This songfic was inspired by the song "She Talks To Angels" by The Black Crowes. I don't know if this song fits Karin or not, but when I heard the song, she immediately popped into my mind, and a few days later, I wrote this.
Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach or "She Talks To Angels."
She never mentions the word addiction,
in certain company
Yes, she'll tell you she's an orphan,
after you meet her family
She is addicted, but she will never admit it to some people. Her soccer buddies are completely oblivious to the dark side their star player possesses. She starts smoking first, and then slowly graduates to using alcohol, cocaine, and meth. Those are her main addictions. She loves using them and getting high.
She finds it rather hilarious the first time she gets drunk and wakes up the next morning with a hangover. The first words out of her mouth are "That was so much fun. Let's do it again tonight!"
She never takes her friends home. She isn't sure if it was because she didn't want her friends to see her crazy family, or if she was worried about what her family would say if they met her friends. One time, she bumps into her brother, father, and sister while shopping with some companions. She politely introduces them, and then steers her friends away.
"I've never met your family before. They seem...nice." One comments.
"Oh, they're not my family. I'm an orphan." She states plainly, ignoring her friends' dumbfounded stares.
"You just said that they were your father, brother, and sister, and now you're saying you're an orphan?"
She shrugs. "Yeah, that's because I am." And she refuses to speak on the subject anymore.
She paints her eyes as black as night now,
she pulls those shades down tight
yeah, she gives a smile when the pain comes,
the pain gonna' make everything alright
She starts wearing black eyeshadow when she reaches high school. Her family doesn't understand why. They don't understand a lot of things. But they keep telling her that if she continues on like this, she will end up self-destructing. She lets their worried pleas go in one ear and out the other.
"I don't want you to ever drink again." Her sister commands one time after she had become horribly sick after having one too many beers.
She says nothing, only grips the edge of the porcelain toilet as she loses the contents of her stomach. She doesn't care about what they say. It is her life, and nothing they say or do can make her stop.
She always gets a headache after she drinks. She doesn't mind, though. She smiles every time a throb of pain rips through her head. When she is focusing on the pain, her whole world seems fine. It is a strange logic. But it works for her.
She says she talks to angels
they call her out by her name
Oh yeah, she talks to angels
says they call her out by her name
She talks to angels. They are only in her dreams. They are only there when she is not in her right mind.
"Karin." They call out.
She always answers, but they speak only her name.
"Karin."
She stares at them, but they say nothing more. They only stare back at her with a sad expression on their faces.
They fade away when she finally regains her senses after having become high. Her peers tell her that she was claiming to be able to speak with angels. She laughs it off, not willing to say that in a way, she really does speak with angels.
She keeps a lock of hair in her pocket,
she wears a cross around her neck
Yes the hair is from a little boy;
And the cross from someone she has not met, not yet
When she turns seventeen, she asks her father if she can go away for a few months to get away from her life in Karakura. He happily agrees, believing that his rebellious little girl was finally going to turn the corner and halt her spiral to destruction. Little did he know that her request was for an entirely different reason.
She was four months pregnant and desperate to keep it a secret from her family. Her father would have freaked, and her brother would have gone off to find the father and killed him. She had been tempted to have an abortion, but realized that she couldn't go through with it. So she leaves her home, her family, her friends, and went to a completely strange city where she gives birth to a son three weeks before he is due. She had wanted to keep him, but knew that he needed a real family. A mother and father who would love him and provide for him. She signs the papers with a heavy heart.
She manages to snip off some of his black hair, and now she keeps it in her pocket tied together with a white ribbon.
She drinks herself into a stupor that night, but she can't forget how his emerald green eyes had stared at her as she kissed his forehead good-bye. In a desperate attempt to cleanse her memory of him, she stands on the edge of a bridge, ready to hurl her body over the side.
That is the last thing she remembers until she wakes up the next morning in a hotel room. In her hand is a black cross necklace. Tears spring to her eyes as she holds the jewelry to her lips. Someone who didn't even know her had cared enough to save her from her suicidal actions. After a few minutes, she silently clasps it around her neck, letting it fall underneath her shirt.
Maybe someday she would meet her guardian angel.
She says she talks to angels,
says they all know her name
Oh yeah, she talks to angels
says they call her out by her name
"The angels are back. Can't you hear them?" She asks, slumped on the couch. Her eyes are half-closed and her speech is slurred.
Everyone laughs at her. "We can't hear anything."
She joins in with them, her laughter slightly louder and more forced. She knows that they're there. She just doesn't know what they want.
She don't know no lovers,
none that I've ever seen
And to her that ain't nothing,
but to me it means, means everything
She hates men now. She doesn't let anyone touch her. She wants him to be her one and only, and he definitely will be. She can still remember that encounter. They had been in the park at night and it had just happened. If anyone had walked by, they would have wondered what the girl was doing all by herself.
Except for a few exceptions, no one would have seen her lover. No one could have seen him. He was invisible to normal humans.
Now that she thinks about it, she can't really say he had been a lover. More like a one-night stand. It doesn't bother her in the least, she realizes. Most of the time, she doesn't even remember that he exists.
She paints her eyes as black as night now,
she pulls those shades down tight
Oh yeah; gives a smile when the pain comes,
the pain gonna' make everything alright (alright, yeah yeah)!
After she arrives back home, she still continues to wear black eyeshadow. "Some things," she says, "you can't change. This is part of who I am. You don't like it, too bad."
She tries to hide her pain, her sorrow, by wearing a mask. She pretends everything is alright. She smiles when she talks to people, laughs at all their jokes. All the while, her heart is breaking inside. But she would rather die than have anyone know how much she is hurting.
She talks to angels,
says they call her out by her name
Oh yeah, yeah angels
call her out by her name
Oh, Angels
They call her out by her name
Oh, She talks to angels
They call her out, yeah yeah
Call her out,
don't you know that they call her out by her name
"Karin." They say.
That's all she hears anymore. Her name on the lips of the angels surrounding her. Oh, they are so pretty, every single one of them. She smiles and reaches out to touch one of them, expecting it to disappear like they always do.
They stay where they are.
"Come with us, Karin." They beckon her to follow.
She stares at them, not sure if she should follow or stay where she was.
"Karin." Holding out their hands, they smile. "Let's go. It's time."
She closes her eyes, takes one last breath. And she is gone, like a vapor on the wind. She disappears with the angels who called her by name.
Now she knows what they wanted.