Author: Perditus
Title: A Measure of Life
Chapter: Prologue
Disclaimer: The characters of Grey's Anatomy do not belong to me, nor am I making any profit off of this piece.
Author's Note: This is my first Grey's Anatomy story so please enjoy. A Measure of Life takes place after 'Losing My Religion.' The Prologue sets up the rest of the story and goes through the last few scenes of 'Losing My Religion,' which ends up answering the cliffhanger from the season finale. Thisstory will continue so if you enjoy it, please look back for updates. If you like it, hate it, or are just strolling through, please feel free to leave a review. Enjoy!
i.
If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?
Forget what we're told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that's bursting into life
All that I am
All that I ever was
Is here in your perfect eyes, they're all I can see
- Chasing Cars by Snow Patrol
ii.
"What does this mean?" Asked Derek Shepherd as he hastily retied his tie, deafening silence encased the figure standing before him. Slowly he repeated himself, "What does this mean?"
"I…it wa…" Began the shadowed silhouette as the door to the exam room was pushed open, the room was suddenly filled with an explosion of light. Callie walked into the lightened room with a look of disgust displayed on every inch of her face. Her glare lingered on Derek's half complete tie and the look of confusion drowning within his eyes.
"Meredith, the nurse told me to come find you. You have to come out, it's Izzie."
Meredith Grey walked towards the lighted door, dress hanging sideways on her thin figure holding the expression of a teenager caught stealing drugs. Full of terror, yet satisfied. Both, Derek and Meredith, knew the consequences of what they had just done. However, it seemed that neither held an answer to the time old question of what it meant. With one final look to the man standing before her, Meredith ventured into the hallway, still trying to pull herself together.
From the first day of her internship at Seattle Grace Hospital, the ability to make life and death decisions in seconds became second nature. It was almost a rule of thumb that surgeons needed the strength to make instantaneous decisions when it came to medicine and the well being of his or her patients.
"Our patients always come first," thought Meredith bitterly as she began running down the desolated hallways leading to the Coronary Care Unit. "And as surgeons we put the lives of our patients before ourselves. We deal with the problems of others, but deny that we have any; we'll sit in denial and watch the one's we love pass us by."
The only sound that filled the twisted hallways of Seattle Grace were the irregular footsteps of heals running. Meredith Grey ran until she reached room 409, Denny Duquette's room. Room 409 was softly lighted and filled with an unspoken tension. Taking a deep breathe Meredith walked into Denny's room.
Meredith tried to speak when she saw Izzie lying on Denny's bed. She tried to think of a way to comfort Izzie, but the air caught in her throat at the lifeless look on Denny's face. It was recognized by all the interns. Denny had died while everyone else lived out their own problems. No one wanted to think of the possibility that Izzie was the one who causedhis death, but they didn't want to think of the possibility that they were also responsible for not turning Izzie in at the time. Either all went down together or none did.
Meredith may have been the last to enter Denny's room but it was Christina who was the first to speak.
Softly clearing her throat, Christina spoke, "Oh, Izzie."
Izzie continued to stare into Denny's shirt collar, trying not to pay attention to the five faces starring at her.
"They think it was a stroke. He was prone to blood clots. A clot could have formed on his sutures and traveled to his brain. It would have only taken seconds."
"Izz…" Began Meredith once again looking for something to say, but Izzie interjected before a complete thought was formed.
"But I don't know why I didn't think of blood clots. He died all alone."
George starred at the lonely and helpless face of his friend. Nothing anyone said would help Izzie with her loss. George definitely knew this to be true, but he couldn't allow his best friend to blame herself.
"There's nothing," George began searching for the right words. "There's nothing you could have done."
"I changed my dress three times. I wanted to look nice. I would have been here sooner, if I had just figured out which dress to wear."
George slowly approached Izzie. "We shouldn't be in here."
Meredith followed George's example and stepped closer to where Izzie lay motionless. Christina walked a few steps behind Meredith.
"They need to move him," answered Meredith.
