Follow Your Heart

DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN MERLIN!

Summery: What if Merlin couldn't bring himself to poison Morgana? What if instead there were adverse affects to using a living person as a vessel for the spell, especially one with uncontrollable magic? What would happen? Mergana, mentions of Arwen

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Chapter 1

Merlin's mind was still reeling. He had to make a choice, Morgana's life or, and it really boiled down to it, Arthur's life. He pictures both in his mind and with a heavy heart makes his way quickly to Gaius's chambers, but even as he reaches out to the bottle of hemlock he knows he can't do it. His arm falls to his side as he hears Kilgharrah's voice in his head telling him of the evil that Morgana is to become but he just can't see it. She has a good heart, he remembers telling the scaly know-it-all. But does she really, the more cynical part of his brain thought, this part usually followed what Gaius and the dragon said, but his conscience, which has repeatedly berated him for never telling Morgana the truth, was refusing to believe otherwise. This side of him had a champion as well but it was someone he told none about not even Gaius.

Ever since he had come to Camelot he would occasionally have the same dream, one that started out as a memory…

~*Dream*~

The boys had been playing when Will had scared Merlin enough to get a reaction from his magic. With the sudden burst the empty barrels that had been on the side of the house came loose and started rolling toward them. Will had pushed Merlin out of the way and was hit with the full force of one of the barrels. One of the adults heard the commotion and thought the boys were goofing around but when he rounded the corner Will was on the ground unconscious and Merlin was sitting on the ground looking at his friend in shock. The adult took immediate action to check on Will but when he turned around to tell Merlin to go fetch their mothers he was gone.

He was running through the forest that surrounded his childhood village. He was running because he had accidentally hurt his friend, because of his magic. His tears were blurring his surrounds, and his clumsiness didn't help, when an exposed root caught his foot causing him to fall, and sprawl over the forest floor. He didn't know how long he lay there as his body became wracked with sobs, but eventually he pulled himself up into a kneeling position and crawled over to the tree and rested against the trunk. However before long he buried his head into his knees and started sobbing again. He didn't know how long he sat there but his sobs slowly stopped but his tears had not. They silently slid down his pale dirty face leaving a clean line in their wake.

"Am I a monster?" he asked the trees. He didn't expect a response and in his real life he hadn't gotten one but this time there was someone there to steer the child away from those thoughts.

"No my dear," said a voice seated right next to him. As always he was startled and when he turned toward the voice, he was met with the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. Her midnight black hair waved and cascaded around her face and down her back, but it was her dark blue-green eyes that exuded calmness and love that made her the most beautiful. Her smile made Merlin feel safe for the first time in forever, like she would never let anything happen to him. As her smile grew Merlin knew he had been staring and he ducked his head as he felt his face heat up. He buried his head in his knees in embarrassment and brought up his hands around his ears knowing they were as red as his face. Her laugh didn't make him feel humiliated but brought a smile to his face because he could feel her love coming through in her laugh, her love for him that he couldn't understand. As her laughter died down and her eyes glinted with mirth, Merlin looked up at her through his long lashes. As he looked at her, her face took on a sad look as if her heart bled for him.

"You are no monster my sweet boy," she said. Merlin ducked his head again but this woman wasn't having it. She moved closer and picked up the gangly child and sat him on her lap. She held him as his tears started again.

"But, but I…I *hick* hurt Will," he sobbed. "He got hurt because of me," Merlin said in a small voice as the tears continued.

"Did you mean to?" she asked as she placed her chin on the top of his head and slowly began rocking him back and forth.

"No," he sniffled.

"Do you rejoice in his pain?" At her question he jerked his head and looked up at her with wide horrified eyes.

"Never," he said with a little bit more conviction.

"Then why do you think you are a monster?" The sad look was back in her eyes and her sad look and question made his eyes fill with tears once again. She knew why, Uther Pendragon's crusade against magic and the fear he instilled in all people, of Camelot or not. His words of ignorance and grief-fueled hatred were filled with poison that was slowly killing Albion. She just hugged the boy closer. "Magic is not evil and those that say it is are ignorant fools."

