Please play Hurts's "Stay" while reading.
We say goodbye in the pouring rain
And I break down as you walk away.
Stay, stay.
'Cause all my life I've felt this way
But I could never find the words to say
Stay, stay.
He could still feel the touch of her hand on his cheek long moments after it was gone. All he could see in front of his eyes was her character, standing there in front of him, looking at him sadly as she told him she finally understood he could never be there for her the way she needed him. All he could feel was his own pain, mingled with the one he saw in her eyes, their pain over all that could have been and would never be. They needed each other the way fire needed oxygen, but there was no way she could continue this crazy journey he led her into. She could not do it anymore. But he could not live without her.
"Stay," He whispered, still staring at her. His voice was quiet, filled with all the pain he knew he could not experience. It was worse than anything he had ever experienced, even worse than Stacy betraying him. He could never let her walk away, simply because he could not live without her in his life, by his side.
"House… Don't make it any more difficult than it already is." She sounded devastated, just as hurt and broken as he felt that moment. She seemed as if she could cry at any moment, if only she'd manage to truly get it into her mind that it was over. She could not believe this was happening, almost as much as he could not.
But he could not just leave it as it was. He needed to tell her, needed to tell her how much she meant to him, and how his life could never go on without her. He needed to stop her from leaving. He needed to convince her that he could change, because for her he would do anything. Even something as hard and crazy as changing himself.
"Stay," He whispered once again, unable to say anything else. He did not even know where to start. He felt so much towards her, feelings that he could never explain. Yet he had to. He had to, because the only other option was to let her leave. "Please… Stay. I can change."
"I don't think you can," She repeated quietly. "You can't change, not for anyone." Her voice broke his heart. He could see that she really wanted to stay, really wanted to change her mind and continue their relationship. But their history showed her he could not change… not even for her.
"I can. For you I can. Trust me." He begged, finally taking a step towards her. It was the first time he moved since she told him that she was leaving. He still could not feel his body, but he knew feeling would return. "Please… Just stay."
She looked at him quietly for a moment. "I'm sorry," was all she said before she left, leaving him alone in his apartment.
He stared after her for long moments afterwards. Again, all he could see was her, her face, her body, her hair. Every single part of her, every bit of the woman he knew so well for so long. He stared after her, his thoughts still running around in no particular order. He could not stop thinking about her, could not stop wishing that he'd have managed to find the right words to say and she'd have stayed. All he wanted was to be with her, and now that was taken away from him as well, and he could not even begin to tell her how much it hurt him and how much he needed her.
He fell down eventually, crashing against the floor of his apartment. He lay there for God-knows-how-long, just dreaming and wishing he'd have managed to tell her how much she meant to him. He broke down completely, forgetting every other part in his life.
If only she'd stay…
Stay, stay, stay, stay with me.