When I saw a production of Dog Sees God my first thought, after "damn he's attractive", was "How did Charlie Brown become popular?" I mean he was just a short, depressed bald kid who everyone made fun of then all of a sudden he's top dog in high school. Well, here's my explanation.

I leaned against the tree in my back yard, fighting back tears. My friend Van's sister wouldn't let me kick the football for the millionth time and I was fed up with it.

"What's wrong big brother?" my sister asked, scooching down next to me.

"All I want to do is kick that lousy football, just once. Van's sister just refuses to let me and I can't stand it!"

"Well big brother, maybe you should set your sights a little lower. I mean, sports aren't really you're thing. Maybe you should just manage from the sidelines instead."

"Well you're not very helpful."

"Fine, don't listen to me. Keep on trying to kick that ball big brother. You'll only end up falling flat on your back," she snapped, getting up and leaving me to wallow.

"Good grief. I'm starting high school in the fall; I shouldn't have to put up with all this teasing nonsense. I want to be—

"Popular?" a voice asked.

I leapt from my spot, glancing around to see who had spoken. I nearly jumped out of my skin when someone tapped on my shoulder.

A short blonde woman in a bubblegum pink dress was smiling at me.

"Who are you?" I asked.

"Don't be scared. My name is Glinda and I'm here to help."

"Help with what?"

"Your popularity problem. You see—

Music filled the air despite the lack of a stereo system. Um…okay then.

Whenever I see someone

Less fortunate than I

(And lets face it, which isn't, less fortunate than I?)

My tender heart

Tends to start to bleed

And when someone needs a make over

I simply have to take over

I know, I know, exactly what they mean

And even in your case

Though it's the toughest case I've yet to face

Don't worry—I'm determined to succeed

Follow my lead

And yes indeed

You will be...

Popular

You're gonna be popular

I'll teach ya the proper ploys

When you talk to boys

(G: "Or girls, are you into girls or boys?"

CB: "Um, I'm not really sure, there is this one guy…never mind, girls, lets go with girls."

G: "Either way, I'll teach you—)

Little ways to flirt and flounce—Oo!

I'll show you what shoes to wear

How to fix your hair

(CB: "what's wrong with my hair?"

G: "You don't have any, but that's okay, I'll fix that, now quit interrupting")

Everything that really counts

To be popular!

I'll help you be popular!

You'll hang with the right cohorts

You'll be good at sports

(CB: "But I can't even kick a football!"

G: "Shhh, not yet, but I'll teach you!")

Know the slang you've got to know

So let's start

'Cause you've got an awfully long way to go...

Don't be offended by my frank analysis

Think of it as personality dialysis

Now that I've chosen to become a pal,

A sister, an advisor

There's nobody wiser, not when it comes to

Popular

I know about popular

And with an assist from me

To be who you'll be

Instead of dreary who you were

Well are—

There's nothing that can stop you

From becoming popuLER…LAR

La la la la

We're gonna make you

Popular

When I see depressing creatures

With unprepossessing features

(CB: "Um, those are my feelings you're trampling on."

G: "Just keep listening-)

I remind them on their own behalf

To think of

Celebrated heads of state or

Specially great communicators

Did they have brains or knowledge?

Don't make me laugh

They were popular!

Please

It's all about popular

It's not about aptitude

It's the way you're viewed

So it's very shrewd to be

Very, very popular like me

"Look it's not that I don't appreciate your help, it's just that I'm pretty sure I'm beyond hope," I said.

She frowned at me.

"Oh please, that's what this is for!" She announced, pulling a pink sparkly wand out of her…boobs. Okay, that's a choice.

"I don't think—

"Maybe if you stopped thinking and weren't so negative all the time you wouldn't be so depressed. Now, just let Auntie Glinda work her magic!"

She waved her wand around over her head and spun in a big circle, making a big show out of it. Finally she stopped and bobbed me on the head once.

"Ouch!" I cried as a shower of pink sparkles floated down over me.

"Why CB, look at you…you're beautiful."

A mirror appeared in front of me so I could examine myself. I nearly fell over in shock. I had slimmed out and gotten a smidge taller, and instead of a bald head I had a full head of hair, short and brown. I'd always had brown eyes, but now they seemed deeper and more of a chocolaty color. I was dressed a pair or jeans with rips in the knees, a yellow button down shirt and black chucks.

"I…I have to go," I said, turning from my reflection and sprinting into my house.

"You're welcome!"

And though you protest

Your disinterest

I know clandestinely

You're gonna grin and bear it

Your new found popularity

Ha!

La la la la

You'll be popular

Just not quite as popular as

ME!

So, yeah this just came to me when my friend and I were talking about Dog Sees God because she was in it in the production they did at our school. The guy who played CB was really attractive and so yeah…this just happened. Read and Review!