A/N: So here's the tough one, Clexakru. I know I didn't post this on Friday when the rest of #ClexaWeek did, but I'd had a very long week and this was always going to be a tough one to write knowing how JRat fucked it all up.
Anywho, I hope everyone's doing okay. ClexaCon seemed to be a smash hit so that's awesome :) This is Day 5: Alternate Canon/Divergent Canon
LOTUS LAND
Clarke's eyes popped open, although she squeezed them shut again, wanting to hold onto the falsehood of the City of Light for as long as she could. She knew it wasn't real, but she'd been there. She'd seen her and held her and kissed her and told her that she loved her, only for it all to be ripped away by yet another fucking switch.
Whatever hell was raging in the Polis Tower, Clarke couldn't find it in herself to care. For a brief moment, she remained a young girl, thrust into a role that she had no preparation for, only to find herself alone yet again.
"Clarke?"
That voice…
Her eyes flew open once more and she gasped as she looked around her. She wasn't in the throne room. Had she passed out? If she had, why had they brought her to this room? She had specifically stated that she didn't want anyone to touch Lexa's room.
Clarke swallowed, hating how the pain of losing her was marring the wonderful memories of their brief time together. Really together.
What if Titus had missed altogether? What if their happiness could have been prolonged? What if-
Clarke shook her head subtly to herself. She had spent weeks crying over the what ifs.
What if she hadn't gone back to her room? What if she had just stayed with Lexa? What if she'd ignored her duty to her people just once? What it-
"Clarke?"
That voice again. She must still be out of it. Maybe the black blood in her system was warping her mind.
The arm sneaking around her waist felt incredibly real though.
Clarke frowned at herself, disgusted. How could she even have contemplated sleeping with someone that wasn't Lexa? That bullshit about just needing someone had worked with Finn, but with Lexa…she only wanted her.
"Clarke."
The voice was much closer now, almost right behind her, in fact. Clarke could almost feel a breath hitting the back of her neck. She closed her eyes and shivered unwillingly.
"You're restless, Clarke. Would you like to-"
As soon as the words had been uttered, Clarke spun around in the bed, her eyes wide open. The beautiful green eyes that she thought she'd said goodbye to forever only a few hours before were staring back at her with open concern and care.
"L-Lexa?" Clarke whispered, slowly pushing herself up.
What the hell was going on?
The brunette goddess next to her only cocked her head in confusion. "Is everything alright, Clarke?"
"I…You…He… What?"
Her head was spinning. It was spinning too fast and she needed air. Practically falling out of the bed, Clarke stumbled to the balcony and gulped in the warm air.
None of it made sense.
How long had she been asleep? What had happened to everyone?
A soft material was draped around her naked body and she stood up straight, not nearly brave enough to look back.
"I understand if this is overwhelming for you, Clarke. I…We are in difficult times and, on occasion, it is accepted to look for comfort in the arms of-"
"Is that what you think?" Clarke interrupted, spinning around, her eyes narrowing. "Do you really think that after everything that we've been through that I would just use you like that?"
Lexa blinked in surprise. "No, I don't. But it would be understandable if you did," she eventually said quietly.
Clarke suddenly started crying. "No, this is too much! I saw you die, Lexa! Right in front of me! You w-were there and then you were g-gone and I couldn't even do anything!"
"Clarke, you aren't making sense," Lexa said gently, seemingly unsure of whether she should touch the distressed girl or not.
"I'm not making this up!" Clarke shouted suddenly.
Lexa's hands dropped behind her back in her usual defensive stance. "I never said you were making anything up. Perhaps if you explain from the beginning, we can figure out what's going on."
Clarke stared at her.
So this is real? She's here? She's…alive?
With tears still falling down her cheeks, Clarke stepped closer to Lexa. Her Lexa…Her hands were shaking as she lifted them up to the Commander's face and breathed out a sigh of relief even bigger than when she'd seen her in the City of Light.
"You're real," she sniffled. "You're here."
Lexa's guarded eyes immediately softened. "Of course, Clarke."
The blonde wasted no time in joining their lips. Lexa responded immediately, her secure arms wrapping Clarke in a tight embrace. They remained standing, fused together as close as they could be, kissing for what felt like hours. Clarke's tears had dried on her face and her lips were swollen by the time they pulled away from each other, but only to rest their foreheads together.
"Will you take a bath with me?" Lexa requested quietly.
Clarke nodded immediately. She didn't know what was going on, but she wasn't about to let Lexa out of her sight.
"Was it a dream?" Lexa asked quietly after they had been relaxing in her tub for a good ten minutes.
Clarke sighed and leaned her head back against the Commander's shoulder. "I don't even know. It felt like I was living my life the way I was supposed to, like time was going forward. It felt like days and weeks. It felt like months." She swallowed hard, running her fingers along Lexa's forearm that rested over her stomach underneath the milky water.
"You said that I…died?" Lexa whispered.
Clarke squeezed her eyes closed. "Even now, the pain I feel is so overwhelming because I can remember it like a memory. But…here you are."
