Disclaimer: If Castle were mine, our favorite couple would have shared their body heat in that damn freezer a hell of a lot better... just sayin'. (see profile for a REAL disclaimer)
A/N: For my kind and beautiful friend, Catherine on her birthday!
The first time it happened his touch was so innocent that it didn't quite hit her just how intimate the situation really was.
It all started when Castle told her that Alexis had recently joined a club after school and was learning how to knit. She'd smiled, thinking it was sweet, and told him a story about her Mother declaring her a lost cause when it came to anything involving yarn when she was only thirteen. What she hadn't expected though, was for him to come back to the precinct a few days later with a bright colored gift bag dangling from his fingertips.
Kate lifted one eyebrow in question but he didn't take the bait, simply passing it to her and urging her to open it. Her eyes nearly teared up when she saw what was inside, pulling out a deep red hat, made from something so soft it should be illegal. She ran her fingers over the material- it was a simple design, reminding her of an old fashioned watch cap, slightly misshapen and wonky in a few places, but it was one of the most thoughtful gifts that she'd ever received.
Before she could fully gather her emotions and find the right words to respond, Castle had taken it from her grasp and slipped it onto her head. Her breath caught as he flipped the brim up and their gazes met. He was smiling tenderly at her and she just barely resisted the urge to bite her bottom lip as his fingertips danced across her forehead, swiping a few unruly strands of hair out of her eyes.
"There," he whispered softly, "Perfect."
Kate felt her cheeks flush under the attention, "You think so?"
He tilted his head to the side, his expression unreadable, and she could tell that his mind was racing, digging deeper, filing away something new that he'd noticed about her. It made her stomach flutter and her body warm. For some reason, one that she wasn't ready to admit, she just couldn't look away.
"I know it."
Her body started swaying dangerously close to crossing a line, catching herself looking down longingly at his lips wanting to throw caution to the wind, but it wasn't meant to be. A night officer strode by them and broke the spell that had so carefully ensnared them.
She blinked, guilt suffocating her like a wet blanket. How could she forget about Josh like that- again. It was so easy to lose herself in Castle, dangerously easy, and it was getting harder to ignore every day.
"I uh- tell Alexis I said thank you for the hat. I'll have to take her out for coffee sometime to repay her. It's beautiful."
He cleared his throat and took a step back, flashing her a smile that didn't quite reach his eyes, "Will do, Detective. She'll be ecstatic."
Kate returned his smile, trying to dissolve the awkward tension between them. All she could do was hope that a body would drop and things would return to normal.
A few days later they were at a crime scene- a small apartment on the Lower East Side- when Kate suddenly felt him hovering behind her.
She could smell his aftershave and feel the heat radiating off of his body. Her eyes slid shut, just for a moment, the pen she'd been writing notes with stilling in her hand. He must have noticed though, because a second later he was closer and the front of his sports coat brushed against the small of her back. She didn't dare turn her head, she had to deny herself the temptation.
"Castle?" she whispered, her usual disapproving tone almost completely missing.
Her hair fluttered softly against the back of her neck, his voice vibrating on a few inches away from her ear, "We're being watched."
Kate's brow furrowed. That definitely wasn't what she'd been expecting.
"What?"
She felt one of his hands graze her hip, gently turning her toward one of the large windows nearby. A familiar rush of adrenaline shot through her, one that she'd later attribute to the possibility of busting the killer and not Castle's proximity.
"The building across the street. Fourth floor. Guy with the telescope."
Spotting him easily, she quickly looked away, leaning into her partner's touch so she wouldn't rouse any suspicion. His fingers tightened their grip, sliding a little higher around her waist, and it reminded her of the way he'd held her outside of that warehouse months ago as they stumbled their way through saving Ryan and Esposito- it reminded her of their kiss.
Sighing, Kate managed to flip her notebook to a new page and write out a message, 'Apartment under surveillance. Man, mid forties, fourth floor, building across the street. Proceed with caution.'
"Ryan," she barked, passing the note discretely to him when he appeared only a few seconds later, "Take Esposito with you. Call for backup, just in case."
His brow furrowed in confusion, looking from her, down to Castle's arm still around her waist, to the note, then back up again. She blushed, subtlety putting a little space between them, but not enough that they completely lost contact.
