It was many years ago, but to her it only felt like yesterday when he first walked into her life…
/You Had Me at Hello/
With just one look he stole her cool reserve, made her stand up just a bit taller. With a smile, he made her knees go weak, what it is about this stranger that made the monster inside feel a little less like a monster. No one ever made her feel that way. Not tough Tyler with his wolfish ways, or soft and sweet Matt with his tender looks of love had ever made her feel this way. Her heart sped up her breathing hitched and for once, she was breathless. She wanted this one man more than anything else in this world. His dirty blond hair shone in the dull florescent lighting of the bar. Even from this distance, she could see the gold flecks that danced in his green eyes, like leaves of autumn in a pond. For her the world stopped when he picked up his drink and sauntered his way towards her, but in reality the world kept spinning and her friends kept talking. While her world was shifting on its axis, everyone else stayed the same. Did he feel it too, did he feel this soul shattering moment or was it just her? She did have a problem with over analyzing things. However, that was only the minor problem, the bigger issue was just what does this earth shattering feeling mean. For it could just be simple lust, (she was having some very imaginative thoughts at the moment.) or infatuation or… or (and here was the big problem) it was something much deeper therefore much stronger than mere infatuation. It terrified that it could be the latter of her issues. Damon told her what happens to someone of their kind when they fall. Apparently when vampires fell they fell hard and quick, but there was no more time for analyzing. He stood before her, his green eyes blazing from an eternal fire, it made him look… she wasn't even sure she had the words to describe. "Hello," and that was all it took he had her at hello. Of all the words in the English language, she had to fall at the word hello. Such a simple word.
What was it about this pretty blond that made him want to leave the peace and the relative privacy of the bar? What made him want to walk over to her? It could just be simple lust. His gut tightened when she moved a certain way, making her blond hair slide over her shoulder, giving him vibrant images of her in his bed. Her head tossing in passion spreading that glorious blond hair over the pillow, he could imagine her moan as she clawed his back and well wasn't he getting ahead of himself. That in of itself was unusual. Normally when he saw someone he wanted, he went after them, smiled his way into her pants and bed. This one, however, was different, he didn't want to sneak in (and consequently out of) her room. Or take her back to his adequate, but crummy hotel room. Oddly enough, he did want her enough to take her in the back seat of the Impala. She smiled his way and tossed that blond hair (that had him mesmerized) over her shoulder. Her slim fingers wrapping around the pool stick she was holding, but was currently using it to help her stand. He wasn't ignorant of how he made women feel, it was one of the first lessons he had learned early in life. Almost as important as the lesson 'if you're not paying attention you die'. It was a hard life he led; he knew that there was no softness in his world. Not since his mom…never mind that. He was face to face with the alluring blond her soft green eyes, the color of moss, looked at him. They burned softly with an eternal fire. The kind that reminded one of banked coals just waiting to be ignited. He really wanted to be the one igniting those coals. He gave her one of his very rare, but very real smiles and said, "Hello," such a simple word. She gave him a shy smile and said, "Hello," with that one word she had him, he lost himself to a girl he didn't even know to a word like hello.
/My Walls Are Crumbling Down/
She may or may not be over analyzing again, but she is sure she sees a golden light surrounding him. At times, he makes her feel so small and protected, and other times he makes her feel like she is six foot tall and bullet proof. Considering the later (or part of it at least) was true the fact he could make her feel protected was no small feat. She could honestly say that she loves Dean Winchester, loves him for who he was and not what he could be. Like right now, they are sitting on an old run down couch in an equally old and run down hotel, the TV softly playing in the background, but neither one of them was paying attention to the TV, just each other. Her legs are over his and his hand is running up and down her calf and thigh. Sending spirals of pleasure rolling through her the light that burned so bright around him at their first meeting not having dimmed a bit, she liked how that light shone. It made the darkness inside her seem a little less dark. For some reason this makes her think of the hunt they had just went on, blood surrounded her the need to rip out the throats of everything that moved was strong. Stronger than usual, she was knocked down vervain burning through her veins, then like a thunder storm the roaring sound of the Impala cleared through the fog, when next she opened her eyes she saw Dean standing above her, a feral grin spreading over his firm lush mouth. Transforming him from her normal human hunter to her avenging angel, but when he looked down at her that mouth transformed once again becoming something she knew. Lighting up his features in the most heavenly of ways. It was in that moment that she knew…just knew that she loved him. Her heart fell hard, taking in the risk, knowing what could happen when someone such as her loved someone such as him. Not giving a damn about the consequences, in fact she threw them to the wind with a grand fuck you. His hand cupped her knee and she shivered with pleasure, Dean Winchester was no ordinary man, he was no ordinary hunter. He was her man, he was her hunter and he was her angel. Acting as a man of war and battering her defenses until they crumbled leaving the slightly broken girl behind revealed. A year ago, she would have been ashamed, but no longer, she was that girl no longer. She was stronger now; more confidant and she owed it all to him. "Hey Dean," she says nervousness should be wracking her now, but all she could feel was his light and that made her brave. "I think I am addicted to your light." It was, as close to an I love you as she was going to get right now.
