Frontier 02: Hello

madjack89: Yo there, my main squeezes! This be the new and improved Kouji/Seiko story, with twice the awesomeness of Kouji and Seiko!

Kouji: Yes, let's delve further into my tragic, depressing story.

madjack89: I agree!

Kouji: One of these days, Madjack, one of these days…

madjack89: Alrighty, let's get to it! Woohoo!

Disclaimer: I don't own Kouji Minamoto! He is merely being used (mua ha ha). I also don't own Digimon Frontier, or Digimon in general! However, I do own Seiko, my OC, and my fanfiction, because they are merely the crazy things that come out of my brain!

—

She confused me. She was one of the most annoying people I had ever met. People always avoided me because I wanted them to. I MADE them with the way I acted. But I wanted companionship more than anything. I craved it. The thing I didn't want was the paralyzing fear that one day they would leave me, just like everyone else in my life.

Then I met her, and she shone her light through my hazy cloud of darkness and despair. She showed me that I could be different; that I could make friends if I tried, and not be afraid of the consequences. She taught me to live in the moment, and I loved every minute of it.

After a while, I realized that it was actually her that I loved. But since this is a story, I should probably explain that a bit further with a couple of flashbacks, because you guys would most likely appreciate that more, wouldn't you? Of course you would. (That's the spirit, Kouji!) Get out of my story! (Awww…)

—

It was my second day of fifth grade. I hated to admit it, but I was actually looking forward to it.

I stepped into the classroom, scanning the room for her. Seiko. What that girl had said to me yesterday had really struck a cord. I couldn't stop replaying it in my mind, no matter how hard I tried.

Kouji…please don't be afraid around me. I won't leave you, I promise.

I smiled in spite of myself. She sure is a character, I thought, scanning the room one last time.

My face fell. She wasn't in the room. I chuckled bitterly. Liar.

"What's so funny?" I turned quickly and came face-to-face with Seiko. I jumped back clumsily, embarrassed. Why had she snuck up on me? I didn't even remember why I had wanted to see her anymore!

She giggled loudly, so that everyone could hear her. "Quit laughing!" I hissed, covering her mouth with my hand. I vaguely realized I was blushing with embarrassment.

"Okay, I'm fine now." Her voice was muffled by my hand. I brought it down sharply and stormed over to my desk.

A moment later I felt a tap on my shoulder. I didn't turn around. I heard a sigh behind me.

"What?" I asked, still not turning around.

"Kouji…" Seiko began, sounding calmer than before. "You're trying to push me away, aren't you?"

My eyes widened. That's what she thought? I whipped my head around, looking at her apologetically. "That's not it at all! I guess I was just…embarrassed. I don't like being caught off guard. I…I'm sorry, okay?"

Seiko stared at me for a second, then smiled.

I was completely blown away. This was one of the most sincere, honest smiles I'd ever seen. Had I really made her that happy?

"Thank you!" she said happily.

I couldn't help but chuckle. She was such a dimwit. But she was my dimwit.

—

From that day on, Seiko and I became almost inseparable. She was the first person who had tried to be my friend in a long time. It was hard to believe at first that she was the one who could help me.

Then it got complicated. The more our friendship grew, the more I realized that I liked her more than just a friend.

—

~about one year later

I stood outside the store, leaning against its cool brick wall. The wind was blowing, causing my hair to whip around my face, despite the fact that I always had it pulled back in a ponytail to prevent this from happening. I scowled, brushing my dark strands of hair behind my ears.

"She'd better hurry up in there," I muttered, glancing inside the store window. "She said this would only take a second."

Seiko and I had been walking around the city, doing a bit of last-minute Christmas shopping. Truthfully, I had already gotten mine done, except for one gift in particular. Hers.

I smirked, almost surely knowing that she was in this store getting mine. She had tried to be nonchalant about telling me to stay outside and wait for her, but she had never been good at the art of subtlety.

I glanced at some of the other shops in the area, trying to find something that might suit Seiko as a gift. I turned my head to the left and noticed a couple standing not far from me, making a public display of their kiss.

