with kisses, eventually finding her mouth and he begged to be let in. She denied him, shoving away and scrambling back. He saw her collide with an awake Eragon, who put his arms around her protectively, and both teens stared at him with fear.
Murtagh! Thorn roared, clearing his mind of the fog. What are you doing!?
Oh god! he gasped. I didn't mean to do that to her! Thorn, oh god I just betrayed her trust!
Calm yourself! his ruby beast commanded.
Murtagh closed his eyes and evened out his breathing, slowing his racing heart. His body still shivered violently and his hands clenched and unclenched involuntarily.
This can be fixed, Murtagh, his dragon whispered. But you need to slow down. Tell them what happened in your nightmare, apologize to Reilyn. . .I'll help if I'm needed.
He opened his eyes, looking to Reilyn and Eragon. The girl cowered into the Blue Rider and he glared at Murtagh violently.
"What in the hell was that Murtagh?!" he growled, baring teeth.
"Reilyn, I'm sorry. . .," he whimpered, dropping his head into his hands. "I honestly did not meant to do that to you. . .will you let me explain?"
"You'd better!" Eragon snapped.
Emotions roiled over in him and he started to cry, the force of the emotion sucking all strength from him. He rode the wave of sorrow out, letting it run its course, instead of fighting it. He cried until his chest ached and he felt certain that he would be ill, but still more tears came.
He flinched, yelping, when a hand touched his arm and shrank away. He feared it was Eragon, looking to punish him for what he had done. When the person didn't leave, he braced himself for a blow, still sobbing.
Thorn! He's going to kill me!
No, Murtagh, no. Calm down. . .
Strong arms wove around his middle and he was embraced from behind. He whimpered, still expecting pain, as he was pulled to a strong chest. Lips touched his temple and he bit back a scream, shivering violently. Warm hands rubbed his back in comfort and he relaxed just a little. Opening his eyes he saw Reilyn sitting away from him: back against the headboard, knees drawn up, and her hair hiding her face.
"I-I-I," he stammered, shutting his eyes again. "Killed you, both of you. . .in-in-in my dream. . .I-I killed you both!"
Shoe: Here it is! The first chapter of part two!! Read and review!! Yes, Finally!