"Living my life in a slow hell

Different girl every night at the hotel

I ain't seen the sun shine in three damn days"

Jay rolled over and opened his eyes. A red head was lying next to him, fast asleep. He sighed as he got out bed and quietly got dressed. He hated doing this, but to him, there was no other way. The girl opened her eyes as Jay picked up his car keys.

"Leaving?"

"Yeah. I got stuff to do, " he replied not looking at her.

"I bet."

"Listen…Amber-"

"It's Caroline."

He winced. Ouch, that had to hurt. "Right, Caroline. I have a job and-"

"Save it. Just another notch on your bedpost," she sighed as she flopped back down.

"It's not like that. It's just I have to go," he said distractedly.

"Fuck 'em and leave 'em. Isn't that your motto Jay?"

He stopped and looked at her. "I'll see you later."

"Yeah right," she snorted as he shut the door.

"Been fueling up on cocaine and whiskey

Wish I had a good girl to miss me

Lord I wonder if I'll ever change my ways"

Amy handed him the tiny silver mirror and just started laughing. Jay lent down and partially picked up the line like it was a bad habit. Actually it was a bad habit, that's why he stopped half way through. He leaned back and slung an arm around his old friend.

"I love you," she mumbled as she snuggled up close to him. He just nodded as he took a swig from the bottle of Jack that was passed to him.

"You know, I like you better without her. You were never this much fun with that bitch," Amy continued to mumble as though he were listening. He knew right away the 'her' that Amy was referring to. His girlfriend of four years that had broken up with him a year and a half ago.

"Would you ever see Princess Paige out here with us? Nooo…she was too good…"

Jay flinched when he heard that. Paige was good, too good for him at least. He was just a fuck up turned recent "junkie". But Paige; she was a good girl. He couldn't think of a time he saw her trashed and yet he had to clean up after him when he came home that way. He stood up suddenly and Amy fell.

"What are you going?" she asked slurring some of the words. He just sighed in response as he went up and kissed her forehead.

"I gotta go."

"No you don't!" she giggled as she pulled on his hand. He ripped it free from her and looked at her.

"You're better than this, we both are. I'm out," he said picking up his jacket and walking out, not caring if Amy was behind him or not.

"I put your picture away

Sat down and cried today

I can't look at you while I'm lying next to her"

Back in his own apartment now, he sat down on the bed and sighed. A flash of color caught his eye and he realized it was of him and Paige, two years ago. They had been on the beach and he dropped her in the freezing water. She in response pulled him down with her and Craig noticed how Jay hovered above her and looked at her in such a way that only a man in love would. He took the picture right then and then gave it to Paige, who in turn gave it to Jay. She already had a picture of them, somehow he didn't.

He flashed back to reality and felt wetness on his cheeks. He was crying. Jay Hogart was crying over a girl…and not just any girl, Paige Michaelchuck. She was one of the best that happened to him, as sappy and mushy as that sounds. Paige had kept him in line and just made him a happier person. Instead of sitting at home they went out and did things. They went to movies, a sports game every now and then and she even got him to go to clubs…and like them. Having enough of the stroll down memory lane, he took the picture and hid it in a drawer. He turned and looked at his girlfriend sleeping in the bed. God he was such an ass to her. He cheated on her and she knew it. But to be fair, she cheated on him too. Neither one of them was happy, but it was convenient for them. If they had no one else, they had each other. But for the life of him, he couldn't remember the last time they talked.

"I called you last night at the hotel

Everyone knows but they won't tell

But their half hearted smiles tell me something just ain't right"

Paige hung up the phone and sighed.

"What's up?" Craig asked.

She shook her head and smiled. "Nothing, I'm great."

Alex and Ellie looked at each other knowingly and then looked back at her and shook their heads.

"What?" she demanded seeing that.

Her two friends started laughing. "Nothing! It's just so…obvious," Alex piped up.

"Excuse me?" the blonde said crossing her arms.

"Alex thinks you're still in love with Jay."

Alex nodded her head affirmatively as Ellie spoke.

Paige's eyes grew wide, "I am not! God I am so over him. Besides, hello I have another man now."

