Keeping Secrets
Nick didn't like being Sebastian's 'right hand man' as he pursued Blaine, but Sebastian knew Nick's secret and Nick couldn't let Jeff know. Yet keeping this secret may cost Nick everything. Niff. Mentions The First Time and Michael.
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I was going through my documents and found several finished but unposted works. This is one of them. Hope you enjoy it!
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"Nick! Nick!"
Nick hiked his schoolbag over his shoulder a little higher and kept walking.
"Hey, Nick! I'm talking to you!"
A hand grabbed his shoulder and flipped him around, bringing Nick face to face with a certain blonde Warbler. Jeff was breathing a little hard, probably from chasing Nick down the hall. He didn't remove his hand from Nick's shoulder.
"Oh, Jeff," Nick said as if he'd just noticed his friend. "Hey."
Jeff raised an incredulous eyebrow. He just stared at Nick for a few silent seconds and then shook his head. "Nick, what is up with you lately?"
Nick gave what he hoped was a carefree smile. "What do you mean?"
If Jeff's frown was anything to go by, he'd failed at seeming fine. "You know what I mean, Nick," he said softly, not accusingly. His hand dropped from Nick's shoulder and Nick fought not to flinch at the loss of contact. "You never hang out with me anymore. You're always following Sebastian around. And...," Jeff's gaze slipped away to the hall around them, and the students rushing by, "and I know he's rich and his dad's an attorney and he's sort of the leader of the Warblers now," Jeff looked confused as to how that happened exactly and it showed in his voice, "but we," he picked up as he looked back at Nick, "...we were best friends. We are best friends, right? Or is Sebastian your new best friend?"
Nick looked at Jeff and felt his heart clench. He was hurting the younger Warbler. Nick never wanted to hurt Jeff. Heck, that's why he agreed to Sebastian's stupid plan in the first place!
"You're my best friend, Jeff," Nick assured him, frowning.
Jeff shrugged his shoulders. "Then why aren't you talking to me anymore? Why are you acting like Sebastian's lap dog?" he asked, his voice just a tad angry.
Nick took a deep breath. "I-" he stopped, looking over Jeff's shoulder.
Sebastian was standing just outside of the nearest common room, leaning on the doorframe and watching them. Nick shifted his eyes back to Jeff's questioning gaze and cleared his throat.
"I need to get to class." Jeff's face fell and Nick felt his chest constrict with it. "I'll-I'll talk to you later, ok, Jeff?"
Jeff hunched his shoulders and his expression was one of doubt. "Yeah, sure thing," he agreed quietly.
As Nick headed off down the hall, he cursed himself. Jeff was always so happy, always dancing and singing and just generally joyful, and Nick was killing that. But he couldn't talk to Jeff. Not about this. Sebastian had him by the throat and he knew it.
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"Alright then," Sebastian said with a clap of his hands and a pleased smile on his face. "Today, I've decided that the Warblers current setlist is boring and out of date."
A few of the Warblers looked at each other in confusion.
"Now I know that a few of you were looking forward to your minor solos at Regionals, but I've decided that we're going to do a Michael Jackson medley instead," a few of the Warblers looked excited, "featuring me on lead."
Nick let out a silent breath. He'd had a solo for Regionals this year, but if Sebastian got his way no one else would ever have a solo. Nick blinked and noticed that Jeff was staring at him. There was this pleading in Jeff's eyes, and in Trent's next to Jeff. It took a moment for Nick to figure out why. Wes had nominated Nick to the council just before he graduated. Nick had been on the council until Sebastian 'fell hard' for Blaine and took over.
They were looking to him to stop Sebastian.
He took a deep breath, turning to face Sebastian at the front of the room. "Sebastian," he started.
"Yes, Nick?" Sebastian asked politely, clasping his hands loosely in front of him. "Did you have something to share?"
The way he said 'something' and 'share' left no doubt in Nick's mind of what Sebastian was saying. 'You'd better support this or I'll tell Jeff, and everyone else in this room, your big secret.' Nick swallowed.
