Shadow's
SUPER
HAPPY
FUN
ANGST
GAME
OF
DOOM!
58: Yes! A Shadow the Hedgehog parody! NOONE HAS THOUGHT OF THAT YET!
Shadow: Yes they have. And while we're on the subject of parodies… why haven't you updated your other fanfics yet?
58: … (Uses super cape to escape)
Chapter 1: MAKE UP YOUR MIND! Or logic does not exist. Please insert token to continue.
It was a bright, happy, sunny, day and teen couples were kissing, hugging, or "playing" while teens who didn't have dates were "playing by themselves" The only person not doing any of these things was Shadow, who was staring into the sky like the supreme emo he was.
"I'M NOT EMO!"
Shut up. Anyhow he was looking at the sky when he heard a voice whispering.
"Shadow….. SHADOW…Sha- OW! YOU IDIOTS! YOU RUINED MY ENTRANCE!"
It turns out the voice was non other… a BIG TENTECLE MONSTER!
"Are you my 10:00" Shadow asked in a bored voice.
"No! I'm Black Doom, The evilest lawyer and alien/villain ever! And I want you to find all the Chaos Emeralds!"
"Why the hell should I?" Shadow asked in an angry fashion.
"Because, if you give me the emeralds, I'll reveal… YOUR PAST!
(Cue Dun dun DUN! Sound)
Shadow thought about this for a second. "So if I give you, an evil illegal alien bent on world domination, the seven most powerful gems in the galaxy, you'll show me my past?"
"Yes."
"… That's completely fair."
"Cool, so get me the seven Chaos Emerald and bring them to the Black Comet, oh and by the way, my army of evil, illegal, aliens are going to invade in five seconds, kaythanksbye!" Doom summed up before leaving.
"..what?" Almost as if it was shear coincidence, as soon as those words were said, the peaceful town of Westopolis erupted into chaos.
It was Pandemonium: volume twelve uncensored. Laser beams from nowhere blasted buildings and cars. Corpses of men, women and children littered the streets. The only difference this time was, instead of terrorist, it was aliens. The government was doing what it did best: Being useless. This was the world that Shadow the Hedgehog found. And he was about to search the area when he ran into:
"SONIC THE HEDGEHOG?"
"Hey Shads," Sonic said as the game did a close up of his face and revealed his name in all caps. "These black aliens are destroying the city. Want to help me kill all of them?"
The player knew from these events that she should've just bought Sonic Heroes instead of listening to everyone who said it was sucky.
Sonic and Shadow were going around town, kicking a** and taking names, when they found a cage guarded by the black creature. One dead alien later Shadow went up to the now opened cage, and found… A CHAOS EMERALD!
Congratulations, if you fill up your hero gauge, you can use chaos control to zoom through the stage!
Congratulations, if you fill up your dark gauge, you can use chaos blast to use fireballs of death!
Just after the emerald, Shadow found Black Doom… sort of.
"Hello Shadow! Seeing as how I'm the boss, I can't appear in person, so I sent my fourth eye to watch you." Doom explained.
"Wait, isn't that painful?"
"… I don't like to talk about it. Back to where I was, I want you to DESTORY ALL HUMANS in the area, because random terror always works!" Shadow thought about it for a while before responding with: "That doesn't make any sense."
"Welcome to Shadow the hedgehog buddy."
A few minute later of killing everything.
Sonic and Shadow were watching three G.U.N. beetles as a quartet got ready as their part came up. Sonic suggested that Shadow use his homing attack to get across. Shadow then attack one and got ready to attack the others when-
"SHADOW! STOP!"
So Shadow stopped… then fell to his death.
"What was that?" The player demanded.
"He was attacking those poor defenseless G.U.N. beetles."
"DEFENSELESS? THEY SHOOT BULLETS AT YOU!"
"Just because they shoot bullets at people, doesn't mean they can protect themselves."
Several aliens/ military folk later
Shadow was speeding along until he came to a door which had five key locks.
"What's this?" He asked in that deep voice of his. However Black Doom showed up out of nowhere and told him.
"This is the door of Antioch. Behind this door is Pandora's box which, when opened will spell doom for humanity. Evil beings like griffins and ogres will attack the humans UNTIL THE WORLD ITSELF ENDS!" Black Doom then proceeded to laugh for a long amount of time before…
"It's just something to make the levels less painful aren't they?
"Yes, yes they are." So the jet black hedgehog used his lock-picking skills to unlock the door to find, not just a gun… but an armored vehicle
"Ohhhhhh, look, it's an armored car and- wait… why is it behind a locked door and has the keys inside?"
Earlier
"By locking the door and scattering the keys all over the town, nobody will be able to steal my car while the keys are inside and the door is unlocked." a, not to bright, G.U.N. soldier stated after closing the door. And of course when he tried the door…
"Honey, I've done it again!"