"Yeah from Jay to JT, I'd miss him too…" Craig cracked as Paige swatted him.

"You're over him?" the girl brunette asked quizzically.

"Yeah!"

"Then why do you call him almost every night?"

Craig looked at his best friend. "I thought you stopped that," he said quietly.

"I…just need to make sure he's ok," she said quickly. "I mean, we all know about him drinking."

"He's not your concern anymore Paige. Let him go," Ellie said putting an arm around her friend.

"Oh you're one to talk El. How long did you live on Sean after you broke up?" she snapped.

The redheads brow furrowed at that. "That was different…"

"Oh yeah? How?"

"Sean told me he was coming back…he promised…" she trailed off getting quiet.

After Sean left for Wasaga Beach, Ellie lived on the hope he was coming back for two years she didn't date anyone else and for two years she would call Sean. Finally he picked up the phone and told her the truth. He wasn't coming back, he was seeing someone else…and he was now a father. Ellie took it hard and actually had to go into therapy after that and just recently started dating again. To the day though, she doesn't talk about Sean Cameron.

"Paige leave her alone," Alex snapped. Paige and Alex were friends yes, but Ellie was like her sister. And that was a low blow besides.

"Sorry Ellie," she said sullenly. Ellie just hugged herself and nodded while attempting to smile.

"It's ok. But she's right…you are in love with him. Out of all of us, wouldn't you believe me more?" the question hung in the air as Paige realized she was right. No matter how much he drank, and how much they disagreed on things, such as getting married, she still loved him.

She shook her head vehemently. "No. I'm with JT. If I love anyone, it's him," she insisted.

Her three friends just looked at each other and smirked. Her face gave everything away, it always has. And at that moment, it gave away the truth. Paige Michaelchuck still loved Jay Hogart.

"I've been waiting on you for a long time

Fueling up on heartaches and cheap wine

I ain't heard from you in three damn nights"

Paige got home and sighed as she leaned against a wall. Her and Jay hadn't spoken since they broke up and yet she still loved him. She doubted that he felt the same, especially after what she said.

"Paige!"

She poked her head out of their closet and looked at him. "Yeah?"

He couldn't help but smile at the petite blonde with hair completely disheveled. "Get cleaned up, we're going out."

"Where?"

"Alex and Craig wanted us to go to dinner with them. It's at Seabrooks," he called back.

"Seabrooks? That place is so expensive!" she exclaimed.

"I know, but we're still going," he said as he walked by and kissed her on the lips.

"Are you sure?"

"Paige! If you keep talking, then we won't!"

She shut up then and went to get dressed.

Dinner had been pleasant enough and they all enjoyed themselves. Alex showed off her engagement ring from Craig and her and Paige made plans to start looking at places next week. However, on the ride home, a thought entered her mind. It had been four years and they never talked about marriage at all.

"What's goin' on?" Jay asked as he glanced at Paige for a second.

"Do you think we'll be as happy as they are someday?" she asked.

"Uhh…I don't…know. Are you telling me you're not happy with me?" he asked confused.

"No! I am…but it's been four years Jay!"

He just glanced at her again, still not getting it. She took a deep breath and dived in.

"Do you plan on getting married…at all?"

Jay pulled into their driveway and looked at her.

"Marriage? Who said anything-"

"I did. Me. Are we ever going to get married?"

"I don't know," he said with a small shrug. "I've never really thought about it."

"Never thought about it, that's just great Jay. Great," she said looking away from him.

"Where the hell did this come from?" he demanded.

"What's today?" she shot back.

He furrowed his brow. "Tuesday…"

"The date, Jay, the date."

"The 26th…"

She just looked at him. Suddenly his face registered exactly what she was asking.

"Oh shit…" he muttered.

"Four years. Today. And you can't even remember," she said in a tone close to disgusted while she shook her head.

"Paige knock it off ok? One out of four isn't bad!"

She snapped her head at that. "And to think I was ready to marry you," she said as she got out and walked towards the garage.

"Where are you going?"

"Nowhere," she snapped wrenching out of his grasp.