He was sure that she was his savior; he was lost and so lonely before she came along. Traveling the country, following dark and twisty back roads until he felt like they were apart of himself. Hunting evil things until he wasn't so sure if he too was becoming something dark, twisty and evil. Then she entered his life like a ray of light. That light hovered around her making her look like some lovely fallen angel. Some angel that fell to this earth just to be his, giving him some of her light until it warmed the very core of him. He watched as his hand made slow and lazy circles on her thigh, watched it moved down to her knee where his hand involuntarily cupped it. He was sure that he was addicted to her light, as if it was some sort of drug that he was unwilling to give up. For some reason this thought conjured up the image of her curled into a ball, screams ripping from her throat as the vervain rushed through her body. His anger that someone would dare hurt her overcame his good common sense, but then again he never did have much of that when she was around. He knew what she was, and didn't care it didn't rule her; it didn't make her who she was. Before her, he never would have thought that, he would have lumped all vampires together considered them all blood-sucking leeches. Well most were anyhow, even she would agree, he looks up at her and he sees her tongue dart out to lick her bottom lip. He had the urge to move the hair out of her eyes, man what was happening to him. It had always just been sex for him, sure in the past there had been girls that had caught his eye, girls that had tugged at his heart making him wish he could give them more, but none were cut out for this life. And he wasn't cut out for normal, besides if he left dad and Sam who would protect them? Who would protect Sammy from dad's occasional brutality? Who would save dad from himself? Never mind the fact that in the end it had been them who had left, and this little piece of normal had taken up the sword of the hunter, with a finesse that most people don't learn until they had been in the life for longer than a year. Her voice brings him out of his revere and her words should have shocked him, considering they mirrored his own, but they didn't. "Caroline," he never could call her that nickname her friends had given her; he didn't think it particularly fit who she was. "I think I am addicted to your light." It was, as close to an I love you as he was going to get right now.
/Broken Hearted Girl/
Things had to end, they just had to they couldn't keep going on like this. She knows it will hurt him, but staying will get him killed and she would rather have his heart broken rather than seeing him lying dead before her feet. How was she to do it when it would mean ripping out her own heart, how she could just walk away from him, walk away from everything that they were - and were becoming. Knowing all this she chose the coward's way out, she left him asleep with a kiss on his forehead and a note where he would see. Thanks to light feet, she snuck out of their hotel room and sped away. She ran as fast as the wind, the wind wiping the tears from her face before they had a chance to fall. Where could she go, where could she go to escape his memories, to escape him? She was sure that she could never escape him; she knows that he will follow her throughout her life. She just hopes that this abandonment (what else would she call it) wouldn't hurt him too badly; she just hoped that that light that she loved so much wouldn't be dimmed. Stopping at a crossroads, she looked at her options. West lay California, but she would not go there, that is where Sam was and she did not think she could see him. East offered her Virginia and Mystic Falls, but she did not think she could face her family and friends just yet. North would lead to Canada, she had heard so much about that place, vampires from all over had started a new lives in Canada, but it held no appeal to her. There was always south, Bobby was in South Dakota, would he accept her? He didn't seem to mind the few times she had met him, but would he take her in or would he cast her off, after seeing Dean wasn't with her and throw her out on her ass. The nicest thing he could do would be to kill her. They had told Bobby what she was; at first, he had been furious that Dean would be so stupid. She had tried so hard to prove herself to the seasoned hunter that she was not some bloodthirsty monster. Hard to do when she was not so sure herself, had she proven anything to him? Will he accept her and taken in a girl that was just a bit broken hearted?