"On it boss," he nodded, and set off quickly toward the outer hallway.
"You think he's our guy?"
Kate shrugged, slipping out of Castle's grasp, trying desperately to focus on the crime scene and the possible bust going down across the way, "Let's hope so. If not, at least we might have a credible witness."
Out of the corner of her eye she saw him sigh and run a hand through his hair, looking a little more lost than usual, and she suspected that it had nothing to do with the case. At least she wasn't the only one who was confused.
On Kate's day off the following weekend, as promised she finally managed to take Alexis out for coffee. She had a soft spot for the girl, one that she knew Castle adored even if he constantly joked about them gossiping about him behind his back. They went shopping, stopped at a bakery and stumbled across an art gallery that she'd never noticed before, which quickly turned into being sweet talked into attending a family dinner and movie marathon at the loft that night.
They stopped at her apartment on the way there so she could grab a bottle of her favorite wine, a book from her collection that Alexis had mentioned wanting to read, and the makings for a salad to go along with dinner. Eventually, when they arrived at their final destination, it had been a little awkward, but Martha and Castle had been more than happy to see her and Kate found that she had nothing to worry about. Only a few hours later, when she settled next to Castle on the couch during the first movie, did she realize that she'd been wrong.
He made a big show of yawning, stretching his arm up in the air like a nervous teenage boy before slowly bringing it down behind her. She rolled her eyes and glared at him, but didn't stop him when she felt herself being tentatively tugged against his side.
They stayed like that for nearly two hours, her heart fluttering erratically every time he shifted or rubbed absent minded patterns into her shoulder. She was glad that she'd seen the movie before, otherwise she probably wouldn't have known what was going on at all. Trying to pay attention to the screen was an excruciating, if not virtually impossible task, that left her wondering why she allowed herself to end up in that position in the first place.
"Do you guys want some popcorn?"
She jumped, startled to realize that the movie was over and Alexis was staring up at them from her place amongst a pile of pillows on the floor.
"Sure pumpkin," she felt Castle squeeze her tightly before getting up off the couch to go make some, "Do you want extra butter or cheddar?"
The girl grinned excitedly and quickly followed him to the kitchen, "How about both?"
"I trained you well, young grasshopper."
Kate smiled warmly, watching them interact from where she sat.
"You know, you should tell him how you feel, kiddo."
Turning to Martha, whom she'd forgotten was even there, she froze, "I'm sorry?"
"I've seen the way you look at him," she chuckled to herself, finishing off her glass of wine, and immediately Kate opened her mouth to protest, "There's no denying it. It's the same way he looks at you."
She stood, walking behind the couch to on her way to get a refill, something that Kate was oddly grateful for. She wasn't quite sure if she'd be able to meet her gaze.
"Don't wait until you're my age to speak up, Kate," Martha patted her upper arm, and Kate felt her eyes start welling up with tears, "Take a chance. Sometimes the scariest things in life are the ones that are most worth it."
The rhythmic clack of heels walking toward the kitchen was the only thing she heard over her own thundering pulse. A hot tear slipped down her cheek, her mind racing as she hastily wiped it away with the back of her sleeve. Taking a deep, calming breath she steadied herself. She couldn't think about this now, not with him and his family less than twenty feet away. She had to pull herself together.
Hearing Alexis' laughter, she turned toward the commotion and caught Castle's eye. He grinned, waggling his eyebrows playfully before waving her over, and she couldn't help the little sigh that escaped her as she smiled at his antics.
She'd analyze later.
They'd almost died again.
Kate felt the bullets whiz by her head and, when it was all over, heard the panic in Castle's voice when he saw the cut on her leg. It was a deep laceration to the back of her thigh, her favorite pair of jeans torn and stained deeply with blood. Without having to ask, he'd carried her up to the ambulance and hadn't teased her as she sobbed quietly into his neck when the adrenaline wore off and the pain became to much to bear.
It had been a long day spent in the hospital, but almost seventy stitches and a prescription for pain killers later she was finally settled on the couch in her living room with a pair of crutches nearby. He made sure that she had everything she could possibly need and had jokingly offered to help her in the shower in the morning if she wanted. After punching him weakly in the arm, he'd apologized and brushed the hair that had fallen out of her ponytail behind her ear.