"You can't stay here," said Christina trying to sympathize with Izzie. "I know you want to…"
"Can you please, please just get out? I want to be alone with Denny."
"Izzie, that's not Denny."
George's head spun around to discover the person behind the voice. He was not surprised when Alex walked to Izzie's side. There had always been a misunderstood relationship between Alex Karev and Isobel Stevens. No one was able to comprehend the attraction between the two, except them.
"Shut up."
"It's not Denny," spoke Alex as he walked closer towards the figure in the pink dress occupying half of the hospital bed before him. Alex lowered his voice. "The minute his heart stopped beating he stopped being Denny. Now I know you love him, but he also loved you. And a guy who loves you like that does not want you to do this to yourself. It's not Denny, not anymore."
No one spoke.
"No one ever speaks," thought Meredith Grey as she watched the tears rise in Izzie's eyes.
"An hour ago he was proposing, and now," the tears started to fall from Izzie's chocolate eyes. "Now he's going to the morgue."
Soft tears turned into rough sobs causing her entire body to shake. Like the knight in shining armor he wanted to be towards her, Alex picked up Izzie. Cradling her against his body, the two sat down in an empty chair. The other interns knew that what Izzie needed right now was a shoulder to cry on, someone to be by her side during this difficult time. And Alex was the one Izzie needed the most.
All eyes were on Alex holding Izzie in the corner, until George elbowed Christina in the back.
"Ow! George!" Spat back Christina.
"Meredith, Christina, I think…I think we should…" George O'Malley starred at the helm of his shirt. He knew they should leave the room, but a part of him did not want to leave Izzie in an unraveled heap upon the floor.
"George," came the familiar voice of Meredith Grey. "Let's wait outside."
Doctors Callie Torres, Meredith Grey, Christina Yang, and George O'Malley walked with heavy hearts into the florescent hallway outside of room 409.
iii.
"Shepherd have you seen Bailey's interns, Grey, Yang? I'm looking for Izzie Stevens in particular," said Dr. Richard Webber, chief at Seattle Grace Hospital.
Dr. Webber and Dr. Miranda Bailey, still dressed in prom attire, walked towards the congress of both Shepherds and Finn Dandridge, Meredith's supposed to be prom date.
"Chief," began Dr. Bailey.
Four grim faces came into few. Three dressed in black, one dressed in pink. Alex and George stood on either side of Izzie, while Meredith brought up the rear. All walked in unison until Izzie stopped before the chief. From the beginning of their stay at Seattle Grace, Bailey's interns had agreed to stand apart, but fall united. However, there sometimes comes a time when one has to step away from the crowd.
"It was me," spoke Izzie Stevens as she faced Dr. Webber. "I cut his LVAT wire; I didn't know the out bringing. And now…I thought I was a surgeon, but…I can't. I thought I was a surgeon but I'm not. So, I quit."
"Izzie," said Dr. Bailey as three of her interns walked towards the lobby floor.
The dissention, lead by Izzie, was the end to the evening. Joyful voices could be heard from the lobby floor where the prom was still going on, but the voices within the staff of Seattle Grace were silenced. Dr. Addison Montgomery-Shepherd left the floor with Dr. Bailey and Dr. Webber leaving only three souls on the floor.
As Finn watched everyone surrounding them leave, he turned his attention towards Meredith, "Let's go. I'll drive you home."
"Meredith," came the voice of Derek Shepherd.
"Meredith?" Responded Finn Dandridge.
The two men turned their heads to stare at the other. Both were trying to win the heart of the women standing before them, but only one had succeeded.
Two blue eyes starred at the men before her. A spotlight was focused on only her, a spotlight that could only be shinning from one source. The final dissention was led by one bewildered intern who felt that the art form of denial had sent its final flood.
Meredith Grey turned her back on the suited figures starring in awe as she walked away. Instead of choosing what her heart desired or what her mind told her, she turned her back on both options. Walking down the same steps Alex, George, and Izzie, had descended before her, Meredith sent herself in the direction of the parking lot. Away from the world she had just left behind.
"We deny that we can handle our own problems, our own lives."