In Which We Go Bowling.
For all of you that were just as shocked as I was when you found out there were no General Winter x Old Fritz stories.

Once upon a time, there were these two guys who were named Old Fritz and General Winter. Actually, his name was Chuck. Chuck Winter. And he was a general.

So this once time, these two guys, Chuck and Fritz, decided to go bowling. Because that is totally what two military men would do. Totally. And so, they were at the bowling alley, right, and there were these old ladies. And their competitive bowling team was short two players. Well, what a coincidence. Because Fritz and Chuck were two people. So they were all like, let's do this thannnng! Cuz that is how they talk. Well, General Winter is a gust of wind, so he knows what's up.

So the captain, B. Arthur, was all like, "Swell! We'll get you fitted for some shirts right away!"

These shirts were a delightful shade of salmon, with lime green letters proudly proclaiming the name of their bowling team, 'The Pinheads'.

Chuck and Fritz were just so excited about this bowling endeavor.

So, the Kraft Macaroni and Cheese European State-wide Bowling Championship was fast approaching, so they trained really freaking hard with their captain B. Arthur and Hillary Clinton. They were all like, climbing up mountains and junk to that Rocky song. The one that is way overused, yanno? About tiger eyes or something.

Well, on the day of the Kraft Macaroni and Cheese European State-wide Bowling Championship, this guy Gilbert decided to take his little brother Ludwig on a date to the Kraft Macaroni and Cheese European State-wide Bowling Championship.

It just so happened that a man named Ivan was also taking his man-wife Toris on a date to the Kraft Macaroni and Cheese European State-wide Bowling Championship.

So, all of these men were sitting. And things were going pretty good. Until they realized who comprised the second half of 'The Pinheads'.

As Fritz stepped up to...to bowl. Uh. I dunno what you call that. But Gilbert was like, "Oh goodness! What is Fritz doing on this old lady bowling team, yo?"

This outburst distracted Fritz, and he had a gutterball, and Hillary Clinton cursed at Fritz because another mistake like that would cost them the Kraft Macaroni and Cheese European State-wide Bowling Championship.

And then Ivan was also like holy freaking God when it was Chuck's turn to bowl because he couldn't believe that this giant air element general thing would disgrace the world by joining an old lady's bowling team.

And Ivan yelled and Chuck threw a gutterball, and they lost the Kraft Macaroni and Cheese European State-wide Bowling Championship.

And that is why zebras have stripes.

Happy freaking New Year. May it be filled with bowling and gusts of wind and zebras.