He tried sitting up straighter in his chair. "Was...just wondering what songs you had in mind," he said, and he sounded lame to his own ears.
When he glimpsed Jeff out of the corner of his eyes, he saw the disappointment clear as the sun on his face. Nick made sure not to look at Jeff for the rest of the meeting.
"I was thinking 'I Want You Back,'" Sebastian started, grinning. "I've come up with some choreography as well that I think will go perfectly with it."
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Performing I Want You Back was probably the worst idea ever. Even worse than When I Get You Alone back when Blaine was trying to woo that guy, Jeremy or whatever, at the GAP Attack. At least they hadn't thrust their hips and acted like sex starved jack asses. At least Blaine interacted with the rest of the group, as part of the group. At least Blaine hadn't known Kurt was interested, and at least Jeremy had been single.
Sebastian made Nick's skin want to crawl. He was slimy and made Nick feel gross whenever they spoke to one another. Or rather, when Sebastian spoke to him, seeing as Nick rarely got a word in edgewise.
"I only picked you as my right hand because you were a council member and have the trust of the group. Not to mention that you had this beautiful dangling piece of meat of a secret just hanging there for the wolves to grab. Actually, you're lucky I'm the first one to notice it, because a lot of guys wouldn't be this nice about it."
Nick shivered in his seat, coming back to the present. His eyes flickered over the teacher presenting an advanced grammar lesson at the front of the room and then slid almost immediately to a chair about halfway up and all the way on the left.
Jeff.
Jeff hadn't tried to speak to Nick since the performance. Nick couldn't blame him. They'd worked so hard to help get Kurt and Blaine together, because they knew that both boys were in love even if they didn't know it themselves; because Kurt and Blaine deserved to be happy and they made each other happy. Nick had supported a performance that spit all over that.
Blaine had looked so uncomfortable. Nick hadn't seen him look so uncomfortable at Dalton since his first few days walking the halls, when he was still worried someone was going to hurt him at every turn. But more than that, Blaine had hated the performance. He hated what the Warblers had become under Sebastian.
Nick had hoped, for one moment, that Blaine would take Sebastian up on his offer and return to the Warblers. The Warblers would rally behind Blaine and Sebastian would lose his foothold and be gone from Nick's life forever. After all, Blaine had come and invited them to see him star in West Side Story. He loved the Warblers. They weren't just his club, but his friends. But Blaine was too upset, too disappointed, too disgusted, to return.
And that was all Nick's fault too.
Nick sat his chin in his right palm as he watched Jeff take notes. He scribbled something down in his notebook furiously, like the world depended on his prompt note taking. Then he flipped his head, trying vainly to keep his blonde hair out of his eyes for just a moment, before scribbling some more. The Dalton uniform made Jeff look simultaneously lithe and muscular. Blaine had fenced, boxed, sang, danced, and played polo. His body had shown all of the hard work that those activities required. Jeff was a dancer. He was all lean muscle: his arms, his shoulders, his back, his legs, his butt-
A bell chimed in the distance, knocking Nick from his daydream just as the rest of his classmates were getting up to leave. Nick glanced over at Jeff's desk, but it was empty, before hurriedly packing up his own things.
Now that he'd thought about it, the night the Warblers went to see West Side Story was the first time Nick and Jeff had ever fought. Sebastian had just approached Nick with his blackmail and Nick had been so shaken, so scared, that he'd lashed out at Jeff. Jeff had chosen not to see the play with them as a result.
Nick caught sight of Jeff talking to Thad in the hall before the two boys walked into a room, their next class. Usually he would have walked Jeff to his next class, before heading for his own, but not anymore. Nick also saw Sebastian, surrounded by younger students all hanging onto his every word, strutting down the stairs. How does a person even strut down stairs?
With a scoff, Nick turned and headed for his next class: chemistry.
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"Oh my god."
Nick's head snapped up to his dorm room door at the familiar voice. He'd been reading for a class - or trying to. It wasn't going so well because his mind was taken up by thoughts of Blaine.
"Jeff?" Nick asked.
Jeff stood in his doorway, watching Nick like he was some sort of alien creature. "Tell me it isn't true, Nick."
