Written for the Cuban Missile Crisis Event at the russiamerica comm, Day Eleven, 50s and 60s.
It had seemed like such a good idea at first. Russia and his boss had shown up on America's home turf for a diplomatic trip that was really just glorified sight seeing, so wasn't it America's job to keep 'em entertained, see that they had a good time? Of course it was. It was 1959, for Pete's sake. Time to let things go, ditch those fallout shelters and duck-and-cover drills! Russia had chilled out considerably since Uncle Joe finally did the world a favor and kicked the bucket, so surely this 'cold war' thing was nearing the end, right? Right. Yeah, Khrushchev was a dick who really needed to shut up with all that 'we will bury you' crap, but things were looking better than they had in years.
So America couldn't have let them go home without seeing Hollywood, could he? That would practically be a crime! How could Russia and Khrushy stay in a bad mood after seeing Frank Sinatra, Shirley MacLaine, Marilyn Monroe!
Maybe it all would have gone just fine if they had gone to see anything but the filming of Can-Can. But to be fair, America hadn't known that the film-in-progress involved so much...flipping up skirts...and panties. He had not been informed that any of the girls were going to take off their panties. And it's those kinds of information gaps that make for international boo-boos.
He dared a glanced out of the corner of his eye. Russia was staring at the stage, face stony and disapproving. America sank a few inches and peeked over at Khrushchev, who's eyes appeared to be bulging out of his skull. What did that mean? Was that a good sign? On the other hand, his wife looked pretty peeved, and his son had put down the camera he was using to record the show to gap in shock at the stage.
America covered his eyes with a soft groan. He couldn't figure out where to look. It was all legs and underwear and partially exposed cleavage in front and scandalized Russians to his left and right.
Finally the show ended and America tried to make a quick escape while Khrushchev and company made their way down to shake hands with the actors. Russia was going to comment about this, America just knew it. He'd have something to say, and America really didn't want to stick around for that.
Sadly, this was not his lucky day. A heavy hand clapped down around his wrist, and America didn't even need to look to see who the hand belonged to.
"Where are you hurrying away to?" Russia asked sweetly.
"Not...no...nowhere," America babbled. "Just...the restroom! Yeah, I'll be back in a few, bye!"
"Oh, I'm sure you can wait a few moments. I would like to ask why you showed pornography to my boss and his family."
America sagged in defeat. "It's not- that wasn't-...Can-Can isn't porn!"
"Ah, I suppose a corrupt and decadent country like yourself knows far more about pornography than I would. Perhaps you can give me a definition of the word and explain why this show does not, as you say, 'fit the bill?'"
America opened and shut his mouth a few times. "Porn is...well...porn is..." He flapped his hands helplessly. "Porn is...more. More than, um, that. You know, more...skin...and...parts...and stuff."
Russia snorted. "Regardless, it was filth. I am sure this film will not be allowed in my land, where we appreciate a woman's face more than her backside."
"Yeah, like you aren't interested in butts at all!" America blurted out without thinking.
Russia's face colored. "That was one time," he hissed, dropped his voice to avoid being overheard. "One time, a long time ago!"
"1945 isn't a long time ago!"
"It is too! And I was talking about the backsides of women. Yours is not relevant here."
"Oh, so you get to pick and choose which butts offend you, huh? I see how it is!"
"1945 was a mistake," Russia snapped, squaring his shoulders. "And your backside is as indecent as the rest of you!"
"Y-yeah, well...yours is huge!" America shouted after him as he stomped off. He waited until Russia had gotten away before collapsing into one of the empty chairs. Disaster, total disaster. He showed the Soviet Premier smut and insulted Russia's butt in the same day. Just perfect. In all honesty, he liked Russia's butt just fine, but...dammit, this wasn't the time to be thinking like that! He needed a way to repair the damage...maybe he could smuggle Russia into Disneyland later. Khrushchev was banned from the place, but no one had said anything about Russia.
Maybe it wasn't too late to save the day after all.
Historical Notes:
Khrushchev took a trip to the US in 1959 during the thaw of the Cold War, when tensions temporarily eased up. During part of the trip, he was taken to Hollywood, where he met Frank Sinatra and other big names and, yes, watched the filming of the new film Can-Can. Khrushchev's wife and son came along too, and his son brought a camera that he was using to make home movies of the trip. Frank Sinatra introduced the first song, "Live and Let Live," and mentioned that he thought that was a 'marvelous idea.' And then began the dance scene, which involved lots of high kicks that showed off legs and garters and underwear. The real scandalous moment arrived when the male dancers slid between the female dancers legs and "emerged with red panties in their hands." As Peter Carlson puts it in the wonderful book, K Blows Top, "the Americans in the audience gave an audible gasp of dismay, while the Russians sat in stolid, disapproving silence."
There is debate about whether or not Khrushchev liked it, but he later called it pornography and said that "mankind's face is more beautiful than its backside." He also said, "This thing is immoral. We do not want this sort of thing for Russians. … It's capitalism that makes girls this way. … There should be a law prohibiting girls from showing their backsides."
This was a good thing for the movie itself, since now people could sell it with the line, "See Can-Can, with the dance Khrushchev called immoral!'
Khrushchev also met Marylin Monroe in Hollywood, who said that he looked at her 'like a man looks at a women.'
And here, some clips! The first is of Khrushchev shaking hands with the actors and dancers in Can-Can and the Hollywood luncheon held in his honor, and the second is the dance scene in question from Can-Can...though the film version ended up a bit tamer than the one Khrushchev saw. hates links, so just put the stuff below after 'youtube' for the url.
.com/watch?v=VrVmldlIT4A&list=LLYWAYZsRQDNK_TOInRqojXA&index=2
.com/watch?v=qfuriL1cxlI&list=LLYWAYZsRQDNK_TOInRqojXA&index=1