Author's Note: This story is for Shadow of the Forgotten ones for guessing the name of the silver-haired vampire in A Horse Drawn Cage! Hopefully it's cute/funny enough to fit what you wanted ^^

Reno stopped into the office with a huff, holding the bundle in his hands at arm's length with a look of utter disgust. Rude didn't need to look twice to know what was in Reno's hands. "You know you're not supposed to hold them that way Reno."

Reno grimaced and unwillingly cradled the squirming bundle in his arms properly. "Why the hell is Rufus even allowed to have balls! Every time he looks at them another bastard kid shows up with some slut whining for him to give it an inheritance!"

Rude sighed and took a peek at their newest Assignment; Assignment was his and Reno's pet name for any illegitimate thing they were forced to keep alive until DNA testing was done. More than half of the children weren't Rufus', but there were a few that somehow managed to carry his genes. The ones that didn't belong to Rufus were sent away without a second glance and the ones that did were given a small cash sum and sent off just as quickly.

The Assignment sitting in Reno's arms now was actually quite adorable; unlike most of the babies brought in. It had large blue eyes and a tuft of blonde hair and its tiny hands clenched around its blanket tightly, fear of the man carrying him evident. Reno was still grumbling and griping loudly, the unpleasant tone in his voice making the tiny baby's eyes water pathetically. Rude was struck with pity, an emotion he often felt for anything being unwillingly carried by Reno. He gently took Assignment from Reno, freeing the red-heads hands so that he could flail them in wildly exaggerated gestures. Assignment curled into him, shaking with fear as Reno's voice grew louder. Rude frowned and whacked Reno upside the head. "Shut the hell up, you're scaring it!"

Reno gaped at his partner, rubbing the back of his head in confusion. "Scaring it?"

Rude rolled his eyes and cuddled the baby gently, amusement twitching his lips upward. "Why the hell are you complaining? This means we get to go home early to watch cartoons and get paid for it."

Reno beamed at Rude's words and immediately grabbed the baby, nuzzling it happily. "You're coming home with me!"

Assignment looked less than thrilled as it cowered in Reno's arms, looking at Rude desperately.

Rude held the baby firmly as Reno drove, breaking several laws and caring less than a little about it. "Did they drop anything off with Assignment? Any toys or diapers or anything?" Rude had been confused when Reno had come in with only a baby, no diaper bag or other baby-like item in sight.

Reno shook his head, honking the horn and swerving through traffic, much to the baby's dismay. Assignment whimpered quietly in Rude's arms, nuzzling into his chest as if it wanted to hide behind his rib cage. "Nah, Rufus just handed me a kid with his general look of disgust and told me to keep it alive for at least forty-eight hours."

Rude sighed and did his best to ignore Assignment's terrified whimpers as it clutched his shirt weakly. "We'll need to stop at the store then. I'm not letting you use my clothes as diapers again."

Reno groaned and changed his course, shooting a glare at the baby that would undoubtedly make his next few days living hell.

Rude settled Assignment into its new car-seat happily, ignoring Reno's angry humphs about the time he was taking and the unnecessary things he had bought. Rude gave the baby a weak smile as it blinked up at him, confused by the straps he was hooking together over its tiny chest. Assignment eagerly suckled its new pacifier and squeezed the stuffed blue chocobo Reno had almost grudgingly given it after Rude finished buckling it in, its adorableness making both Turks smile. Reno quickly rearranged his face back into a scowl and slammed the door shut, jumping into the driver's seat and starting the car. Rude knew that Reno actually loved babies far more than he would ever say or let anyone know, but in order to keep up his tough guy appearance he would continue complaining. Once the baby was out of sight Rude knew his partner would pout for days.

They took Assignment home with a small glimmer of fear in their eyes. The child had been quiet so far, but for some reason every Assignment they had ever taken care of for Rufus had a bad habit of bawling loudly for no apparent or fixable reason from the time it entered their apartment until the time it left.

Rude pulled Assignment from its car-seat and Reno gathered up the merchandise they had brought, both of them preparing for the guaranteed sleepless night.

