This story was inspired by a book I've read and also an old Soap Opera I used to watch. I really, really had the urge to write this and I am very pleased with how it turned out. So please read and review! I will work on the next chapter as soon as possible. And I'll also work on Chapter seventeen for my other story! So keep reading that, but also read this. Let me know what you think of it, thanks. :)
Forgotten Identity
Laurel Truscott lay in her bed, screaming in agony, as she give birth to her baby. She hadn't planned to be at home when her baby was ready, but ever since her divorce with the baby's father she didn't have the money (or insurance) to give birth in a hospital. So she chose to lay in her bed as she awaited the arrival of her first born child. A moment she'd been waiting for all her life. Holding onto the sheets as tight as she could, Laurel pushed as hard as humanly possible.
Several minutes later, a loud cry was heard as the baby lay amongst it's mother's feet. Laurel let tears of joy fall from her eyes as she bent down to scoop her baby up. She smiled when she realized she had given birth to a daughter and then wrapped a blanket around her. "I'm so happy to finally meet you, my beautiful little girl," she whispered, her voice raspy from all the screaming she did. "How beautiful you are, little one...Now all you need is a name. I've always wanted to have a daughter, and adored the name Emilie...What do you think, precious angel? Would you like to be called Emilie Grace?" The mother pressed her lips warmly onto her baby's tiny forehead, and smiled when she felt a little hand grasp onto her finger.
"Emilie Grace it is then!" Laurel grinned, cradling the baby close in her arms as she stroked the top of her head. "Oh my sweet, precious Emilie... You have no idea how happy mommy is to finally have you! I've been looking forward to this moment since I found out I was carrying you inside me. You are my beautiful angel, and I cannot wait to start our lives together. You will have the best life I can possibly give to you...I love you so much, sweetheart."
Right after her daughter's second birthday, Laurel fell ill and ended up in the hospital. Within days of being admitted into the hospital she was diagnosed with stage four ovarian cancer, and told that she only has months to live. And unfortunately for her daughter that meant she'd be placed into her father's custody. That was the last thing Laurel wanted for her child; she couldn't stand her ex-husband, and she had no faith that he'd be able to raise the little girl.
The mother lay in the hospital bed as she held her child close. She gently stroke the toddler's hair, smiling warmly down at her. "You're so beautiful, my darling Emilie." Before she could say anything else, the door swung open and to her dismay, her ex-husband rushed in the room. She glared up at him, anger rising in her body. "What are you doing here, Del? You haven't even once seen our daughter these past two years...And you think because I'm dying you get to play daddy with her?! I don't think so!" Laurel raged, keeping a tighter hold on her baby.
"Well it's better than having her live in foster homes all her life, don't ya think?" His voice calm as he looked over towards his daughter. He couldn't believe how beautiful the little girl was and felt ashamed that he hadn't been a part of her life for the past two years. "What's her name? She looks just like you, Laurel. Has your blonde hair and ocean blue eyes..." Del trailed off as he slowly made his way over to the bed, watching the child carefully.
Laurel stared at him with a watchful eye, not too sure about what he was getting at. She held her daughter even closer as she shook her head angrily, "Stop it, Del! You are not going to butter your way into raising my baby! Not when you haven't even visited her once since her birth...You never even called to ask how she is! If you want to have the honor of raising this beautiful girl when I croak, then you need to earn that right." She stroked her child's hair, wishing she hadn't had to hear this conversation. "And her name is Emilie Grace."
Del smiled as he brought his two and a half year old daughter home. Not even three months after her diagnosis, Laurel passed away and Emilie was sent to live with her father. The dark haired man scooped the toddler into his arms while making his way into the house. He looked down at his daughter, smiling happily. "It's so nice to finally bring you home, Emilie. I know you probably think I don't know what I'm doing raising a child...but I've got a whole room decorated just for you. And maybe later we can take a trip to the store so you can pick out a new toy. How's that sound?" He gently stroked the child's hair, remembering that her mother always did that to calm her down.
The toddler stared up at him with two sad eyes. She didn't understand who this man, holding her, was and why her mother would leave her with him. Where was her mother, exactly? Something she wondered silently. "Mommy...I wan me mommy!" Emilie cried out as she turn her head, trying to find the woman who took care of her since birth. She didn't want to live there with a man she barely knew. All she wanted was to be back with her mother, the only one she knew to love her.