Startled, I quickly averted my gaze and instead came face to face with Seiko, who was grinning at me. I stepped back and smiled.

"You really need to stop sneaking up on me," I said, trying futilely to hide the fact that I was blushing.

Seiko smiled warmly, taking my hand in hers. "You just need to be more vigilant," she replied, turning around and tugging on my arm so I would follow. "C'mon, there's one more thing that I want to do."

I glanced at her solitary shopping bag. "That's all you had to get?" I asked, looking at her quizzically. "I thought you said that you had to get presents for, like, fifty people," I added, using her phrasing.

She stopped at the end of the sidewalk and waited for the crosswalk to turn green, letting go of my hand. My face fell slightly, disappointed by the absence of her touch.

She looked at me and said, "These are all my presents."

I glanced at the bag. "That's a pretty small bag," I commented.

She grinned broadly. "That's because I got them all gift cards!"

I stared at her for a second and then chuckled. "Seiko, sometimes you are just too much," I said between chuckles.

Seiko's lower lip poked out and she put on her pouty face. "Well, excuse me!" she exclaimed, sticking her tongue out at me. "I thought that these would be a very nice gesture!"

I looked at her for a second, almost getting lost in her hazel eyes. I blinked, trying to get a hold of myself. "I never said it wasn't a nice thought," I murmured, slowly twining her fingers with mine.

She blinked, staring at my hand. I realized with a jolt that I wasn't being as careful as I usually was about controlling myself. I dropped my hand quickly, murmuring "Sorry."

"It's okay," she said, grabbing my hand again. "It's cold out, and if I can grab your hand without insinuating anything, then so can you."

I smirked, pushing my other impulses out of my mind. "Insinuating? Have you been reading the dictionary again?"

She grinned a mock-devilish grin. "Maybe," she said conspiratorially, giggling.

I laughed too, glancing up at the green sign on the crosswalk. "Looks like we can go to wherever you were planning on going now," I stated.

"Oh yeah!" she said as if she had forgotten. "C'mon, let's go!"

I followed, not knowing that tonight I would get my first kiss.

—

Takuya: Wait a minute! Stop the story!

Kouji: What, Takuya?

Takuya: You kissed her?

Kouji: Well…yeah.

JP: singing- I kissed a girl…

Kouji: Shut up, JP!

JP: Sorry, but you kissing someone? That's a little hard to believe, you gotta admit.

Kouji: Well, it happened, okay?

Zoe: Oh, she liked you, too? That makes it worse!

Kouichi: I'm really sorry, Kouji.

Kouji: Thank you for interrupting the story just so you can make me feel worse, guys!

Zoe and Kouichi: We're sorry!

JP: Alright guys, let's just let him finish the story.

Takuya: singing- Kouji kissed a girl, and he liked it…

Dai: singing- The taste of her cherry chap stick…

Kouji: That's it; get the hell out of here!

—

"C'mon, Kouji!" Seiko said, leading me along to who knew where.

I frowned. "Easier said than done when you can't see where you're going. I'm actually worried that you'll accidentally lead me straight into a ditch or a pole."

I heard her huff angrily. "I'm not that clumsy!" she exclaimed, pinching my hand lightly. She could never bring herself to show any more violence than pinching toward a person, no matter the situation. That's where I came in; I protected her.

"Anyway," Seiko continued, stopping suddenly, "there aren't any poles around here. Maybe a tree or two, but that's normal."

"What are you talking about?" I asked, opening my eyes tentatively.

I realized that we were on a big hill out in the middle of the woods, looking out across part of town. The view was nice, but that isn't what struck me.

It was snowing. Why is that odd, you ask? Well, the thing was, it hadn't been snowing AT ALL last time I checked, and I hadn't noticed any change in the weather when Seiko was leading me up there.

I blinked, turning to stare at Seiko as she danced around in the flakes. I wanted to say something, but I wasn't sure exactly what to ask. Finally I said, "It's snowing."

"Yup!" Seiko replied, catching snowflakes on her tongue.

"It wasn't snowing a second ago," I said.

"Nope!" she replied, spinning around in a circle.