Merlin just looked up at this woman whose kindness seeped out of her very being and began to fill him. He felt comfortable in her embrace and burrowed closer. They stayed like that for what felt like forever before Merlin spoke up.

"Why am I like this?" he asked in a quiet voice.

"Because Magic chose you as her champion." Merlin looked up at her in confusion. "Magic and her people have suffered and she needed a champion."

"But I'm a weakling." Her smile soft and serene even with the barely concealed mirth made him fill with a bit of pride.

"You weren't chosen because of your physical strength, your magic more than makes up for that, but for your heart." She hugged him closer as she said this. "There are so many that are physically strong and so many that believe that knowledge is everything but that is not what is needed to bring about balance. Those can be taught or gained through training but what makes a person who they are is their heart, and you my dear Merlin have a heart like no other. Some will say that your heart and willingness to see the good in everyone are weaknesses but always remember this, Magic chose you for it not someone else. Always follow your heart even when your head and others tell you something different."

"What about my destiny?"

"Destinies are troublesome things. There are times when it will seem like you have no control over anything and if this is really the best thing at all but there is something I want you to do for me." Merlin nodded looking into the woman's eyes. "Even if destiny or fate tell you something will be one way I want you to understand this. The future is not set in stone, there is always another path and if this destiny or fate are so important no matter what you decided to do you will fulfill what it has planned but what I want you to do is this, make the choices that you feel are right not what others think is right. Can you do that for me?" Merlin nodded his head again and at her smile Merlin just bows his head and rest's it against her shoulder as she starts singing a lullaby…

Loo-li, loo-li, loo-li, lai-lay
Loo-li, loo-li, loo-li lai-lay

Lay down your head and I'll sing you a lullaby
Back to the years of loo-li lai-lay
And I'll sing you to sleep and I'll sing you tomorrow
Bless you with love for the road that you go

She continued to sing but Merlin could no longer understand the words as his dream self slips off to sleep as his waking self awakens to a new day.

~*End Dream*~

Merlin pulls himself out of his reverie and he is still standing in front of the poison shelf. He just glares at the poisons and turns sharply away. There's another way, he thought, there has to be. As he gathers the water skin and other things he found he didn't notice a book slowly wiggle it's self out of its wedged position in Gaius' packed shelves. It wasn't until it thumped on the floor did he finally take notice. It had landed on its spine, opening and at the top of the page was hopefully his other way. Using a Vessel for a Curse it read at the top, Merlin immediately marked the page and closed the book and took off back toward his friends.

Morgana kept looking at the door and back to the king and Arthur. He's been gone a long time, she thought, thinking of Merlin. What if he's fallen asleep? She starts thinking, slowly sending herself into a panic. No he can't fall asleep I need him here awake. She stands but a wave of dizziness sends her back into her pervious position. She'd been feeling this for a while. Maybe my magic just held this off for a little longer and I'm just now feeling its effects? She holds a hand to her spinning head, she feels weak though not tired. Suddenly the servant's passage door clicks open, immediately putting Arthur on alert until he noticed it was Merlin who had entered.

"Finally," Arthur said striding toward the manservant. "What took you so long?" Merlin cast his gaze to Morgana then turned back toward Arthur.

"I was trying to see if I could find the potion that Gaius gave Morgana but I couldn't find anything, again," he responded, Arthur nodded accepting his words. Morgana looked at him quizzically because she knew he knew that there was no potion. So what had really taken him so long? That's when she noticed his burden of essentials and surprisingly a book. When she gave him a questioning look he slightly shook his head so she wouldn't ask her question right then, she then nodded her head in turn. Her reward was a small smile and she rewarded him in kind. They heard the rumble of the immortal knights and they all felt the sinking in their stomachs. Arthur's face took on his determined knight look and strode toward the throne room doors. Merlin followed him.

"We need to get a cart and get the king out of Camelot," Arthur said with determination.