"Emilie...I wish I could bring your mommy back for you...I'm so sorry, sweetheart." He spoke, sympathy for his daughter as she cry out. He didn't know what he could do to make things easier for her. "I know this is a new place and you hardly know me... But I promise you, Emilie; I will do everything I can to take care of you and love you as your mother did. I'm your father and I will make sure you have a great life. And if it makes you feel any better, I will take you to see your mommy everyday."
Six year old Emilie sat solemnly in a bar as her step-mother hopped around talking to every man she'd seen. Emilie hated the woman her father married three years ago; she was a horrible person to be around and the child knew she hadn't even loved her father. The blonde haired little girl let out a sigh as she took a sip of her soda. At least the bar tender knew them well enough that he made sure no one would bother her.
It felt like hours passed as Emilie sat there in her thoughts. She hated that the woman always had to drag her along to the bar. She'd much rather be left home alone, waiting for her father than to be sitting in a place surrounded by filthy drunken men. Before she could ask for another soda, she felt her body be whisked away in a pair of rough arms. She tried to scream but felt a filthy hand cover up her mouth, so she settled for biting it. And that only cause the hand to slap her across the face.
Emilie's eyes turned a light, almost greyish blue as she felt her body shake with fear. Although this time it wasn't Emilie who was being carried to her doom...it was a little girl named Lilly. The little girl kicked and screamed, trying so hard to get out of the man's tight hold. "LET ME GO!" Her voice, much squeakier than usual, yelled as she bit the man all over his hand.
The man slapped her harder, dragging her to a secluded room and locking the door. He threw her on the floor and grinned evilly at her. "Shut your fucking mouth, kid! You want people to hear you? Because if they hear you, I will have to kill you." He smirked, running his hand roughly through her hair. "You're going to let me do whatever the hell I want to you, and then you will never say a word to anyone about this. You understand?" When he got a frightened nod, he smiled and let his hands roam free over the young girl's body. "Tell me your name," he spoke, as he slowly took the girl's shirt off.
"Em- I-I mean L-Lilly," the blonde child's voice shook as she let tears fall from her eyes. Let me out Lilly, Emilie's voice whispered in Lilly's mind, You can't handle this, I can. Please Lilly! He's gonna hurt you! Lilly squeezed her eyes shut as more and more tears fell. She knew the girl was right; there was no way she could handle being raped by a man. And when her eyes opened seconds later, they were Emilie's ocean blue ones. She looked straight into the man's evil face and grimaced. "I'm Emilie. And if you think you can hurt me without getting in trouble; you're wrong. My daddy will find out and he will murder you with his bare hands."
But that didn't stop the man; in fact, it made him want to harm her even more. He took the girl's pants off and roughly caressed her. He smirked, slapping her face. "You're not gonna say a word about this to anyone Emilie. Because if you do, you will be dead." The man started touching her, all over her body and smiled when he felt her shake underneath his touch. He continued to touch her and grinned all while doing so.
After her eighth birthday, Emilie was put into foster care. Her step-mother knew that the child was catching onto what she'd been doing and didn't want her to say a word of it to her father, so one night she decided to brutally murder the man. It was hard for the child to go through the loss of her father; she grew very close to him after the passing of her mother and to know that now she was truly on her own really broke her.
Lilly tried so hard to get out but Emilie stopped her. She knew it wasn't safe for the other girl to be in control, not after all the terrible things that have happened. "I can't let you out yet, Lilly; it's not safe for you," Emilie would whisper to herself every night as she lie awake in her bed. She couldn't fathom how her life had been turned upside down in such a short time period.
It was the whee hours of the moring when Emilie had been awaken from her sleep. She looked up at the person who disturbed her and grew concerned. "Why are you waking me up so early today, Mrs. Gravel?" The child asked as she rubbed her eyes while letting out a huge yawn. "It's barely six am!"
The woman gave her a cold stare, disgusted with her attitude. "Do not speak to me in that tone, Emilie Grace! You have no right to talk like that," she hissed, placing a hard slap to her face. "And for some unknown reason, there's a husband and wife who are looking to take a child in. Apparently, they want you to be that child. God only knows why; you're such an ornery and bratty little girl!" Mrs. Gravel moaned as she dragged the girl out of bed and down the hall to where those two awaiting parents stood.