"It's not snowing anywhere else."

"Nope!"

"There are no clouds in the sky to produce any snow."

"Nope!"

I sighed, realizing I wasn't getting anywhere. "Um, Seiko, I'm not sure how to put this, but here goes…uh, WHAT THE HELL!"

Seiko stopped dancing, looking stung. "You don't like my present?" she said, hanging her head.

"No, it's not…" I began to say, then realized what she was implying. "You caused this snow?"

She perked up, nodding happily. "I got you the gift of snow!"

I was officially confused at this point. "Um, Seiko, how did you do this? Did you rent a snow machine or…"

"It's magic," she said, interrupting me. "But I can't tell you any more than that!"

I wanted to tell her that that was completely ridiculous. I wanted to question her further and get a real answer out of her. But I didn't get the chance.

"Kouji," Seiko said, suddenly sounding serious. "Do you…like me?"

I frowned, not knowing where this was going. "Would I have let you drag me halfway across the city if I didn't feel some sort of attachment to you?"

Suddenly Seiko lurched forward, falling right into me. I took a quick step back to steady myself and grabbed her arms to keep her from landing on the ground.

"Are you okay?" I asked.

After a moment of silence she responded by twining her arms around me and leaning her body against mine, resting her head on my shoulder. I stiffened in her grip, feeling my face getting hotter. (If you want a reference to what this would look like, just go find that scene where Zoe got scared of the noise some trees were making and grabbed onto Kouji, and he started blushing!) Go away, Madjack! (Okay, okay…)

Seiko sighed, nuzzling her head against my neck. "Thanks for catching me, Kouji, but you still didn't answer my question."

My eyes widened when I realized that she felt something for me, too. A multitude of emotions ran through me at that moment, but the foremost one was fear. I was afraid of what could happen next. I had never felt this way about anyone before, and I didn't want to look stupid. Call it my foolish pride.

"Seiko, I…" Before I could finish my sentence, she looked up at me. Her eyes smoldered mine. I couldn't say anything; at least, nothing coherent. This made me feel vulnerable, which I hated. But at the same time, I felt a thrill of excitement.

My excitement intensified when Seiko leaned up to me and her lips met mine.

For a moment, all I could do was stand there, eyes wide with shock. I probably looked pretty stupid, but at this point, I didn't care. There was just one thing I cared about right then.

Seiko leaned back, probably meaning to back up and gauge my reaction. But before she could, I made a snap decision. I quickly wrapped my arms around Seiko, pulled her back to me, and kissed her.

It was one of the most thrilling experiences I'd ever had. I felt Seiko slowly begin to wrap her arms back around me, bringing us even closer together. And around us, the snow continued to fall.

—

I was happy. I was the happiest I had been in my entire life. I had been afraid for so long that if Seiko knew how I felt about her, she would leave. But she felt the same way that I did. That night, when I got home, I was floating on cloud nine. I was so happy I was surprised I didn't just burst with happiness.

Then a couple months later, my birthday came.

—

I opened the door to my house and found Seiko standing on my porch, smiling cheerily. "Happy birthday, Kouji!"

I smiled, warmed by her cheeriness. "Hey Seiko. Thanks for stopping by." Suddenly I noticed that she was holding something behind her back. I frowned, saying, "What did I tell you, Seiko? I don't need any presents."

"This isn't a present," she replied, grinning. "This is more of a…practical gift."

"A practical gift?" I raised my eyebrow skeptically, wondering what could be so practical about Seiko's present.

"Want to take a walk?" Seiko asked out of the blue. Without waiting for my answer, she grabbed my arm and dragged me out the door. I barely managed to close my door as she led me farther down the street, heading in no particular direction.

"Um, are we going anywhere in particular?" I asked, cocking my head.

"Sort of," she replied, stopping in the middle of the sidewalk. "I just thought you'd like to try out your gift and see if it works!"

Before I could respond, Seiko held her right hand open, the hand that had been clutching my present. What I had mistaken for wrapping paper showing through her fingers had actually been the dark blue cloth of a bandana with brown stripes all across it.