Nick didn't need to ask what he was talking about. The slushie. They'd hit Blaine in the face with a slushie, and he'd seemed really hurt. Kurt had talked about slushies at McKinley, how they were an everyday occurrence, how they were so cold they stung.
"What?" he asked anyway, playing dumb. He already felt bad about it, he didn't want Jeff's anger as well.
Jeff wasn't buying it. He stepped into the room and shut the door behind himself. "The slushie," he said accusingly. "Thad said he saw you hand it to George, who handed it to Sebastian. How could you do that?" he asked angrily, hands crossed over his chest. "How could you slushie another Warbler?"
Nick frowned, setting his book aside. "It was just a slushie! Ice, water, food coloring. Just a slushie!" he defended, his voice rising.
"Just a slushie?!" Jeff shouted back, incredulous. "Nick! Blaine was screaming in pain."
"It wasn't meant for Blaine," Nick stated, trying to clear the air. "It was meant for-"
"Kurt, I saw," Jeff interrupted, looking livid. "But as you, and apparently everyone else has forgotten, Kurt was a Warbler too."
Nick's eyes widened. In all the rushing and all the plotting with Sebastian, he actually had forgotten about that. In his head, somewhere, he'd been aware of the fact that Kurt was an ex-Warbler, but somehow he'd overlooked it.
"Once a Warbler, always a Warbler," Jeff stated, his voice cold and hard as stone, his gaze icy. "A Warbler protects its own. A Warbler, Nick." He shook his head, his hair flipping every which way. "I understand that Sebastian hates Kurt because he wants to get into Blaine's pants, but I can't believe that you would be helping him."
The statement stung like a slap to the face.
"Kurt was our friend. Kurt was your friend," Jeff reminded him. He looked betrayed, and it tore at Nick's heart. "He told us how much being slushied hurt; how humiliated it made him and the other New Directions feel. How would you feel if your friends slushied you? Oh wait. I forgot that you don't have any besides Sebastian anymore," he bit out.
Nick physically recoiled. "Jeff, I-"
Jeff held up his right hand and shook his head. "Nick. Don't." He lowered his hand. "I didn't come in here to fight with you. Really I didn't. I wanted you to tell me that Thad was wrong, to prove him wrong. But you didn't. And...," he looked at the carpet instead of at Nick now, "I don't...want to hear your excuses. Obviously you like Sebastian more than me." He gave Nick a watery smile. "I'll just have to learn to live with that...and I hope that you have a nice life."
Jeff hurried out of Nick's room, Nick's yelled, "Jeff! Wait!" chasing after him. He didn't stop or even slow down.
Nick stared blankly at his open door as it slowly swung shut again. Ever since Nick had joined the Warblers, he and Jeff had been best friends. Now, because Nick was keeping secrets, he'd just lost that friendship. Then again, who was to say his secret wouldn't have ended it anyway? Keeping it from Jeff was the only reason he was following Sebastian's every order anyway.
Was it always destined to end this way? With Nick breaking Jeff's heart, one way or another?
Nick had tried telling himself that throwing the slushie was okay. It was just ice after all. And even if it had hurt Blaine at first, it wasn't permanent, right? He'd be fine. It was just ice. Jeff didn't think that mattered. Blaine and Kurt and all of the New Directions hadn't seemed to think that mattered.
It didn't matter enough to stop the guilt in Nick's gut. It didn't matter enough to keep Jeff's friendship, so it didn't matter at all.
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Sebastian gathered up all the Warblers to follow him to the orchestra room. He said that Blaine's lesbian girlfriend wanted to talk.
Jeff wasn't there.
Santana was speaking even as she entered the room. "Hey, Andrew McCarthy. I don't know if you heard, but Blaine may lose an eye."
What?
Nick looked over at Trent, whose eyes were wide in shock, and crossed his arms over his chest. Blaine was going to lose an eye because of that slushie?
"The same Blaine that was just besties with most of you not four months ago," she continued.
"Wait," Trent spoke up, proving he was braver than Nick. "A-are you serious? Is he gonna be okay?"