Emilie looked the two over, realizing they looked as if they walked out of a country song. The man hand blue eyes with shoulder-length brownish-red hair, cowboy hat on top and his wife had light brown, almost golden, curly hair with hazel eyes. They both wore genuine smiles on their faces as they watched the child. "I'm not a farm girl," Emilie stated quietly, "I don't think you'd want me." Let me out, Emilie! I can do what they want, please... I need a family; I don't want to be stuck in this filthy place any longer! Lilly cried out in Emilie's mind. The girl shook her head with a whisper, "No, Lilly; it's not safe for you. I can't let you get your hopes up, when I know it's not going to work out. I'll let you out when the times right, Lilly; I promise."
Mrs. Gravel rolled her eyes at the child, hating when she talked to herself. "Emilie Grace, you shut your mouth right this minute! You're gonna make these lovely folks think you're insane." She peered over at the two southern people with a desperate face. "Emilie will do whatever you ask of her, just please take her. We can't keep her here anymore, there's too many children who need to be here."
"Well, we'd be sure glad to have Emilie come home with us!" The southern man spoke, a cheerful grin on his face. "And the only thing we ask of her is to allow us to look after her and make her life as pleasurable as possible."
Emilie followed her new parents up the stairs to their house. She couldn't believe she had to leave her home state to come to that. They went all the way to California to adopt her just to bring her back to boring ole' Tennessee. What kind of people were they? Shaking her head, she looked all around at her surroundings and sighed. The only thing nice about this place was all the land that surrounded the house.
The man, who's name was Bobbie Stewart, looked over at the child with a smile. "I know this ain't no California...but I can promise you that you'll love it here. And we've got another daughter; Luanne, she's nine and I can reckon the two of you will get along quite well." He spoke, his voice very thick with his southern accent. He and Renee were very happy to have chosen to adopt young Emilie and couldn't wait to get to know more about her.
"We also run an orphange which is just behind our house. Luanne will show you that later, when she gives you a tour of the house."
Lilly finally pushed her way through Emilie's mind, and smiled when she saw the land that surrounded her. Finally, she thought, she would get to live the life she always dreamt about. Lilly, please, you can't survive out there! Not yet, it's not safe for you. Please come back inside and let me take over. It's not your time yet, you aren't ready to deal with this! Lilly ignored Emilie's voice and continued taking in all the beauty. "You must be Emilie," a soft voice spoke, which startled the blonde child.
She shook her head as she looked at the person who spoke to her. "Call me Lilly," Her voice a bit higher than Emilie's. She peered over at the other girl, who had auburn hair that was as curly as her mother's. "I guess you must be Luanne?" Lilly questioned, but assumed it probably indeed was the Luanne girl. She could see the two of them becoming friends; she would really enjoy that and was so happy to finally be in control of her own body. You are making a big mistake Lilly! You are going to get yourself hurt. Emilie spoke to her in her mind, but Lilly only ignored her.
The dark haired child nodded with a smile, taking a seat beside the other. "Yes, I am Luanne. Nice to meet you, Lilly. But momma and papa said your name's Emilie?" She questioned, confused as to why the other girl referred to herself as something different than what her parents did.
"Uh yes, that is my name...but I like to be called Lilly. Lilies are my favorite flower, and all my friends back home started to call me Lilly," The blonde girl lied, but hoped Luanne would buy it. Which she appeared so and the two sat there for what seemed like hours as they chattered away. Lilly, you can't do this! It's gonna back fire on you and you won't be able to handle it...Please let me out; you're going to dig us into a grave. Emilie begged and pleaded, but Lilly refused to listen to her. It was her body and she wanted to finally be in control of it. "Hush Emilie; I can handle being out here. This is my life, after all, let me live it." Lilly whispered to herself, then continued her conversation with her new friend.
Sunday afternoon, Bobbie and Renee decided to throw a little welcoming party for their adopted daughter. It was a beautiful sunny day, Bobbie grilled meats on the grill while his wife baked pies in the kitchen. Mamaw Ruthie hovered over her son as he cooked, making sure he burned her hot dogs just the way she liked them. Bobbie's twin brother, Robbie, sat on their porch as he threw scraps of meat done to the dog.