When Dean woke up early the next morning the first thing he noticed was that Caroline was not lying next to him, the next thing he noticed was that all of her stuff was missing. Tossing aside the cover, he leaps from the bed and searches the room, looking for any sign of struggle anything he could have missed while he was asleep. Damn why did he have to sleep! That was a foolish thought; he knew that, but try telling his brain that when his heart was pumping so hard he could hear it in his ears. Walking back to the bed he grabbed his cell off the nightstand and that is when he noticed it, a note written in her flowery handwriting. "Dean," he read aloud, skipping ahead, he searched for any signs of distress, which there was plenty of, but none indicating that she was forced. "I am so sorry, please forgive me." When they met he fell at word so simple, a word people use every day of their lives, and now he was forced to choke down a word that was so complicated…in his anger he balled up the note and sent it flying. The lamp soon followed, along with the mattress, the table and everything else he could get his hands on he tossed everything with no rhyme or reason to his madness. How could she do this how could she just throw away everything they had! He had finally given himself over to a girl, a vampire girl no less and this is what happens. Love is definitely not all that it was cracked up to be, poets lie. Falling to his knees in the middle of his ruin, he stared out at the room with a blank look. His hand landed on something, but he didn't have to look down to see what it was somehow he already knew. It was the note Caroline had written him, picking it up he smoothed out the wrinkles and read it over again. He kept on reading until he had it memorized; when that was done, he folded it up and slipped it into his wallet. Into the secret compartment where he kept a photo of his mom and one of her, he was keeping (he told himself) it to remember the betrayal, to remember what she did. Apparently, one can lie to oneself repeatedly.
Bobby was more than shocked to see the petite blond standing on his front porch, her green eyes wide and watery, as if she had been crying. "Caroline?" she dropped her duffle to the ground as if it were just too heavy to hold any longer, her shoulders drooped, she looked like she held the weight of the world on her shoulders. "I've done something horrible Bobby, but it had to done." A million things ran through his mind, he knew what she was and had no problem putting a stake in her heart if the need should arise, (keep telling yourself that old man) but the look on her face told him it wasn't as serious as all that. More than likely her and Dean had a lovers spat and they split up for time being. That is until they could not stand it anymore. That sounded about right, those two could not be separated for more than a day, to the hunter in him it made him a little nauseous, but to the man in him it made him happy. Dean was always his boy, loved him as if he were his own, and truth be told Dean was his favorite. It made this old man happy to his Dean so happy. "Darlin' it can't be as bad as all that." He was waiting for her to toss him a glare, tell him how stupid Dean was and how she wasn't going back until he stopped being so bull head. It sounded plausible to him; it was a fight he had heard before. "I left him Bobby I had to," He would get no more out of her for even though she still stood she crumpled in on herself, tears leaking through the hands that covered her face. All words died in his throat and he awkwardly wrapped an arm around her shoulder and drew her into the house. Settling her on the couch was an easy thing to do, her tears finally having stopped. He would let her cry if she wanted; he wouldn't stop her, but was glad that she had stopped. Like most men, he did not know what the hell to do with a weeping woman. "Will you hide me Bobby?" She asked tentatively, so unlike her, he thought with a shake of his head. Which she misunderstood, "I understand…I…I'll leave then." She got up and started walking towards her discarded bag. "Oh sit ye'r arse down. If you stay ye'r gonna learn a few things ya hear me?" the smile she gave him wasn't radiant, it wasn't even happy. What he saw before him was a brokenhearted girl, and he was pretty sure he didn't like this version of Caroline.