"You'll never make it to the cart," Merlin said but when he saw the look in Arthur's eyes he knew that he wasn't going to listen to him. "You're going out there to fight them again aren't you?" Merlin asked. Both he and Arthur had dark circles around their eyes. They were fighting the sleepiness they both felt.

"I have to," Arthur responded.

"You'll never make it to the cart," he tried to say again, but he as cut off with a look from Arthur that he knew all too well. " You're going out there to fight the knights so that Morgana and I can get the king to the cart, aren't you?" Morgana gasped when she heard his words and when her eyes landed on Arthur she knew Merlin was right. No, was her only thought. She knew that Arthur would be a better king than Uther ever had been. He can't die here.

"I'll go with you." At Merlin's words Morgana's eyes widen and her heart clenched. She knew he was no good with a sword and that he would likely be killed quickly.

"No," Arthur said immediately. "I need you here to protect the king."

"Arthur…" Morgana could see the concern for Arthur written all over Merlin's expression but inside she was glad that Arthur ordered him to stay with her, even if it wasn't really for her. They had a staring contest, which was broken up by the rumble of the immortal knights as they tried to get in. Merlin just sighed and relented. Arthur took that as a sign and went to the barred door. Merlin followed and helped him.

"If I need a servant in the next life…" Arthur said steeling himself for his fate.

"Don't ask me," Merlin responded. Arthur laughed and then his expression turned grim as he opened the door and went to fight for his kingdom. Once the door closed behind Arthur Merlin re-barred the door. They could hear the clang of swords.

"He's not going to survive out there," Morgana said twisting her hands in front of her. Merlin just looked at her then at the door and then his eyes took on a glint of determination. He grabbed the water skin and took a couple gulps then handed it to her.

"Here drink the rest," he said. She took it but didn't drink. She watched in fasciation as he moved toward the book he had brought. She noticed it had a bookmark and he opened it to that page and immediately began reading and quickly if his eye movement was anything to go by. She started to make her way over to him when her vision started to blur. She felt as if her limbs were in heavy chains making it impossible to move and then her breathing became labored. Finally her body couldn't remain standing and she crumpled to the ground.

Merlin turned when he heard the loud thump to see Morgana, eyes glazed in pain and gasping for air, laid out on the floor. He immediately abandoned the book and rushed to her side.

"Milady, milady… Milady!" he said frantically. He was hunched over her and she tried to get precious air into her burning lungs.

"Mer… can't… breath…" she choked out as her eyes filled with tears. She could see his face, his sharp cheekbones, those adorably disproportional ears, and his cerulean blue eyes, that now that she looked closer had flecks of gold, and knew it wasn't good. His eyes were filled with panic as his fingers ghosted over her flesh. She didn't know why but she could almost literally feel her life draining away and she could no longer keep her eyes open. As she closed her eyes she noticed she could still hear and she heard Merlin desperately calling to her but she just couldn't answer him. When she felt his heat leave her side she noticed how cold she had become and wished for him to return to her side. Then she felt herself lifted in strong arms and when she was laid back down she could feel heat radiating off whatever she was laid upon. She could feel her consciousness slowly fading and finally allowed herself to surrender to the darkness.

After laying Morgana against Uther Merlin hurried back to the book, grabbing it and moved back toward Morgana and the king. He skipped over what he had already read when some words caught his eye. But beware using a living vessel for their very life-force could become what powers the curse, especially the life of a magic user for their life could flow back into the very nature that gives them their power… Merlin's eyes widen as he read. He then looked back over to Morgana and noticed that her breathing was becoming even shallower than before and her color was getting considerably greyer. He went back to reading trying to find something that could stop this and save Morgana's life, when suddenly the doors to the throne room were thrown open. When he looked at the splintered door he saw Morgause framed by the destruction she caused. Merlin dropped the book and stood in front of both the king and Morgana. At his movement Morgause slanted her eyes at him and then sneered.

"Move aside," she said in disdain.

