Disclaimer: Of course I own Hamtaro. Are you kidding? Look at me, I'm fabulously rich! I'm simply rolling in dough! La la la la! Okay, now that I'm done with that, raise your hand if you detected sarcasm.
Author's Note: I thought this would be hilariously… well, hilarious. Cappy is my favorite character (tying with Pashmina), so I thought this one-shot would be funny to do. Sorry if some of the Ham-Hams are a bit out-of-character; I've only seen about eight or nine episodes and don't have everyone's personalities down yet. Oh, and text in between asterisks (**) is the Ham-Ham noises. Like **Badda badda badda…**, etc.

.:CAPPY'S DEBUT:.
by Sprite Stalker

**Zu zu zu…**

The first rays of the morning sunshine streamed through the window, causing the orange-and-white hamster to awaken.

"Heke!" Hamtaro cried. Another beautiful day. Laura had to go to school, which meant that he would get to escape and join the other hamsters at the Ham-Ham clubhouse. He scampered over to his food bowl and began munching on his breakfast of sunflower seeds while he waited for Laura to awaken.

And awaken she did. Not five minutes later, her alarm clock began beeping loudly. Laura rose, yawned and slipped into her clothes. Hamtaro watched, nibbling on the salty shell of a sunflower seed.

Once Hamtaro was sure Laura was gone, he lifted the latch of his cage and scampered off to the drainpipe. **Badda badda badda…**

A few moments later, he found himself at the Ham-Ham clubhouse.

"Hey, everyone!" he greeted them.

"Hamha!" the Ham-Hams chorused.

Hamtaro gazed around the room. Everyone was there. Sandy, Pashmina and Penelope were listening to Maxwell read them a story. Stan, Panda, Howdy, Dexter and Bijou were all quietly discussing something in the corner. Boss was talking to Oxnard, who was munching on sunflower seeds, which wasn't unusual for the white and grey Ham-Ham. And Snoozer, like usual, was asleep in his stocking. But wait – where was Cappy?

Suddenly, the door burst open, and Cappy appeared. But it wasn't the Cappy that everyone was used to. His green hat was pulled down over one eye. Around his neck was a gold chain. He was wearing Ham-Ham-sized baggy blue jeans that sagged below his waist. His arms were folded and he had a cold expression on his face.

Cappy was a thug!

Bijou fainted right over. Everyone else's jaw dropped as they stared at the new Cappy.

"Sup, Ham fries," Cappy said in a low voice, ridden with slang.

"Uh… hi, Cappy," Hamtaro said unsurely.

"Call me Cap Dawg," Cappy replied, taking a seat next to Oxnard. He slouched in his chair, spreading his legs casually. "Sup, Oxy, muh home skillet."

"Cappy – er, Cap Dawg," Pashmina began. "What's wrong with you?"

"Nothing's wrong with me, chicky baby."

"Yes, there is." Sandy took over. "What is the deal with you today, Cappy?"

"Cap Dawg," he corrected her.

"Cappy."

"Cap Dawg."

"CAPPY."

"Cap Dawg."

"CAPPY."

"Cap D—Fine. Cappy."

"All right, now that we have that taken care of," Sandy went on. "What have you done to yourself? And more importantly, why?"

Cappy was silent for a moment. He seemed to be reluctant to tell anyone this, but he knew Sandy would whack him over the head really hard with her baton-ribbon-twirly-thing if he didn't. Finally, he heaved a huge sigh and began to speak.

"I… I'm just tired of being plain old Cappy – the hamster with the green hat. The hamster no one notices," he explained.

"We notice you, Cappy!" Maxwell assured him.

"Yeah, pardner!" Howdy agreed.

Everyone murmured similar statements, except for Penelope, who could only utter, "Ookyoo, ookyoo," Bijou, who was still unconscious on the ground, and Boss, who was frantically attempting to shake the poor white pigtailed hamster back to life.

"We like the old Cappy better," Hamtaro told the bling-blingin' Ham-Ham.

"You do?"

"Yeah!" everyone agreed, except for Penelope, who once again, cried, "Ookyoo!"

"I dunno…" Cappy said quietly. "No one ever notices me. I'm always on the side. I'm just… the hamster no one cares about."

"Come back, Cappy," Boss encouraged him.

The small brown Ham-Ham looked up at Boss – the Ham-Ham he so admired. If Boss liked the old Cappy, then the old Cappy he would be.

"All right, Boss. I will."

Now, at this exact moment, Bijou had just been revived by Howdy dumping a bucket of water on her. She glared at Howdy for doing so, but thanked him for enlivening her. She looked at Cappy as he took off his gold chain, lifted his cap off his eye, and – for the final touch – ripped his pants completely off. This caused Bijou to faint once again.

"Aw, Cappy!" Dexter cried. "Couldn't you have just taken them off nicely? Or at least not have done that disgusting pelvic thrust thing…"

"Ooooookyooooo…" Penelope quavered. She buried her face in Pashmina's side. The face of the trembling, scarf-clad Ham-Ham was a very pale color.

"Sorry," Cappy apologized quickly. Ashamed, he looked over at Boss, but Boss wasn't there. Boss was in the fetal position in the corner, rocking back and forth.

Hamtaro said to Cappy, "Its all right, Cappy. They'll come around! Just… don't do the pelvic thrust anymore. It scares people." At this, a drop of sweat appeared on both the Ham-Hams' temples.

And after that, no one disregarded Cappy ever again. Especially because they were afraid of his near-fatal pelvic thrust.

(Oh, and, just for the record, Bijou fainted four more times at the sight of Cappy before she finally got over it. Boss didn't leave the fetal position for four long weeks, until Hamtaro finally lured him out with some sunflower seeds.)

THE END

Author's Note: Eee! I'm sort of sad that my first Hamtaro fic had to be a scary, insane one, but at least I took some time on it. Took me two days. *nods* Yup. Two days. *sigh* Ooooookay, review. By the way, don't flame me for making your precious show stupid. Or whatever. I'm just as big a Hamtaro fan as the next person. I even have my cute little site: http://www.angelfire.com/anime4/kawaiihamtaro/index.html See? Even the name suggests I like it. So MRAH FOR YOU. Cappy and Pashmina are my favorite characters. I think I may write a Cappy/Pashmina fic (even though the chart on the site doesn't say they like each other), with some Hamtaro/Bijou on the side. I thought it would be interesting to pair my two favorite Ham-Hams. Ooh. Okay, like I said before. Review. Constructive criticism welcome. Ridiculous and/or misspelled flames will be laughed at.