I stared at it for a moment, then asked, "Is this for my hair?"

Seiko nodded enthusiastically, barely able to contain her excitement. "You're always complaining about it, so I decided to correct the problem by getting you something to hold it back. When I saw this bandana for sale at this store, it just screamed you!"

"I see," I said slowly, picking up the bandana from her hand and holding it out in front of me. "Um, how exactly do I tie this thing up?"

Seiko smirked, grabbing the bandana from my hands. After showing me how to tie it up, she got behind me and tied it herself. Then she turned me around and gasped.

"What? Does it make me look stupid or something?" I asked, reaching up to take off the bandana.

"No," Seiko said, shaking her head. "It looks even better on you than I thought it would!"

Seiko suddenly grabbed me again, dragging me to the window of a nearby shop. "Take a look!" she said, placing me in front of the window.

I stared at my translucent reflection for a moment and realized that Seiko was on to something. The bandana succeeded in keeping annoying strands of hair out of my face, and it really didn't look that bad on me.

Seiko stood beside me, grinning at my surprised-looking face. "I told you it looked good," she said slyly.

"I guess so," I muttered, studying my reflection a moment longer before turning around. "We should probably be getting back to my house now," I said.

"Yeah," Seiko agreed without much enthusiasm.

I glanced at her for a minute, puzzled. "You don't want to go back?"

I watched as Seiko considered the question, then shook her head. "I want…" she murmured softly so that I could barely make out what she was saying.

"What do you want?" I asked, growing worried. I hadn't witnessed this somber side of Seiko's mood since that Christmas Eve where everything had changed, yet stayed the same. I gulped, nervous as to what could be going on.

After a slight pause, Seiko said, "I want to go on a nice walk, with just the two of us! Maybe through the park or wherever, just so we can be alone together. Please?"

I stared at Seiko for a few moments, feeling my heart swell with longing. Finally I replied, "Let's go."

I didn't realize then that those two simple words had sealed both our fates.

—

"Kouji, you are so cute!" Seiko cooed, skipping along beside me.

I could feel my face getting hotter as I replied, "Yeah, but that's probably just because of this bandana you gave me. It manages to keep my hair out of my eyes, at least."

Seiko giggled, and then said, "Kouji you're really stubborn, you know that? It's your birthday, but all you want to do is get a simple cake and leave it at that. You don't even want a party!" She spread her arms out to further emphasis her point.

We stopped at the crosswalk as Seiko slumped over, looking dejected. She's using a pity strategy, I thought as I smiled, placing my arm over her shoulder. But I fall for it every time.

"That's just the way I am. You know that," I said, glancing up as the crosswalk turned green. Mustering up all my courage, I quickly added, "And I really don't need anything else but you."

A satisfied smile crept across my face as I saw Seiko blush. For once, I had managed to get her flustered instead of the other way around. Feeling elated, I stepped onto the street saying, "Well, come on, then! We're not getting any younger!"

If I had known these were to be my last few moments with Seiko, I would have treasured them; made them last. But that's just not the way it was meant to be, I guess.

"Kouji, look out!" I heard Seiko's scream and slowly turned my head, wondering what could be wrong. Then I saw it. The truck. The damn freaking truck. The damn freaking truck that ruined everything.

All I could do was stand there and stare at it, like a deer in the headlights. Why hadn't I moved? Why had I just stood there? I've gone through this moment so many times in my head, and I still don't have any answers for those questions.

They say that when you're about to die, your life flashes before your eyes. It didn't for me, though. Instead of things going in slow motion, everything seemed to be going too fast.

Just as the truck was about to slam right into me, I felt a shove from behind, pushing me out of the truck's path. As I fell to the ground, I twisted around to see who would be crazy enough to risk their life for my sake. I wish that I hadn't.

As Seiko's eyes met mine, everything finally began to slow down, like everyone says it does. I'll remember the look she gave me for the rest of my life. Instead of looking afraid, she looked calm, almost resigned to her fate. And past the truck's blaring horn, and the voices of all the people crowded around the street, I heard Seiko's last two words to me.