"Paige! Will you stop-"

"You don't get it do you? I love you, I want to spend my life with you! And here you are forgetting our anniversary…it's been the same for four friggen years! I need something more…we're getting too old for this!"

"We're 26!" he yelled back.

"Just forget it ok?" she said shaking her head. "You can't commit, what am I thinking? It's a miracle you did this long," she snapped looking at him.

He just looked at her, face registered in shock at what she said and turned on his heel and walked inside.

"I don't need this!" he yelled back to her.

"Yeah well I don't need you! I never did!"

"Fine, leave," he shot back.

The blonde looked at him smugly and got in her car and drove away.

The next day she went by to pick up her things and that was that. They were over. They hadn't spoken since that night. She stayed with Alex and Craig for a while until she could find her own place and shortly after, bumped into JT at a music store. They exchanged numbers and he called her the next day. Ever since then, they've been together. So how is it that she still has feelings for a man that can't commit?

"I put your picture away

I wonder where you been

I can't look at you while I'm lying next to him"

As those last thoughts went through Paige's brain, she shoved off the wall and stalked to her room. Gently opening the door because she was afraid of waking her beau. When she saw the empty bed she breathed a sigh of relief and walked in to her side of the bed. On the bed table she had miscellaneous pictures; one of which happened to be of her and her ex at Mardi Gras. Paige, Jay Ellie, Alex, Marco and Spinner decided to go to the States and just travel. They made their way down to Louisiana for Mardi Gras and had a ball. Marco, being the one of the only sober people that night, had taken a picture of Paige in a bikini top and shorts drinking a beer with some necklaces on and Jay, also pretty drunk. They were both laughing hysterically and Paige was hanging onto Jay so she wouldn't fall and they were standing on the bed of a red pickup. She looked at the picture and smiled as she picked it up. She knew JT didn't like the picture being on display, but try as she might she couldn't put it away. Paige ran her hand over the picture and closed her eyes and looked at it, sitting among old bank receipts and jewelry. A tear escaped her eye as she shut the drawer and she realized now it was over. No chance. They were dead. And that thought alone made her cry more.

"Ahem," came a masculine voice at the door.

"Hi," she said softly as she rose her eyes to look at the tanned, slightly muscular brunette in the door. He shook his head and walked away, not saying anything else.

"JT! Come on!" she pleaded as she got up and ran after him.

"It was never about us," he snorted as he turned to her.

"Excuse me?"

"You can't even put a fucking picture away Paige! You just expect me to pretend like nothing ever happened!" he yelled at her.

For once Paige was silent and avoided his glare like the plague.

"I knew it," he snorted. "You're in love with him still! How could I not see this? Wait, how you could you do this to me? Two fucking years Paige…two years! And now all the sudden you just decide-"

"Get out," she whispered.

"What?"

"Get out!" she screamed, tears streaming down her face.

"I saw you yesterday with an old friend

It was the same old same 'how have you been' "

"Well what did you expect? That he'd just be fine with it?" the girl asked as Jay knocked into her on accident.

"Invest in an eye dog!" the blonde snapped as he landed semi-on top of her.

"Get some friggen glasses," he muttered as he picked himself up.

"Oh shit…here we go," the other girl muttered as he looked up at her. He picked himself up and his eyes grew wide.

"Alex? Paige?" he asked confused as he looked back and forth at the two girls, both of them ex-girlfriends.

"Jay?" she asked as he hauled her to her feet.

"You…you look great," he said doing a once over.

"I've been great," she replied quickly.

He nodded avoiding eye contact.

"Since you been gone my worlds been dark and grey"

"So…you guys want to get something to eat?" he blurted out. Now that he "had" Paige, so to speak, he didn't want to let her go. She was something different from the endless parties and getting drunk. She was good…she was better than that. Now him on the other hand spent night after night at parties sometimes and God knows the last time he actually spoke to his girlfriend.
She nodded slowly while looking at Alex.

"Sure, why not?"

