Title: Pushed Away Too Far
Summary: This takes place after 4.10 Crash into Me (Part 2) Meredith finds out about Rose. Derek confronts her and says something he regrets. Meredith finds out she's pregnant. Will Meredith be able to forgive him? Will she have the baby? MerDer duh!
He kissed another girl. He kissed a scrub nurse. Right when I am ready, he goes and kisses another woman. A scrub nurse.
Meredith is now pulling into the parking lot of Seattle Grace an hour early to face the confrontation that will change hers and Derek's relationship forever.
First Addison and now a nurse! A scrub nurse! Well at least it wasn't another intern or Lexie… but a scrub nurse!? He should have told me, I shouldn't have to find out from Cristina! I can't believe him! Okay, maybe I should make it to the washroom first, maybe it's me thinking of Derek kissing another woman but I am going to be sick!
After 5 minutes of puking, she's finally done. She changes into her scrubs and goes out looking for Derek.
She asks the nurses to page him and to tell him to meet her in the on-call room.
She sits and thinks on one of the on-call room beds. Waiting, thinking and possibly freaking out.
Well, this is totally appropriate. Meet where they first broke-up, well not technically, where we started S&M. Now we're going to break up for real. I am going to do what I do best in situations like these. We will be professional and that's it. Our relationship will stay strictly professional. No more S&M, no more nothing. He ended it after kissing a nurse.
She was so lost in thought that she doesn't even realize someone coming in. He sees her. Lying on the bed with her back to him, thinking it's one of their S&M meetings but all he feels is guilt. He thinks now would be the perfect time to tell her that he kissed Rose.
Okay, now. I will tell her now. She would find out eventually, I mean gossip spreads faster than disease around here and we're in a hospital, but coming from me is really important.
He quietly closes the door and walks over to the bed. She still hasn't realized Derek's in the room so when he touches her shoulder, she lets out a little yelp. She turns around and is faced with deep blue eyes.
"You scared me!" she says breathless.
"Sorry, so… We need to talk."
"No, I need to talk and you need to listen." She says sternly.
"Okay, umm you start first." He swallows hard because he knows, by the tone of her voice that she already knows about his kiss with Rose.
Her eyes are already burning through him like a torch. She is angry and you can easily tell. "So when exactly were you going to tell me you kissed a nurse?" Her tone is short and cold.
"I was going to tell you yesterday, right after I kissed her, but you didn't want to hear me talk. You said that it was progress and that you'd talk to me tomorrow and you left." He says with a hint of frustration in his voice.
Why should I be the guilty one? She's the one who wanted to talk later. She's the one who isn't ready. We're not even together. No, she does not have the right to be like this.
"You couldn't show up?! Tell me anyway?! No, that wouldn't be right; I mean that would be totally out of character because then that would imply you being honest. I cannot trust you!"
"What are you talking about?! I was the only honest one! I don't even know if we're together or not because you are not ready but you say you don't want me seeing other people! So are we together or are we not?"
"I was ready! When I told you I didn't want you to see other people, I was telling you I was ready to start a relationship with you! But you screwed up that chance by kissing a nurse!" By now she was shouting angrily and throwing her arms frantically in the air. She stopped and took a breath so he can talk.
"Well you took to long to get ready. I said I wasn't going to wait forever." His voice was full of hurt and anger. He shifted his eyes to the ground.
"You told me that you loved me, you said you would wait until I was ready! I knew you wouldn't wait forever but I didn't know that waiting a couple of days meant forever to you!"
Derek looks up from the ground and he was angry. "Well it didn't seem like you were getting ready! Kicking me out of your bed at 4 o'clock in the morning! Only wanting S&M! Is that all I am to you?! Just someone you can screw around with!? You kept pushing me away! You know that you pushed me so far I can barely reach you! You push everyone away! Me, Susan, your father hell even Lexie and they didn't do anything to you, they just wanted to know you! You'll end up pushing so many people out of your life that you'll push your friends away and then you'll be alone! You'll die alone just like your mother!" As soon as he said that, he immediately regretted it.
That was it. Meredith just stares at him, a mix of hurt and sadness in her eyes then shifts her eyes to the ground. She pursed her lips together.
"Fine" Her voice barely a whisper. "What ever we had between us is over. It's done. We will keep our relationship strictly professional." With that said, not ever meeting his eyes, she turned around and left.
What did I do? Did I really say that? I shouldn't have said that.
As she makes her way back into the resident locker room, she holds back tears that have been burning at the back of her eyes.
This was worse than when he called her a whore. This felt even worse when he picked Addison over me. Did I really push people away? Am I really going to die alone? He's right. Sooner or later I will be pushing my friends away. I might as well start now.