Santana cocked her head to the side. "Well sure, if he doesn't mind seeing in three dimensions."
Nick felt like he was going to be sick.
"Trent, I got this," Sebastian started, preempting any more talk from the heavier Warbler. He settled a snarky look and tone on Santana. "Bummer, about Blaine. He was pretty. He shouldn't have gotten in the way though. That slushie was meant for Kurt."
Nick's inside were swimming. Sebastian had done all of this to get Kurt out of the picture so he could have Blaine, but he didn't even care about Blaine. Nick had known all along that Sebastian was cruel. He was using blackmail after all. But now Nick knew Sebastian was plain heartless.
And he had no way out. He was stuck.
Nick was barely conscious of the rest of the altercation. He just moved with the crowd as they all left the room. The strains of music and singing that came through the door were an afterthought in his mind.
He was stuck working for a monster.
Someone moved past him to the front of the group and Nick's eyes focused on the cup in their hands. Another slushie? They were going to slushie Santana? Would she lose an eye too? Oh god, Blaine was going to lose an eye. He'd injured a fellow Warbler. He'd injured a friend. Jeff. Jeff was never going to forgive him for this!
"Now tell me the truth. What did you put in that slushie?!" Santana demanded as the Warbler's filed back into the room.
"Rock salt," Sebastian answered coolly.
Rock. Salt.
"But it's okay."
"How is it okay? I just told you Blaine had to have surgery!" Santana reminded harshly.
Sebastian took the cup from George and Nick's pulse startled. Rock salt. Was there rock salt? Sebastian wouldn't throw rock salt on Dalton property, right? He just...he wouldn't, right?
"It's okay, because I didn't put anything in this one," Sebastian said before turning and tossing the red ice in Santana's face. It missed her eyes but Nick knew her clothes would be stained forever. "Let's go, before she starts to stink," Sebastian ordered smoothly as he handed the cup to Nick.
Nick filed out slowly behind the rest of his club, staring numbly at the Styrofoam in his hands. How had the Warblers sunk to this low? Blaine was right. They'd lost all their class. They were thugs now; a high class gang.
"Nick?"
Nick blinked and looked up. He was standing in the middle of the deserted hallway, with only Sebastian anywhere in sight. Where had everyone else gone? "What?" he asked dumbly.
Sebastian got a look that might have been considered coy on anyone else, but just looked demeaning on him. "Are you feeling bad? Feeling just a little guilty?" he asked, his voice matching his face. "Well just remember that you agreed to it."
"I didn't...I didn't agree to hurting anyone," Nick disagreed weakly, swallowing thickly.
Sebastian shook his head once and shrugged, stuffing his hands in his pockets. "Could've fooled me."
Nick squished the Styrofoam between his hands. "Sebastian," he said, a bit of anger leaking in, "you can't do things like this. The Warblers are-"
"The Warblers will do whatever you and I tell them to," Sebastian interrupted. "Now come on, we've got practice. We've got a medley to work on."
He turned and walked away, Nick standing and watching him in horror. This guy-!
"Oh!" Sebastian said like an afterthought, stopping his saunter and turning back to look at Nick. He was a good fifty feet away now, but Nick could still see his sickening grin clear as day. "I was just thinking, Jeff wasn't around today. Maybe I should have a talk with him-"
"No!" Nick shouted, storming down the hall to stand within ten feet of Sebastian. "You said you wouldn't!" He knew his face must be panic stricken, because he felt it.
If Sebastian told Jeff, then Nick's whole world really would fall to pieces.
Sebastian adopted what he probably thought was a thoughtful expression. "Then watch yourself. It's a slippery slope you're walking on."
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Jeff came with the Warblers to McKinley High School. Nick didn't know who convinced him or how, but he'd come. In the time since Santana had left Dalton, in a rage and sticky from the slushie, Nick had decided something: he needed to come clean.
Keeping his secret was only causing more harm than telling it would. Telling it might lose him Jeff, forever, but keeping it secret was hurting Jeff, the Warblers, the New Directions, and himself. Besides, blackmail was a form of bullying, and Kurt and Blaine had taught him to never let himself be bullied.