Four hours of 4X4 terror later
Shadow saw a Chaos Emerald right in the middle of a giant ring and two things were going through his mind: He was going to get the emerald and he hoped that his car wouldn't get stolen. So Shadow picked up the Chaos Emerald and-
SHADOW GOT THE CHAOS EMERALD!
SPECIAL STAGE CLEAR!
CHAOS EMERALD
2/7
Black Doom showed up as a hologram and, boy was he mad.
"Shadow!" He raged, "Why did you pick up the emerald you traitor?"
"Look Doom, you wanted the emeralds, I'm getting you the emeralds. That was the deal-"
"I have made changes to the deal! Pray I don't change any further! Now meet me on the highway in eleven minutes, and by the way, I took a dump on your car." The alien responded. Shadow went to check if it was true… and it was. While Shadow epically screamed no, somewhere, Mr. Bison was screaming "YES! YES!
Act 2: Highways are lethal?
Shadow was still mourning his car when Black Doom reappeared on the scene for the newest update.
"Hello Shadow, we are through with this hellhole of a city. Now I need you to protect mah pimpmobile from a certain blue hedgehog." The black hedgehog, while hearing his boss say this, saw a motorcycle across the street. It was then he realized that he didn't need some stupid car, but instead a sweet two wheeler.
"That bike across the street… it's calling out to me…. Is this what its like to be… in love?" Shadow thought as the bike sat there.
"But don't worry, it has a shield to make it seem like the enemy's attacks are useless when they are actually breaking the shield and even if the tank is destroyed, we saved 15% or more by SWITCHING TO GIECO! MWAHAHAHAH- hey, where did you go?" The alien eye asked as the motorcycle speed away.
Some chasing later
Shadow approached the alien pimpmobile that had super stereos and sweet headlights.
"Alien craft," He said in his best Arnold Swarzenaggar impression "Prepare to be… Shadow-naited!" The player was not amused. Shadow then sped on his motorbike to the vehicle.
Inside said vehicle…
"Sir, something black and red is coming straight towards us!"
"Release the bombs and leave me alone while I am on the toilet!"
"You heard him men- TO THE TOILETS!"
The alien pimpmobile then started to drop bombs in front of Shadow's bike. He tried and tried and tried to stop the bike but… it stopped on a dime.
"Well thank goodness it stopped in front of this fully armed bomb… I should kick it!" And he did. "Now that I've kicked this, once again, fully operational bomb… I should host a soccer tournament!" And he did. "Now that the sports tournament is over I should probably shoot the bomb because I can!" At this point players everywhere decided that this cannot be the real Shadow. And when Shadow shot the bomb, it blew up the section of the highway and took the motorcycle with it.
"BIKE! NOOOOO! WHY? WHY NOT TAKE ME INSTEAD! THEN I WOULDN'T HAVE TO SUFFER THROUGH THIS GAME!" The emo hedgehog sobbed.
"YEAH! WHY COULDN'T IT BEEN YOU?" gamers everywhere agreed.
Shadow then stopped sobbing because across the street was a ford coupe.
"Who the hell would leave such a sexy car in the open?" Shadow questioned.
Earlier…
A black mage and a white mage were standing in the middle of a random highway.
"Why are you leaving an expensive car on the highway?" The white mage asked. The black mage just chuckled.
"It's all part of my evil plan dear White Mage." He said. "It's all part of my plan..." The player was shocked.
"So wizards actually did do it!"
In the present
Shadow, in his hot car, finally came to the craft and with a chain gun and dressed in ammo like Rambo, the black hedgehog opened fire on the craft. Twenty minutes later Shadow had used up all his ammo and the craft was still shielded.
"3#$%! Why won't this 3#$% thing die?" He yelled as he threw a rock at the craft.
The alien pimpmobile exploded
As alien flesh rained on the sidewalk, Black Doom only said this: "Rocks…. OUR ONE WEAKNESS!"
Act 2 1/2: Shadow plays with an ugly puppy.
Westopolis. What once was a happy ordinary city became a terrorized wasteland of pride, prejudice, and aliens. Black Doom cornered Shadow here… even though they were suppose to be fleeing the city.
"Shadow! First I tell you to get the emeralds, then I tell you to screw the emeralds (and STOP laughing) then I tell you to protect my pimped out tank! Do you know how many chicks I got with that thing? Now I am forced to sick my pet on you! Kill him Mr. Cuddles!"
"Oh I'm so scared." Shadow mocked "Don't sick Mr. Cuddles on me. I wouldn't like to be hugged to death."
At this point, a giant ugly… thing, entered the area. To imagine what it was like to see this thing, imagine something so ugly that if you were merely in its presence, you would poop yourself. That is an understatement. One time a Basilisk looked straight at it and the basilisk died! If that don't paint a pretty picture, then nothing does. Needless to say, one thought was going through Shadow's mind: I'm ****ing screwed.
A bunch of words appeared spelling out Black Bull. Then, realizing their mistake, spelt out Mr. Cuddles. The sausage beast opened the fight with a sonic wave attack which did a hefty bit of damage to the city. Many people wept for those who died, but some were laughing because their insurance covered alien attacks.