Rude let Reno inside the apartment first, trying to delay the noises that would come from the child for as long as possible. He squeezed his eyes shut and slowly entered their home, shutting the door behind him and waiting for the baby in his arms to start crying.

Assignment looked around the apartment quietly and curled small fingers into Rude's shirt as it twisted in an attempt to see everything.

Reno and Rude both blinked, looking at the child as if it was a bomb that didn't detonate.

Rude set Assignment down on the floor, watching with fright and amusement as it crawled around, tugging at the somewhat shaggy threads of carpet curiously. He looked at Reno and shrugged, vainly hoping that the child would stay silent all night.

It wasn't until after the third semi-educational, oddly charactered cartoon that Assignment began showing signs of discomfort. It was also at about that time that Reno began noticing an odd smell, one that was less than pleasant and more than a little disgusting. He looked at Rude hopefully, the man had already fed and burped the disturbingly quiet baby, but it seemed he would have no part in diaper duty. Reno sighed and picked up the fussing child, setting it on the bathroom counter and changing it before the whimpers became cries and the cries became screams. Assignment was then found out to be a he and Reno apologized for referring to him as it all day.

Reno only had to change a few more diapers before bedtime, Assignment seemed to hate messing his diapers as much as Reno hated him messing his diapers. They changed the adorably squirmy child into a pair of pajamas that Reno had been unable to resist getting for him, a pair of fuzzy blue footies covered in tiny helicopters. Reno did his best not to smile as Assignment squirmed and played with his helicopter covered toes, but a small grin managed to make it onto his face anyways.

Rude pulled out a drawer from his dresser and emptied it of clothes, filling it with blankets and pillows instead. They set the squirmy baby inside the drawer and placed him at the foot of Rude's bed, Reno had taken sleep duty the last time they had an Assignment and even though Rude had taken the five Assignments before that, Reno insisted that it wasn't his turn.

Rude slept in fitful anticipation for crying that gave him little rest and left him with bags under his eyes in the morning. Assignment had slept peacefully, rolling around and playing with his toes when he woke up and falling back asleep quickly with no ear-shattering wails for attention. Rude was confused and somewhat irritated by the silent night he had received; the cup of coffee he swallowed eagerly doing little to replenish the energy reserves he had managed to leave unfilled after his night of sleep. When Reno finally managed to drag himself out of bed the baby was thrust into his hands and Rude curled back up under his blankets, falling asleep quickly.

Reno looked at the baby and the baby looked at him, both at a loss for words for what had just happened. Assignment simply couldn't talk yet and Reno seemed to have lost the ability as they stared at the wreckage around them. Assignment had been less content to watch mind-numbing cartoons and despite Reno's valiant attempts to stuff him in front of the idiot-box and leave him there while he had his morning coffee he had gone off to play, using anything at eye level as a toy and ignoring the plush animals Reno and Rude had bought for him.

Reno had realized his mistake too late to do anything about it, the slobbered on books and CD's and the knocked over furniture and plants were doomed before he finished putting cream in his coffee. Now he sat with Assignment in his lap, both of them sucking their thumbs and hoping fervently that Rude wouldn't notice.

When Rude woke up he felt much better. Reno and Assignment had only made a little noise and the knowledge that the potentially squalling child wasn't going to be his problem for awhile put his mind at ease long enough for him to get a good nap. He stretched and clambered out of bed for the second time that morning, opening his door to view utter chaos.

By the time Rude was done chastising Reno the red-head was whining and crying more than Assignment, something the baby found highly entertaining. Rude sat Reno in the corner and began cleaning up, Assignment crawling around after him with a pacifier in his mouth as he re-tipped any furniture Rude set in its rightful place.

Meals weren't really a chore with this particular Assignment, they heated up milk and he drank it quickly and without fuss. Reno and Rude chowed down pizza and watched as the baby played with a puzzle; one that had dumbfounded both Assignment and Reno for hours and continued to frustrate them until Reno threw a fit and started ripping the pieces in half. Assignment had more fun destroying the fifty piece puzzle than he had had playing with it.

