"Hey, I'm gonna borrow your iPod," Britta called out as she grabbed it laying on his coffee table, then left Jeff's condo for her daily run.
"Wait!" he scrambled from his bedroom, wearing only his striped boxer briefs, and tried to stop her but it was too late.
Meanwhile Britta began stretching outside his building getting ready to start her workout, so she turned on Jeff's iPod and browsed his playlists. Workout Mix, she read and decided it must be good for a run. She pushed shuffle and started her run, only to stop dead in her tracks as she began to laugh. Britney Spears' Toxic began to play. She put her hand over her mouth, "oh my god!" She pulled his iPod out of her pocket to inspect the rest of the tracks.
Okay, she thought as some normal workout songs popped up. She chuckled when she saw Eye of the Tiger, but nearly fell over laughing when she saw Bringing Sexy Back. She continued scrolling through his playlist and said aloud, "you've got to be kidding me," when she saw Pour Some Sugar On Me. The last title she saw was Barbie Girl before Jeff appeared next to her, obviously having dressed quickly, and snatched the iPod from her hands.
She burst out laughing when he gave her a serious look. "No one hears about this," he said sternly. "Britta, do you understand?" he pointed his finger at her.
She caught her breath then looked at him with her hand covering her mouth. "Really, Jeff, Barbie Girl?" she asked.
"Hey, it's not about the song, it's about the rhythm and tempo," he tried to explain. "It's taken me years to come up with this playlist. I have a carefully selected workout mix that optimizes my cardiovascular peak for precisely the right amount of time based on my age, weight, and caloric intake."
"I'm sorry, I'm not buying it."
"Well it's a good thing I don't care what you think then, huh?" He wrapped his ear buds around the iPod and turned to go back into his building.
"Wait!" she called out, "What am I going to listen to while I run?" she asked, tugging his arm.
"I don't know, Britta, that's not my problem."
"Please! I won't make fun of it, and I won't tell anyone," she told him. "Plus I really can't call you out because how would I explain why I was using your iPod."
He studied her for a moment, then handed it back to her. "Not a single word about it to me, or anyone else," he said then turned and walked back into his building.
...
Monday afternoon Britta walked into the study room humming Pour Some Sugar On Me. Everyone turned and looked at her. Then they all looked around at each other and started laughing. Troy asked, "so, Britta how was your shift at the strip club this weekend?" His comment made them all laugh even harder.
Britta sat down and addressed the group, "what's so funny?" Then she asked Troy, "what are you talking about?"
"Well, Britta," Abed started explaining, "Pour Some Sugar on Me is generally considered the worlds most cliche stripper club song. So I think Troy was implying you are a stripper on the weekends if that song is what's stuck in your head."
"Yeah, even I know that," Annie said, still fighting laughter.
Shirley was laughing too, "not you too, Shirley?" Britta asked.
"I'm sorry, it's just too funny," she apologized, but continued, "and the best part is, you wouldn't even have to change your name!" She burst out laughing as did everyone else in the group except Jeff, who was sitting quietly with a worried look on his face.
"Come on guys, it isn't really that funny," he offered and exchanged a look with Britta.
Pierce looked over at him, "oh, we're sorry, is that the song you also like to strip to at your gay club?" he asked. They all laughed even more, while Britta and Jeff just shared an uncomfortable look.
She knew all she had to do was tell them where she'd heard it, and they wouldn't be laughing at her anymore, but she could see the fragile look on Jeff's face. His eyes were pleading with her to keep quiet. She slid her left foot against his right one and slowly nudged it, and as soon as he felt it he knew she wasn't going to say anything, so his mood shifted.
"Okay, okay, Britta's a stripper on the weekends, very funny, " Jeff said trying to calm down the group. "Are we going to study or are we going to talk about strip clubs?"
"Jeffrey, I'm surprised you aren't joining in," Shirley said to him as she used her fingers to fix her eye makeup.
Troy looked over and added, "yeah, of all of us, I'd figure you'd be the one who'd spent the most time at strip clubs. And you love to make fun of Britta. What gives?" he asked.
"Actually, Troy, I think they're disgusting," Jeff told him.
"Aww," Annie and Shirley both cooed at the same time.
"But I don't think they're disgusting for the same reason you think they are," he said as he looked over at them.
"Oh," Annie groaned, then folded her arms.
"They're full of loud music, too many bodily fluids, and heavy-breathing, pathetic old men who can only achieve half erections but for some reason waste their money on women that are probably the same age as their own daughters who they have absolutely no chance of getting," he explained.
The group sobered at Jeff's description.
"That's just sad," Troy said.
They sat in silence with disgusted looks on their faces until Annie flipped open her Anthropology book and told everyone, "okay, so I think we were on page 127."
They all flipped open their books and Jeff picked up his cell phone. He leaned back in his chair, taking his usual stance. Seconds later Britta's phone vibrated in her pocket.
Thanks for not exposing me and my embarrassing playlist.
She just looked over at Jeff and smiled.