"I'm sorry."

Then the truck sped past, and it was over. I sat on the ground, right in the middle of the street. People began to crowd around me, asking whether I was okay.

But I couldn't answer them, nor could I move from that spot. All I could do was sit there, staring at the growing pool of blood that had formed on the ground in front of me.

—

I hate it. I hate how no matter what I do, everyone around me gets hurt. I loved Seiko, and her death caused me to hate myself so much that I wished I was dead. No, more accurately, I wished that I had never been born in the first place.

—

I sat in a corner of my room, staring blankly at my hands. The lights were off and the curtains were drawn. I didn't want to be disturbed by anyone, not even light itself.

Once again, the memory of Seiko's death haunted my waking thoughts, feeling just as real as if it were happening all over again. Her words echoed repeatedly in my head, filling me with an almost overwhelming guilt. I'm sorry.

"Sorry for what?" I asked myself for the thousandth time. "Sorry that you broke your stupid promise? If you would regret it, then why did you save me?"

All that followed my questions was the silence that I had quickly grown accustomed to.

Suddenly I heard a knock at my door. When I didn't answer, my dad said through the door, "Kouji, it's me."

I didn't answer him, not because I didn't want to, but because I couldn't. Talking would bring back those stupid tears.

I heard Dad sigh, then continue, "Kouji, I know you've been hurt. It'll be hard, but I know you can overcome this. I raised you to be strong, and I believe in you."

Hearing the concern and love in my dad's voice brought back memories of the good times that he and I had shared, before Satomi had come into our lives. I realized later that nothing was ever Satomi's fault, but that wouldn't be until the Digital World escapade.

I lifted my head slightly, staring at my closed door. Finally I murmured, "Thanks Dad."

There was a pause before Dad replied. "I love you, son."

"Love you, too," I said, feeling tears stinging my cheeks. Damn, I thought, wiping them away with my arm.

After another pause, Dad said, "It's been three days, Kouji." Three days? More like a lifetime. "Seiko's funeral…it's tomorrow."

My eyes widened. Tomorrow. I had to go to that funeral. If I didn't, I knew I'd regret it. It would be cowardly, and I was not a coward.

I got up, swaying slightly. I hadn't moved from that spot in three days, and my limbs felt a bit stiff. Nevertheless, I stumbled over to my door, unlocked it, and opened it to my dad's surprised face.

"I'm going to the funeral."

—

The next day, I stood in front of the temple entrance, willing myself to enter. Strands of hair fell in my face, getting me irritated. It's more of a…practical gift.

Seiko's words that day echoed in my head. I reached into my pocket, grabbing the bandana she had given me. I wondered for a moment whether or not it would be rude to wear a bandana to a funeral. Then I scoffed, thinking, Seiko would want me to wear this, I'm sure.

As I tied the bandana, just as Seiko had shown me, I felt a wave of courage wash through me. I could get through this, just like my dad had said. It would be fine.

—

I had been dead wrong. When I found Seiko's burial spot, the first person I saw was Seiko's mother, whose eyes looked red from crying. I flinched involuntarily, giving her a look of concern. As I approached her, she began to glare at me.

I looked away from her, a bit surprised by her reaction. She had always been so nice. Had I done this?

"I'm sorry," I muttered softly, thinking naively that saying this would get her to forgive me.

Seiko's mother glared at me with more hate than I had ever seen someone muster and said, "You should be."

Then she turned and left, leaving me standing there, my eyes wide with unconcealed shock and guilt. So far, no one but me had blamed myself for Seiko's death. It was almost scary to know that someone else felt the same.

"Hey, Minamoto!" I spun around quickly, coming face to face with a girl I had seen in my class before. I had even hung out with her on several occasions. Her name was Sakura, and she had been Seiko's best friend.

I took a step back when I saw the same look of malice I'd seen on Seiko's mother's face on Sakura's. Grabbing my arm, she dragged me roughly behind the temple, out of sight and hearing of anyone else.

She then pushed me up against the temple wall, not releasing her grip on me. "Do you want to explain yourself?" she growled threateningly, glaring at me.