Her stomach was doing flip flops at the sight of him…not to mention what happened the night before. She put up a front in front of people but everyone knew the truth; she loved him and wanted him back. Now all she had to do was hide that in front of him and she'd be fine…

"You reminded me of brighter days

I hoped you were coming home to stay"

The three of them sat together in the Dot and laughed together. Alex and Jay got along surprisingly well, maybe that's what marriage does to you though.

"Hold on," she said as her cell phone went off. "Sara, calm down! Ok now what happened? What do you mean you lost Gidget? That was your school pet…..alright just calm down. Where's your father?"

Jay and Paige looked at each other. She had a smile on her face as she listened to Alex talk to her daughter…Alex was almost more like her friend more than her mother and Paige loved that. Jay was just looking at Paige smiling.

"Aw crap, I gotta go guys. Paige call me later so we can talk. Jay…it was fun," she finished slowly as she got up. Jay got up as well and embraced the brunette in a hug.

"Tell Craig hi."

Alex nodded and walked out, leaving the two former lovers by themselves.

"So…" he said sitting back down.

"So," she repeated fiddling with her straw.

"You seeing anyone?"

She looked up at him sharply on that one but he held up his hands and feigned innocence.

She sighed. "I was with JT."

"JT! Wow," he laughed.

"Shut up!" she said throwing a packet of butter at him.

"What happened? Break out the penis pump again?" he asked trying to keep a straight face. But as soon as he said that last part, it all went down hill and he just started to laugh.

"Jealous?" she sneered.

"Not even."
Paige just looked around. "So…"

"So…" he replied, feeling the awkwardness of the situation. "Seems like you're happy. With JT I mean," he said after a moment.

She just smiled bitterly. "Yeah, I'm sure I would be. If he didn't leave me."

"When did that happen?"

"The other day," she replied picking at her fries. "Wait, why am I telling you this? It's not like you care."

"I asked Paige- it means something apparently."

The blonde snorted. "That you're happier than me? Gee thanks," she said sarcastically.

"Paige, I haven't really had a relationship with anyone…since you;" he shot back quietly.

She grew silent and tears started to pool in her eyes. "I can't do this," she said quickly getting up.

"Paige-"

"No! It was great to catch up, but really- I have to go." With that she flew out the door, leaving Jay standing there, staring after her.

He sat back down slowly, silently cursing himself for blurting that last part out to her.

"I was heading to church

I was off to drink you away"

Jay stumbled against the door as the bartender shoved him outside.

"What's your problem?" Jay shouted to the man.

"Jay?"

He looked and tried to walk off the opposite direction.

"Will you stop?" she shouted as she ran after him. "What the hell happened to you?"

"Nothing!" he retorted tearing his arm away from the petite blonde.

"You're drunk! Jay…come on!"

"What you wanna clean up after me? Rub in my face that you're better than me princess?" he spat out.

She recoiled at that. "What?"

"That's how it always was!" he yelled as he stumbled off.

"It was not! Now shut the hell up and get in the car. If you puke, I'm kicking your ass," she demanded as they reached a green KIA.

"Fine," he grumbled as he got in.

She drove to her house and helped him out. By the time she got him inside and set up with a bucket, he was starting to feel the effects and feel sick.

"Why are you doing this?" he asked quietly.

She looked up at him and smiled tightly.

"Why not?"

"Not your job?"

"It never was Jay," she said quietly meeting his eyes. She cleared her throat and looked around. "So…why starting so early?"

He looked at her confused.

"Jay it's 5 in the afternoon."

He just kinda shrugged and looked at her. "Really want to know?"

"Uhh…sure. Why not?" she replied hesitantly.

He took a deep breath. "You."

Her face registered shock. "Me! What…why…"

"You ran off yesterday. You hate me and better off without me."

"Jay are you even listening to yourself? I think you're still kind of drunk; you never talk like this."

"What like the truth?"

She grew silent. "Why did that make you get drunk?" she whispered.

He laughed bitterly. "Figure it out Paige. It's not hard." After that he dropped off to sleep.

"Where are you?"

"I'm at home-"

"What!"

"Marco, calm down! It's not like it's hard!" she exclaimed. Paige and Marco were supposed to watch Alex's two kids, ages 10 and 2.