After Rude finished picking up the mess Reno and Assignment had made he walked into the living room to find them poking each other in the nose delightedly. He decided not to comment at the absurd amount of giggling they did and instead began hiding anything left in the apartment that was breakable or dangerous. He didn't need his partner or their charge destroying any more of his things.

When Rude got done Reno-proofing; and vicariously baby-proofing, he walked into the living room to find them both fast asleep. Reno had his head lolled back on the couch and Assignment was curled up on his chest; both were drooling in large amounts. Rude chuckled and tip-toed around them to his bedroom, deciding that naptime was the best thing ever invented.

That night Rude slept much better, Assignment had been thoroughly worn out by Reno's near-constant tickling and nose-stealing and any thoughts of him waking up crying were whisked away quickly.

The next afternoon Tseng came by to check on them, confusion raising his eyebrows as he was met by cheerful faces. "How's the baby?"

Reno grinned and led Tseng to the small dresser drawer where Assignment was taking a nap, his fuzzy helicopter pajamas making Reno smile wider. "He's fine boss-man! Sleeps like a rock!"

Tseng frowned and looked the baby over, concerned by the lack of noise. "He's quiet?"

Reno nodded and pulled Tseng from the room as Assignment rolled over, whispering quietly. "Heck yeah he is!"

Tseng frowned and looked at Rude, a matching look of confusion fixed on both of their faces. Tseng was confused by their apparent and previously unheard of enjoyment of a baby and Rude was confused by Tseng's confusion. "Why is he in a dresser drawer?"

Rude rolled his eyes and snorted as Reno answered the question directed at him. "We ain't exactly got a crib or nuthin' boss-man. Had ta improvise."

Tseng frowned and looked the apartment over, noticing for the first time that several potted plants had gone missing and all the furniture seemed to be in a different order. Most of the books on the shelf had a distinctly wet sheen on their covers and the front of Reno's shirt was stained with baby spit, something that either he or Assignment could have done. "What the hell has been going on here?"

Reno laughed, plopping down on the couch beside Rude. "Babysitting duh!"

Tseng sighed and shook his head. "Your apartment is a wreck."

Rude chuckled. "A quiet wreck."

Tseng sighed and began gathering up the many colored baby toys scattered across the living room. "Well, get it fixed up after we leave."

Reno frowned and stood. "We?"

Tseng turned and raised an eyebrow at Reno's hostile tone, his arms filled with adorable plushies. "I'm taking the baby to its mother today."

Reno frowned and stood in the doorway between the living room and Rude's room to prevent Tseng from entering. "We're supposed to have him for forty-eight hours! We've barely had twenty-four!"

Tseng paused and looked at Reno curiously as he tried to understand his motives. "Usually you're happy as a clown when I take Assignment's back early."

Reno's frown deepened and he planted his feet firmly, taking a defensive stance as if Tseng was going to attack him at any minute. "The other ones were all ugly crying messes! Why do you have to take the only good one back early!"

Tseng rolled his eyes at Reno's stance, dropped the toys, and easily pushed him over. Reno landed on the floor with a loud thump that woke Assignment, his wide blue eyes blinking in surprise as Reno landed in front of him. "His actual father came in and claimed custody. We have to send him back to his parents."

Reno pouted and looked at the floor sadly, his lower lip wobbling pathetically as Tseng walked past him and took Assignment out of his makeshift crib. Assignment looked at Tseng curiously and reached up, poking the bindi on Tseng's forehead with a giggle. Tseng sighed and tried to ignore the constant pokes as he gathered up all of Assignment's things in a duffel bag, resisting the urge to shove the baby inside as well.

Rude sighed as Tseng and Assignment drove out of sight; watching Reno fight not to cry was depressing. He set a hand on the red-head's shoulder and smiled weakly, getting a large sniffle in return. "Let's go grab a beer. You'll see him again when the paternity test for Rufus comes back positive."

Reno blinked and wiped his nose on his sleeve. "But Rufus ain't the father, the real father came in today, weren't you listening?"

Rude grinned and led Reno inside. "It's surprisingly easy to fake a paternity test Reno."

Reno beamed and gave Rude a tight hug before bouncing to the kitchen and fetching two beers.