The problem was that Nick was too cowardly to actually say anything.
The other problem was that Jeff wasn't speaking to him.
He waited until Jeff had taken a seat and then took the seat directly next to him. He could almost pretend Jeff and he were still friends this way. Jeff kept his eyes fixed on the stage, though. Nick followed his gaze and saw that his attention was on Kurt. Even though Jeff had not personally gotten involved, he still felt guilty. He was a better man than Nick would ever be.
"We're not doing Michael for Regionals," the boy in the wheelchair said. Nick recognized him from the disastrous affair of I Want You Back, but he didn't remember his name.
"I didn't think you'd surrender that easily," Sebastian gloated. Nick gripped his legs, but otherwise showed no outward sign of how much Sebastian made him cringe.
"We're tired of the fighting and the backstabbing," Kurt said.
There was a tired hint to his voice, and Nick suddenly wondered how much Blaine being hurt was also hurting Kurt. It had been obvious to everyone how head over heels Kurt was for Blaine, especially when Kurt transferred back to McKinley. Having Blaine get hurt while protecting him must have been just as bad as getting hit with a rock salt slushie.
"We're show choirs. We're supposed to be supportive of each other," Kurt said as if reminding the Warblers. He sort of was, at least for Nick.
"This is what we call, 'taking the high road'. Which I was shocked to find out has nothing to do with marijuana," a guy with a mohawk said.
Nick instinctively looked at Jeff with a raised eyebrow. Public schools always surprised him. It had been so long since he'd been in contact with anyone who attended one. Jeff glanced at Nick too, a tiny grin on his face. Almost immediately though he seemed to realize he was paying attention to Nick and frowned, facing forward again. Nick forced himself not to sigh and also paid the group on stage more attention.
"Just because you're doing Michael, doesn't mean you understand Michael," the wheelchair kid said pointedly.
It was obvious that everyone on stage was upset with them. Kurt was Blaine's boyfriend, the one and only love of his life, but this group of misfits were Blaine's friends. They were all so different, so clashing, but they were friends. It was baffling.
"Oh, and you do?" Sebastian sneered.
"Yes," a black girl stated plainly, and Nick knew her. He'd never met her, but Kurt had talked about Mercedes enough that Nick remembered her. "And we're about to show you."
Nick wasn't impressed by their rendition of Black or White at first. They were all so different. None of their clothes matched, and none of them looked alike. They were so different from the Warblers. At first Nick thought this was a show of a badly planned performance, but then he realized that their dissonance was the beauty of it.
This song was about accepting people no matter their skin color, loving whoever you wanted to love. This group, the New Directions, understood that.
And then the wheelchair kid started to rap. Nick passed Jeff an impressed look, but Jeff was enthralled in the performance. Nick watched him bob his head to the beat, his foot tapping, and felt his heart stop for a full two beats.
He would tell Jeff. He was going to come clean as soon as they left this place. Heck, he'd pull him aside as soon as this song was over and confess. He couldn't stand lying anymore.
Trent caught his attention when he got up and climbed on the stage. And then Jeff was standing up. And Kevin. And Thad. Nick grinned, feeling their enthusiasm and the performance of the New Directions rush through him, and joined his friends. Jeff waited for him at the edge of the stage and didn't run to dance at the back until he'd locked eyes with Nick.
Nick had made the right decision. For the first time in weeks, Jeff was smiling at him.
That one smile had lit up Nick's world. Everything was going to be alright. The power of Michael Jackson, and of the New Directions he supposed, was going to fix everything. He hadn't lost Jeff, not really. Nick wanted to sing to the sky, and so he did.
All too soon the song was over. Everyone was clapping and it looked like the New Directions had forgiven the Warblers for the slushie. Nick wasn't sure if Kurt could forgive everyone quite that easily - Nick couldn't image forgiving the people responsible for hurting Jeff so easily - but it was definitely a step in the right direction.
Slow, sarcastic clapping caught everyone's attention and they all turned to see Sebastian still sitting in the audience.