"Thanks, Castle," she yawned, humming softly as she gave in and nuzzled the palm of his hand.
If he was surprised, it didn't show, he simply took a moment to study her and let his thumb caress the apple of her cheek, "Always."
Kate felt something melt inside of her. She wanted to cry and smile and cling to him and never let go, but at the same time it absolutely terrified her. She'd never let anyone see her like that- like Castle did. He knew her inside and out, and not only accepted her for it, he loved her for it.
Love, there it was. That one, tiny four letter word that she ran away and protected herself from her whole life. One of these days she was going to have to take Martha's advice and finish what she'd started in that freezer.
She loved Richard Castle, God help her, and she was going to have to tell him sometime soon. She didn't want to lose out on her second chance.
"You better head home," she told him sleepily, "I bet Alexis is worried."
He furrowed his brow, his touch lingering on her skin for only a moment longer, "You're right, it's getting late. I really should go."
Kate could tell that he didn't want to, he looked so torn. She didn't like seeing him that way, it wasn't right for him to have to choose between her and his family.
"Go. You can come back and harass me tomorrow with coffee and a bear claw."
"Really?" his eyes practically lit up.
She smiled, only a little curve of her lips, "Really. You can even bring your laptop and get some writing done if you want."
"You've got yourself a deal, Detective!"
Castle covered her with the blanket on the end of the couch and hesitated for a moment before gathering in his arms, holding her as if she were made of the most precious glass. She sighed inwardly and wrapped her arms around him, savoring it as he cradled her to his body just like he had earlier that day.
"I'm glad you're alright, Kate," he whispered, his voice wavering just enough to tell her that he was on the verge of breaking down, "I don't know what I would've done if you died out there."
" Shh, it's okay. I'm okay. Everything's fine, Rick."
He sniffled softly, in what she could only imagine was an attempt to reign in his emotions, "You've gotta promise to be more careful. This almost getting killed thing is getting a little old."
"I'll do my best," she promised, squeezing him before he pulled back, "Now go home already. These pills are starting to kick in and I don't want you to see me drool all over myself."
"Okay, okay, I'm leaving. Just remember, I'm only a-"
"-phone call away," she finished for him, "I know. Goodnight, Castle."
"Until tomorrow, Beckett."
A few seconds later Kate heard her front door open and shut, then the telltale click of the lock being turned, and she finally let her eyes flutter shut. She'd almost died. Four times in less than a month had to be a record of some kind, she was certain of it. This time though, she knew for sure that she'd have regretted not telling him how she felt if she'd passed away, he had a right to know. She didn't want him thinking that she didn't love him if something actually did happen one day, and in her line of work it was definitely a possibility.
Nibbling on her bottom lip, she took a deep breath and reached over to the coffee table for her cell phone. She scrolled through the numbers until she found the one that she wanted, nervously pressing the call button before she chickened out.
"Josh? We need to talk."
Over the next week, she and Castle developed a routine. He'd stop by in the morning with breakfast and the newspaper and they'd chat about current events, his book, or whatever crossed their minds until the urge to write, or her pleading for him to stop pestering her, struck him. With his attention span though, it usually only lasted a few hours, just long enough for her to shower and do some paperwork or fold the laundry that he'd done for her each day. So, after only a little cajoling on her part, Alexis and Martha would occasionally stop by for dinner just to save her from his constant coddling. As sweet and endearing as it was, Kate was beginning to go a little stir crazy from all of the attention.
"Castle?" she asked late one night, "are you sure you want to drive home in this weather? It's getting pretty bad out there."
He sighed and looked out the window, seemingly contemplating his options. Even from where she sat on the couch she could see that the rain was freezing as it hit the glass. She wasn't going to send him out into that.
"Why don't you stay here tonight?"
The offer sounded foreign to her, like she was watching somebody who looked and sounded like her say the words. True, he'd stayed at her place before, but that was different, her life had been at stake. They couldn't use that excuse anymore. If he stayed, it would change everything.
He looked back at her, the light from a street lamp outside casting an eerie yellow glow on one side of his face, "I wouldn't want to impose."
"I wouldn't have offered if I didn't mean it," she snorted, hoping her nerves didn't show, "And, since when do you worry about imposing? You walked into the bathroom the other day while I was showering."
"Hey, I apologized for that!"