"Paige, what's so important that you can't help me out here?" he demanded as a peal of laughter was heard.

"It's…something important ok?" she snapped. "Gabby loves Dora the Explorer and Sara will probably just do her own thing. They're good kids Marco."

"You owe me," he muttered as they hung up.

"Thanks Marco!" she beamed looking at a still sleeping Jay out of the corner of her eye.

3 months later

"I thought about you for a long time

Can't seem to get you off my mind

I can't understand why we're living life this way"

"Why don't you call him?" Ellie asked as they walked up and down the drugstore aisles. "He said he still cared for you! That's an open invitation!"

"I can't do that! What am I supposed to say, 'This is Paige, drank anything lately?' No, don't think so."

Ellie gave a frustrated sigh and stopped. "Well do something! Because no offense, I think I can say every sentence with you now."

"Ha ha," Paige glared shoving the product into her friends hands and walked off.

She was right of course. Paige needed to get over herself, suck it up and call him. The problem was, she didn't know what to say. The first time in almost two years she sees him and for half of it, he was drunk. However, he did hint that he still cared for her before he passed out. But he was drunk. He didn't know what he was saying…right?

"I found your picture today

I swear I'll change my ways

I just called to say I want you to come back home"

The rain beat against the window as Jay sealed up the box with tape and moved towards his nightstand. He and Amber had finally had it with each other and he was moving out. His buddy Ryan offered him a place and he took him up on it, he'd be gone by tomorrow. When he opened the door however, he froze. He had forgotten he placed the picture of him and Paige in the drawer. He picked it up and held it. The last time he'd seen her, she had run out of the Dot in tears. Then he woke up at her place on the couch with no recollection of how he got there. He snuck out in the middle of the night and left it at that. No phone calls, no visits, just disappeared. That's the way he liked it. The less he had to see her, the better. But for some reason he wanted to see her now. He dropped the frame back on the bed and walked out to his silver truck. He climbed in, opened his cell phone, took a deep breath and dialed her number.

"I found your picture today

I swear I'll change my ways

I just called to say I want you to come back home"

"Seriously, a sheer gray shirt. Who does that?" she giggled into the phone.

"Uhh…Spinner?" the voice guessed. "It was sweet though!"

"Totally sweet! And one size too big," she added as she stuck her hand in the receipt drawer. Her hand hit something and she dug it out.

"Holy shit," she said suddenly.

"What?"

"Nothing. Em, I have to call you back," she said as she hung up the phone.

"Paige!" Emma's voice came out as the blonde simply clicked the off button.

She sat down on the edge of her bed silently and stared at the picture from a few years ago. Paige thought back to a few hours earlier and what Ellie had said and sighed. She was tired of thinking about her former love and wondering if he still thought of her too. She was tired of thinking about the what-if's. With this thought in mind, she picked up the phone and deliberately dialed some numbers.

"Paige!" a voice came through the phone as she hit the numbers. Startled she put the phone back to her ear.

"Hello?"

"Go outside."

"Jay if this one of your sick jokes…"

"It's pouring outside! Now open the door!"

"Hold on, damn!" she snapped at him. "Why is it so important that I go outside if it's raining? I'll look like a wet dog," she complained as she opened the door.

"Because," he said looking back at her through the rain.

"Jay…" she whispered.

He pulled her into a kiss and there they both stood outside in the rain, sharing the most passionate kiss they had ever had.

"What are you doing here?" she asked as she finally broke away from him.

He looked at her for a minute and then bent down on one knee.

"Paige, I know that we've had our share of disagreements…mostly over marriage; but I don't care."

She just looked at him, speechless.

"Paige, will you marry me?" he asked softly.

Her eyes grew wide and tears formed. "Are you serious?"

He nodded. She then let her tears flow freely and nodded. Jay broke out in a grin and got up and twirled her around.

"What made you come back?" she asked softly.

"I found our picture," he said simply.

Paige leaned up and kissed him as they walked inside, out of the rain. For the first time in two years she was happy. She felt as through she were home.

"I just called to say, I love you come back home"