~*~Disclaimer=me no own! ~*~ Ok, finished Soldier Past, Soldier Present so
I allowed myself the luxury of writing this-don't ask me why but I was
inspired after sitting on a bench at school and watching the people go past-
there was this one person who was all smiles with her friends but then when
she went into the tech block for a split second she looked like the cares
of the world were on her shoulders. You'll have to make up your own mind
about which character it is~*~
Sometimes I stare.
Sometimes I find myself watching the others.
Sometimes the others talk to men and then I have to smile and talk back. Not a real smile. I plaster a false smile onto my face. It's force of habit now. I can't remember the last time I truly smiled. I've been hiding behind this smile for so long I don't even remember what I used to be like.
Someone once told me: 'If you look happy, you feel happy.'
I look happy, but I don't feel happy.
Sometimes I wonder if the others realise that my smile is fake or that on some nights I can just stare in my mirror and feel like breaking down because no one knows.
Apparently when you do a true smile you get crinkles in the corner of your eyes. I don't think that's right somehow, I've never really seen anybody who's smiling with crinkles in the corner of their eyes.
Everybody seems to enjoy a joke, have a laugh and just smile when they see someone they know. I do that, except my laughter sounds funny to my own ears and my smile is ready made, plastered to my face to give the illusion of happiness. No point burdening others with my problems.
Sometimes though, the dead of night, I long for someone to be there for me. My friends would probably support me at the drop of a hat if I ever needed it. But I lied to them. I lie everytime I smile, everytime I laugh and everytime I say "I'm fine".
Do you know the definition of fine? The Psychological definition anyway. Fine means: 'Fucked up and emotionally insecure.'
That's the gist of it anyway. I wonder if anyone else knows that?
Sometimes I stare and watch people laughing. All of a sudden I'm filled with envy.
Sometimes, on those moments I'm sat by myself in the mess hall, I see people talking and laughing. Sometimes they part ways and one is left on their own eating their food or drinking their coffee. That's when they think no one's looking and their expressions change into tired and worn ones, with all the troubles in the world.
When I saw that I started looking into others eyes when they laughed. Once I saw happiness in their eyes but mostly I saw worry and stress.
I wonder if they're like me, hiding behind false smiles. Laughing when they're in pain, saying they're fine when really they just need someone to tell them everything'll be alright.
Now I realise, everyone has false smiles, the last line of defence before they break down.
Sometimes I stare.
Sometimes I wish, dream and dare to hope,
That someone's staring at me too.
~*~Please review! It really does help!~*~
Sometimes I stare.
Sometimes I find myself watching the others.
Sometimes the others talk to men and then I have to smile and talk back. Not a real smile. I plaster a false smile onto my face. It's force of habit now. I can't remember the last time I truly smiled. I've been hiding behind this smile for so long I don't even remember what I used to be like.
Someone once told me: 'If you look happy, you feel happy.'
I look happy, but I don't feel happy.
Sometimes I wonder if the others realise that my smile is fake or that on some nights I can just stare in my mirror and feel like breaking down because no one knows.
Apparently when you do a true smile you get crinkles in the corner of your eyes. I don't think that's right somehow, I've never really seen anybody who's smiling with crinkles in the corner of their eyes.
Everybody seems to enjoy a joke, have a laugh and just smile when they see someone they know. I do that, except my laughter sounds funny to my own ears and my smile is ready made, plastered to my face to give the illusion of happiness. No point burdening others with my problems.
Sometimes though, the dead of night, I long for someone to be there for me. My friends would probably support me at the drop of a hat if I ever needed it. But I lied to them. I lie everytime I smile, everytime I laugh and everytime I say "I'm fine".
Do you know the definition of fine? The Psychological definition anyway. Fine means: 'Fucked up and emotionally insecure.'
That's the gist of it anyway. I wonder if anyone else knows that?
Sometimes I stare and watch people laughing. All of a sudden I'm filled with envy.
Sometimes, on those moments I'm sat by myself in the mess hall, I see people talking and laughing. Sometimes they part ways and one is left on their own eating their food or drinking their coffee. That's when they think no one's looking and their expressions change into tired and worn ones, with all the troubles in the world.
When I saw that I started looking into others eyes when they laughed. Once I saw happiness in their eyes but mostly I saw worry and stress.
I wonder if they're like me, hiding behind false smiles. Laughing when they're in pain, saying they're fine when really they just need someone to tell them everything'll be alright.
Now I realise, everyone has false smiles, the last line of defence before they break down.
Sometimes I stare.
Sometimes I wish, dream and dare to hope,
That someone's staring at me too.
~*~Please review! It really does help!~*~