Smirking, she shook her head, "I know, I'm just yanking your chain, Castle. The invitation's open if you want it. I'd really hate to see you try and drive home and get a call later that you spun out on the ice and landed yourself in the hospital. One injured partner at a time. It's the rule."
"Alright, you've twisted my arm. I'll stay," his eyes twinkled, "If only to follow the rules."
Kate sighed in relief. Apparently she'd been a lot more worried than she'd realized.
"But, just so you know," he said, taking the seat next to her so that he could share her blanket and stave off the chill, "I can see right through this plan of yours."
Her brow rose, "Plan? Enlighten me oh Great One, what is this grand plan of mine?"
There was a lingering pause, one that drew out the tension in the air.
"The one to get me in your bed."
Her jaw dropped, which was apparently the exact reaction he'd been looking for because he smirked like a little kid getting away with eating all of the cookies in the cookie jar. That audacious bastard!
Reaching over she twisted his ear, only satisfied after he yelped and yelled out his safe word a handful of times, "I'm sorry, what was that, Castle? I want to get you into my what?"
"Nothing!" he whimpered, "I'll stay on the couch, I swear."
Even though she was mildly disappointed by that, she grinned victoriously and released her hold on him, "That's better. Now help me up so I can go find you something to sleep in?"
He obliged, and ten minutes later they were both clad in pajamas sitting on top of the bedspread in her room, reading from their own respective books. She wasn't going to lie and say it wasn't weird having him there- he'd hovered like a sad, little puppy at the side of the bed until she asked him to sit with her and keep her company- but at the same time she wouldn't have had it any other way. It sort of felt like coming home, like it was... right somehow, and she hadn't felt that way in a long time.
She was just getting to the good part when her eyes started drooping and her yawn reflex began kicking in. Castle reached over and marked her spot before setting both books on her nightstand, and she didn't put up a fight when he pulled the blankets out from underneath her and tucked her in.
"Rick?" she whispered, grabbing his wrist just as he was about to leave, her heart in her throat, "Will you stay?"
Kate had never felt so vulnerable in her life. This was it, she was taking that giant leap of faith, and she prayed that she wasn't about to make an ass of herself.
He studied her carefully, his tired eyes betraying his fear, "Are you sure?"
She swallowed, her mouth suddenly dry, "Yes, I'm sure."
The moment he gave in, his entire body seemed to sag, like the weight of the world had been lifted from his shoulders. He nodded and shut off the lamp, plunging them into darkness as she shuffled backward and lifted the comforter so he could slide between the sheets.
There was a few seconds of silence that hung heavily over them, their eyes slowly adjusting to the dimmer light. They laid on their sides facing each other, close enough for Kate to feel his knees brush against hers, but far enough away to not go cross eyed if she met his gaze. Apparently she was going to be the one that had to break the ice.
Shifting one of her arms out from under the covers she hesitated for only a moment before touching her index finger to his chin, finishing the gesture that she started back in that freezer weeks ago. Only this time she could actually feel his skin beneath her touch, the stubble, his warmth.
"Kate?"
Her throat tightened with emotion and her heart felt like it was beating a hundred times a minute, "I just- I want you to know how much I love you, Castle."
He gasped, his eyes wider than she'd ever seen them before, and for three whole seconds she was completely convinced that she should've just kept her mouth shut. But, then he kissed her. His fingers tangled through her hair, tugging her closer as his lips slanted over hers, coaxing her into a languid exchange.
It was nothing like their last kiss. That one had been strictly for the job and full of sexual tension, a farce taken to its limits in the heat of the moment. This one, though? She could feel his body practically vibrating against hers, every single feeling that he had being poured into her as their tongues shyly met for the first time and began a dance of their own. She'd never felt anything quite like it before. She melted into him, allowing him to take the lead and tug her down a path that she'd desperately wanted to follow for years now.
"Wait," he mumbled against her mouth, "What about Doctor Motorcycle Boy?"
Kate kissed him again, unable to give it up that easily, worrying his bottom lip between her teeth, "I broke up with him."
"Really?" he broke away, his face scrunched up in surprise.
"Yes Castle, really," she grinned, her entire body flushing with excitement, "Now are you gonna shut up and kiss me, or what?"
He didn't have to be asked twice.
End.