"Very. Moving," Sebastian deadpanned.
Nick frowned. "Come on, Sebastian," he said. "Give it up." Every Warbler is against you now, he thought. You've lost.
"That is the kind of attitude that lost us Regionals last year," Sebastian pointed at him, obviously upset with him.
Nick couldn't find it in himself to care. Sebastian's threat had no power over him. He was going to come clean to Jeff in a matter of minutes. Sebastian could shout it out right now and Nick wouldn't care.
"I could call the cops, or your headmaster, and get you kicked out of school, or even arrested, for assaulting Blaine with that slushie," Santana threatened, coming up from behind Nick to stand at Kurt's side.
"All of this would be just awfully terrifying if you had any proof whatsoever," Sebastian mocked.
Nick hated himself for ever following Sebastian's lead. The guy had no remorse. Nick looked forward to the day when Sebastian got a wakeup call and realized that his actions had consequences, and that he had a heart that could break.
"You mean like, you on tape admitting to it?" Santana asked, pulling a little cassette from her jacket.
Oh.
When she'd come to the school, she must've had a tape recorder. Nick looked anywhere but at Sebastian. Sebastian was in a spot, and Nick wouldn't have him running to Nick to get him out of it.
"But, you know what? It just wouldn't be as much fun winning Regionals if you weren't there to suffer through all the agony of defeat," Kurt said, and Nick saw that he was now holding the tape.
And there was the proof that Kurt hadn't quite forgiven them. He wanted to beat Sebastian, but he was going to beat all of the Warblers too to do it. Then he would forgive them. Once he'd won.
"At least now all your teammates get to know exactly what kind of guy you are," Santana stated, looking around at the Warblers.
Nick quietly cleared his throat, sticking his hands in his pockets. The Warblers already knew what kind of guy Sebastian was. They just now would have the leverage to stand up to him. It was embarrassing that they had needed outside help to do it.
"Now get the hell out of my auditorium," wheelchair kid ordered. Sebastian stood up but didn't move to leave. The New Directions began making their way off the stage. "School's out!"
Sebastian locked eyes with Nick and Nick shook his head. No. You don't have any power left. You were a false king and your reign is over.
Nick led the rest of the Warblers in their walk off the stage, following the New Directions. As both groups began chatting, apologies and congratulations from the Warblers and forgiveness and thanks from the New Directions, Nick felt a hand at his elbow. He turned, letting everyone pass him by, and saw Jeff. He looked surprised that he'd grabbed Nick, and surprised that Nick had acknowledged him.
"C-can we talk?" Jeff asked quietly, eyes flickering to the other singers all around them.
Nick glanced at the others too and then looked at Jeff and nodded silently. Jeff pulled him off around the back of the stage, amidst the ropes and fake walls and stage gear, out of sight. Only once they were stopped did Jeff let go of Nick's arm. Nick missed the touch immediately.
Jeff rubbed his hands together, his eyes on them instead of Nick. Nick took a breath. He'd said he would confess to Jeff as soon as possible, didn't he? Here was his chance.
"Jeff-"
"I'm sorry."
"What?" Nick let out, eyebrows coming together. "Why are you sorry?"
Jeff looked up at Nick, regret all over his features. "I got mad at you. I yelled at you. I threw away our friendship and I've been regretting it ever since. I was wrong. I should've let you explain. I mean, there must be a reason why you were listening to Sebastian. There must've been," he rambled, running a hand through his hair nervously and looking away. "Because you weren't acting like yourself. You're nice. You're kind. And you were as much a friend to Blaine and Kurt as I was. I just...I was so- upset."
Nick touched Jeff's shoulder, ending his rant. Jeff jumped, looking up at Nick. He looked like a startled cat. Nick gave him what he hoped was a comforting smile.
"Jeff...you didn't do anything wrong." He lowered his hand and stuffed both of his hands in his pockets. "I did."
Jeff crossed his arms over his chest, an act that Nick had never seen him do when he wasn't pissed. Nick took a deep breath.
"I've been keeping a secret," he started, voice quiet, looking more at Jeff's tie than Jeff himself. "Sebastian found out about that secret...and used it against me."