/Sacred of Lonely/
The emptiness inside is like a large vacuum, sucking up every bit of light that enters her world. Bobby helps, he keeps her busy, tries to make her smile, ties to remind her that life is worth living for, but without Dean, she doesn't really believe it. She could lose it of course, that was always a viable option, but imagining the look on Dean's face stopped her. Then there was Bobby, who at some point had become very much a big part of her heart. She doesn't know when the crotchety old man snuck in and carved out a place just for him, but he did. Tell the truth she was glad of it, she loved the old man, even if he was always telling her she did not know a damn thing about cars. Considering it is the truth, she does not take much offense. Sometimes she is so scared she cannot sleep, cannot even concentrate and try as she might its getting harder to push away the loneliness. Whoever said you cannot be lonely in a crowded room needed to be drawn and quarter. Sighing she pushed her blond hair out of her eyes with greasy fingers, if Tyler could see her now, wearing coveralls, covered in grease…well he would laugh his ass off. Fine and proper Care, who never had a hem or hair out of place, looked nothing more than a grease monkey did. Despite her grief over hurting Dean it made her smile, she was changing so much these days and quite frankly, she loved the new changes. Maybe this Caroline could stop being scared of being lonely.
Dean did not like the fact that, even when he was with his brother almost 24-7, he could still feel lonely. Whoever said you cannot be lonely in a crowded room needed to be shot, and it is not like he could share any of this with his brother, he never explained to Sammy just why Caroline up and left, just that she did so with no explanation. Of course, like a dutiful little brother, Caroline would have giggled at that, he was pissed that she would have left like that. "What gives her the right?" Sam had raged, making Dean feel, if not uncomfortable then a bit queasy, but then Sam just had to stop and stare at him with that penetrating look of his. The one where it seemed as if he could just look at you and see all of a person's lies, thankfully, Sam never called him out, but Sam had been suspicious since then. If he had more time to he would be worried about it, but he did not. Between searching for an M.I.A. dad and trying to stave of the loneliness, he did not have time to make sure Sam never found out any of his secrets. Which of course would be his undoing in the end, but for now, he would rather not worry.
/Springsteen/
A few songs can just throw you back; make you think of times that were much better than the here and now. She does not like those songs, in fact, she detests them, and it is somewhat funny how much a person can hate an inanimate object. She is having one of those rare moments, the kind where she can just hit the open road, the wind in her hair, jamming to the radio. She is having a rare moment where she can just breathe; it actually feels nice, really nice. Then a song that she hasn't heard in at least a year comes on the radio, just as the first bars of Springsteen, her chest tightens and she is thrown back. It is startling how easy the images flash threw her mind, how fast her lungs seized up, it was so bad she had to pull over to the side of the road. Images of him danced through her mind, him walking around in his low-rise jeans, shirtless, mouth stretched into a warm and welcoming smile. He is smiling because she chose that moment to dance around like an idiot, expecting to have him tease her she had stopped and looked down at the floor, but instead he just took her hand, pulling her towards him he sends her into a slow spiral. A low moan escaped passed her lips, balling up her hand she brings it to her chest, the very real pain there astounds her. She thought she was over this, after all this time she thought that this pain was gone. Bobby had helped so had Rufus, hunting with those old dogs the pain never bothered her, she was able to rise in the morning and kill a few fuglies at night. She was even able to really enjoy her time, she was better than this; she was stronger than this pain. She had left Dean for a reason; she had gone through all of this shit because of him. "God damn it!" She snarled, her hand fisting she punched the steering wheel.
It shocked him, the speed in which the pain had hit him, doubling him over, making his breath come in short burst. His hand splays over his heart, willing it to control itself, before something embarrassing happens, like Sammy finding him like this. Who knew a song - just a song – could do this to him? He had to get over this, he thought as he slid down the wall his bottom hit the floor and he felt the jar reverberate, but paid it no mind. Fumbling he drew out his wallet and the note that lay nestled inside, not realizing something else that was a bit more important came out also, his eyes scanned the note. Etching every word into his memory, but then his eyes drawn to the picture that lay discarded on the floor. His fingers stretched for it, images of her in a pair of cut off shorts, white tank sliding up her taught belly as she waved her hands above her head. She had looked ridiculous, and he had just stood there staring at her, marveling at how freely she danced about. As if she had no cares in the world, as if what she was and the things they did didn't bother her in the least. His fingers wrapped around the photo of her, her knee pulled up to her chest; chin in hand, as her hair flowed over one shoulder. Her smile brighter than he remembered, "God damn it!" he snarled thumping his fist into the wall.