More and more people show up in the locker room. She's somewhere in her own world when Cristina arrives. "Hey Mer, are you alright?" She already knows it has something to do with a certain McDreamy neurosurgeon. She snaps back into reality "Yeah, I'm fine"
"Oh really? So your little space out has nothing to do with me telling you about McDouche kissing a nurse?" She raises her eyebrows.
"I don't want to talk about it" She walks away, finding her interns.
Cristina is left dumbfounded. Okay something else must be bothering her. She always talks to me about her problems.
Meredith and her interns are stuck in the pit, needing a neuro consult, she tells one of her interns to page Derek.
"What do we have?" Asks Derek as he makes his way to Meredith and her interns
"John Doe, 25, brain aneurysm on frontal lobe" says Meredith.
"Okay, we need to do a craniotomy, Meredith would you like to scrub in?" He says in a soft voice, giving her an apologetic and extra mcdreamy smile.
"I can't Dr. Bailey has me stuck in the pit, you can take one of my interns" She says not even acknowledging who she was talking too or looking him in the eye. She busies herself with her interns.
He gives her a strange look she can just have one of her interns in the pit. I thought we were going to be professional. Well, after what I said, I guess she has a right to not want to be in the same room as me or acknowledge I exist but I was hoping to apologize to her after. "Okay then"
As the day goes by slowly it's finally lunch and she is set on pushing away from her friends so she has lunch alone in the basement.
I will prove Derek right. If he thinks I'm going to die alone and I know I will, I might as well start pushing now.
(At the cafeteria)
"Where the hell is Meredith?" Cristina says angrily
"Maybe she's busy, with her interns" Izzie hopefully tries to convince Cristina but she knows Meredith hasn't been acting like herself… well she has but the dark and twisty Meredith.
"No she is not because George is sitting right in front of us"
After saying that Derek walks to them
"Hey, do you know here Meredith is?" All he got was a shrug from both George and Izzie and an evil glare from Cristina.
(Derek in his office)
Where can she be? She's not in the cafeteria. How am I going to apologize when she disappears? He hears a knock
"Come in" His eyes meet brown, it's Rose.
"Hey Dr. Sheperd, I wanted to talk to you about… the scrub room incident. I think it was very unprofessional of me and I hope we can go on as colleagues." She says.
"Rose, you can call me Derek and it was very unprofessional of me but we can still be friends if you want" Hopeful, he really needed a friend.
"Of course" He stands up and they hug just as Meredith comes through the door.
"Oh, I'm sorry… umm… Dr. Sheperd, I was wondering if you were done with my intern?" she says professionally.
As Derek and Rose break apart, he tries and explains.
"Meredith…"
"Dr. Sheperd, I would appreciate it if you wouldn't call me by my first name"
"No, Meredith you don't understand…"
"Goodbye Dr. Sheperd" Meredith nods to Rose with a smile and leaves the room.
"So that's Meredith. The love-of-your-life Meredith?" Rose asks with a smile
"Yeah, how did you know?"
"I'm a nurse" That statement explained it all.
"Right well I think I just screwed it up with her" He puts his hand through his hair.
"No, you didn't. She still loves you; you can see it when she looks at you. Just give her time and she'll come around because from what I've she's done a lot just to be with you. I mean with the wife, then prom, the almost dying twice and the wedding. She's been through a lot of pain and most of it from you."
She's right. I did it. I made her not ready.
"I kind of hate that you right but you are right. Thanks, I really needed a friend who wasn't well Mark."
"McSteamy? Well he is nice too look at"
"Go for it but I'm just warning you, friend to friend, he doesn't call back and he's really cocky."
"Thanks, bye Derek."
"Bye Rose"
So, that was her. She's pretty. She looks bright and shiny. I guess this was for the best he looks happier. Leaving me feel like crap. Seeing them hug felt bad but what if I saw them kiss? I can not handle this. Uh-oh, I'm going to be sick!
Meredith races to the nearest washroom, but she's not alone.
Cristina and Izzie are in there just about to exit when Meredith runs to the nearest stall and throws up the lunch she ate. They rush to her and hold her hair back and rub circles in her back. After what seem like hours to Meredith, she's done. "Thanks" she says then gets up to go to the sink.
"What the hell is the matter with you?"
"Yeah Mer, we're here for you, not only Cristina, me and George are here too."
At this point, Meredith is feeling guilty about pushing them away so she finally breaks down and tells them what happened with Derek. After telling them what happened she was already trying to hold back her tears. Cristina and Izzie on the other hand were pissed off.
"Okay Meredith, when I said I'd help you drag a corpse, I meant it and now we have our corpse."