"You mean he was blackmailing you?" Jeff gasped.
Nick glanced up at Jeff's face and grinned. Jeff looked like his favorite spy movie had just come to life. "Yeah. Something like that."
Jeff looked as serious as a five year old being told to protect a clover or the leprechauns will die. "What was the secret?" And suddenly his expression was tainted by doubt. "Or...do you want to tell me?"
Nick smiled warmly, but it was small. Here went nothing. "Jeff, you are my best friend. You have been since I came to Dalton." Jeff looked touched but kept quiet. "I love hanging out with you, talking to you, joking with you, singing with you. I loved playing matchmaker with Blaine and Kurt, even though we didn't actually do much matchmaking," he said, joking.
It got the desired result. Jeff laughed once and then kept the smile.
Nick lost his own smile a moment later and looked at Jeff's tie again. "What Sebastian found out...I should have told you so long ago, but I was scared you wouldn't be my friend anymore," Nick admitted, glancing up through his own bangs at Jeff's face. He looked so innocently confused. "Because...the truth is...Jeff..." He swallowed and stood tall, back straight. Courage, Nick. Courage. He locked eyes with Jeff and he slouched just a tad, his confidence waning as fast as it had come. "I'm in love with you," he breathed out.
Jeff stood still for a moment, not even his expression changing. Then, almost imperceptibly, his eyes began to widen. His eyebrows rose, his pupils shrank, his jaw dropped. Everything just looked to be happening so slow and Nick got to see every tiny change in Jeff as the confession hit him. Jeff's shoulders dropped, his arms uncrossing and falling to his sides. In the end, he looked absolutely shell shocked.
"W...wh...," Jeff tried. "Nick?"
Nick crossed his own arms over his chest and looked away. "I know. I know," he said. "Janice and Clarice and Heather. Yes," he listed off his ex-girlfriends. "But I never felt anything for them. Not really. I just...I wanted to be normal. And I didn't want anyone to know. And I didn't...I didn't want you to find me out," he admitted, practically whispering, glancing at Jeff from the corner of his eyes and then away again.
Jeff was silent, but Nick could hear how he was opening and closing his mouth like a fish. In most scenarios, Nick would make fun of Jeff for his speechlessness, but not now. He held himself tighter.
This was for the best. It was the right decision.
"If..." He cleared his throat. "If you don't want to be friends anymore that's...that's fine." Except that it wasn't. He really wasn't sure if he could handle losing Jeff, now that it would be forever. "I'm sorry. For everything."
The silence reigned again. Nick could hear the chatter of the Warblers and New Directions somewhere beyond his sight, but couldn't make out any words. Jeff hadn't said a word though. Nick let out a long, low breath.
As painful as the quiet was, it was better than he'd been experiencing for weeks. This was a pain of his own making. This was a pain of truth. There was no more lying, no more guilt, no more pretending. Still, Nick was already planning how to go about asking his dad for a transfer. The man would not be happy about this, since Dalton was expensive and prestigious and he would want a reason. Nick would have to come out to his parents, and he wasn't sure how they would react. But in the end he would leave Dalton, and that would be for the best as well.
If Jeff didn't want him, then he would leave. He would find a new life somewhere else.
There was a hand on his shoulder, and Nick was pulled almost gently from his bitter thoughts to find Jeff still standing in front of him. Jeff smiled a little when he saw that he had Nick's attention.
"Nick," he said quietly, or maybe Nick's ears just weren't working anymore. Was Jeff blushing? "You...You don't have to apologize. I..."
Jeff shook his head. Nick didn't understand. And then Jeff leaned forward and pressed his lips to Nick's in a chaste kiss. Nick froze.
Lips. Secrets. Jeff. Love. Jeff. Kissing. Kissing. Jeff. Yes, kissing.
Nick tilted his head ever so slightly to the side and returned the kiss. It went from chaste to desperate in a matter of moments. Jeff held on to the lapels of Nick's blazer and Nick had his hands in Jeff's hair. Then Jeff was leaning back into a stage wall and Nick wasn't even aware they'd moved. He just wanted to be closer to Jeff. Always closer.
