If you fell
By: hands-of-blue
"Natsuki, if I fell, would you catch me?"
What the hell, who asks questions like that? Shouldn't the answer be obvious? Well, I guess for most people it would be, but not for us. It has been months since the Hime Festival has ended and I have been treating Shizuru like nothing ever happened. Like we're still just friends, if even that, but she's still in love with me. But in truth…
"Natsuki, did you hear me?" "Yes Shizuru, I heard you." "Well…what would you do?"
Why even ask me this question now, like the answer is suppose to mean something so important that she just must hear what it is. I had just come over for some tea and talk to make her happy, yet I should have known she was going to trap me sooner than later.
"Because, you know, I would catch you Natsuki."
Just say it Natsuki, stop putting this dear girl through anymore pain. Just tell her, everything.
"No Shizuru, I wouldn't catch you…"
Shit…shit…leave. Leave before those watery eyes of hers start to overflow. Leave…leave…before you can finish what you have to say.
Natsuki grabs her helmet and quickly moves for the door. As she grips the knob, trembling, she turns to look at Shizuru. The older girl's head is down, but Natsuki can still see Shizuru's shoulders bobbing and her tears catching in the light from the streetlamps.
Leave…you idiot.
----------------------------------
After hours of driving around without a destination, Natsuki sits atop a cliff overlooking the city.
…what do I do now? It wasn't supposed to happen like that. I shouldn't have just left. I should have stayed and explained myself.
Natsuki's eyes start to tear up and sparkle, giving them all the more appearance of emeralds. Natsuki scans over the lights from the city, wondering which dim light belongs to Shizuru. Two lonely emeralds stuck in a pile of dirt, searching for a pair of rubies.
That's it, I have to go back. I have to let her know…
-------------------------------
Natsuki stands outside the door to Shizuru's apartment. Weakly knocking at the door, she lowers her head, afraid to see Shizuru's face.
Come on Natsuki, it won't be that bad.
After knocking a few more times and never getting a response, Natsuki pulls out a spare key Shizuru had given her a while back. Looking down at the key in her hand after unlocking the door, she can feel her legs start to go limp, but quickly catches herself.
Oh Shizuru, what have I done?
Once Natsuki had pushed the door open and realized that Shizuru was not in the apartment at the moment, she took out a piece of paper and pen from a drawer. Scribbling something down, she brought the note into Shizuru's bedroom and placed it on the stand at the side of the bed where she knew Shizuru slept on.
I hope you're not too mad. I hate it when you're mad at me.
Leaving and locking the apartment just as quickly as she had entered, daring one last look over of the place, Natsuki once again got back on her bike and drove home.
-------------------------------
You should have made her stay. You should have made her elaborate on her answer. You should have fought for her, like you always have.
Shizuru hadn't seemed to be able to dry her eyes since Natsuki left. While at the store, buying more tea, she was met with numerous concerned looks from the strangers around her. She didn't mind though, she just wished that one of those worried faces was Natsuki's.
Maybe she didn't mean it. You know you're Natsuki, she's so thick-headed and guards her emotions so well. Perhaps you should have waited a little longer and then she would have been more willing to admit her true feelings.
Walking back to her apartment, Shizuru remembered the look Natsuki had given her. Green eyes that Shizuru normally loved so much were as cold and hard as real emeralds. Just a pretty rock, but that's all.
No, she meant it. She always will mean it. She's Natsuki Kuga, a fighter, not a lover. And you're Shizuru Fujino, a friend, just a friend. Always…
Almost passing her apartment by, Shizuru walks in and immediately sets about making a cup of tea.
Does this mean I shouldn't even stay her friend? Have I finally overstepped the line? Or has she finally built a wall in its place?
Lost in thought, Shizuru's pinky finger strays and is burned by the side of the whistling kettle.
That's it, that's all she's caused me. Pain.
Suddenly, and quite uncharacteristically, disregarding her previous task of preparing tea, Shizuru drags herself into her bedroom and slides into bed.
Who am I kidding, I love that girl with all my heart. She's given me such joy.
Staring up at her ceiling, Shizuru swears she can see Natsuki's face.
Great, well I might as well try to just go to sleep, even though I know she'll be there when I close my eyes too.
Turning over to lift the covers, Shizuru notices a piece of paper on her night stand that was not there when she left. Bringing the paper close to her, Shizuru lets out a small whimper. Clutching the note tightly and reading it over and over again, the tears that have been begging to fall for hours are finally released and stream down Shizuru's face.
"If you fell Shizuru, I would not catch you, I would fall with you."
As fast as her tired body could possible go, Shizuru dashed out to her car and sped off towards Natsuki's apartment.
I was right, she does mean it. My sweet Natsuki, she was trying to admit her feelings.
----------------------------------
I wonder what's taking so long. If she got my note she should have driven by here already. Maybe…maybe it wasn't enough. Maybe…I really have messed up this time.
Clawing away more hot tears, Natsuki sits under an abandoned food stand at the side of the road. Just a few blocks away from her apartment and the rain decided to try to capture Natsuki and her bike in a flood in record time. Giving up and letting her tears mix with the rain, Natsuki furrows her eyebrows as a car that resembled Shizuru's to a t shot by her. Thinking over the possibility of the driver actually being Shizuru, she takes her chances, starts her bike up, and carefully leads it home.
Maybe…it was enough.
----------------------------------
She's not home. Where else could she be?
Shizuru had already flung herself into Natsuki's apartment and now lay curled in Natsuki's bed.
I must be too late. She must have figured that I've rejected her. She must be…gone.
Still crying, still cold and wet from the rain, Shizuru felt utterly alone. Just as she did before she met Natsuki. Her sparkling rubies, stuck in a pile of dirt, could not find her beloved's pair of emeralds.
Have you fallen?
Shizuru wasn't sure if the voice she heard was her own inner one or not. She was too exhausted and defeated to care.
I said, have you fallen yet?
Yes, I have.
After a moment, Shizuru can feel warm arms encircle her waist and gently pull her towards the soft form behind her.
Good, now I can fall too.
Natsuki kisses the back of Shizuru's ear and snuggles into her neck. As Shizuru realizes what's going on her eyes finally dry, her hands intertwine with the ones around her waist, and the smile of hers that Natsuki secretly loves so very much, which Natsuki is planning on telling Shizuru about tomorrow, spreads across her face. Pressing herself into Natsuki even more, she whispers.
"Then I guess I won't catch you after all either, my Natsuki."