Luanne introduced Emilie to her cousins Miley and Jackson, who welcomed her with open arms. Emilie took notice that Miley had almost the same features as Luanne. "Are you two twins or something?" She asked, baffeled as to how two cousins could so alike. "I've never seen a pair of cousins who looked this much alike!"
The two girls shared a laugh as they shook their heads. "No, our dads are the twins! That's probably why we look identical," Luanne said, chuckling with a smile. "Anyway, those two are the only cousins our age. So the three of us are pretty close... Okay, not so much with Jackson; he's kind of a pest." She joked, which earned her a playful punch on the arm from her older cousin.
Jackson, who recently turned eleven, looked Emilie over with a grin. Finally, he thought, a girl around that wasn't related to him and kind of even cute. He took out his hand to shake hers with, smiling at her all the while. "It sure is nice to meet you, Lilly." He spoke, his southern accent as thick as his father's.
Emilie's ocean blue eyes grew dark as she yanked her hand out from his, "Call me Emilie. And don't touch me without asking first." She stared him so intensely that he almost trembled a bit, but he nodded his head with a gulp. Emilie could feel Lilly trying to come out, but she shook her head. "You were the one who went inside and hid the moment you saw other men around, Lilly... I'm not letting you back out! Not until you're able to handle things on your own." Emilie whispered to herself, knowing that Lilly couldn't cope in the world just yet.
Lilly, fourteen now, had really become close with her new family. But as she grew closer to them, they learned her secret, that there were two very distinct personalities lurking inside her mind. They took her to a therapyst the moment they realized Emilie was having quite elaborate conversations with herself. Low and behold they were shocked to hear that she was diagnosed with D.I.D or dissociative identity disorder, a disorder in which there are more than one person living in that body.
The therapyst referred her to a doctor, who found it quite astonishing that such a young person could already have this problem. Lilly just shrugged her shoulders; she hadn't found this a problem in the least. She even explained to the doctor that Emilie had been their all her life, since the day she was born in her mother's bedroom. Yes, although Emilie was the name given to the girl, Lilly turned out to be the main personality. She was always there, watching everything happen around her, but freely let Emilie take control of her body as she knew she wouldn't let it get harmed.
Emilie and Lilly also learned that there was another personality roaming around. Her name was Violet, and unlike Emilie who only wanted to protect Lilly, she had been a very mean and cold person. Violet hated both Lilly and Emilie, who refuse to let her out because if she were out, she'd destroy Lilly's body.
Lilly lay on her bed, staring up at the ceiling. It was nearly one in the morning, on a Sunday night, but she just couldn't fall asleep. Tomorrow she would be starting her first day of high school, and she couldn't be more scared. She knew she'd be with Luanne and her cousin, but something was eating away at her bout it and she couldn't seem to figure it out. Lilly, don't worry about school tomorrow. You'll be fine; it's just high school...And you know if things get too much for you, I'll take over. Emilie tried to calm her down.
"No, Emilie," Lilly started, shaking her head. "I can handle school, I don't need you to do everything for me. The only thing I'm worried about is...the schoolwork. I heard it's much harder in high school." Emilie almost laughed as she knew damn right that wasn't the girl was worried about. Oh please, Lilly! We both know that's not what scares you. You're worried about all them high school guys. You think they're gonna hurt you like the man at the bar did when we were kids. They won't lay a finger on you, Lil; if they even try, I'll show my face and they'll run for the hills. She spoke to the other, hoping to comfort her. She would never allow anyone to cause her any pain. If it came down to it, she would take over and endure the pain for her.
Lilly sighed, knowing Emilie was right. She could never trust another man after what she'd been put through at the age of six. And although for a while, she kept it burried deep inside; she knew she had been afraid of men and couldn't face going through anything like that again. "Thanks, Em...You're the only person I'll ever be able to truly trust." She whispered, as she wrapped herself in the blankets. There's no need to be thanking me Lilly; it's my job to protect you and earn your trust. I'll always be here for you Lil, and you will learn how to trust others. Not everyone is out to hurt you, sweetie. You'll figure that out on your own. We'll talk more tomorrow; you better get some rest, it's late Lilly. Emilie spoke softly to her as she slowly took control of her body and closed her eyes.