"No." Merlin stood his ground and glared defiantly at the woman who instigated this all.

"Move aside," she repeated as she brandished her sword, leveling it at his chest. Still he didn't move as he glowered at her in insubordination. Then she took a swing at his head, which he ducked and yet still refused to leave his post. She pulled back slightly to gave Merlin an appreciative look. "You have spine, especially for a servant."

"Stop this Morgause," he said in a tone she couldn't place, it was almost commanding. "You're killing Morgana."

"Then she's fulfilled her purpose to me, but I could save her if you would just move aside," she said this as she slowly circled Merlin trying to find a way past his defenses and was surprised when she found none as he continually put himself between her and the king. How dare a servant presume to deny me?

"I can't do that either."

"Why do you, a servant, put yourself at risk for a man who wouldn't lift a finger if you were the one in danger?"

"I don't do it for Uther." At his answer she cocked her head to the side in question. Then she heard the clanging of swords and the smirk returned to her face.

"You do this for Arthur," she said with a maniacal laugh. "The son of the man who has killed hundreds if not thousands of people in his pursuit to eradicate magic. The son who…"

"Is not his father," Merlin interrupted. "And who are you to say you are any different? Blood for blood, that's Uther's way. Revenge for the wrongs of one person cursing hundreds if not thousands of people in your pursuit to eradicate Uther and Camelot. And in your pursuit you preyed upon your own sister's fear and now you use her very life, without her permission I'm sure."

"She agreed…"

"To get rid of Uther I bet, but not for what you've done to Camelot. I know she hates Uther, and fears him and his treatment of those with magic but she would never turn against Camelot. She loves the people, which makes her hatred for Uther worse because she does have a kind heart. She would have never agreed to this if you had told her the whole thing. You think this is the first time she's tried to kill Uther? In that instance she couldn't go through with it and in the end saved him. Maybe you did know, which is why you made sure she couldn't back out." As they talked they continued to circle, Merlin always making sure the people behind him were protected. Finally Morgause stopped where they had begun, with her back to the destroyed door. She looked at him with something akin to respect.

"You seem to know a whole lot for a mere servant," she said with a calculating gleam in her eye.

"In Camelot and many other kingdoms servants are invisible but we can still hear, we can still see and just because the nobility don't see this folly does not mean we take advantage of it. Also we are at times confidants to the higher echelon because they are held in higher regard than us and their words hold far more power than ours ever will so in a sense we can never truly betray them. And I am no mere servant." As he spoke his back straighten and took on a regal pose that, if Morgause hadn't known better, made him appear as someone with immense power. She had to get this meddlesome servant out of the way but even when she moved closer he still held his ground, she decided to try one more tactic to distract him.

"Too bad no one will know of your devotion." At his confused look her eyes flashed gold as she muttered a spell under her breath finally catching him off guard, with his attention diverted she sunk her blade into the servant's side because as the last second he had moved, making the sword's trajectory miss an instant kill. With her blade still imbedded in his side Morgause pulled him closer and whispered in his ear.

"You shouldn't have gotten in my way." She started to pull back in triumph but when she looked into his eyes they were steely with determination and in that second she knew she had made a mistake. Suddenly his blue eyes burned to pure gold and to her shock an immeasurable amount of pure magic just radiated out from him, blinding her.

Morgana consciousness was still struggling against the crushing darkness when unexpectedly it was filled with a blinding golden light. The light was so powerful that she felt as if she should fear it but instead she felt like she was back in her childhood home with her mother reading her a story in front of the fire while her father watched on from his desk. She felt safe for the first time in a long time. Suddenly air rushed into her lungs filling her with life. She gasped as her lungs filled and her eyes shot open only to be met with a sight she never wanted to see again.

She could see the bloody sword sticking out of Merlin's back. She watched as one of the drops of his precious blood fell from the blade and watched it land in the already growing puddle. She immediately sat up using her arms to support her when she heard the sickening sound of the sword being removed from his body, making her stomach clench. As his body crumpled at the feet of the one who called her sister, she screamed.

