A.N. Hello all, I just wanted to say that I am writing this constantly and already I have a basic idea of where this is going. It's kind of complicated but usually when I get an idea it's in pieces, all that really bothers me is filling in the gaps. This will be an exception (GUDAMMIT!) and I hope you enjoy, any spelling mistakes are my own and I am quite proud of them.

Disclaimer - Aint mine. I don't own Neil Gaiman or Terry Pratchett either, although they are awesome.

Good Omens.

The white, anonymous van sat idly by Arkham Asylum's gates. The burly driver bounced his palms against the steering wheel to his own tune, waiting as his colleague finished his conversation with the intercom out of the window. It took no more than a minute before the gates opened slowly, the van moving forward and towards the archaic structure in front.

No one paid any attention to the muttered curses coming from behind the reinforced wall that their seats rested against, the two 'ladies' were chained down quite nicely and even if they did try to lunge at one another from time to time they could never quite reach.

"You think this is funny?" Poison Ivy hissed to her companion, rattling her handcuffs restlessly as the van moved slowly onwards. The woman in question merely carried on smiling dreamily at the roof for a moment longer, blinking out of her stupor a beat too late and facing the red head.

"I'm not laughing," she mumbled, licking at her bloodied and already swelling lip for about the fifth time in as many minutes. "I don't feel too good," Voiced weakly a second later as she ignored the scoff from Ivy, frown in place and trying to ignore the sway of the van.

"Yeah? Well you look like shit," Ivy spat, for a second she almost felt bad as the girl before her gave a rather upset look and stared at her hands. She sighed and changed the subject, no way was she going to apologise for telling the truth.

She did look bad; cut lip, blood in her hairline and the beginning of a large bruise on her cheekbone. The lighting within did nothing to help either, making her face seem hallow with the sharp cheekbones and wide eyes. "I've only been out for a month too," she grumbled, catching the other girl bristle a little.

"It wasn't even my fault," Ivy looked up, disbelief as the girl ploughed on. "Do you think I wanna be here Red? I'm small time, I do bank jobs and sometimes I blow stuff up," she paused to glare at the van beside Ivy's head. "An asylum!" she spat in disbelief whilst shaking her head solemly, as if the very idea was ludicrous.

"Oh yes," Ivy crossed her legs, looking smug. "I forgot, you've never been to one before, have you?" No answer. "Oh well, it was only a matter of time," The girl lunged weakly, her face an unhealthy white as her chains only allowed her to stand if she crouched. Ivy laughed, not really seeing what was funny but enjoying the distraction.

The van slowed, their conversation died with the sound of two guards getting out of the van and walking around to the back.

"It'll be fine," Ivy whispered, catching the wide eyes of her friend as she positioned herself easily and grinned. It took a moment for her reasoning to become clear before the doors opened, silhouetting two burly men as they automatically made a grab for Ivy. "Easy boys," she purred, seeming to uncurl in her seat and stretch like a cat. "I do bruise easily." Her friend laughed quietly, watching the guards faces change and flush. A second later she was standing and hauled out, followed by the bloodied girl.

Ivy turned with the sound of a scuffle, catching sight of the brunette as she fell almost on her face and laughed pathetically. She rolled her eyes as the guard helped her up, watching as she swayed on the spot. "I'm dizzy." she stated in a deadpan voice, eyes serious - if a little unfocused.

"I think she may have concussion," she purred and leaned into the guard, enjoying the way his Adam's apple bobbed quickly. "That's a bump on the head, in layman's terms." Ivy received a shove in the back from the guard and a childlike laugh from her friend, walking onwards and glaring at the looming building before her.

It didn't take long before Poison Ivy was sashaying down an all too familiar hallway, ignoring the wolf whistles and cat calls from the cells she passed and resisting the urge to shake off the vice like grip the guards had on her arms. It wasn't until she heard a familiar shriek that she turned her head, giving a somewhat tired smile as Harley Quinn bounced happily behind a sheet of plexiglass. Her pigtails bouncing merrily with each jump, the girl looked ready to start clapping at any moment.

"Red! You're back!" she stated the obvious, thankfully Ivy was still marching onwards and so the blonde didn't catch the slight roll of the eyes she received.

"What can I say Harls? I can't keep away." The shriek of laughter almost made her smile, almost.

------------------

Only a prologue, other chapters will be longer than this one. x