"What a jerk! Why would he say that? No matter what you do Meredith, we're not going anywhere. We are family."
Meredith was so thankful to have such good friends. "I don't know why I've been so sick though. I've been having a little fever and my stomach hurts."
Cristina's eyes widen as she gasped but then covered her mouth.
"What?" Izzie asked.
Then Cristina dropped her hand from her mouth and continued staring at Meredith. She was not getting it. Then it hit her like a baseball bat. Meredith's eyes were now as wide as Cristina's.
"Oh My God! No, it can't be! No! I probably have the flu. No, I'm not…"
"What?!" Izzie says frustrated.
"Oh come on Barbie you are interested in this stuff"
"This stuff… What do you…? Oh… Oh No… Seriously!? Meredith, I'm so sorry"
"We don't know for sure, maybe I'm really sick"
"Okay let's go while we still have time" Cristina and Izzie grab both sides of Meredith.
"Where're we going?"
"Blood test"
"Now? What about surgery? Don't you guys have surgeries?"
"Not until later let's go"
Blood tests are back. Cristina takes a look first, sighs hands them to Izzie, gasps, then hands them to Meredith.
"Crap, this can't be happening I mean, I just broke up with him. Now I'm carrying his baby!?"
I'm going to be a mom. The mother of Derek's baby. My ex-boyfriends baby, great. Well I guess I'm not going to be alone.
Her shift was over an hour ago but she's still at the hospital. Sitting at the same spot she and George were at the beginning of their internship.
Derek's shift is now over but he sees Meredith, just sitting there. He calmly walks over to her hoping she's not mad.
"Meredith?" He says cautiously.
No answer.
"Meredith?" He says a little louder.
Still no answer, she just sits there frozen. She's hold a paper but I'm not close enough to see.
"Mer, please, just say something." I plead.
She turns her head, stares at him, and gets down from the window leaves the paper on the window ledge and starts hitting him.
She screams "I hate you!" repeatedly, but he knows she's just sad.
She keeps going, until he grabs her by the wrist, pushes her against the wall and tries to make her look into his eyes. She bows her head, thinking don't look into his eyes or you'll regret it. She leaves her head down staring at their bodies that are so close together.
"Look at me" he says almost like he's begging.
She doesn't move her head still to the ground.
"Look at me Meredith!" he screams so loud she raises her head in fright.
She looks at him. He sees the fear in her eyes. All she sees is anger and sadness mixed into one.
"Why can't you just leave me alone? Haven't I pushed you far enough? I hate you! Okay, I hate you Derek Sheperd and I hope to never be with you again."
Not even looking him in the eye as she says it, she rips out of his grip but not quick enough because then he grabs her again but buy the shoulders.
Damn it! I have to get quicker! Damn it! He's staring! And I'm looking.
They look in each others eyes and feel like they're falling in love all over again.
He leaned his head in to see if she leaned too. She did but just as their lips almost collided, reality hit her and she got out of his grip and ran to her car but she didn't move. She sat in her car. Crap! I left my results on the window! She runs back, too late.
Derek was shocked. What just happened? We were about to kiss then she runs. She left her piece of paper, it might be important. He walks up and gets it, curiosity hits him and he reads it. Oh my god! She's pregnant!Right when he lifted his head, he saw her, she looked like she completely given up.
"You're pregnant" he stated.
"I'm pregnant"
"Who's the father?"
Did he seriously just ask me that?!
"Seriously!? Who's the father?! Seriously?!" Aggravated, she turns to go to her car and actually tries to drive but then Derek goes right in front of the car.She beeps her horn
"Get out of the way Derek!"
He crossed his arms and simply said "No"
"Fine" She starts going in reverse that's when Derek ran to his car and followed her right to her house.
As soon as she reaches the house she runs straight for the door, gets her keys out but Derek is already standing right behind her grabbing the keys out of her hand.
"Give them back!"
"No"
"Fine then you stay I'll leave"
She turns and walks away but he grabs her again buy her shoulders.
"Damn it, you have to stop doing that!"
"No"
"Is that all you're going to say because if it is then fine I get it now leave!"
"No, I'm not leaving and you are not running"
He grabbed her by the shoulders again.
"Damn it you have to stop doing that!"
"Not unless you listen. I love you, why can't you just love me back?"
"Because, I hate you, Derek Sheperd! I hate you!" Not once looking him in the eye.
"Why can't you look me in the eye?"
"I can I just don't want too"
"Look at me"
"If I don't will you scream?"
"Yes"
"Fine"
She looks up in his eyes.
"Now repeat what you just said"
"I will"
"Say it"
"I hate… I hate that I love you"
She grabbed the keys out of his hand and ran into the house.