So here I go with another one shot makes you wonder if I will ever get back t my story and get my other deleted story up doesn't it? Don't worry your little heads none of my stuff will ever be abandoned, once I get all of the one shots that I have in my head, on my computer, and on a million scraps of paper up I will get started on the others. Though I may have to warn you that I am changing them a bit, or a lot I haven't decided.
Disclaimer: not mine so don't even try to sue me. What will you get anyway some pocket lint? So not worth it…
Empty Hope
By: VickiWeasley
So they gave me another one, just another gum wrapper to go with the rest.
What was I expecting when I went there? Did I expect their eyes to suddenly shine with recognition and gather me in there arms proclaiming that their thoughts had been cleared and the remembered everything? Did I think that this time would be any different from the hundreds before? Did I anticipate their love being declared for me from the tallest mountains? Week after week I visit them and yet I wonder sometimes if I really do expect more then a stupid gum wrapper.
It hurts to know that the only relationship I will ever have with them will consist of glazed eyes, a bunch of silver strips of paper, and a broken heart. The heart, of course, belonging to me. After all they don't understand matters of the heart, or any matter actually.
I know deep down, however, that all I ever will receive from them besides blank stares with no recognition evident in their eyes, are wrappers; shining tin wrappers that to a normal person hold no significance. To me though its all I have to prove, if only to myself, that my parents are still here.
As I walk out of my parent's room at saint Mungo's I delicately fold the gum wrapper and place it in my pocket. This one, as all the others before it, will join its brother in my collection of sentimental gum wrappers. I nod to the nurses who know me as the Longbottom's son and exit. I came without Gram this time. I thought maybe if I was alone with them they would come back to me. Maybei am just an idiot for all I got was a gum wrapper.
If I see a piece of silver shining in the sunlight as I walk down the street my spirits will fall. Even if I try to ignore the gum wrapper littering the ground my conscience will tell me to pick it up. Sooner or later I will; I don't keep those though. No, they are not the special ones. I just place them in the closest trash bin out of sight. I hate knowing that I have such a stupid weakness.
I know, even though I wont admit it to anyone if they asked me, that these wrappers mean more then words could describe. They show that at least im not completely forgotten, that somewhere in my parents scrambled subconscious minds they know to save the wrappers to give to me. Somehow they remember me. They may not remember that my last name is exactly the same as theirs and that they named me as a child but they remember something. That holds so much importance to me that it is hard to put into words, not all is lost. Maybe it's a false empty hope but no matter how I try I cant get rid of it. Every fiber of my being wants them to get better so I will continue to keep this false hope alive in me until one day th situation is solved or it ends. It is enough to give me the courage to go back there every week and sit with them with a false smile on my face.
It gives me enough hope that I will be able to go home and place the wrapper in the box under my bed. It is reassurance enough so that I will be able to live on and smile to those on the outside of my broken little world.
I remember my first gum wrapper. I was so young yet it is burned so clearly in my memory I feel as if it happened yesterday. It is my one of my earliest memories, if not the earliest. They were still badly injured, bodily, and their abuse was evident. I didn't understand what was going on so I went over to my mom and my gram put me on the bed. My mother smiled at me, reached in her pocket and gave me the paper. I wanteds to cry at that moment even though I wasn't exactly sure why. I knew that nothing would ever be the same again. I looked at my father and he was staing out the window, not even noticing that I was there sitting in the bed beside him. Now I know it was proof that they were gone ot physically but they wouldn't be the same. My mommy and daddy wouldn't be there for me when I had a nightmare, or to tuck me in, or to just love me.
I wonder sometimes what would be worse, them never getting better or them dying peacefully in their sleep leaving me more alone then I was before.
Right now though they are still alive, a tleast I can see them every week. Then again I wonder how sane I would be if I had to go through a week without getting a gum wrapper from my mum and dad. at least I have parents some people aren't so lucky, like Harry, the only thing he remembers about his parents are their dying screams. I live everyday knowing that my parents were heroes too and I curse them for it, just as Harry has probably cursed the potters for their sacrifice. It isn't right that we be left alone in the world without our parents.
Then again I think maybe it would be easier to live with the fact that my parents were dead instead of them being alive and not loving me. Gram used to tell me when I was little that they would find a cure and then I would get my parents back, I think since then she has lost hope, or has learned to not care because she hasn't said anything for a long time.
I want to believe that I will always have hope that they will get well but every week and every single stupid gum wrapper takes away a little of my hope, alittle of the hppiness that I have left. Every week I go home and place the wrapper neatly with the rest and force myself to believe that one day we will be a normal family again. It gets harder and harder to believe my lies. I don't want to give up on them but there is only so much a person can take.
I wonder if one day I might just run out of hope altogether.
Fin
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