Jeff broke off the kiss, turning his head minutely away and gasping in air, eyes closed. Nick panted against Jeff's cheek, watching the lashes of Jeff's eyes play against his skin. Jeff was beautiful, even out of breath. Everything about him was beautiful.
"Jeff?" Nick whispered, not even sure if he could speak louder if he wanted to.
Jeff turned his head and opened his eyes, looking at Nick shyly. His cheeks were dusted a bright red and he squeezed his eyes shut again. Nick slid his right hand out of Jeff's hair and cupped Jeff's left cheek, rubbing his thumb along his cheekbone.
"Jeff?" he repeated, his voice a bit stronger, more sure.
"The truth is," Jeff started, barely audible. His eyes peaked open again. "I've been keeping a secret from you too."
Nick couldn't help it. He beamed. He'd been frowning for so long that it hurt his face to smile so wide. Jeff saw it and smiled too, though, so it was well worth the ache in his cheeks. Nick pressed a kiss to each of Jeff's cheeks and then planted one on his lips again. Jeff smiled into the kiss and rubbed their noses together when it ended, making Nick laugh.
"I've missed you," Jeff admitted quietly, wrapping his arms around Nick's shoulders.
Nick frowned slightly. "I've missed you too. If I'd been more honest with you then maybe none of this would have ever happened."
"If we'd both been honest," Jeff corrected. Nick raised an eyebrow. "If I had admitted my feelings for you, then you wouldn't have felt the need to hide your own. It's as much my fault as yours."
Nick nodded. "Ok," he ceded. "From now on we need to promise to be honest with each other."
"I promise," Jeff agreed, smiling again. "So, Nick," he started, sounding smugly proud of himself, "will you be my boyfriend?"
Nick grinned. Ok, he loved when Jeff was smugly proud of himself, if only because he was adorable that way. "Only if you'll be mine."
They were close enough together that Jeff could headbutt him without much problem. Nick gasped, taking a step back in shock and removed his hands from Jeff entirely to rub his forehead.
"Ow!" he complained, though it really hadn't hurt.
Jeff smirked at him. "That was for being a smart ass."
Nick shook his head, rubbing his forehead once more. "You love it when I'm a smart ass."
Jeff shrugged. "Do I? Whoops."
Nick grabbed Jeff swiftly, earning a quick 'yipe!' and kissed him soundly on the lips. Jeff melted into it. They didn't stop until they needed air again, and they were well into the realm of breathlessness when they pulled back. Jeff looked light headed. Nick felt much the same.
"I can't believe I can kiss you now," Nick admitted.
Jeff smiled. "Maybe I'll just kiss you again and again until you believe it."
Nick was about to take him up on that offer when a chorus call of "NICK?! JEFF?! WHERE'D YOU GO?!" came screaming across the stage, jolting him out of his Jeff-haze.
"Oh my god," Jeff whispered, eyes wide. "I think my eardrums just burst."
Nick laughed out loud. "Come on," he said. "We can continue this back at Dalton. But first, I need to apologize properly to Kurt," he said sadly.
Jeff paused in running his hands through his hair, fixing it from how Nick's fingers had mussed it, and gave Nick a thoughtful look. "He'll forgive you. He'll forgive all of us." He shrugged. "It just might take some time."
"I'm willing to work for it," Nick assured him, and held out a hand.
Jeff looked between Nick's face and his hand three times before smiling brightly and accepting it. He used it to pull Nick close and whispered in his ear, "I'll be at your side."
God, Nick was so glad he wasn't keeping secrets anymore. He squeezed Jeff's hand and pecked him on the cheek before leading him back to the rest of the group. Part of him hoped Sebastian was still there, so he could rub this in the bastard's face. The rest of him was glad when they walked in view of the others and saw no sign of Sebastian, because he didn't want this moment ruined by Sebastian's rude remarks and sneering gaze.
But Sebastian didn't matter anymore. Nick had Jeff, and that mattered so much more than anything else.
...
...
fin.