Albert could tell the second that GB had walked through the door that he had been drinking. The evidence was everywhere. In his stride, his rumpled appearance, the flush in his cheeks. Even the slight slur to his voice. As soon as he realized it, it had felt like his stomach had dropped to the floor.
He made sure not to let it show on the outside just how devastated he felt, but that didn't last long. During the time when GB told his story of his past, their eyes met for just a second. By the expression on his face, Albert's pain must have been obvious to someone who knew what to look for.
When everything was all said and done, Albert had seen GB start to approach him, but he couldn't handle that. He needed to be alone for a while, to think things through. Considering where his mind had already started to head into the land of self-blame and self-hatred, he couldn't talk to GB yet. So instead, he turned his back on the actor and walked away to where his room was.
He didn't see it, but behind him, the expression from the englishman had been one of pure pain and regret.
When he collapsed on his bed that night, a million thoughts ran around Albert's brain and it was almost too much. Why hadn't his friend come to him instead? Did he not trust him enough? Was Albert not a good enough listener? Why hadn't he known that GB had been in a danger of relapsing? He should have known! Of course visiting his homeland would have been upsetting for his friend.
Too many things floated around in Albert's mind, none of them good. He would talk to GB about these feelings eventually. He just wasn't ready yet. He wasn't ready to hear the answers that GB might provide him to these questions he had. Especially not ones that had him questioning his self worth more than usual.
Albert fell asleep that night with those thoughts running around his head and a heavy heart.
GB could tell the second that Albert knew. The pain that he had seen in his friend's eyes had been another hit to the emotionally draining day that he'd already had had. But he didn't have time to worry about it when it had happened. He'd had too many things to worry about. Too many things on his mind.
But now that they were back on the Dolphin, the play over, and Rosa long gone, the regret had started setting in. The feeling of guilt made his stomach feel heavy, making GB feel incredibly nauseous. His drinking earlier hadn't caused the pain of just one person, but two people. One of them being practically family.
He knew that Albert was probably blaming himself, considering that that was what Albert did, but it still hurt. It hurt him to think that his friend could blame himself for something that GB did. He understood it, but it was still unsettling.
GB made his way through the Dolphin, trying to see if he could find the German man. The fact that it was such a big ship, made it very difficult to find people when you needed them sometimes. Especially when they were like Albert and went off on their own to go sulk sometimes.
When he found the other, Albert was sitting against the wall of one of the storage rooms, knees tucked to his chest and looking deep in thought.
"Wow, I finally found you. You know, you're pretty good at hiding when you don't want to be found."
Albert looked up for a moment in surprise before looking away again, staring at the wall. GB slowly approached him and gestured towards an empty place on the floor next to Albert.
"Mind if I sit down?"
Albert nodded slightly and GB sat down next to him. The other inched away a bit and GB sighed, frowning.
"So, I figured we should have a bit of a chat. I haven't been able to get around to make time for a proper talk because of the play and everything. Now that we're back to traveling though, I figured we have plenty of time."
Albert didn't say anything in reply, and GB frowned more. He spared a glance at his friend before he continued.
"Listen, I know you probably blame yourself, because that tends to be your default way of thinking, but please don't. It has nothing to do with you-"
"It has everything to do with me!"
Albert shouted suddenly, punching the floor beside him. GB jumped at the sudden noise, not having expected the loud outburst.
"I should have been there. I should have known you'd go drinking. I should have known you'd be tempted. Old habits die hard and I shouldn't have expected you to be fine out there."
Albert panted, overcome with such self loathing, GB could feel it coming off him in waves.
"Albert, It's not your fault. I just wasn't thinking. It… It was just gonna be one drink, and it was! But then I found out about Sophie. That was when everything fell apart. I'm sorry that I've hurt you, I'm so sorry."
GB started shaking, feeling the tears swelling in his eyes, he turned away from Albert, trying to muffle his sobs with his hand. The second that Albert realized that GB had started crying, his anger for himself melted away, leaving only concern for his friend.
"Hey, it's okay. You know I'm not upset at you right?"
GB shook his head, wrapping his arms around himself, seeming to almost be trying to curl up into a ball.
"You don't understand. You weren't the only one I hurt because of my drinking. If I… If I hadn't of been drinking, that man Phillip would have been alright. I could have protected him. But I didn't, and he's hurt, and you're hurt. Why does recovery have to be so hard?"
Tentatively, Albert reached towards GB to put a comforting hand on his shoulder. GB leaned into it, wiping his face with his hands and deeply sighing.
"I don't know. But what I do know, is that despite this relapse, you've done really good at not drinking. Just remember that your relapse doesn't become you okay? You're more than that, and you can get through this. I'm only mad at myself because I care about you and I want to be there to help you when you need it."
GB sighed and leaned back against the wall, squeezing his eyes shut. Albert reluctantly retracted his hand from his friends shoulder.
"I'm not gonna be able to convince you it's not your fault, am I?"
Albert shrugged nonchalantly, moving to sit back against the wall as well.
"What can I say, I'm stubborn."
They sat in companionable silence for a while after that. They knew that nothing was completely fixed, but everything would be okay.