"Here I am." The brunette pressed a kiss against her cheek. "And here I shall remain."
"But does that mean that everything was a lie? I know that the mind can do some pretty powerful things, but I experienced some messed up things. You died, Ontari killed the Natblida in the middle of the night-"
"She what?" Lexa snapped.
Clarke squeezed her arms, encouraging her to relax again. "If you want to hear everything, you're going to need to try and remain calm."
Lexa didn't reply and the blonde knew it was because she was far from calm. She swivelled around in the water and straddled Lexa's waist. As tense as she was, the Commander still held Clarke to her.
"This is really confusing for me, okay? I'm trying to make sense of it in my own head while trying to explain it to you so that I don't come across like a crazy person."
"You're not-"
"Sssh." Clarke covered Lexa's mouth with her hand. "Please just understand this. In my mind, you died. I watched you die from a bullet meant for me." She felt the tears running down her cheeks again, but didn't let her gaze wander from Lexa's. "I was helpless. I watched you die a few minutes after experiencing the happiest moment of my life with you on this damned earth. I went through hell to protect you and the Flame-" Lexa's eyes immediately went wide, but she kept her mouth shut. "-and it all felt like a battle from hell. And then I wake up and you're suddenly here, like nothing happened, but in my head, it feels like it did still happen. So while I understand that you're confused, please understand that I'm probably even more confused."
Lexa nodded and Clarke dropped her hands.
"Okay," Clarke breathed. "Can we go back to the bed? At least I remember that part being a safe haven for us."
Lexa smiled her small smiled and leaned up to kiss Clarke softly. "Whatever you wish."
Clarke just revelled in the feeling of Lexa's body merged with hers. They had been in Lexa's wonderfully big bed for about five minutes and all Clarke had done was snuggle up against her like a hamster. She wanted to be as close to Lexa as possible.
To her credit, the Commander allowed the curious behaviour. She even had her small smile on her face the whole time.
Clarke knew that she needed to come clean with the cacophony of confusion in her head. Talking to Lexa may even help her sort it out somewhat.
"Okay," Clarke breathed, her nose resting in the nook of Lexa's neck. "Okay. This is what happened."
It took her an age to tell and she started crying again when she explained what Titus had done and then what Ontari had done. She managed to get herself under control again until she mentioned Lincoln's cold-blooded execution. She could feel Lexa's rage at that. Once she started explaining about the City of Light, Lexa quietly interjected and asked her to explain a few things, clearly not familiar with technology the way she was.
All in all, it took about an hour for Clarke to recount everything that she remembered from that fateful day which she seemed to have come back to.
"Clarke, I believe you," Lexa said in that strong voice that always made the blonde feel at ease.
"You do?" she whispered back.
"Yes. We have a belief in our culture. Normally it only occurs when under the influence of powerful medicine, but perhaps with your DNA and how you've adjusted to this world, you were able to enter the realm of Lotus Land."
"What's that?"
"It's a dream world, where time marches on, where stories and lives play out. Sometimes good things happen and sometimes bad things happen. Legend has it that those who enter Lotus Land are given a gift. It is a rarity to see something that has not yet happened. With your knowledge, Clarke, we could change so much, right so many wrongs."
Clarke pushed herself up so that she was hovering over Lexa. "You would do that? Knowing that Arkadia is in political hell, that your teacher is a raving lunatic and that Ontari is a much bigger threat to you than we thought?" Her voice increased to a slight panic by the end.
"Clarke, I have lived longer than almost all the Commanders before me. And, Spirit willing, I shall continue to walk this land for as long as I can."
The blonde nodded, even though her fears were prickling all around her.
What if…
What if…
What if…
"Clarke, look at me."
She found the eyes that had brought her out of the darkest place she could have been. Immediately, her tense body relaxed somewhat.
"If I didn't have enough to live for before, I certainly do now," Lexa said firmly.
Tears began to fall again and Clarke had to roll her eyes at herself. "Sorry," she mumbled, wiping her face on her pillow. "It make me so happy to hear you say that, to even just be here with you, and all I can do is cry."
"I understand, ai hodnes. It cannot have been easy to experience what you did and still come out on top. You are an incredible woman, Clarke, and it would be my honour to rule this world at your side."
Clarke blinked. "Lexa, are you…?"
"I swear fealty to you, Klark kom Skaikru. But not only that, I swear to love you, to protect you and to stand by your side through whatever obstacles come our way." Lexa's voice was steady and her gaze unwavering. Clarke could feel it right down to her toes.
"If you want me to, of course," Lexa continued, but Clarke cut her off with her lips before she could waste any more time talking.
They traded passionate kisses, rolling their tongues together effortlessly.
"No more talking?" Lexa breathed out as Clarke moved down to her neck and chest.
"Only to hear you scream my name, Heda," Clarke smirked, wrapping her lips around a nipple and grinning when she elicited a gasp from her strong, beautiful Commander.
A/N: AND THEY LIVED HAPPILY EVER AFTER THE END!
-H