I couldn't answer her. I could just stare at her, transfixed by the look of complete and utter hatred she gave me. It really was my fault, I thought, despaired. I then pushed that thought from my head, still struggling to stay positive. No, there was nothing I could have done. It was Seiko's decision…

Sakura smirked at my hurt expression. "I knew you were trouble from the beginning," she said quietly, releasing her grip on me. "I told her she should stay away from you, like you obviously wanted everyone to do. But she wouldn't listen."

I noticed a tear roll down her cheek as she continued. "She said you were nice, so I put my fears aside and for a while, I was fooled too."

I flinched when she slammed her hands against the temple wall on either side of me, getting so close that I could see all the make-up she'd put on to try to conceal her puffy red eyes. "But I know the truth now," she growled softly, smiling darkly at me. "You, Kouji Minamoto, are nothing but a curse, and that is all you will ever be to anyone. You'll never find happiness, because when something good comes into your life…"

She turned suddenly, walking back toward Seiko's grave. But before she left, she glanced back at me and said, "…it will disappear." Then she was gone.

For a moment, I was paralyzed. I couldn't move, couldn't think, couldn't even breath. That's why it took me a minute to realize that there were tears streaming down my face. I let them flow as I sank to my knees, feeling exactly as I should have felt all along.

Horrible. Guilty beyond belief. Like a murderer. And beyond all these thoughts, I felt something else; resignation to my fate.

"I killed Seiko," I said to myself, knowing without a doubt now that it was true. I also remembered what Sakura had said to me. "If I'm not careful, I'll end up killing others."

Suddenly a brilliant thought came to mind, and I wondered why I hadn't thought of it before. I rose to my feet, wiping the tears away from my face. It would be a long time before anyone or anything could bring me to tears again.

"I'll make a vow," I said quietly, looking up at the cloud-filled sky. "I, Kouji Minamoto, vow never to get close to anyone again, and to remain alone for the rest of my days. That way, no one will ever be hurt by me again."

A strong wind suddenly hit me, and cold rain began to pour down, pelting my face. There was a roll of thunder, and then I saw lightening in the distance. I stepped inside the temple, which was completely dark, save the small candle lighted not far from me.

I smiled, feeling drained of all emotion. "Even you hate me," I muttered to myself, feeling at complete ease with the darkness surrounding me. (I know what you're thinking about that entire weather-candle-darkness thing and yes, I know it's ironic.)

"I'm sorry, Seiko," I said, knowing that those words could never mean anything coming from me again.

—

And so I made my vow. I kept to it diligently after that, never letting my guard down for a second, never letting anyone near me.

At first I thought I could do the same with JP, Tommy, Zoe, Takuya…maybe even Kouichi, at one point or another. But after awhile, I just couldn't keep up the ruse. We all had too much of a connection for me to stay away from them. We were destined to be with each other.

But one other thing we're destined to be is cursed. The others have gone through the same things as me…being ostracized by peers, being ignored, feeling absolutely alone. Maybe that's just our fate, and I was the only one who had managed to break that fate for a moment. Actually, that's not completely true. Takuya had his cousin, JP and Zoe tried to have friends, Kira lost her mother along with her friends, and Dai lost both his parents.

I guess fate isn't so cruel, though. They let us have each other. But if we ever tried to break away from that and get close to someone else, I always get the feeling that it would turn out bad in the end.

So all I can say is hello loneliness. You've been waiting for me, haven't you? Of course you have.

—

madjack89: Wow, that's way longer than last time!

Kouji: *depressed*

madjack89: Aw, don't feel down, Kouji! Here, I'll give you a gift!

Kouji: *takes present and unwraps* Madjack…what is this?

madjack89: Glamour shots of Rika!

Kouji: …Where did you get these?

madjack89: Well, you see, Rika's mom really wanted her to do this, and finally she caved and posed for some pictures, and I took them so I could give them to you! You're welcome!

Kouji: …I'm gonna call Rika right now.

madjack89: Eh, I'll just blame it on JP!

JP: What?

madjack89: Okay, don't forget to R&R! See ya!