Scary Story
It was a cold, dark, scary, spooky and just plain less than desirable night. Seven figures could be seen driving in the ultra-posh car that by the way was a very cute convertible. The sky screamed with fury, originating from thunder and lightning that unnaturally illuminated the darkness. The dirt road was bumpy, filled with hills and stuff and seemed far too narrow and if Mr. Safetyman he probably would have objected. They sat uncomfortably in the convertible because as every person knows a convertible cannot possibly fit seven people in it comfortably. Quistis sat on Seifer's lap with his arms around her waist, Selphie on Irvine's lap; Zell on Squall's lap and Rinoa drove the car that her father had bought her last summer.
Zell: Squall why are we going to this big, dark, scary old, spooky and just plain less than desirable house, again?
Squall (looking at Rinoa longingly): I don't know, some weird voice called mentioning something about dying and as the COMMANDER I thought we should check it out.
Quistis: I don't like the looks of this Squall, are you sure we should be coming here if they mentioned death?
Seifer: Are you scared Quistis? Don't worry I'll protect you, but I might have to hurt you a little first…
Seifer pinches her ass and Quistis slaps him.
Quistis: Someone please tell me why I had to sit on HIS lap!
Irvine: 'Cause you refused to sit on mine and Squall couldn't support ya (he is only 5'8"), and Rinoa objected anyway.
Rinoa (looking blankly): No I didn't. Whatever do ya mean?
Selphie: Oh well, Irvine is kinda like a gentleman, well at least he's better than Seifer…
Seifer: Ya right, the stupid cowboy that wear's Chaps! Hey I'm a hottie, have you not noticed I don't have to take this shit! And Rinoa didn't seem to mind!
Rinoa (looking guilty): …no.
Squall: What the hell happened between you to!?
Seifer: Nothin' except let's just say Rinoa got down!
Quistis: Excuse me children may be reading this.
Squall: WTF!!!!!!!
Rinoa: No…. But it's not like you'll even touch me….
They pull up to the big spooky mansion (just imagine Ultimecia's castle except on a really big spooky hill)
Quistis: I guess this is it.
Selphie: Ultimecia…
Squall: No, we're not going to fight Ultimecia again.
Selphie: Whoops my bad!
They enter the weird mangled gargoyle wannabe door and hear an evil cackle… Rinoa and Selphie shiver, while Quistis laughs loudly as Seifer whispers something into her ear. Squall pulls out his gunblade and Zell grabs hold of Squall and shrieks like a little girl. Irvine straitens his cowboy's hat and smiles his oh-so cute smile for all the girls in the audience. The house's interior looks exactly like that of the House on Haunted Hill and the Haunting combined. (Basically a big creepy stairwell with a matted carpet, lots o gargoyles, creepy little naked cherub babies sculptures around and then finally a big scary basement.)
Weird eccentric millionaire type guy: Ah, finally the guests have arrived! Everything is going as planned, welcome, welcome all!
Seifer: And who the hell are you?
Squall in an effort to not look like Seifer is the leader: What do you want?
Weird eccentric millionaire type guy: Me, I'm only the owner of the largest chocobo farms in the world! I'm Mr. Gill! And I'm only offering you young people the chance of a lifetime!
Zell: Whoa Dude! Like what are ya gonna offer us I mean you're like hella rich, like right?
Quistis: But, aren't chocobo's found in forests, not on farms.
Mr. Gill: Hahah that's what they would like you to think! No, no my very gorgeous friend. We produce them on the farms and distribute them around the world so people have to ketch them. That way we can hire that damn annoying chocobo boy to charge people money for lectures or to ketch one for you. We also sell them direct to a number of businesses.
Selphie: And those being…?
Mr. Gill: Never mind! Stop asking questions already! There isn't time to waist!
Irvine: So are you gonna explain why in the world we're here and why Squall's been acting so weird?
Squall: ….
Mr. Gill: All in good time. Anyway I called you here because I'm gonna die soon and I need someone to leave my enormous estate to. Well since my family sucks and hasn't even attempted to kiss up to me I figured I would invite all my closest friends here and we would write out a will.
Zell: But we're not your friends.
Selphie: Zell!
Zell: But it's true!
Seifer under his breath: Stupid Chicken-Wuss…
Zell: Hey I heard that!
Seifer: Whatever.
Irvine: Hehe you sound like Squall! Now only if you wore a short leather jacket with a fur ring and grew out your hair…
Seifer: Shut your damn mouth!
Rinoa: Wow! He's right I can see the resemblance.
Squall under his breath: Grrr die Rinoa…
Rinoa: What was that, dear?
Squall: …Nothing…
Seifer: Hahah you're afraid of Rinoa!
Rinoa with her newfound sorceress powers zaps him with a thundaga.
Seifer: Owwwww owww hey what the hell you do that for! Jeez woman is it that time of the month!?
Rinoa: What did I ever see in you?
Mr. Gill: Anyway…
Seifer: I am a hottie!
Squall: Yeah you are!
Rinoa: What the hell!?
Squall: Err sorry, dear.
Selphie: Heheh he is kinda cute…
Irvine: Ho boy, not this again.
Mr. Gill: Like I was saying…
Zell: Well yeah I mean Seifer's hair…eyes…
Seifer: See everybody agrees!
Quistis: I don't.
Seifer: Well nobody cares about you.
Irvine: I don't know she is like the hottest one out of the group…
Selphie slaps Irvine.
Mr. Gill: Hello!
Irvine: But, you're pretty cute, Selphie!
Selphie slaps Irvine again.
Mr. Gill: AHHHHH!
Suddenly the glass mural thing above the group crashes down and it almost hits Mr. Gill.
Selphie: Whee! This is sooo frea-ky!
Rinoa: Squall…you'll protect me right?
Squall: Sure dear, right after I'm through with Seifer and…
Rinoa: WHAT!?
Mr. Gill: Hey I just almost was killed!
Irvine: Hmm. Yeah too bad about that…
Mr. Gill: Young man you will not speak to me like that! Finally getting back to everything my friends are not here for some reason and instead I'm stuck with you people. But, the truth was I wasn't gonna make a will anyway. Instead I was gonna have them slowly killed off and the one that survived gets all my money.
Rinoa: You love me, right Squall!?
Squall: Sure, dear.
Rinoa hugs Squall while he just stands there.
Quistis about to puke: Somebody help me…
Seifer: I'll help you, but it's gonna cost you.
Quistis whispering: How much?
Seifer whispering: Just 1000 gill for one night to pretend I'm your boyfriend.
Mr. Gill: Did anybody just hear what I said? Stupid Teenagers…
Zell: That your gonna give us all money in the morning. Sounds great to me!
Selphie: Yeah, I'm in!
Seifer: Let the fun begin.
Squall: ….
Rinoa: Sure sounds great!
Irvine: Yeah I can quit SeeD after this!
Quistis: Umm no I think I'm going to leave now.
Quistis walks to the door and tries it, but guess what! It's locked and won't open!
Mr. Gill: Oooo sorry about that one the doors around here are really old, they get stuck sometimes. Well I guess you'll be staying the night as well!
Quistis: No, there has to be some other way.
Mr. Gill: Sorry didn't hear that because I didn't want to! Well I'll leave you kids to be shown to your rooms by Marie.
Mr. Gill points to a maid that suddenly appears.
Mr. Gill: Good luck! And don't die on me too fast!
Everybody stares at each other, but reluctantly follow Marie.