New Year's Kiss

Eventually, they stopped coming. All that was left of my old life were the get-well cards. It was expected; there's nothing worse than the feeling that they only came out of some sort of obligation instead of coming because they cared.

The date jotted on the white board where the names of the day's attending staff was written held no significance to me. December 31, 2006. New Years Eve. My parents texted me earlier that the blizzard conditions have them holed up at home. They'll be here tomorrow.

And that's fine, I guess. They do their best to come almost every day; I suppose they could use a break too.

My only companions on this day are the ticking of the clock, my drifting, dark thoughts, my apathy to those thoughts and the novel in my hands: Beauty and Sadness by Yasunari Kawabata.

I put my bookmark in and turn the book over to read the title. I mulled it over in my mind and my thoughts shifted to Iwanako. I close my eyes and conjure up her ghost - long black hair, her glimmering onyx eyes and the streak of guilt that passed through them whenever they met mine, the sound of her soft breathing, the way her lips quivered in the snowy weather that fateful day…

I realize how much I miss her. Someone I barely know but…

"Hisao?"

I open my eyes. I was so enveloped in my thoughts that I didn't hear my room door open. I realized how hard I was breathing and the heat in the room seemed to increase tenfold and my heart seemed to be in a boxing match with my sternum and my eyes widened to take in the familiar figure in the doorway.

"…"

I struggled to put together a coherent sentence as Iwanako closed the door behind her. She looked beautiful in her yukata, black with a lavender floral pattern, with her freshly cut hair. She carried with her a white box that she rested on her lap as she sat on the guest chair, rubbing her hands together to regain the warmth in them.

"I-Iwanako." I finally managed to say but it came out as a choked whisper. The apologetic look in her eyes made the tears start flowing. She looked a bit alarmed but putting the box on the chair, she came and sat on the edge of my bed. Recoiling from her cold hands at her initial touch, I let her wipe my tears away, taking slow breaths to steady my racing heart.

"I know it seemed like I disappeared on you. Are you angry at me? I understand if you are. After all, it's my fault…y'know, my fault that you ended up like this." Iwanako lowered her hand from my face and fiddled with them nervously on her lap, averting her gaze to the linoleum.

"…" Again, silence filled the room. I stared at the her. She turned her attention to the window.

"It's really coming down," she said softly.

I said nothing but I raised my fingers to her hair to see if she was real or a ghost conjured up by my loneliness. Silk. As smooth as silk, flowing through my fingers like water in a creek. Iwanako gasped at the sudden touch, her eyelashes fluttering shyly and her deep onyx spheres reflected my surprised expression at the softness of her cheeks as my hand slid down to her face. Her hand joined mine and the sweetness of her smile set my heart pounding again.

"I'm here. See? I'm real." She slipped from my touch and went to pick up the box. She set it on the space between us on the bed and opened it. In it was a bag of cookies that appeared homemade, a card that said "Get Well Soon" on the cover with a hand drawn large broken heart that had a small black-haired girl attempting to put it together with tape, a small paperback of Norwegian Wood and a few good luck talismans from a shrine.

"Iwanako…" I felt deeply touched that she put this much care into bringing my spirits back up.

"Happy New Years, Hisao…" Before I could reply, her lips pressed against mine gently. Then suddenly the sensation was gone; she had pulled back as quickly as she came, now standing up and pulling the strap of her purse over her shoulder. Her back was turned; I appreciated the slender, creamy nape of her neck.

"Will you be back?" I asked? Iwanako continued her motions to the door and froze as she placed her hand on the handle.

A few seconds passed by.

"Will you?"

The raven-haired girl in the yukata before me looked at me and gave two definite nods of her head. I gave a sigh of relief before lying back on my bed, shutting my eyes. My fingers trailed up to my lips after the door closed.

Later in the evening, I opened the card and inside was a message:

'Dear Hisao,

I'm sorry I haven't come to visit. I felt so guilty. Every time, I saw you in that hospital bed, I would tear myself about it. Selfish, I know. If I were you, I'd think I'd been abandoned. I know the others have stopped coming. I shouldn't have but please understand why I needed to step away from some time.

Still…it is the end of the year and I don't want it to end with bitter feelings between us. I hope you heal well into the next year. New opportunities await, new horizons - this is a new chapter for you.

Even so, I want to be in it. Our story doesn't stop at that snowy spot in the woods. I won't abandon you.

It's a new year, Hisao. Let's start fresh. I love you.

- Iwanako'