"MERLIN!"

Arthur was fighting a losing battle, he knew, but he had to try. He couldn't let his father die if he was still able to fight. He could feel the sleeping sickness pulling on his limbs even as he lifted his sword to block the blow from the immortal knight. He felt his knees buckle but he still held his sword ready to block any blow the knights could swing his way. He knew this was his last stand he only hoped that he had given Merlin and Morgana enough time to get his father to safety. Finally the knights relieved him of his sword as it scattered across the marble floor, he stared up at the knights in defiance knowing he was dying to protect his kingdom, his people, his family.

As the knight raised it's sword to strike it stopped and seemed to look behind Arthur and before Arthur's very eyes the knights were engulfed in a pure golden light that was too much for Arthur. He covered his eyes to try and block out the blinding light and as it faded he felt rejuvenated, like he had the most wonderful night of sleep. When he looked back to where the knights had been all he saw were piles of clothing and their swords scattered about. He leaned back and let out a laugh of pure relief. They are gone, he thought as he fought tears. Camelot is safe. He stood and grabbed his sword and started making his way back to his friends, though he would never tell Merlin that, when he heard Morgana scream.

"MERLIN!"

He started running.

Back in the throne room Morgana scrambled over to her fallen friend. Once she reached him she didn't know where to look. His pale face was getting paler as his blood slowly but steadily streamed through his fingers, and he seemed to have trouble breathing. Morgana tried to put her hand over his to try and stop the flow of blood but it did nothing. Her panic set in.

"No nonononononono, NO!" she screamed. "Merlin stay with me! Open your eyes! Merlin!" She knew she was hysterical but she didn't care. Then she noticed out of the corner of her eye as Morgause moved. Abruptly her fear and panic turned into righteous fury and she wheeled around to her 'sister'. "You!" she screamed as she moved Merlin's head to her lap. "You did this!"

"Sister…" she tried to say in placating way.

"No! You have no right to call me that!" She looked away before she could see the anger contort Morgause's beautiful face into something truly frightening. She started to reach out to Morgana who was pleading with Merlin to open his eyes, when three things happened almost simultaneously.

First, Arthur burst into the room at a full out run and immediately took in what happened. He refused to show the distress that he felt seeing Merlin's broken body being cradled in Morgana's lap. He knew he couldn't do anything until the other threat in the room was gone. "Morgause," he seethed.

Second, Uther groaned and sat up, and like his son straightaway took in his surrounds and was on his feet, sword drawn faster than a man his age should have been able to. He just glared at the blonde sorceress standing near his ward and his son's, injured, manservant.

Lastly, several knights of Camelot flooded the room yelling, "Sire!" The first to react to what was going on was Leon who instantly ordered his men to surround the sorceress. They followed his orders quickly surrounding Morgause swords drawn. Some looked toward the Lady who was cradling the injured man. There were some of the knights who couldn't stand Merlin's, in their view, insubordination in how he regarded the Prince, while others liked his cheekiness because in all honesty he brought out something better in their Prince that they could all respect, humility. However none of them could stomach the grievous injury because they could see that he'd had no weapon, no way to defend himself and yet their King and Lady were uninjured. He had protected them as best he could, no formal training, just pure loyalty.

Morgause looked around at the men with their swords drawn and knew that even with her magic she was out numbered, but she was not leaving without a prize.

"Bedyrne ús! Astýre ús þanonweard!" As she said the spell she roughly grasped Morgana by her curls, Morgana who refused to release her hold on Merlin, and even with the chorused yells of "NO" they vanished in a gust of wind, only leaving behind the pool of blood as evidence that they were there.

A/N: Sooooo what did 'ya think! Please let me know! Comment below! Also I forgot to mention this above but the lullaby that is sung to Merlin in his dream is called Sleepsong by Secret Garden. (You should listen to the whole thing or wait I'll probably use other pieces of it throughout this story!)

Poll: Next chapter should we start out with the triple M's or with the lot in Camelot?