Lilly's eyes peeped out of their lids as the sun shone on her face. She turned her head to look at the clock and grumbled when she saw it was time for her to get up. She grudgingly made her way into the bathroom to wash her face but was startled when she felt hand on her shoulder. Her light blue eyes changed to Emilie's darker ones as she turned to face the person.
"Oh, Lilly; I'm sorry I scared you," Luanne said, looking at her with a concerned expression. "Everything okay? Heard you having quite the conversation last night...with yourself. " She stroked the girl's shoulder comfortingly as she waited for her reply.
Emilie shook her head, watching her carefully. "Lilly is hiding, apparently your touch startled her a bit too much..." She spoke as she peered up at the other girl, who seemed a bit wary of her. "Don't look so frightened, Luanne. I won't cause you any harm. This isn't your first time meeting me, either, Lilly and I are always taking turns controlling her body. This is just your first time knowing that I exist, or rather we exist." She smiled, a friendly one, but could still sense the other's apprehension. She gently grabbed her hand and gave it a soft squeeze, "Really, Luanne, I'm not here to do any harm. I'm here to make sure everything is safe for Lilly, until moving here and living with your family, Lilly's hardly ever come out."
The southern teen slowly nodded her head as she stared up into Emilie's eyes. How was this even possible? She thought to herself. How could there be more than one person living inside this girl's body? "Well, uhm, how long have you existed? And why was Lilly named Emilie, if you're not even the main one? I don't understand..." This whole problem that Lilly or Emilie had, whoever it was, confused Luanne more than anything.
"I've always existed. We were both born when our mother gave birth to us... She named her Emilie, because I was Emilie. I was there when she was born; I was the one who was looking up at our mom. I didn't really know Lilly was there until I heard her cry out for mom when we were about three years old. This is Lilly's body, but I've been in control of it about 80% of the time. Our doctor doesn't even believe us when we tell her; she thinks this is some kind of trick. But I know Lilly and I have both been in this body since our birth. I have a feeling we were supposed to be twins, but maybe our minds just merged together and that's why we're both here. Make sense, Luanne?"
Lilly walked with Luanne to their lockers. The high school was so big compared to middle school and everything was just so foreign to her. She looked around, nervously, and stared over at her sister who had already been putting stuff in her locker. She let out a deep sigh as she opened her own and placed her bookbag inside. "I can handle this all on my own," she encouraged herself silently.
Luanne closed her locker and then went over to Lilly, giving her a gentle hug. "Don't you worry about a thing, Lil. Everything will be fine. Miley and I will be here with you, even Jackson." She gave her a reassuring smile as she took her hand and the two of them off to find her cousins.
"Welcome to high school, Lilly!" Jackson chirped as he and his sister made their way over to them. "Nice of you to finally join the rest of us." He noticed she closed her eyes, squeezing them shut for several moments. He hoped he hadn't frightened her, he somehow always managed to do that. "Well I'll let you three get to class; I have a reputation to uphold!" Saying that had him recieve a playful punch from his sister. And then he was gone.
Lilly sat in her writing class, her last class before lunch, and penciled away in her journal. She could write in it for hours and not have a care in the world. At that time, she was so enthused in her writing that she hadn't even heard the bell ring or see that she was left in an empty classroom. Class is over, Lilly! You're the only one left. Emilie's voice spoke in her mind. Lilly poked her head up from her journal and noticed that the other was right. She lightly laughed as she gathered her things, "Thanks Em."
As she slowly made her way to the cafeteria, her nerves set in. Where was she gonna sit? Questions started running through her mind while she squeezed her eyes shut. Lilly, you'll be fine. I'm sure Luanne will have you sit with her. Emilie whispered, hoping that Lilly would not have her come out. As much as she loved being out in the real world, she wanted Lilly to learn how to cope out there and handle things on her own.
The nervous girl walked timidly into the cafeteria and desperately tried to find Luanne. Where is she? She thought quietly, and before she knew it, she saw her sitting at a table with Miley and Jackson. Go over there, Lilly. There your friends! Emilie encouraged her and made her feet move in that direction. Lilly carefully continued to where they sat and looked at them with apprehension. "Uhm, can-can I sit with you-you guys?"
