Title: Jack Sparrow's Black Pearl
Author: Zath Chauvert
Summary: Onboard the Dauntless heading for Port Royal near the end of the movie, Will and Elizabeth discuss Jack in a filk song to the tune of "The Tango Maureen."
Rating: PG
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Disclaimer: Pirates of the Caribbean and all its characters belong to the gloved mouse. "The Tango Maureen" belongs to the late, great Jonathan Larson
By Zath Chauvert
(sung to the tune of "The Tango Maureen" from Rent)
(Will knocks on Elizabeth's door and enters.)
Elizabeth:
Will?
Will:
Hi.
Elizabeth:
I told Father you helped me.
Will:
I've been pardoned.
Can I kiss you since we've won?
Elizabeth:
I'm marrying Norrington.
Will:
Great.
Well, nice to have saved you.
Elizabeth:
Wait!
Let me get this straight.
I know you're a blacksmith,
But those swordfights...
Will:
I've had some practice.
Say something, anything.
Elizabeth:
You're a pirate.
Will:
Anything but that.
Elizabeth:
This is weird.
Will:
It's weird.
Elizabeth:
Very weird.
Will:
Bloody weird.
Elizabeth:
I'm so mad
That I don't know what to do.
Fighting cursed skeletons,
Engaged to Norrington,
And to top it all off
I love you.
Will:
Think the world's gone insane?
Got pirates on the brain?
And you're thinking of drinking
'Til you hurl?
Elizabeth:
As a matter of note--
Will:
Miss Swann, I know that boat;
It's called Jack Sparrow's Black Pearl.
Jack Sparrow's Black Pearl!
It's a cursed, creepy,
Old pirate ship.
As Jack keeps you guessing-
Elizabeth:
You're right.
Will:
With your mind he's messing.
Elizabeth:
He's the same with me.
Will:
You hope you'll be all right,
But there's no help in sight,
So you fight through the night, what a trip.
Elizabeth:
It's enough to make my toes curl.
Both:
Jack Sparrow's Black Pearl!
Will:
Has he ever
Drunk lots of rum
And talked of treasure?
Elizabeth:
Often.
Will:
Have you ever wanted to just slap him?
Elizabeth:
Beyond measure.
Did he smirk
Showing all his gold teeth?
Will:
Then changed sides. When will we learn?
Elizabeth:
Did he irk you in every way?
Will:
More than irk!
Elizabeth:
I sense a pattern.
(Elizabeth bandages Will's cut hand.)
Will:
It's hard to be a pirate.
Elizabeth:
You should try a corset.
A pirate...
Will:
A pirate.
Elizabeth:
Jack's a pirate.
Will:
Bloody pirate!
Elizabeth:
I'm so irate
I should slap him right now.
Will:
Gotta look on the bright side
With all of your might.
Elizabeth:
I'd help him escape anyhow.
Both:
When he's talking his talk
You can only gawk.
His weird girly walk
Makes you scoff.
Will:
Still you think, 'might as well'
Elizabeth:
'Follow Sparrow to Hell.'
Both:
'Without him, we're even worse off.'
Jack Sparrow's Black Pearl!
Gotta sail 'til your Captain is through.
He just goes where he pleases,
Probably has strange diseases.
He's disgusting but fun,
Pirate second to none,
That old son of a gun.
Yes, it's true.
Will:
He's a condemned man now, though.
Elizabeth:
And they should just let him go.
Will:
But he'll hang!
Elizabeth:
Jack Sparrow! (Oh, oh, oh...)
Will:
Jailed.
Elizabeth:
Yeah.
Will:
You know, I feel bad now.
Elizabeth:
I feel guilty.
Both:
Jack Sparrow's Black Pearl....