Meanwhile, outside the story…
The reader is reading the story to see if this was a serious and dramatic story.
"Blablabla Chaos Emeralds BLA!"
"Blablabla Black Bull BLA!"
"Blablablabla?"
"Bla."
Oh, stolen Yugioh abridged jokes, never mind.
Back to the Battle
Shadow was weighing his options. He could either A. use his gun to kill it, but he's out of ammo, or B. Kamikaze his car into it, but sadly he left it on the highway.
"WHY DID I COME BACK HERE?"
"Perfect." Doom said while rubbing his… tentacles together. "Keep staying within homing attack distance so he could reach 's eye, men!"
The player was getting impatient, until something occurred to him.
"Hey," The player said. "Can't you use Chaos Control?" Suddenly everyone stopped processing this fact. Black Bull suddenly disappeared in a puff of logic because everyone knows that, in battle, Shadow WILL use Chaos Control.
"What the hell Shadow?" Doom yelled. "You blew up ! WHY?"
"Because you tried to kill me! And you let your men kill me and you send me on stupid missions, and I CAN'T TAKE IT NO MORE! So screw you Black Doom, I'm going to get the Chaos emeralds and I must hunt down the one person who knows my past."
"W-W-Who is that?"
"Dr. Ivo "Eggman" Robotnik." And with that, Shadow walked off. He saw Sonic sometime later.
"Shadow! Thank goodness I found you! The Black Arms have some sort of tank guarded by a killer sausage! Let's go!"
"Too late 'Faker'. I'm already done here."
"oh…"
"See you later… slow poke." Shadow then ran off. Sonic looked on, depressed, then he got a razor and cut himself while weeping.
Part 2 ¼: Fear the Eggman Empire… oh and G.U.N. goes to war with a black hedgehog or something
Back at the ranch… or Military Headquarters.
The G.U.N. general was off his meds. This had been a hectic month. First of all he mistook the greatest animal hero of all time for a criminal, then Prison Island blew up, after that a GIANT SPACE STATION almost destroyed Earth and only after Sonic and Shadow saved the world he considered calling back all the robots. And that's not even mentioning the whole "Metal Sonic going off his rocker" fiasco and what's left of Station Square. And now the Black Arms. And, this may very well be a joke, the scientist claim that they mastered time travel and a blue hedgehog, as well as a purple cat, will sink their battleship that is being worked on as we speak.
"Sir!" I random G.U.N. soldier started, "We were able to evacuate Westopolis… well we would've but everyone was dead when we got there so there was no point in it. We also spotted Shadow the Hedgehog-"
"SHADOW? MY MORTAL ENEMY? I should've known! After all I could recognize him a mile away."
"Right." The female player said sarcastically
A couple years earlier
The G.U.N. General was shown footage of Shadow stealing a chaos emerald.
"MEN! GET SONIC THE HEDGEHOG AND KILL HIM!"
Now…
"Okay men if you see Shadow, kill him!" the general concluded
"But-"
"DON'T YOU POINT YOUR BUTT AT ME, SOLDIER!"
And now for something completely different.
"HOHOHOHOHO! I have now completed my newest circus attraction: Circus Park! With all the rings I have, I shall make billions!" Dr. Ivo "Eggman" Robotnik bragged. He was standing in front of his latest casino base: Circus Park. If your wondering why Eggman is building a new base when he has bullet station, due to Metal Sonic going insane on him and doing a coup' eat on him, there was no point on having the heroes break into his lair again.
"Sir!" One of the Egg pawns shouted, frantic about something. "The Black Arms are trying to attack Cryptic Castle and G.U.N. is getting closer to your James Bond villain lair!"
"What? Oh no, all my secret data on my status as Sonic Colors Wii's final boss is in Cryptic Castle! And my coffee machine is in my James Bond villain lair!" And with that, Dr. Eggman fled screaming "CURSE YOU WHATEVER GUN STANDS FOR!"
In a location that cannot be given…
Tails, once again used his rocket Metal Sonic to see what Robotnik was up to. He looked horrified at what Robotnik was planning. What was he planning?
" Robotnik has stolen several hundred of the many billion rings! This is serious business! Luckily I, Miles 'Tails' Prower, knows what's going on. To the Tornado!" Tails screamed as he swooshed to the plane. And so he was off. On his quest for justice! Off to save the rings foil Dr. Eggman's plot and- OH WHO AM I KIDDING? He's screwed, case closed.
Next Time
-Casino Park ( Yes, That Casino Park,) is finally parodied!
-Shadow and Rouge visit teh internets!
-Shadow and Amy visit Dr. Eggman's Castle… did we mention it is full of ghost?
- Eggman gets a new catchphrase!
-The Military gets gets their **** together!
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Naw, I was just teasing.
Shadow's Super Happy Fun Angst, game of doooom!