"Course you can, Lil!" Luanne spoke, as she patted the seat next to her. "You don't have to ask us that; you're always welcome." She gave her a warm smile as she took a sip of her drink. It was a surprise to see that Lilly had still been in control, and she felt proud of the girl for that.
Miley gave a friendly smile to the blonde girl while taking a bite of her sandwhich. "How are you liking high school, Lilly? Have a favorite class?" She asked softly, peering over at her. Something seemed very off about her, she always whispered to herself and would squeeze her eyes shut when something startled or scared her. [Miley and Jackson had no idea that Lilly was suffering with D.I.D, Luanne's parents didn't think it should be a public knowledge.] And when she saw that, it concerned her but she could never bring herself to ask about it.
Lilly shrugged her shoulders as she carefully opened her lunch bag. She took out her soda, which she always packed herself, and took a big gulp of it. "Well, it's not as bad as I thought it would be...and I really like my writing class." A smile formed on her face; maybe things would work out for her, maybe Emilie was right and not everyone would try to hurt her.
After school ended, Miley had invited Lilly to hang out with her over at her house. They rode the bus home together and talked about what they were going to do. "You wanna meet my horse, Lil? He's really friendly and loves attention... Maybe after dinner we can go for a ride, we've got another horse that you might like." The chestnut haired teenager asked, a warm smile on her face. Although Lilly had been over her house many times since her arrival, she'd never seen the horses.
You better say yes, Lilly! I wanna see their horses! Emilie exclaimed; horses were one of her favorite animals and she knew Lilly would like them as well. The blonde had to let a smile slip out; she knew how much Emilie loved horses and how she'd always draw them as a child. "That sounds like a good idea," Lilly spoke, "Horses are one of my favorite animals."
"I'm glad to hear it! We've got a whole bunch of horses in the barn," Miley chirped as she lead them to it. She noticed how, for a second, Lilly's light eyes changed to a darker blue and grew curious. As they made it to the entrance of the barn, she opened the door and brought them to the loft. "Before I show you the horses...Mind if we talk for a minute, Lil?"
The other became anxious, wondering what on earth she could possibly want to talk about. She looked down at her hands, folding them together as she slowly nodded her head. "Uhm sure...What about?" Her voice nervously questioned while she looked down at the ground, noticing the concrete floor was covered in scraps of fresh hay.
Miley sensed the blonde's nervousness and gave her a reassuring smile, "It's noting to be worried bout, Lil." She grabbed her hand and brought her up a small latter, that lead to the loft area. After they both took a seat on the two barrels of hay, Miley peered into Lilly's eyes with a friendly glow. "I've noticed there's something different about you... It's not a bad thing, it just-it concerns me Lilly. When my brother comes around you, you seem to become timid and frightened...And you always squeeze your eyes shut. And I've noticed that sometimes your eyes will change, from your light blue to a dark, almost oceany blue. Your voice sounds different to sometimes. Is there something going on with ya, Lils? I want to know why you act the way you do, I have heard you talking to yourself before...A full-on conversation you had! Lilly, what on earth is going on? Please tell me, I want to help you with whatever you're dealing with." She sighed as she seen tears about ready to pour from the other's eyes, and pulled her in for a friendly embrace. "Talk to me, Lil...I'm your friend, I wanna help ya."
"You-You wouldn't understand, Miley..." Lilly's voice quivered as she focused her eyes anywhere but Miley's. "It's just too complicated and painful to explain." Lilly! She's your friend; you can't lie to her...You have to tell her! Emilie pleaded, knowing that this was something she had to discuss with the other girl. Lilly shook her head and continued to focus her eyes elsewhere. "No, Emilie; I can't tell her...No one should know about this...It's ridiculous!" She whispered tearfully to her alter. Why did she have to deal with this disorder? Why couldn't she just live her life like everyone else did? If you don't tell her Lil, then I will. I don't want to have to come out there but I refuse to let you lie to your friend! How the hell do you expect to keep friends if you don't tell them about this? I love you Lilly, but I don't want you making a big mistake like this.